It was a quiet afternoon inside Hogwarts castle. That's right. Quiet. And when thing were quiet it meant that trouble was close by. Deep inside the castle, in a unusually dreary classroom a smarmy, toad like teacher stood at the front staring at her students with beady eyes. With a cup of tea in hand she watched them read.

Sip. Stare. Sip. Stare. Sip. Stare a little longer.

And then suddenly the monotony was broken as the doors to the classroom slammed open and a rather tall gryffindor entered the room. The students turned to look at him partially fearing for the boys life and partially wondering why the boy was wearing...a skirt?

The toad woman narrowed her eyes at the boy who took a seat near Fred Weasley...or George. She couldn't tell.

"hem-hem", she cleared her throat.

The boy payed no notice and got out his book and began reading.

"hem-hem", she cleared her throat once again with a little more volume.

The boy still played no notice.

"Mr. Smallman, might I ask why you are late to my class and wearing improper clothing?", she asked in a tone that was laced with poison.

The boy looked up with a smile on his face that clearly said 'Fuck you, I do what I want'.

"Oh Mrs. Umbridge. Hello! I was staying behind near the dining hall to read the new decree you posted."

"Really? Then you would have noticed that it stated that 'all students must wear proper clothing, for their age, gender, and year'.", she stated her face slightly red and her eyes flashing with something akin to malice.

"Yes I do believe that is what it said."

"Then I believe I see a problem here Mr. Smallman."

"Really? I fail to see one.", said the Scott Smallman as he fixed his skirt.

The Weasley twins started to snicker and Lee Jordan in the back of the classroom was trying not to laugh. Everyone else was wondering who would be chosen to bury Scott Smallman's dead body. Umbridge's face had turned red and she was now livid.

"The problem is Mr. Smallman, that you are wearing a SKIRT. That is against the decree as this article of clothing is for girls only." she said with the corner of her mouth twitching. Like she was about to explode.

"Actually Mrs. Umbridge this is what you people in scotland call a kilt-"

"It is a skirt."

"- and according to scottish men, Kilts are very manly. Emphasis on the very. Actually I was wearing trousers this morning but when I saw the new decree I thought my trousers might be to feminine and be mistaken as girls clothing. But then Alicia Spinnet lent me her Kilt. All is well now. It looks rather dashing. I think-"

"Mr. Smallsman."

"-it's a little breezy between the legs and I haven't shaved but-"

"MR. SMALLSMAN!"

The Weasley twins were both trying to regain there ability to breath and Fred had fallen off the chair and was crying with mirth. Lee was in the back crying with laughter and pounding his fist on the desk. The students in the class were now passing around a betting sheet that was voting on how many weeks of detention Scott was going to get. Quite a few of the students were snickering. Someone in the back of the class said, "I'd tap that." Umbridge had reached her breaking point.

"MR. SMALLSMAN. YOU WILL REMOVE THAT SKIRT NOW, PUT ON SOME TROUSERS AND MEET ME IN DETENTION TONITE AT 4:00! YOU ARE ACTING COMPLETELY DISGRACEFUL! AND I SUGGEST YOU-"

"I do not think removing my KILT is the best idea DOLORES. In the spirit of being a true scotsman I have decided to wear my KILT the PROPER way. Without any knickers.", drawled Scott as he played with the ink bottle on his desk.

"...What did you say?" asked Umbridge, not quite sure if she had heard her student correctly.

"No true Scotsman would wear underwear under there Kilts. It would be improper and unmanly. And you just love being proper don't you Mrs. Umbridge?", said Scott in a sickly sweet voice and a smile that made him look slightly psychotic.

Fred and George were drowning in there tears of laughter and Lee had passed out from the lack of oxygen he was getting from laughing to hard. Some of the wiser Ravenclaw students decided to sneak out of the room before Umbridge would kill everyone in the vicinity and the people who stayed were no longer quiet with their laughter.

Umbridge could no longer deal with the stress of all the students and left the room to go get McGonagall to control her house student.

The remaining students left the room and Scott looked at the wall of pink kitten plates that had started to migrate out of Umbridge's office over the course of the year.

"Now how shall I deal with you..."