At least I have my car.

Crack Fic Alert.

Sum: Kathy McDougall is your avg American. She loves pizza and cheeseburgers, her laptop and PSP. Does she love Naruto? It's alright. Does she like camping, discomfort, learning languages, and people trying to kill her? Not so much.

Eye twitch...eye twitch.

I stared at my steering wheel. Out of everything around me my steering wheel was a thing of familiarity and comfort.

Eye twitch...eye twitch.

Maybe I had eaten some really bad Chinese food, as in maybe they cooked the stuff on the sidewalk and left it there a few days bad Chinese food.

"I am in traffic." I told myself out loud because really as if talking to myself is the most troubling of my problems right now?

"I am going to be late for work." That's were I was going, work.

"I need to stop hallucinating a forest before the said traffic I am in crashes into me." I have yet to be in a car accident and I really don't want to start now.

Seeing as everything outside my car is fake I take a moment to inspect the inside of my car and make sure there aren't any green aliens sitting next to me or something.

Nope, just some fast food trash, my laptop, jacket, a notebook, and my stash of toothpicks. Yes I have a stash of tooth picks what of it?

Now may be a good time to call my mother and tell her I need a hospital for I must be mentally ill. But first I should move my car to the side of the...road...which is not a dirt road in a forest, but one with pavement and I'm sure I am stopping all traffic and lots of people hate me right now.

I carefully and very slowly drive my car to the side and put on my emergency lights. It's so strange that I can't hear anything. I mean even if I can't see what I should; shouldn't I still hear the people yelling at me to get out of the road?

Deciding I managed to move without killing anyone that was now invisible to my eyes I took out my cell phone from my pocket. God I hate my phone, it's so old.

What do you mean no signal? I blink. I'm sure I'm imagining the lack of single as well. I try calling my mom and low and behold I find I have no fucking signal.

This greatly displeases me. What is the point of having a phone if you can't use it for emergencies!

Alright maybe and this is a big maybe seeing as there is no phone signal I can't believe there is a wireless network, but I may as well try my computer.

And nothing...wait there should be something I mean even if there's a bunch of networks with security there should be something! I was driving pretty close to town after all. Nada. Can not find any networks.

Well shit!

Now what?

Ok, let us think back. I was driving and then...that didn't happened, but I apparently had another hallucination of failing into a black hole...it wasn't really black more bluish...yeah I would like that straight jacket in a large please.

Hmm...hey! What happened to my radio? It was on. What. The. Hell. I'm not even getting static!

Ok. I have apparently fallen into hell where technology is absent. What am I suppose to do live in the damn forest?

I turn off my car. No reason to waste the battery.

"So..." I drum my fingers on the steering wheel as I wait for something to happen.

Maybe I got in a wreck and I'm dreaming?

"That works. Let's explore this...place shall we?"

I put my jacket over my laptop incase 'something' decides to take it, grab my keys, get out of the car and lock my door.

The place is very green and my red car sticks out like Christmas in July.

I walk around my car and make sure nothing has happened to it. It looks fine. That's good, one less problem.

Then I walk about 20 ft in each direction from the car, making a little perimeter thing, hoping I wouldn't have to walk my much farther to find something or someone. It isn't long before I get a rock in my shoe, I'm just not made for hiking.

With this in mind I return to the car, get the rock out of my shoe and decide to drive down the dirt road until I find something. If I'm really in the normal road I'll find out pretty fast by being hit.

So driving, driving, oh look there's a tree and another tree...oh my god is that a tree! It is! Ok this is getting boring fast.

I glare at my dead radio, wait, wait! I have CDs somewhere! First what's in the CD player?

'It's 9 o'clock on a Saturday-'

Hmm the piano man is such a pretty song, but I think I need something a little more...

There we go...

'NEVER WANTED TO DANCE WITH NOBODY BUT YOU!'

Oh MSI only you can make this hell on earth bearable.

So as I drove and head banged to dirty loud music I noticed the road I was on was small, like it was made for people walking on it. How weird.

Thank goodness I took my car today and not my mom's Buick, that big thing could never get through here.

It was a few hours later and I had just begun to realize with horror that in another few hours I was going to need a bathroom and there was none in sight, when I saw a blob up ahead.

How curious...I slowed the car a bit, I didn't want to run over the mysterious object it is the only thing other then trees I have seen all day.

I stopped my car in front of the object. Is that...a sword? A big ass sword?

I casually got out of my car to inspect said big ass sword lying in the middle of the road.

I looked around and found nobody.

"This day just gets weirder and weirder." Still it was a cool sword.

"Hey if whoever owns this sword doesn't come and claim it I shall hereby decide it is mine!"

It's a really cool sword. I know I've seen something like it before, but where? Maybe a… Bleach cosplay? I don't think so I'm not that into Bleach so I doubt I would have remembered it.

'Grraah...'

The hell? Was that a groan or a growl? I didn't run over anyone right?

"Right." I said as I check under my car...whoa, whoa, whoa is that blood on the ground?

Oh hell no! No, no, no, no, NO!

I do not see the blood leading to a tree. I do not see part of a figure leaning against that tree, the other part of said figure looking half dead lying on the ground. I don't see it, it's just not possible.

Oh! Damn it all! How weird can this day get!

I go to check on the groaning half dead person.

"Huh. Must be near an anime con." For the person on the ground was…Zu, Zu, Zu- what was his name again? Zumbiha! No. Zabu like that white rat thing my sister watches on TV! No… Ok I really don't care because first of all I'm pretty sure I found the owner of the sword and 2nd of all he's bleeding and I have no idea where the hospital is!

"Er…Ok. Hi. Just be calm. I'm going to help alright? I um…will get you something to stop all that blood!"

The dude is sort of awake. I mean he seems pretty out of it. I think some of that growling might have been him trying to talk, but I can't understand anything. Oh god maybe he has a neck wound?

So I run back to my car, unlock the thing and grab the first bit of fabric I can find. Oh not my jacket! It's lovely, new, and …well new. I just got a job ok? New things are kind of rare for me at the moment. Oh find he did look like he was dieing or something so I guess that matters more.

With a small amount of irritation I try to hide with concern I rush back to the dude in costume and proceed to turn my new jacket into a tourniquet. Ok well actually I starting trying to wrap it around him and he took it and made a tourniquet because I didn't have a clue about what I was doing.

"Hah, ahh..sorry I'm not too good with that, but it should stop the bleeding." I say as I watch him take care of himself, ruin my jacket and glare at me.

"So you know where the hospital is? I can drive I just don't know where the hospital is."

"…"

"Ok dude. You're bleeding! Will you stop the freaking glaring and tell me how to get to civilization so we can get you some help!" By the end of that I was glaring because how rude was it to ignore someone trying to help you? And do you know how much it would ruin my day if I had a stranger die on me after all the crap I've already gone through?

He seemed to get some of the message because he spoke.

")# !*(^^ " Not that, specking helped at all.

"Oh, shit. English? Look…Mister... you have to speck English we're in America! Aren't we?"

I really, really, really hope we were still in America. I was sounding a bit hysterical on that last bit.

It seemed we shared a look where we realized that we couldn't understand a word the other was saying, but that was where our mutual understanding ending because he started trying to get up.And hello the guy had a large stomach wound.

He stands up barely, blood goes everywhere so I jump up so I don't get it on me, then he's falling over because the stupid idiot is hurt!

There's a second where I know I have to catch the guy and he is really freaking tall and heavily looking so he's probably going to knock me over and I will be so covered in blood, but I have to try and stop him failing anyways because I can't just let him fall or I would be an awful person.

I'm lucky that I'm a little fat. I mean the super skinny girls would have so been crushed to death. As it is I'm far into the pleasantly plump stage and am used to being weighted down with groceries and my grandfather's 50 pd pidgin feed so there's even a bit of muscle under the fat.

I manage to support this guy just barely most likely because he is also holding onto the tree. Still I feel like my back is going to break, because I have to hold him up with like my torso because he's so damn tall and where can my arms go that's not covered in blood?

Then Mister tall, dark, and heavy passes out and therefore let's go of the tree.

My knees shake, my back bends, and my arms are clutching the bloody mass as tightly as I can because if I drop him now I'll never get him back up and if we can just get to the car!

About 2 feet later we fall over. You know if I wasn't lost, thought I was mentally ill, wasn't having blood soaking though my shirt and had any idea what this guy's face looked like ( it was covered in bandage things), then…then I still wouldn't have this giant guy on top of me in the first place so I'm not sure what I was going to say exactly.

I wriggle out from under him and I suppose I was going to say the situation would have seemed somewhat sexual if not for everything else I had mentioned. Oh, and he was dieing. That kind of puts a damper on romance.

And I thought as I did the brilliant thing of driving my car closer to him, we don't even speck the same language.

It would so never work out, I decide as I began trying to heave him into my car. Even if the rescuing thing is totally romantic and more original because the girl isn't the one being rescued, this amount of ruined clothing and oh my god its going to be all over my car…(Shudder with horror) it's so not worth it.

I find myself putting the front passenger sit down and pulling him into that instead of trying to clear out the backset of my car. Who knows what could be in there at this point?

By the time the dead weight is situated I find myself lying on the ground barely able to move. Oh, hell…I am so tried. So not used to this kind of exorcise. The sweat runs down my face and I can smell the blood once again all over me.

I make myself get up, shut the door and get in on my side. I have to make it to a hospital. This guy needs help. I have to get him there.

Then I turn on my car and give the guy a heart attack. I startled myself a little bit too.

'NEVER WANTED TO DANCE WITH NOBODY BUT YOU!'

So I forgot about my CD and yes I had the speakers pumping I still don't think it warranted that reaction.

The guy woke up and jumped like almost out of my car and just started freaking out. I mean really at first I thought this guy was having a fit or something. I quickly turned the CD player off and just started at him. He was being really weird like he didn't know what a car was or something; guy was acting like a trapped animal. What was he catastrophic?

I started to reach out to him, see if I could calm him down, but then he broke my window with his arm and I decided to stay on my side of the car. Not that I didn't comment.

"DUDE! My Car! You broke my car! DUDE!"

So the nut job I worked so hard to get into my car, that now has one arm hanging out of the broken car window, turns to me and he looks like he's about to kill me or something, really scary eyes there, but then we are slightly distracted by the fact that aliens are attacking…with…water…yeah.