He didn't know who his parents were. He grew up in the foster care system and was bounced around from home to home so many times he had lost count. He was always quiet and kept to myself. He never caused trouble or made a scene, but somehow, he was always the one blamed for leaving another home. The only person he had in this life to trust, was himself. He joined the Serpents in high school hoping to find the family that he so desperately craved. He proudly wore the black leather jacket, and proudly sported the snake tattooed on his forearm. He was a mystery to most of Riverdale. No one knew where he came from, how he got here.
That guy is me. My name is Joaquin DeSantos. Resident gay kid in a biker gang just trying to get through life like everyone else on Earth. I had never really cared much about finding out who my parents were. Obviously if they gave me up, they probably weren't looking for a reunion. I had always thought that, the entire 21 years of existence that I had under my belt. Until today. Until today when I overheard an argument FP Jones was having on the phone in his office, at least I thought he was on the phone. When I got to the top of the stairs I saw Alice Cooper sitting in a chair in the corner. I had thought he was alone. All I needed to do was report to him what I'd found out through Kevin. I stood outside the door and listened to the argument.
"I can't tell him that." He said, "Alice, what the hell is wrong with you? You can't just show up here like this."
"I want to see my son, FP." She said.
Son? Alice Cooper has two daughters, since when did she have a son? Since when would FP know anything about it? I thought to myself.
"I can't do that." FP said firmly.
"I know you know where he is, FP. Tell me where he is."
"I didn't do this thing so you could hold it over my head and threaten me, Cooper."
"No, you did it because you didn't actually think he was yours. Now tell me who he is." She said pointing at him. I was almost expecting her start hissing.
"Did you tell Hal? Did you bother to tell him about this kid?" FP shot back at her. "Does he still think it's his?"
FP and Alice have a kid together? Now this is getting good. I thought as I listened to the soap opera unfolding.
"Look. I'm his mother and he doesn't even know me. He's here in Riverdale and I didn't even know." She said sounding almost sad. It was an unusual emotion for Alice Cooper. Just as I was deciding to leave and come back later I accidentally knocked over an old beer bottle on the floor. The two of them stopped talking and FP instantly opened the door to his office. I tried to pretend that I hadn't been standing there listening intently for the last five minutes. When he saw me, his face turned from angry to something that I couldn't decipher.
"Joaquin?" He said opening the door to his office wider.
"That's ok. It can wait. I didn't realize you had a visitor." I replied as I turned around. He grabbed me by the back of my leather jacket and pulled me into the office as he breathed in sharply. I stood awkwardly between them for a few minutes before anyone spoke.
"You want to know who your son is Alice? Here he is." He said gesturing towards me before he sat down in his desk chair with an air of frustration about him.
HUH? What just happened? He's just using me to satisfy her and make her leave…right? I thought. I looked back and forth between the two still not really comprehending. FP had to just be using me to annoy Alice. There's no way these two are my biological parents. Odd couple of the year award goes to Alice and FP. That's for sure.
"Joaquin?" Alice said softening.
"What?" I said still confused, I was really hoping that someone would tell me what was going on. She stood from her chair and walked over to me. She put a hand to the side of my face and stared at me. I let her for a moment before I stepped back.
"What the hell is going on?" I asked looking at FP as Alice started to cry.
"I'll give you two some space." He said as he got up and left me alone with her. I tried to say something to him before he left, but he was too fast. Damnit.
"You got your dad's genes. No wonder I didn't figure it out." She said sitting back down on the edge of her chair. "I suppose you deserve an explanation. I know it's been a long time." She said.
"Honestly, Mrs. Cooper, I have no idea what the hell is going on right now. I don't have parents." I said backing up towards the door.
"Please. Don't leave." She begged holding out her hand towards me.
"I think FP has me confused with someone else."
"No." She shook her head. "He's apparently known who you were since you were born. I didn't even know anything until earlier today." She said looking down at her hands as she a tissue in them.
"I think I need to sit down." I said feeling light headed. I fell into FP's desk chair and leaned forward putting my elbows on my knees.
"I-" She started. I stopped her immediately.
"Shut up! I'm gonna be asking the fucking questions, ok?" She sat for a moment frozen with her mouth agape. She closed it quickly and nodded her head slowly.
"You're telling me that FP knew he was my father? And he didn't say anything to me?" I asked. I had trusted him. I had helped him cover up the murder of Jason Blossom. That was when I saw the picture of Jughead and a little girl taped down to the top of his desk. They both had the same blue eyes, and the same black hair. The same thing that I saw in the mirror every single day. Suddenly I felt my stomach drop. FP could be my father if that's what his kids look like.
"He thought he was protecting you, Joaquin. He's never approved of my husband or my family. He doesn't trust me." She said. "I've been…difficult over the years, and I know that I've made enemies. He thought he was doing the right thing."
"You just found out earlier today?" I asked her, cutting her off.
"After everything that's been happening with Polly and Betty…" she started. "When I found out I was pregnant, I didn't know who the father was. FP had a one-time drunken one night stand. I hadn't told Hal about it, I was so ashamed. I told Hal about it and he made arrangements for me to go to The Sisters of Quiet Mercy. I stayed there until you were born four and a half months later. They immediately pulled you away from me and took you from the room. They put you up for adoption and that was the end of it. A few days later I went home, and two weeks after that I started college." She explained.
"I was never adopted." I told her. "You know that, right? You doomed me to a life of being forced to live in over thirty foster homes. I never had a place where I ever felt like I belonged, at least until I joined the Serpents. Do you know how hard it is to be the gay kid in foster care? Do you even understand that no matter how hard I tried to hide it someone always found out, and someone always beat the shit out of me? You're telling me I was a mistake to you? What the hell do you want from me then? Forgiveness? You think you can just introduce yourself and I'd just jump into your arms and call you 'mommy'? I know who you are. I know the things you've written about the Serpents in the Register. It makes so much more sense now; the reason you shipped your pregnant daughter off when you found out she was pregnant. You sent her to the same place, didn't you? You regret it so much that you perpetuated the same mistake. You just passed it on down the line." I had been holding these feelings in my entire life. I had been suffocated by them at certain points in my life and this lady is telling me that I was this/close to not having to live that way?
"Joaquin…please understand." She said "Hal didn't give me a choice. My parents didn't give me a choice. I've regretted it my whole life. I've wanted nothing more than to know who you are." She begged. "I'm not trying to make excuses for the choices FP and I made. You may have been unexpected, but you were never a mistake. Not to me."
I stood silent for a moment, letting her words sink in. I stepped closer to her and was inches from her face.
"Take your excuses, your apologies, and your stories and fucking shove it. I don't need someone like you in my life. Alice Cooper." I said walking towards the door.
"Please, Joaquin. Please just let me prove to you how sorry I am."
"Are you able to turn back time and prevent the men who came home drunk and beat me up for no reason? Are you going to go back in time and prevent the guy who molested me when I was ten years old? Can you go back in time and make it all go away?" I said with my hand on the door knob. She stood there in front of me unable to think of what to say.
"I didn't think so." I said as I walked out of the office. FP tried to stop me as I walked past him. He grabbed my arm the same way he had a million time to get my attention, but today it only served to piss me off even further.
"Get your fucking hands off of me." I said looking at him.
I started to walk away when he called my name. I spun around on my heel to see him standing and walking towards me.
"Don't talk to your father that way." He said monotone.
"You're nothing more than a sperm donor to me old man." I said yanking my arm from his grasp. I'd never felt anger like this. It was an anger that made me feel like I was vibrating, just a bomb waiting to detonate. "You're just as bad as she is."
He made a move to grab my arm again and I swung my other arm around and made contact with his face.
"I said don't fucking touch me." I said walking away from him. That night I left the only life I'd ever know and took the first bus out of town.