Suicide Tension By: loversrebellion

A/N: This is not a happy fic at all.

Tori's POV

I love her, her...Jade West she is all the matters. Many things about her lure me in...into her. And this is one thing I can't escape. One thing I can't run from, I would be found to trip if I tried. She surrounds me she is in the air, on my skin, in my sheets, everywhere I go she is there. And how I wish I could get away. She took everything from me and I got nothing in return. Because Jade doesn't ask for anything she just takes it away.

My pillow is the only thing I cry into, whisper into, and share everything within it now. Because that is all she left me was leftovers of her. My pillow is my only friend. I remember so much that needs to be forgotten. I feel so much that needs to vanish away. I can't even close my eyes anymore because they are always filled with tears that refuse to drop. If there is one good thing Jade taught me is to hold everything inside, 'it's better that way it doesn't hurt as much.' Was Jade's motto, she never let me understand her.

She never let me touch her, kiss her, love her I broke the rules and now she is gone. The only thing she let me ever do was follow her. Follow her into rebellion, into insanity, into everything that was wrong. Shooting chemicals into my veins, drinking myself numb, sell myself for others to keep a piece. I tried to convince myself that Jade wasn't completely heartless...that she did have some good feelings in her heart. That she wasn't completely just full of hate.

But she proved me wrong, the longer I tried to stay with her, the worst it got. I remember things I shouldn't have, things that maybe others might find pointless. Pointless to remember. But I just can't help myself I can't get rid of the only important thing I have left. Because she is like a ghost roaming through my heart and soul. A ghost that stays with you it's me that is haunted. She is haunting me, maybe not even me only.

I normally get lost in my thoughts now since I don't speak much anymore. There is no one here to speak with. Only objects that have Jade rubbed off on them or me but I count as one of those objects. I keep this room dark I keep it cold. It's the only thing that feels comfortable anymore. I have nothing in here to keep me sane. Not the pieces of the broken alcohol bottles scattered all over my bedroom floor. Not the used needles in my worn out box, sitting on my drawers. Not the scent of Jade that roams everywhere in this damn haunted room. No these things are here to drive me insane not to prevent it.

She meant to do this, I know she didn't even warn me I guess she expected I knew what I was getting into...and I did. She planned to own me ever since she laid her hungry eyes on me. And I knew that exact moment that nothing was ever going to be perfect or be happy. I got myself into this and nothing can get me out or even try. It's my mess, a mess that she helps dirty. She never planned on cleaning anything.

I keep one positive thought in my mind...one that says it was just tough love. But how tough is love supposed to be? The kind of tough that you are beat repetitively if you don't follow what they say. The tough that they rape you of everything and never once apologize. I didn't expect her to be gentle.

But now I don't see the point of anything. Where am I going to go? Nowhere there is nowhere I can go without her being there. But death will death wash her away? Will death take away all this pain? There is only one way to find out.