Summary: Tuvok's thoughts as Kathryn Janeway lies dying in his arms

Disclaimer: Not mine, no matter how many times I ask Santa

Warnings: Characters death. If I write this properly then you'll need a box of tissues

Heartbeat

The wind won't stop howling outside, and every few moments ion lightning turns the inside of the ruined shuttle ghost white. The flames of the wreckage have long since died out, and apart from the lightning, it is pitch black.

Her eyes are closed, but I can hear her heartbeat.

Thump, thump...Thump, thump.

I remember sending her letters when I was assigned to Jupiter Station. She told Kes about those letters. I remember my birthday, how she somehow figured out when it was and surprised me with a cake the same colour as her eyes.

Thump, thump...Thump, thump.

I remember the disappointment in her eyes when she found out that I was the one who traded for technology with the Sikarians, deliberately disobeying her orders even though I meant well. I remember the look in her eyes as I insulted her from behind the forcefield in Sickbay, my mind plagued by Lon Suder's violent thoughts. The look that still haunts me in my Vulcan dreams.

Thump. Thump...Thump. Thump.

I remember staring down the phaser into her eyes, unblinking, unafraid, as Chakotay ordered me to shoot her. I remember hoping I was right about the defectiveness of the phaser as I pushed the button. She had almost staggered, our eye contact breaking. And in her eyes I had seen fear.

Thump... Thump...Thump... Thump.

I remember seeing her assimilated on the Borg cube, her skin bathed in sickly green glow. But she was still Kathryn. Still my friend. Always my friend.

Thump... Thump...Thump.

I remember leaning over her as she lay on the planet where she and Chakotay had crashed, eyes closed, a gash on her forehead. And I felt fear. It was illogical, but I felt fear. Fear that I would lose her. Fear that I feel now she lies in my arms, her heartbeat fading.

Thump... Thump.

There's no help this time, I know that. Voyager is far away, not even aware we've crashed. Unaware their Captain is dying. Unaware that my heart is breaking.

Thump...

I must not cry. It is illogical for Vulcans to cry. They feel no sadness, so they cannot cry. But how can I not cry? My friend, my Captain, the woman who I see as family is dying, her deep red human blood running across the cracked metal floor, her beautiful blue-grey eyes closed, her head resting on my lap. I cannot do anything. I am helpless. My emotional barriers falling to pieces like the shuttle.

But there is one thing I can do.

Thump...

Slowly, gently, I place my fingers on her temples, linking our minds.

"My mind to your mind. My thoughts to your thoughts," I whisper. I can still feel her. Just. She is scared.

"Do not be afraid," I tell her gently. I know there is no use trying to console her with false hopes. We both know that her life is ending here and now, and nothing either of us can do with stop that. As I feel her calm, I break the meld, and listen as her heartbeat stops under my fingertips.

...

Fin.

This just popped into my head and I wanted to write it down before my head fills with rainbows and ponies again. Please review! Goldie x