A/N: So I started this a long long time ago! It's set around the time of Addison's Season 6 crossover, so before Alex/Lexie happened, and in regards to where Addison's life is let's say Season 3 of Private Practice didn't really happen, except for the Captain/Bizzy/Susan arc. I think that covers it all :P Hope you enjoy! Reviews are love :)
Good Times Gonna Come
Part 1 of 2
~x~
"Hey Addie" Derek said with a smile as he looked up from his desk to see her standing in the doorway of his office "You coming in?"
"Yeah um, yeah" she nodded, closing the door behind her.
"Is something wrong?" he frowned "Is it Sloane Sloan?"
"No, no she's fine, everything's fine" she smiled "I, just, do you think maybe, there's a job for me here?"
"You want to come back to Seattle?" he asked "Really?"
"I'm not happy in LA anymore and, being back here, it's nice" she said with a small smile "So if you have a job for me then…"
"Of course I have a job for you" Derek smiled "Richard wouldn't fill Head of Neonatal, he said that Robbins and the peds unit were enough but, I know he was just waiting for you to come back" he said with a slight laugh "So if you want the job, I'll have the papers for you by tomorrow"
"Thank you" Addison said hugging him tightly "I really need something to go right" she sighed.
"Is everything ok?" he asked softly "Did something happen?"
"I just need something to change" she said quietly.
"Ok" he smiled "Well, welcome back Addie, it's going to be great to have you here"
"And I'm sure it's going to be great to be here" she smiled back.
~x~
2 weeks later.
"Oh uh, hey" Alex stuttered as he stepped into the on-call room where Addison lay staring at the ceiling.
"Hey" she said not even looking over to him, he closed the door, kicked off his shoes, removed his scrub top leaving him in his wife beater and lay down on the bed with a heavy sigh "Life sucks doesn't it" she said simply.
"Yeah" he breathed "So, are you staying?"
"Seems that way" she said quietly "LA just, isn't doing anything for me anymore, and I kind of missed this place"
"You hated this place" Alex said with a laugh.
"I didn't" Addison whispered "It's just everything seemed to be going wrong, and I didn't get Chief, and I needed that job, and Richard he said, if you need a job to give you a life, you either need a new job or a new life, so I got both, and my job it, took a while to get used too but, I loved it, I did, but my life, it was still hit after hit after hit and I just couldn't take it anymore, and then Derek called with a case so, I just, asked if I could stay and…."
"Here you are"
"Here I am" Addison smiled.
"So why does life still suck?" Alex said turning on his side to face her, Addison rolled onto her side to face him, both of them propping themselves up on their hands.
"I don't know" she breathed "It just, does"
"Yeah" he said quietly "For me too"
"Hmm" she sighed, they dropped into silence.
"Wanna have sex?" he asked bluntly.
"Lock the door" she replied, Alex stood up and locked the door as Addison threw her shirt over her head, he climbed onto her bed, their lips locking as they tore clothes from each others bodies.
"Same time tomorrow?" he whispered against her mouth after they had finished, both of them panting heavily.
"Absolutely" she whispered back.
~x~
1 week later.
"Alex, Izzie's coming….home" Meredith stuttered as she walked into his bedroom to see Addison and Alex wrapped in the sheets together, their eyes fluttered opened slowly.
"What?" Alex groaned.
"Izzie is coming home" Meredith hissed "I think we need to talk" she said slamming the door shut behind her.
"Shit" Addison whispered, she climbed out of the bed and quickly slipped her clothes on "I knew coming here was a bad idea, and I told you not to let me fall asleep, I'm supposed to be at home by now"
"Oh relax" Alex mumbled as he dressed.
"Relax!" she hissed "Meredith Grey just walked in on us together telling you your wife is coming home and you're telling me to relax?"
"She left me Addison" Alex said simply "She left me twice, and nobody's been able to get hold of her since, for all I knew she could've been dead"
"Which makes this even more wrong" Addison sighed "I should go"
"Uh-uh" he laughed "Meredith wants to talk to both of us" he smirked dragging her down to the kitchen.
"Meredith I…." Alex started.
"Shut up" she said cutting him off "So what? Izzie leaves? You come back from LA and mope around the place and you think it's a good idea to, mash your genitals together!"
"No freaking way d'you get to judge us" said Alex "Or give relationship advice, besides, you were a total dirty mistress like 2 weeks ago!"
"Wait, are we calling me a dirty mistress?" Addison asked.
"That was 2 years ago! And his wife didn't have cancer" Meredith hissed "You didn't have cancer!" she glared at Addison.
"Izzie's gone I was horny she was there" Alex said simply.
"Oh god I am the dirty mistress" Addison groaned "Look, Meredith, this, this is just sex, we're just, having sex, it's not serious or, anything, and plus we've slept together before it's, it's like recycling! Please, please I am begging you, don't tell anyone about this, and please don't tell Izzie"
"Of course I won't tell Izzie" Meredith sighed "We are keeping our mouths shut, nobody needs to know"
"Hey" Izzie said awkwardly as she walked into the room "Know what? And what are you doing here?" she said raising her eyebrow at Addison.
"She was just dropping of a copy of some medical journal I needed for a case" Alex said simply.
"Yeah, I was on my way past so…." Addison started "Anyway, I'm gonna, get going, I'll see you at work" she said quickly leaving, as soon as she sat in her car she let out a loud groan and pulled off the drive.
~x~
"Oh, hey" Addison stuttered as she opened her hotel room door that evening to Alex "Come in" she said letting him past.
"So….Izzie's gone" he said taking a beer from her mini-bar and gulping some back, putting it down on top of the drawers.
"Oh, I'm sorry" she said quietly.
"Don't be, I broke it off with her"
"Wh..why? Why would you do that? You love her Alex! Why would you…."
"I deserve better" Alex said firmly "I deserve better, I deserve better than to stick by the woman I love while she goes through this sucky disease and have it thrown back in my face, I deserve better, because I am a good man, I've gone through my whole life being told I wasn't a good man, but I am, I am a good guy, and I deserve better" he sighed sitting down on the bed, he leaned forward so his head almost touched his legs, Addison moved over to him and rubbed her hand up and down his back softly.
"I'm a good man" he whispered.
"You're a good man" Addison nodded.
"I deserve better"
"You deserve better" Addison said softly.
"I'm a good man" he said looking up at her tearfully "I'm a good man" he said with an exasperated laugh.
"Alex" Addison said cupping his cheek, wiping a tear that fell from his eye.
"Can we, can I just, can I hold you tonight?" he asked innocently "Just for tonight"
"Sure" she whispered, she stood up and slowly started to peel his clothes from him, leaving him in his boxers and wife-beater, she pulled back the covers and climbed into the bed, lying her head down on the pillow, Alex climbed in behind her, pulling her back against his chest, he pulled the covers over them and kissed her shoulder.
"Thank you" he whispered.
"Anytime" she whispered back, she placed her hand on top of the one he had resting on her abdomen and squeezed it a little as they closed their eyes and slowly went to sleep.
~x~
"You didn't come home last night" Meredith said simply as Alex walked into the empty residents lounge.
"I know" he replied.
"So you and Izzie aren't even going to….you're just, letting her go"
"I deserve better Meredith" Alex said firmly "I'm a good man, and I deserve better"
"Yeah, you do" Meredith agreed "But she's your wife Alex"
"I know, I know she's my wife, she's my wife who died in my arms Meredith, and as soon as we're through it she leaves, and I can't do it anymore, I can't, I know you care about her, and I know you're upset that she's gone, but believe me Meredith, nobody is more upset than me right now, I just let the woman I love go, because I can't do it anymore, I can't love her anymore"
"And what about Addison?"
"What about Addison?" Alex frowned.
"We might not have seen eye to eye in the past Alex but she doesn't deserve to be hurt again, and I just, I hope she knows all of that, how you feel, about Izzie"
"She knows" Alex said simply "We're just sex Meredith, she knows that, I know that, there's none of the mushy feelings stuff"
"Well just, be careful"
"I will" Alex sighed.
"I really wish things could've been different Alex" Meredith said hugging him tightly.
"Yeah" he mumbled against her hair "Me too"
~x~
1 month later.
Derek and Mark stood at the nurses station together, flipping through their respective charts and chatting quietly, they both looked up when they heard a door slam and watched as a disheveled Alex ran from the on-call room.
"5…" Mark started.
"4…" said Derek.
"3…"
"2…."
"1" they both said together, and as if on cue Addison stumbled out adjusting her skirt and fluffing her hair, she straightened herself up and started to walk down the hallway, they both looked at each other with a sigh and followed her, as she passed an empty exam room Mark grabbed her from behind, covering her mouth with his hand, she screamed and fought against him as he carried her into the exam room, Derek closed the door firmly behind them as Mark put her on her feet.
"What the hell are you doing?" Addison screeched.
"What the hell are we doing?" said Mark.
"What the hell are you doing?" Derek exclaimed.
"What?"
"With Karev Addie, what are you doing with Karev?" Mark asked.
"No no no, you don't get to do this" she said trying to push past them, they both pushed her back against the exam table "Guys" she whined "I have patients and…."
"You're going to get hurt" Mark said firmly "He's still in love with his wife Addison, his wife"
"He's not what you want" said Derek "You want to be in love, he can't love you, he loves Izzie, and, he's like Meredith 3 years ago! He'll run Addie"
"My mothers a lesbian" Addison said simply.
"What?" they both exclaimed.
"My mother, Bizzy, she's a lesbian, about a month before I came out here my Dad showed up at the practice, he was being, weird, really weird, and then my Mom shows up, and Susan"
"Susan your Mom's PA?" Derek frowned.
"Right" Addison nodded "And they were all in my house and driving me crazy and it clicked, well, I thought it clicked, the Captain and Susan were sleeping together, that's what I decided, until I walked in on my mother kissing her, they've been together for 20 years, 20 years, that's like, half my life, I've spent my whole life being angry at the wrong parent!" she exclaimed "The past couple of years, they've been hell for me, everything is going wrong, my marriage, my friendships, everything, I moved to LA to get a fresh start and nothing went right there either! And yes, I ran from Seattle because Alex broke my heart which I know you both know because Callie told you" she said pointing to Mark "And you told him" she said pointing to Derek "But that was then, and a hell of a lot more has gone on in my life since then, like the fact that I can't have kids anymore! I have like, 2 eggs left, so my dream, it's not happening, and that is something that is rubbed in my face everyday when I hand a new Mom a baby. I screwed things up with Kevin, this really great guy who loved me and I wanted to love him, I really did, and instead of ending it like I should have I led him on and only let him go after I kissed another man! And then Noah, Noah broke me, he made me Meredith Grey"
"You're kind of going to have to explain that one Addie" Derek replied.
"I was Meredith, and Noah was you" she said to Derek "I met this really great guy with nice eyes and a great smile, and we flirted and laughed and I fell for him, I fell deep, and that was without any physical contact whatsoever, we hadn't even been on a date but in the small amount of time we spent together he made me feel like me, he made me feel, happy, and loved, and wanted, and then I'm with a patient, Morgan, and I'm close to Morgan, she always made me tell her stuff about my life to distract her from the fact that her pregnancy wasn't going so well, and I told her about this guy, and then she's in my office, she's introducing me to her husband, I'm looking up, and her husband, is Noah" she breathed
"And he kept chasing me, he turned up at my house and kissed me, he went on and on about how he'd leave her but I kept telling him not to do that, to try and make it work, because I'd been Morgan, I'd been the wife who's husband was in love with someone else, and it doesn't feel good, it feels like crap, so I pushed him away, I pushed and I pushed and I pushed but he get pushing back, and then I'm in his office and we're kissing and I know, I know that if our pagers hadn't gone off telling us Morgan was in labor, I would've made a huge mistake and I would've slept with him, I had to get Dell to deliver their baby, and I cut him out of my life."
"Addison…." Derek started.
"I'm not finished" she said cutting him off "After that, my friend Violet had her baby cut out of her body by some woman and, and I had to try to save her, and I did, I saved them both, and at that point I was dealing with the fact that Naomi had upped and left for another practice, my life, was hell, and I couldn't even complain about it, because nobody can see my scars, nobody can see that I'm broken, but Violet, you can see her scars, our patients, you can see their scars too, but me? You can't see my scars. I know Alex doesn't love me, I know all we are is sex, but when you've been through what I've been through, when you feel as numb as I do, sometimes you just need to do something to make you feel again. And Alex does that. Alex makes me feel. Alex is there, Alex makes me feel better, and he is a hell of a lot better at making me feel better than either of you were. I might have hurt you both, but you hurt me too, and you have no right" she whispered tearfully "You have no right to tell me what to do with my life, ok?"
"Ok, it's ok" Mark said pulling her into a hug "We know Addie, we're just worried about you"
"I know" Addison mumbled against his chest "But I'm ok, I promise, I know what I'm doing"
"You weren't being serious about him being better at, y'know, right?"
"You're a pig" Addison said hitting him "Can I go now?"
"Just promise me when you don't feel right, you'll get out" Derek said squeezing her hands "Promise me you'll stay in control Addison"
"I promise" Addison said with a sigh.
"But seriously" said Mark "No way is he better than me"
"Shut up Mark" Addison and Derek both said firmly.
"What?" he laughed.
~x~
"What are you thinking about?" Alex asked as he lay next to Addison in an on-call room late that night.
"Nothing"
"Liar" he smirked "Come on, you can tell me"
"Derek and Mark told me to be careful, this morning after we had sex in the on-call room on 4th, they dragged me into an empty room and told me you were still in love with Izzie, that you'd never be what I want, so I yelled at them"
"Naturally" Alex said with a laugh.
"Right" she smirked "And they just, they meant well, just said that they're worried about me, that's what I was thinking about"
"Addison if you're not ok with this, us, then we can stop" Alex said quietly "I don't really want to stop because well, you're pretty amazing" he said with a grin "And me and you, we have a, very hot, thing going on here, but if you can't do it, then that's ok"
"No no, I want this, I want us and our very very hot thing" Addison said kissing his neck "We have our rules, if we want sex we just have it with each other, no mushy feelings stuff, no public displays of affection, friends with benefits" she smiled.
"Wanna try these benefits again?" he said climbing on top of her.
"You just read my mind" she said pulling him down to kiss her.
~x~
1 month later.
"Hey, what's that?" Meredith asked as she walked into the kitchen to find Alex staring at some papers.
"Izzie sent the divorce papers, the official papers"
"Oh" Meredith said simply "Are you...ok?"
"Y'know what" Alex said with a smile "I really am, I feel, good, great"
"It's probably all the non-feelings sex you've been having" Meredith said dryly.
"Yeah, right" Alex breathed.
"It's still, non-feelings, right?"
"Right, right yeah, that's, right" Alex nodded, Meredith walked to the kitchen door and closed it firmly before dropping down in the chair next to him.
"Spill it" she said simply.
"I just keep thinking, what if I hadn't have let her go before, what if I hadn't freaked out, would we still be together? Did she even love me? Would we be married? Would we have adopted kids or, got our own house, I just can't help but, think about it"
"Does she know how you felt about her?" Meredith asked softly.
"No, I don't think so, we've never mentioned it, we kind of avoid the topic"
"Well maybe you should stop avoiding" Meredith said squeezing his hand "I've hated seeing you so down Alex, I really have, all I want is for you to be happy, so if Addison makes you happy, then talk to her, stop avoiding"
"Stop avoiding" Alex breathed "It's worth a shot right?"
"It's worth a shot" Meredith smiled.
~x~
"Hey" Alex smiled as Addison approached him at the nurses station.
"Hey" she smiled back "You ok?"
"I'm good" he nodded "So uh, Izzie sent the divorce papers today, the proper official, signed, divorce papers"
"I'm sorry" she said squeezing his arm.
"Why?" he smirked "Stuff happens, life happens, people get married, they get divorced, they meet new people and, then you see what happens, me and Izzie didn't work, for lots of reasons, and now" he said pulling the papers from his bag, pulling out a pen, signing his name, putting them in the envelope and dropping them in the 'out' tray "We're divorced, it's as simple as that" he grabbed her by the arm and pulled her in to a deep kiss "So" he breathed "Wanna come home with me tonight?"
"Alex what…."
"Addie" he said softly "People get divorced, they meet new people, and then they see what happens, I want to see what happens"
"I, I can't" she stuttered, pulling away from him and rushing down the hallway, disappearing into a supply closet, before she could breathe Alex walked in after her.
"What, what the hell was that?" he asked "You can't just run away Addie"
"I, I needed, I need to think" she whispered "I can't, I can't do this without, thinking"
"What is there to think about?" he asked.
"Do you know why I left? Before, when I left for LA, do you know why I went?"
"You wanted change, you, you wanted a new job and a new life, that's why you left right?"
"Wrong!" she exclaimed "Wrong! That wasn't why I left at all! I left because I was in love with you!" she shouted.
"Addison…." Alex started.
"I was in love with you" she whispered "I was in love with you and you broke me, and I didn't even realize it until we were down in that lobby and you were speaking to me like, like I was nothing to you, when I thought, I thought I meant something, even though you told me you didn't want to be another intern sleeping with an attending, I thought I meant more to you than what you did to me, and you were in love with Ava, you were, and I couldn't stay here and watch that, so I moved away, and I tried to move on, and I did move on, and I got over you, and this, us, in the beginning is was about just sex, because I needed it, and you were there, but now, now I just can't fall in love with you again for you to realize that I'm not who you really want, I can't do that again, so when I said I needed to think, I meant it, and after the way you hurt me, you owe me a little bit of thinking time"
"Addison" Alex whispered cupping her cheek "I'm sorry"
"I know" she whispered.
"I didn't want to hurt you, and you did mean something to me, you meant a lot to me, you meant, everything, which is why I pushed you away, because back then, I wasn't a good guy, I would've screwed up and hurt you even more than I did then, I would've hurt you in an unforgivable horrible way, and I couldn't do that to you, because I loved you, so much, and now, now, you have helped me get through all of this, crap, you got me through it Addison, and I really don't know what I would've done if you were still in LA, yeah, we got over each other, we moved on, but things are different now, I'm different now, and I am falling in love with you all over again, and I'm not willing to throw that away"
Addison grabbed him by the front of his jacket and pulled him into a desperate kiss, tears falling from her eyes and falling between their lips.
"Just please, don't hurt me" she whimpered against him.
"I promise" he whispered against her hair "I promise you"
"Take me home Alex" she whispered, Alex brushed the tears from her cheeks and kissed her softly.
"Home" he smiled.
~x~
Part 2 of 2 to follow….