DIS: Hehehe...Well, I was reading an extremely funny fic some time ago and I got inspired to write yet another humorous one-shot! (sulks) But none of my one-shots seem to be getting read lately...(sigh) Anyway, please read below and enjoy.

X

Title: Just a day at Domino High School

Rating: M for language and sexual innuendo

Genre: Humor

Summary: It's just a day at Domino High School. First day of school. Bakura, Malik, and Yami are going to school with everyone else and the classes are filled with raised voices from indignant teens. Yes, it's just a normal day. Humor!

Disclaimer: Well...I don't YuGiOh yet...(lawyers glare at her, having her tied up in a chair) Er...Right. I don't know YuGiOh.

Notes/Warnings: Pure humor; Language; Innuendo; Suggestive nature

X

Just a day at Domino High School

It was the day before school started, the twenty-seventh. Bakura and Ryou were currently arguing in the living room. Okay, they weren't arguing. Bakura was just screaming at Ryou, who watched with a somewhat calm, but nervous expression. Now, as we listen in, we hear what the yelling is all about...

"I REFUSE TO GO TO SCHOOL WITH THOSE DISGUSTING HUMANS!"

"Bakura, you're a human now, you know."

"NO! I'M NOT, DAMN YOU!"

"Yami, listen, I know that this is hard on you, but you have your own body now and since you're going to be living in this time, you must learn to live like we do, too," Ryou explained as calmly as he could while Bakura seethed across from him. "And, to live like we do, you must learn the same things that we have."

"I'VE BEEN ALIVE FOR MORE THAN 5,000 YEARS! I KNOW MORE THAN YOU IGNORANT MORTALS!" Bakura roared at him, his eyes blazing. Ryou winced.

"Yes, but you don't – "

"RYOU...I AM NOT FUCKING GOING TO SCHOOL!" Ryou frowned at his language.

"Watch your language. You know that I don't like you speaking that way." Bakura gawked at him for a moment.

"What the hell are you talking about, abiou? I talk English just like you. What do you want me to speak? Chinese?"

"(-.-) I meant, don't cuss at me."

"Listen, you..." Bakura began, but the phone rang. Ryou sighed and muttered, "Hold that thought," going to the phone.

"Hello?" Ryou answered as Bakura glared at him from behind, hovering at his elbow.

"Hello, Ryou!" A friendly voice chirped on the other line. It was Anzu Mazaki.

"Who is it?" Bakura demanded. Ryou scowled, moving away.

"Hi, what are you doing calling me?" Ryou asked politely.

"Who is it?" Bakura asked again, this time more fiercely.

"Oh, I just wanted to see if you wanted to meet up with me at the Kame Game Shop. Yuugi, me, Honda, Jou, and, well, Malik, are going to meet up there."

"Abiou, if you don't tell me who it is..."

"Malik's going to school, too? So he's back in town?" Bakura frowned, overhearing that part.

"Yeah, I guess so and Isis asked Yuugi to help him out a bit. Yuugi, of course, said 'yes'."

"Yeah, of course he – "

"WHO...THE HELL...IS ON THE PHONE?" Bakura growled very loudly so that Anzu could hear.

"(-o.o-) Uh, is that Bakura?" Anzu asked. Ryou tried to push Bakura away, which was proving futile.

"Y-yes..." Ryou muttered.

"Um, tell him I said 'hi'...I guess."

"Bakura, Anzu said hi," Ryou told his yami, who blinked and pulled away from Ryou.

"Why is she calling you?" Bakura asked suspiciously. "What? Do you two meet behind the bleachers to have some 'fun'?"

"B-Bakura!" Ryou sputtered, his cheeks turning red. "That's not it at all!"

"You're lying. What's between you and Mazaki, huh, abiou? Huh?"

"She's my friend!"

"Right. Friend." Bakura snorted, heading back into the living room, saying, "They're always friends at first!" Ryou sweat dropped and turned back to the phone.

"Um, you were saying, Anzu?"

"(OO) What does he mean by 'fun behind the bleachers'?" She asked, having overheard the entire conversation.

"(OO'') Um...Nothing! Nothing at all!"

"Okay..." She answered, wary, before continuing, "So do you wanna meet up with us?"

"Sure. Uh, but Bakura's coming along since I've enrolled him."

"I TOLD YOU I'M NOT GOING!" Bakura snapped at him.

"Oh, that's good. I bet he's going to have fun! Er, well...somewhat."

"Yeah..."

"Maybe fun as in torturing people, but, uh...Well, you understand."

"Yeah..." Ryou cleared his throat. "Well, I'll see you tomorrow, Anzu."

"Okay, bye!"

Click.

Ryou sighed, his hand on the phone, before stalking back into the living room. He remembered his yami always telling him to be more assertive, so he decided he'd have a go at it. Bakura twitched his nose at him and said simply, "I'm not going." Ryou's eyes narrowed into a glare and Bakura blinked in surprise. "Er..."

"Listen, chap," Ryou growled a bit, grabbing Bakura by the collar, despite him being smaller. "You're going to go to school with me and you'll keep going to school, got it?"

"(OO) Wh-what?"

"Well?"

"Uh, yeah...Yeah, abiou, I'll go, no problem..." Ryou turned back into his happy, beaming self.

"Good! I'll wake you up when it's time to go! Now, I need to find my rubber ducky so I can take a bath."

"(sweat drop)..."

X

That night, Yuugi Mutou was also having trouble convincing his yami to go to school. Normally, the Pharaoh was easy to convince. He rarely ever disagreed with Yuugi. He was polite, kind, and didn't have awful mood swings like Grandpa did. However, Yami was being quite...different.

"So, Yami, I hope you're ready to go to school," Yuugi called to him as he put the last of the dinner dishes away. Yami looked up from the TV he was watching and raised a smooth eyebrow at him.

"...What?" Yami asked blankly. Yuugi laughed and went to sit by him, clapping him on the shoulder in a buddy-buddy fashion.

"You know, school? That's why we went shopping, you know!"

"...What?" Yami repeated, but this time his eyebrows had arched down dangerously. "What are you talking about, Yuugi?"

(sweat drop) Oh, boy...Yuugi thought. This is not going to be good. "Well, we went shopping for school supplies, didn't we? We got you a nice binder, dividers, and stuff like that, right?"

"Yes..."

"And some new clothes?"

"Yes..."

"Well, that's what it was for! It's called 'back to school shopping'!" Yuugi grinned at him widely and for a long time, his yami merely stared at him.

"I'm not going to school, Yuugi," Yami told him simply, turning back to the TV.

"(o.o) Um, yes you are."

"No, I really am not," the Pharaoh said firmly.

"Listen, Yami...you are going to school," Yuugi said to him, frowning at his yami's attitude.

"Yuugi!" Yami suddenly snapped, turning to him. "I'm not going to school! Now, please! Stop rambling about such things and let me watch Seinfield!" Yuugi's eyes narrowed on him and he went to the TV, unplugging it and with strength that came out of nowhere, he tossed the TV to the other side of the room, making it smash into pieces. Yami stared at it and then raised the remote and clicked the power button. He clicked it ten more times before throwing it at the remains of the TV and coming to his feet. "Yuugi! What has gotten into you?" He demanded, his eyes flashing. "That was awful behavior!"

"I don't care! You should start listening to me! You never listen to me!"

"Yuugi!"

"You know what? I don't like your attitude!" Yami paled as though Yuugi had swore and he stumbled back a few steps. "That's right, Yami. Now, you had better fix that attitude up because you are going to school!"

The color returned to Yami face and with an adamant expression on his face, he declared, "I will not!"

"You will go to school, Yami! Hey! HEY! Don't turn your back on me when I'm talking, Atemu!" Yami gasped, whipping around.

"I...I TOLD YOU NOT TO USE MY REAL NAME, YUUGI!" He sniffed. "It reminds me of my past..."

"(-.-) Cough..." Yuugi cleared his throat and continued, "If you don't go to school, I will continue to use your real name!" Yami clenched his fists angrily.

"Fine!" Yuugi grinned triumphantly as Yami stormed upstairs.

"I'll wake you when it's time, then!" He called in a singsong voice.

"FINE!"

X

Isis Ishtar, unlike Ryou and Yuugi, was having an even more difficult time with her little brother. While Bakura knew better than to do more than shout and Yami wasn't very violent, Malik Ishtar, on the other hand, had a horrible tantrum when he was: A) forced to do something he didn't want to do, B) forced to do something period C) didn't get his way. Tonight, he was throwing a tantrum because of choice A. "HOW DARE YOU WOMAN!"

SMASH! He threw a plate at the wall.

"I AM NOT YOUR CHILD!"

CRASH! He threw a cup through the window.

"YOU CANNOT ENROLL ME IN SOME PIECE OF SHIT BUILDING!"

T-T-T-T-T-T! He threw forks and knives in the wall.

"I REFUSE TO DO SUCH A LOWLY THING AS BLEND IN WITH THOSE WEAKLINGS!"

CRASSHHH! He threw a heavy vase on a glass coffee table.

"WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?"

"(-.-)...For the hundredth time, Malik, I only did this for your own good. You are not fully educated and – (OO) Watch where you're throwing things, little brother!" Malik had just thrown a carved sculpture at the wall. A crack was now in it. Malik, with his violet pupils dilated and his chest heaving as he took deep breaths, was, officially, pissed beyond belief. He had been throwing things, swearing, and kicking things in the mansion for the last forty-five minutes and Isis learned the hard way that the only thing to wait until he's calm...somewhat.

"ARE YOU SAYING I'M STUPID, ISIS?"

"No, Malik, I'm saying that father never taught you adequately – "

"DAMN RIGHT HE DIDN'T!

"Malik – "

"AND THEN I'M SUPPOSED TO GO MEET UP WITH YUUGI? WHERE WERE YOU DURING BATTLE CITY?"

"(-.-) Trying to stay alive." Malik glared at her in response.

"I REALLY – "

"Bakura will be there," she interrupted and continued with a ghost of a smile on her lips, "And so will Anzu Mazaki." He paused in his tantrum.

"...Who?" He asked, blinking.

"Bakura and Anzu Mazaki," she answered, smiling.

"Bakura's being forced to go to this hellhole, too?"

"(-.-)..." Ah, yes, Malik Ishtar, World Famous Idiot. "Yes, Malik, Bakura is going to school as well."

"Hmm..." Malik looked thoughtful, before glaring at her again. "What the hell is wrong with you, sister? If you'd mentioned this sooner, we wouldn't have to go through all this trouble."

"(-.-) Of course." As if I knew that. This was just a last resort. "So you'll go?"

"Why wouldn't I if Bakura's going to be there? We'll be able to wreck all new havoc, mwahaha!" She sighed as he exited the kitchen. She stood, crossing her arms and waited. He popped back from behind the wall and asked, "Did you say Anzu Mazaki was going to be there, too?"

"Yes, brother, I did."

"Oh. Ah. Well. Tomorrow should be interesting then..."

...Malik Ishtar, The Slow One, Isis thought, sighing. I guess I better clean up this mess and call the window replacing men. She went to the phone and the number for the window replacing men was on speed dial since it kept happening so often. "Hello? Um, yes, this is Isis Ishtar – "

"Again?" The man asked.

"Yes, well, my brother is very violent."

"Ma'am, this is almost the fifteenth time in the last month!"

"(-.-) Yes...I know."

So, the plans were made and tomorrow everyone would be going back to school after an education-free summer.

X

It was August the twenty-eighth where kids and teenagers were going back to school, fully prepared. Well...some were.

"Jou! Wait! You forgot your lunch money! And your bag!"

"What?" Jou asked, scrambling back inside, taking his money and his bag from Shizuka. "Thanks, sis!"

"Jou! Hurry and go! You'll be late to meet Yuugi and the others!"

"(O.O) You're right! See ya later, sis!"

"(X.X) JOU!"

"WHAT?"

"YOUR SHOES?"

"...Oh. Yeah, hehehe..." He hastily put on his shoes and ran off.

X

"Bakura, we're going to be late if you don't wake up. BAKURA!"

"I WILL DEVOUR YOUR BRAINS!" Bakura hissed, glaring at Ryou. Ryou stared at him, wide eyed, before yanking the blankets off him. "AW! COLD! NO!"

"GET UP!" Ryou snapped, pushing the mattress up so Bakura rolled off. Bakura yelped and fell to the ground.

"ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT! I'm up, I'm up..." Bakura went to the bathroom, hastily washed his face, brushed his hair, and brushed his teeth and came back, dressed in the uniform, leaving the top part open. He stuffed his things in his bag and looked at Ryou, who blinked.

"(o.o) That only took...Seven minutes." Bakura glared at him.

"I got up early just because of you, so can we go already?"

"(sweat drop) Yeah, okay, let's go." He calls that early?

X

"Yami, are you done yet?" Yuugi called from outside the bathroom, looking at his watch impatiently. "Everyone's going to be here soon!"

"I told you, I'm almost done!" Yami called exasperatedly.

"That was half an hour ago! Could you hurry up, please?"

"I am hurrying up, Yuugi, so stop rushing me!"

"Yami, you've been in there since five thirty this morning! It's seven thirty two right now! Will you come out already?"

"I'm almost done!" He snapped back and Yuugi sighed, crossing his arms and tapping his foot. A few minutes later, Yami came out, scowling. "Happy?"

"What in the world were you doing in there?"

"Preparing myself for the ladies," Yami replied simply.

"(x.x)...Okay..."

"So who's all meeting up here?" Yami asked as they went downstairs.

"Let's see...Anzu, Honda, Jou, Ryou, Bakura – "

"WHAT?"

" – and Malik."

"WHAT? Bakura and Malik? Hey, when did that surfer boy from hell get here anyway?"

"(-.-) Be nice, Yami. Malik has gone through a lot of emotional turmoil because of you, don't forget it."

"More like because of his deceased psychotic half," Yami muttered under his breath.

"Huh? Did you say something?" Yuugi asked, blinking.

"No, no, abiou," Yami lied, smiling. "Oh, look, I think someone's...(o.o) Uh..." The door had banged open and Malik was looking around like he really wished he wasn't there. "Malik."

"Oh. It's you..." Malik looked around again. "(oO) Am I the first one here?" Yuugi and Yami nodded their heads. "Damn! I knew Isis woke me up too early!"

(sweat drop)

"Um, come and sit down, Malik. The others should be here shortly."

"(--) Yeah, right," he snorted. "Bakura's going to hold Ryou up so they come in at the last – "

"Good morning!" Ryou chirped, entering the Kame Game Shop.

"...minute?" Malik ended in a question.

"Hello, Ryou. Er...hi...Bakura," Yuugi greeted awkwardly. The Tomb Robber's eyes barely moved over him, before he approached Malik.

"I don't entirely like your presence, Malik," Bakura told him bluntly.

"The feeling's mutual, I assure you, my self-mutilating friend." The latter smirked in response.

"I wouldn't be talking. You look like you came from California."

"Yes, but the ladies obviously prefer me over you." Pause. "It's good to see you again."

"Likewise."

The others in the room sweat dropped at them. The others came soon enough, Jou being last. He explained to them that he had forgot his shoes, which made them send him bizarre looks. As they walked to school, Anzu fell back by Malik.

"Hi."

"...Hi," he answered, eyeing her a bit warily. Why was she being so nice? Of course, he didn't mind.

"Hey, Anzu," Honda spoke up, coming up beside her. "You shouldn't be talking to strangers like him. They could be dangerous."

"(oO) What are you talking about, you buffoon?" Malik demanded, scowling. "I'm not a stranger."

"Do you hear the way he's talking, Anzu?" Honda asked her, narrowing his eyes at Malik and bringing Anzu close to him protectively. "There's a tone of aggression of danger in his voice."

"(-.-) I'm really going to sound aggressive and dangerous in a split second, you pointy-headed freak." Honda gasped.

"You see, Anzu? He's resorted to violence!"

"(o.o) Honda, I think you should be quiet," Anzu advised. "He hasn't resorted to violence yet, but I think – "

WHAM!

"Oh...dear Lord..." Honda moaned, lying on the ground since Malik had kicked him between his legs. "Wh-what was that for, Malik?"

"Hmmm, let me see...Oh, I know! Because you were being a dumbass?" He looked thoughtful, then nodded. "Yes, that's definitely why I kicked you in the balls."

"That was a little uncalled for, Malik!" Anzu said, helping Honda to his feet.

"Yes, and so was what everything he said." Malik grabbed Honda by the collar. "Never forget my awesome power over you, weakling! Mwahaha!"

WHAM!

"(OO)...Ow." Bakura roared with laughter as Malik huddled down, clutching his balls.

"Serves you right!" Honda snapped, still wincing from pain. "My women will miss me forever if I cannot perform sexual acts!"

"Yeah right. I don't even think you have a sex appeal!" Malik retorted.

WHAM!

"OW! WHAT THE HELL!"

"(OO) Honda!" Anzu screeched. "You didn't have to kick him again!" Honda sniffed derisively, storming ahead to Jou.

"...So," Bakura spoke up. "You take one arm, I take the other?"

"Um, okay," she answered a bit uncertainly, taking one of Malik's arms. He groaned in pain.

"I'm gonna...kill that son of a bitch...when I get the chance to," he moaned, wincing.

"Yeah, yeah," Bakura muttered. "I don't blame you. I'll even help. Maybe I'll steal his lunch money."

"Uh..." Anzu sweat dropped, thinking, That is SO elementary...

X

Ironically, first period was History and Yami, Bakura, and Malik ended up getting that class together. Even more coincidentally, they were seated by each other. The teacher handed out books and because he was an extreme tight-ass and very strict, he had them start reading the first chapter, which was on Egypt.

"Hey..." Yami murmured, frowning at the pages after reading it for a long while. "Why am I not mentioned in this?"

"Why am I not mentioned in this?" Bakura demanded, frowning.

"Why aren't the Millennium Items mentioned in this?" Malik asked himself, blinking. Luckily, the pain from his manhood had subsided so he wasn't wincing any longer.

"This is an outrage!"

"It is!" Both Malik and Yami agreed. The three stood up and the students, along with the teacher looked at them.

"Hey, you!" Bakura pointed a finger at the teacher, who raised an eyebrow.

"My name is Mr. Rosewood," the teacher informed him coldly. "Now all three of you sit down."

"Screw that!" Bakura snapped. "This book is out of date!"

"Excuse me?"

"This book is out of date! Where are the Millennium Items? Where is the great Thief Lord, Akifra? And where is the stupid Pharaoh Atemu?" Yami paled at having his real name said, but didn't protest.

"What are you talking about?" Mr. Rosewood asked.

"This guy isn't worthy to be a history teacher!" Malik declared and the students gawked at the three. It was only the first day of school and already this was happening?

"We should boot his ass out of here!" Bakura said.

"He should be bowing at the almighty power of the Pharaoh!" Yami proclaimed. The other two blinked at him, then shrugged.

"Sit down or you're getting detention," the teacher hissed.

"Why don't you sit your ass down or you're getting detention?" Malik snapped, wondering inwardly, What's detention?

"Sit down, Ishtar, and stop swearing in class. You too, Mutou and Ryou."

"Why don't you go outside and play Hide and Go Fuck Yourself?" Bakura suggested, frowning at him. The class gasped, staring from the three Egyptians to the teacher, who looked livid.

"THAT'S IT! YOU'RE GETTING THE 'PAIL TREATMENT'!" The class gasped again and some said, "Oh no!" A girl even screamed in fright.

"(-o.o-) The 'Pail Treatment'?" The three repeated. Mr. Rosewood smirked in response.

(Moments later)

"Okay...This is bullshit," Bakura told the other two as they stood outside the classroom in the hall, holding two buckets full of water.

"Yeah, no kidding," Yami muttered. "This is almost as bad as the five cuts!"

"My arms...feel like they're going to fall off," Malik whined.

"Hey, you guys!" Anzu chirped, coming down the hall with another girl. "(o.o) You guys got the 'Pail Treatment' on the first day?"

"Whoa..." The other girl murmured. "Those guys are hot."

"(-.-)...Ahem. What did you guys do?"

"Those history books," Malik gasped out, "didn't have anything on the Millennium Items and crap, so we told the teacher it was out of date and he started jumping at our throats."

"Well, of course they're not going to have something like that. People probably thought it was a myth or something, so they didn't put it in there!"

"WELL IT ISN'T A MYTH!" Yami bellowed

"(o.o) Geez, Yami. I know that. I mean, I've experienced enough Shadow Games for a lifetime. Not only that, I was turned into my favorite card, Malik possessed my body, Pegasus read my mind, I've been in the Millennium Puzzle, and I've been in Ancient Egypt. So, trust me, I know that you were once Pharaoh, I know Bakura was once a great thief, I know Kaiba was once a hotshot priest, and I know that the Millennium Items exist. I mean, come on! With Ryou and Yuugi going into puberty constantly and then changing back, I think I'd get the idea."

"Um...Thank you...Anzu...for pointing all of that out."

"Should've done something to her when I was in her body," Malik muttered under his breath so nobody could hear. Then he moaned, "Dammit, these buckets are so heavy! This is torture!"

"For once, I agree with you, surfer boy from hell," Yami said. Malik blinked at the insult and turned to him, glaring.

"What was that?"

"YOU HEARD ME!"

"WHY DON'T YOU SAY THAT TO MY FACE!"

"Hey – " Bakura began when they charged at each other, but it was too late. Water went sloshing everywhere. "RA DAMMIT, YOU TWO!" He roared. "I'M FUCKIN' WET NOW!"

"Uh...Let's go," Anzu hastily said to her companion, who nodded in agreement.

X

Lunch came quickly enough and thankfully, the three Egyptians had dried off by that time. With a sigh, Bakura slumped next to Ryou, Malik following. Yami drifted over to Yuugi, sulking.

"So, how is your day going so far?" Ryou chirped, beaming at him.

"(--) Don't ask," Malik and Bakura mumbled. Something suddenly dawned on Malik.

"Damn!" He swore. "I forgot to get money from Isis for lunch!"

"HA!" Bakura smirked at him. "I didn't." He turned to Ryou, saying, "I need money for lunch."

(anime fall)

"Um, Malik?" Anzu questioned shyly.

He sighed, glowering at the table and muttering, "What?"

"If you want, I can buy you lunch. I have enough money." He blinked, looking up.

"Really?"

"Anzu!" Honda, Jou, and Yami complained.

"Yeah," Anzu answered, ignoring her friends' agonized pleas. "Come on, I'll go get you something."

"Hey! Hey! Ishtar, will you wait up for me?" Bakura called, following. Unfortunately, there was a banana peel on the ground and he slid on it, colliding into Malik, who had just filled his tray up, who collided into Anzu. The trays flew up into the air and fell on the three and they fell in a heap on the floor. The cafeteria burst into laughter while the three sat there, covered in food.

"...Bakura..." Malik growled.

"(o.o) Uh...It's not my fault. There was a banana peel on the floor and I slipped."

"DAMN RIGHT YOU SLIPPED! YOU SLIPPED AND SLAMMED INTO ME!"

"Hey!" Anzu protested, wiping food from her head. "Don't forget me! You two aren't the only ones who are suffering here!"

"Yeah?" Both sneered. "Well you didn't get the worst of it!"

"SO?" She snapped, seething. The three then started to glare at each other, before it erupted into a dust fight.

"Dink we should stop 'em?" Jou asked his companions.

"...Well..." Yuugi rubbed the back of his head nervously. "I don't want to get in the middle of it, so, um...No."

"(sweat drop) Okay den."

Eventually, the three stopped fighting and they left to get themselves cleaned up. They ended up having to spend the rest of the day in their gym clothes.

X

"Dang," Jou remarked at the end of the day. "It's raining!" He sighed. "Okay..." He turned to his friends. "I'll see ya guys tomorrow. I gotta run home. If I'm lucky, I won't get wet."

"Um..." They glanced at each other, but didn't voice their doubts. As Jou started off into the rain, Honda ran after him, calling, "Wait, Jounouchi! I wanna see your sister!"

(sweat drop)

"Well, it's time to leave this evil, sinister, Shadow Realm-like place," Yami told Yuugi, glaring at the school. Yuugi sweat dropped.

"Um, right...Okay. See you later!" He waved to his friends and he and Yami headed off with Bakura and Ryou following...with Bakura shoving Ryou ahead. Malik and Anzu watched as Ryou dropped into a mud puddle and started throwing a fit. Bakura dragged Ryou away and the two sweat dropped.

"Isis is going to pay for this," Malik muttered bitterly. Anzu laughed nervously.

"Well, you'll get used to it eventually, Malik."

"(-.-) Yeah...Eventually."

Fin!

X

DIS: Well, I know there was absolutely no romance and not even an appearance of Kaiba, but hey! – it was kind of funny, wasn't it? Right?...Right? (gulp) Please review on your way out and tell me what you thought of it! Ciao!