Ok guys, so I got some very nice reviews on "Sparkling eyes" so far, and since I feel like my english has improved a lot since I started this, I decided to rework this. So here is basically "Sparkling Eyes 2.0". Have fun and please tell me what you think!
Nothing has been the same since New York, you experience these things and suddenly, everything changes.
I can't sleep, and when I do, I have those nightmares.
I see him fall, his body heading towards the ground way too far beneath him to survive, even his enhanced body wouldn't survive a fall from the Stark Tower.
His eyes are still sparkling, but now with fear and tears.
Some minutes before we had just been joking around in my living room, but the my blue-eyed super soldier tripped over some of my tech stuff that was lying around.
His body cut easily through the window, well, through the wall made of glass.
I built this thing to make the world a bit better after all I did to it when I was still inventing weapons. But now my tower, its height, means the death of the man I love most.
The dream first takes me to heaven, shows me Steve and myself as an actual couple, as perfect as we could be together, and then it shows me how easily this all would end. The dream comes back every night. And every night I wake up again, still seeing him falling, and I just lie there in my bed, crying for the love I will probably never be able to live. For it's terrible ending I have to experience every night.
I tried drowning my mind in alcohol to stop the dream from coming back, it never worked. It just makes the other Avengers think they have to take care of me, have to change me or know about my every little problem. I start drinking in the morning, trying to drown the pain. If I pass out somewhere on the floor it's Steve who carries me to my bed most times. He sits beside my bed, and when I wake up from my nightmare, I see him, the man I just saw fall, die. He sees me crying over his death and I can't tell him that it's because of him. He tries to get me to talk about my problems, tell him.
But how could I tell him about this?
He was born and raised in a time where men were not allowed to love other men. He would probably react like he would have back then, he'd be disgusted and would never talk to me again if I told him I am in love with him. I couldn't take that. So I just shut my mouth and spend my night crying because of the nightmare and my days drinking because I want its first part to be real. But we couldn't be, never. Not only that he is from a different time, but we are Captain America and Iron Man, there is to much publicity around us. And we are kind of working together so it would be awkward for the others to watch us, see us as a couple. As much as I'd love to see us as more than the friends we are, I know it will probably never happen.