A/N: This is just a quick redux I did at the request of Emerald Sorceress. Because it was her Xmas wish, and because she is one of my favorite people and a lovely reviewer. So, Santa_Balls delivers ;D And as I threw it together in a hurry, sorry for any mistakes. Enjoy!
(ps. In case you haven't read my other Redux, these are a joke, so read with your sense of humor hat on. You should read the story this is based on, First Christmas in Camelot, first, even though this redux comes first on my page. Disclaimer: I own nothing from the BBC/NBC/SyFy show Merlin, bla bla bla. This work is mine, however, so look but don't touch, ha ha)
Ho ho ho, under the mistletoe
Yes, everybody knows
We will take off our clothes
Yes, if you want us to we will
- Lady GaGa
"Arthur, what a big package you have there. Is that my present?"
"No, it's just my wrapped up Yule Log for you to light on fire. Where do you want it?"
"Where I always want it. I'm very traditional, you know."
"Fine. You'd think we could try something different for once, but whatever. I'll just shove it in your hearth. Happy?"
"Darling, we really have to talk about finesse. By the way, have you seen my holly berries?"
"Excuse me?"
"They're so lovely this time of year. They're right there, just above my evergreen bush."
"Is it hot in here? I'm definitely getting hot."
"It's about time. I've been trying to keep our fire going, but it's not easy on my own. But now that you've brought your Yule Log, it should stay pretty warm in here."
"That's what I'm here for. Let's do this celebration thing. Where's my present?"
"Right in front of you."
"Great, just let me unwrap it."
"Down, boy. Just what do you think you're doing with my belt?"
"Unwrapping my present. Just my size, too. Thanks."
"I was referring to the tapestry hanging on the wall, not myself. I made it for you. The stag represents you, and the unicorn is me."
"Well, I am a lot hornier than you."
"Not the idea I was going for, and not true, either."
"Really…."
"At any rate, that's your present. Where's mine?"
"If I told you in my pants, would you slap me?"
"Depends. Is it in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"
"Yes."
"Hmmmm."
"You know, I didn't mean that you could go fishing for it, but by all means, continue."
"Awww, what lovely balls."
"Thank you. Did you like your present too?"
"I meant the present. I've always wanted to learn how to juggle. It is supposed to improve my hand-eye coordination."
"My love, from where I stand, there is nothing to improve. Now, a little to the left."
"Why are they blue?
"Because that's the color they turn. Now, let's go enjoy my Yule Log before it burns up. Merry Christmas, wife."
"Merry Christmas, husband."