The night was stormy, with the rain driven sideways into the windows in the great room, looking out to what should have been the Sound, the great Ferris wheel and Space Needle to the north. Right now, all I see is darkness, and splatters of rain reflecting on myself. I sip my whiskey, loving the burn down my throat. At least it tells me I'm alive.

I watch the night, pace to the midnight hour. I wish someone, anyone was here. Right now. But I'm alone. Broken in soul and spirit. I hate my life, my family, myself most of all. I pour another tall glass of pain relief, dulling my mind, making me stumble about the room.

Laying my head on the cool glass, flinching as the rain strikes in loud pops, splattering on the outside glass. I feel the faint tremble of the violence. I want, need, wish, for I don't know anymore. Nothing is coming to chase my mind to peace. Music is a grating rasp on the chalkboard. Business is tasteless and hollow. How much money do I need. Want? Shit? I just pissed myself, standing here drunk.

Gail and Jason are down south in San Diego at a Friend's wedding. The family is in New York all week and weekend. I'm alone. Truly alone. I rid myself of Eliana and all her bullshit. I found the proof of her control, deceits, an avarice obsession. She's in a nut house down in Florida, the break shattered her mind, and body. My fist to her Botox face didn't help, but it felt good, wholesome, and healing even.

I stand in a puddle of my piss, dropping the empty glass. To shatter and shake the quiet stillness. I walk away to the Elevator. I need to escape my thoughts, my mind. I need to outrun them, knowing the impossible of the action to thought. But I try anyway.

I run in the gale force winds, the stinging cold rain, past the bright lite Christmas lights. It's Christmas eve, well I expect since it's after midnight; it's really Christmas day. Very early I think only one or two a.m... I run like the devil is pacing my shoulder. I push harder and harder. Till the air seizes my lungs, crashing me to the ground after bouncing off several cars. Till I'm face down in gutter.

I see a angel, holding me up. small kid, teenage brown hair head pressed to my chest. "heey don't tou_ me. your mine, pretttty girl. kiss _you_like_my playroom, fuc_uo_bow_eggy" I try to speak, but the words sound fine, straight and normal. She leads me to car. To a hotel room, cheap flop house place motel 6 or * or something like that. I think she going to sex me up.

The hot water feels good, as she washes me. I stare at my feet. Thru my hardon. The water is dirty, very dirty. Did I shit myself too? I don't know. As the wash cloth soap, and lathered cleans my man. My hard man. I just lean back. Feeling her breath and tongue on my back. Soft hair, making me see meadow of wild flowers. I shoot and shoot. Like I've never done before. I just hold myself against the vixen. She dries me, ruffling my head.

Blue orbs of soul searching depth. I smile at her, taking her head in my left hand, pulling her to my lips. Soft, sweet, making me, sober in my need to be inside of her. I rise, taking her to bed. I strip her cloths, the best I can. By the time she's only in panties. I'm laughing flat on the floor. She giggles at my drunk attempts to remove her cloths.

I crawl up the bed, her long legs. Kissing a sucking her toes. Caressing her knees, thighs. Resting my face in her pantie cover honeypot. Their wet, soaking for just me. her eyes are tightly shut. Her mouth curled and panting, as the orgasm slips into soul. I rip the panties, feasting like a starving man, which I realize I am.

It not the physical time since my last submissive. It's like. This is so much more. Than anything I've ever do. She trembles and withers under my tongue. The pinch of her nipples. I bring her to one orgasm the a another. Never missing I haven't fuck her, my normal needs would have been balls deep in her. Fucking her hard!

She pushes me on my back, mounting me. I see pain and misery in her face. I refocus and she rocking my cock. Like a rodeo bull rider. Rocking me, to one orgasm after another. Her face is angelic, with wild vixen smile and eyes. I hold her to my chest. Her hands stroking my chest. Se kisses the scar. Banishing the pain, the memories to the recess of mind. Replacing them with her, my blue-eyed angel. I slip into blissful sleep.

I wake sitting in my dry cloths in the park, next to Ferris Wheel. As dusk floats down the Sound. I shake my head. Did I dream it, all of it? I shake myself and walk home. Lost in the fear that it was just some fantasy, dream. I convince myself it must have been.

Staring at the mirror in my bathroom, naked. I stare at the reality that is was real. That she was in my arms. that I am cursed, cursed to be haunted by the blue eye siren. I smile. How the hell do I find her. The brown haired perfect blue-eyed woman that left all these hicks about my body. I shake my head. How will I ever reach heaven. How does one go about capturing a Angel?

I look at my schedule for the month. Nothing but work, oh yea. Next month an interview with the persistent asshole reporter from WSU down near Portland. I'll cancel, only a couple of months. Till I find Angel. Kavanagh is so frigging annoying, bugging the PR staff and her father bitching like a two year old to give his daughter a chance, I'll have to do it. maybe right before Graduation.

I stare at the freshly rinsed boxer day, staring at the reflection in the glass, of me. fifty shades of fucked up Grey. My eyes see no just me, but the angel behind me, holding me, loving me. I must find her, must have her. I let the feeling rampage over my fears and scars. I smile letting the fantasy in the glass, soothe me, make me a whole man. At least till I find her and make her my wife. Then and only then will I be whole, once and for all, forever. Till we are dust floating thru the universe.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

January 3

T-pov

We returned to Escala, Grey is pacing his office, searching every hotel in town, for a Brown-haired girl. Great some random girl has sparked his obsession with brown haired submissive. I try to change his mind, but I can't. I find him staring, frozen looking out his window. With a strange smile on his face, happy smile.

Gail holds me as we watch the lonely man, become happy and sad at the same time. She hugs me, if we can find the girl we will.

Xxxxxx

May 23

I watch a strange girl, not blonde Kate Kavanagh, enter the 20th floor to interview Grey for the WSU graduation issue. She enters Greys office falling, tripping on to her knees. Grey slide on his knees, kissing her. Slamming the door shut. "What the hell just happened?"