An early Christmas gift from me to you. I don't own Degrassi, otherwise, you'd see all these episodes on your TVs and not typed on your computer screens.
Emma shook the snowflakes out of her hair as she snapped pictures of Jack's snowman. The two of them were out at a Christmas carnival, giving Snake and Spike a chance to wrap some of "Santa's" presents before the big day tomorrow. Emma wasn't sure she had ever been young enough to believe in Santa or Father Christmas or Saint Nick in any name. Ever since the shooting at school, she felt like a different person than the little girl in her mother's photos.
She pushed those thoughts away as she watched Jack face-plant in the snow. He was still new to this walking thing, but it was fun to watch him try. She went over and lifted him to his feet, dusting the snow off his jacket.
"Let's get some hot chocolate and head home, okay, baby?" she whispered to him.
"Yah!" He clapped his hands in response giving her a toothy grin.
Emma smiled back. Taking care of her brother always seemed to push her loneliness away, for a little while at least. Which was good, because since school let out for the holidays Emma became increasingly aware of how limited her social sphere had become. Manny had started hanging out with the 11th Graders now that she was dating Spinner and JT was trying to act more "mature" as well. Toby had sort of retreated into himself since everything had happened and Emma hadn't the strength to try and help him. It would mean dealing with too much. If only she could run away from all the stares and everything. Like Sean. He had escaped, while she had been left with all the pieces. Someone had wanted her dead. And had tried to act on that.
Fortunately, they reached the counter of the beverage stand at that moment. "Can I have a hot chocolate please? But not too hot, it's for the baby," she said, gesturing toward Jack in her arms.
The cashier shot her a dirty look, but nodded and Emma paid, placing Jack on his feet for a moment. Too many people thought Jack was hers today and had been rude to them both. It made her realize how hard it must have been for her mother when she was a baby. But her mom had been strong. Emma was strong too.
"One sorta hot chocolate," the cashier sneered handing her a cup.
"Thanks," Emma replied, sending her a dazzling smile. No one was going to ruin her day.
"Well if it isn't Little Miss Can't Be Wrong," Emma heard a voice behind her and tensed. Not today. She didn't deserve to have to deal with Jay today.
Emma turned around, fake smile firmly in place, "Can we have a Christmas truce, please? I'm here with my . . ." as she turned she noticed Jay wasn't alone. But the person standing next to him was not Alex, as she had assumed, it was Sean. ". . . brother." Emma finished lamely, noting that Jack had toddled away to where Sean was.
"Happy Christmas, Em," Sean whispered, bending over to pick up her baby brother. He started to hand him to Emma, but she had hot chocolate in one hand, not to mention her mouth was still hanging open.
"Do you need some help?" He asked, concerned. "I can help you to your car or home or something," he offered.
"Cameron, what's the deal? I thought we were just cutting through the park on the way to your brother's hotel suite. The mini-bar is fully stocked, right?" Jay asked annoyed.
"I'm fine. I've been fine the past two months, not that you cared, and I'm fine now. Don't trouble yourself." Emma put the hot chocolate down and grabbed Jack, probably a bit too roughly as he began to cry. Having secured him on her right hip, she grabbed the hot chocolate and strode passed Jay and Sean without another word. Hot chocolate spilled over her left hand and burned her, but she ignored the pain. It was nothing compared to the feelings running through her at the sight of her ex.
"Emma!" She heard Sean call. "Emma, wait!" She ignored him, desperately trying to remember where she had parked the car as she approached the lot.
"Please?" It was the tone of his plea that finally got to her. Emma slowly turned, baby crying on her right, left hand burning, trying to hold back the tears that inexplicably had started to form.
Sean stood alone, hands at his sides in a gesture of surrender. "Let me help you. For once, let someone help you. It's Christmas."
"Not till tomorrow," Emma sniffled, answering irrationally.
Sean ignored her and took Jack from her arms, sitting on a near by picnic bench, Jack on his lap. Emma reluctantly sat next to him, wincing as she let go of the hot chocolate.
Sean looked up at her and she shrugged. "I asked the lady for it to not be too hot, but she wasn't exactly a fan of special orders," Emma explained.
Sean took her hand in his. "Your hurt!" he exclaimed.
"No sh . . . I mean, no kidding," Emma caught herself in time glancing at the baby. Sean took some snow from the table top and placed against Emma's burn she hissed in pain and tried to jerk her hand back, but Sean held firm.
"It'll feel better in a moment," he said. "Where are your gloves?"
"I took them off the pay the cashier. I was so upset back there, I probably dropped them," Emma admitted sheepishly.
"I'm sorry. That's my fault. Again. I can't do anything right," Sean started down the the list of self-depricating statements, but Emma cut him off.
"You're right. This is all your fault. I mean, if it wasn't for you . . ." Emma paused, taking a deep breath. "If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be here right now. I wouldn't be alive. I'd be dead." There was an awkward pause; then Emma spoke again. "So thank you. I know I thanked you before, but you weren't ready to hear it, so thanks. Totally inadequate, but I don't know how to truly thank someone for saving my life."
Sean thought for a moment, then responded. "You can forgive me for running out on you right after it happened." Emma started to protest, but Sean shook his head rapidly. "I saved your life only to leave you here alone to deal with everything. I mean, you and Toby and I and Jimmy are the only ones who knows what that was like and all I thought about was myself. Forgive me, Emma?" He was staring deep into her eyes and Emma didn't think that she had any words left, so she responded the only way she could. She leaned over and softly kissed him.
Who knows how long they would have stayed like that, a frozen ice sculpture of two lovers had not someone cleared their throat, loudly?
"Umm, look Cameron, Flower child, don't get me wrong, I don't want to interrupt anything, but I think you forgot something." Jay was standing over them, holding baby Jack at arms length. "He wandered away. And he smells."
Sean turned away abruptly and pounded at the table, hard. Startled, Emma got up and dug her keys out of her pockets. "The diapers are in the car, let me . . ."
Standing up quickly, Sean grabbed the keys out of her hands. "It's a '98 Toyota, red. Thanks, Jay. I'll owe you," he said, tossing Emma's keys at Sean.
"SEAN!" Emma shrieked.
"We need to talk, Em," he said passionately. Emma looked at him and nodded weakly.
"No way, Cameron. I don't do diapers," Jay wrinkled his nose.
"Then you're spending the holidays dry. My brother's the only one who will give the gift of Christmas booze and you know it," Sean threatened. Jay thought about objecting, but seeing the look in Sean's eyes walked away, still muttering under his breath about the addictive power of alcohol.
"Sean, he's going to kill my baby brother and you gave him my keys, who knows what he will take, how could you . . ." Sean cut off Emma's worrying by giving her a long, hard kiss on the lips, or at least he tried to.
Emma jerked away from him. "You said we needed to talk. So start talking, because last time I checked, although I'm grateful you saved my life and I forgave you for ditching me, you still have a girlfriend."
"Ellie and I broke up months ago. I called her almost as often as I called you," he explained.
Emma looked confused. "You . . . ? You didn't call me at all?"
Sean laughed. "Exactly. The only phone call I got from Ellie was short, quick and to the point. 'Sean, when and if you come back to TO, you'll need to find yourself a new apartment and a new girlfriend.'"
"I'm sorry," Emma whispered. "I had no idea."
"Don't be," Sean insisted, leaning in. "Em, after everything that happened, I . . ." He took a deep breath, "When I saw that Rick had a gun, all I could think about was getting you out of there. When he said you made his list and I saw the fear in your eyes, I wanted to rip him apart. He pointed that gun at you over my shoulder and my life didn't flash before my eyes, my life with you did. I saw you ask me to dance to keep me from fighting with Jimmy, I saw your face when I first asked you out, I saw you with your crazy hair at your mom's wedding," Emma laughed, but Sean kept going. "I saw you helping me when I got drunk at Jimmy's and I saw us near your locker about a thousand lunch times. I saw your face when I wouldn't skip to help find your dad and the look when I pushed you away during the fight with Jimmy; the tears after I kissed Ashley and the look on your face when I told you I told you I didn't want to talk to you because I was with Jay. I couldn't imagine my life without you. And I knew that, even if I didn't survive, it would be worse to live if you didn't."
Emma looked at him, tears streaming down her eyes. "Sean?"
"Emma, I had to sort through everything in my head, what I felt about Ellie, you, what I had done, my parents, everything. I needed to get my life in order," he looked straight ahead, too afraid he'd look at Emma's face and see rejection.
"I understand you're always going to be an Environmental crusader and a baby-sitter and a daughter and a nurse. Because everyone needs you. But I need you, too. I love you, Em," Sean turned toward her now, crying himself a little bit.
"Sean, I . . ." Emma couldn't speak, she was crying so hard now. "What a pair we make," she said, brushing the tears from his eyes, ignoring her own. "I've always loved you. I couldn't say good-bye when we left Wasaga Beach because I couldn't bring myself to believe it was good-bye. When I said earlier I wouldn't be alive if it wasn't for you, I didn't just mean the whole Rick thing. I meant everything. I love you, Sean."
Sean didn't need to hear anymore as he pulled her close for a long, sweet kiss. "Em, I'm so sorry for everything," he said once more pulling away.
"Stop apologizing and start kissing me," she said, laughing at him.
"What about Jay and Jack?" Sean asked, one eyebrow raised, questioning.
"Oh, I think Jay is getting a little early Christmas present for everything that happened last year," Emma replied coyly. Sean laughed with her.
"Happy Christmas, Emma," Sean whispered into her hair.
Emma didn't have a chance to respond as they were suddenly kissing again. 'Thank you, God,' she thought. 'Happy Christmas, indeed.'