Disclaimer: "The Big Bang Theory" belongs to Warner Brothers.

Authors of Agreement: Your father (Dr. Sheldon Cooper) and your mother (Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler)

Purpose of Agreement: To familiarize you with the rules you must abide by while living under our roof.

Section 1: Name calling

A. The male parent should be called only by the following terms: Dad, Daddy, or Father.

B. The female parent should be called only by the following terms: Mom, Mommy or Mother.

Section 2: Noise making

A. Noise is not to be made by you, the child, between the hours of 10 P.M. and 6 A.M., except in the following situations:

or illness

2. A life-threatening situation exists such as a fire, tornado, hurricane, earthquake, flood, war, alien invasion, or zombie apocalypse.

B. The hours in which you are not permitted to make noise are subject to change. If such a change occurs, you will be notified a minimum of 90 minutes before the change takes effect.

Section 3: Food and beverages

A. Alcoholic beverages are not to be ingested, purchased, or handled by you under our roof or anywhere else in the known universe until your 21st birthday.

B. Food and beverages must be ingested by you in meals a minimum of three times per day.

C. A minimum of 64 fluid ounces of water must be ingested by you each day.

D. A minimum of five servings of fruits and vegetables must be ingested by you each day.

Section 4: Use Of Electronic Devices

A. You will not be permitted to watch, own, or operate a television set, to play, watch, own or operate a video game console (handheld or connected to a television set), or use, watch, own or operate a computer (desktop, laptop or tablet) until your sixth birthday.

B. When watching television, you will be restricted to the following programs: Jeopardy, Wheel Of Fortune, Nova, and Nature.

C. When using a computer, you will be restricted to the following programs: Microsoft Word, Microsoft Excel, Calculator, Paint, Microsoft Access, Adobe Photoshop, 3DS Max, Chessmaster: Grandmaster, and Cities: Skylines.

D. When saving data on the computer's hard drive, your files should not exceed 33.333% of the total hard drive space.

E. If you wish to watch other television programs not listed above or use other computer programs not listed above, please ask your mother and/or father beforehand. Please be advised that asking permission beforehand in no way, shape or form guarantees an affirmative response.

F. You will not be permitted to own, operate or possess a smartphone or cellphone until your eighteenth birthday.

G. You will not be permitted to own, operate or possess a still/video camera until your sixth birthday. Here are our rules for using a still/video camera:

1. Do not take pictures or video of yourself or anyone else naked.

2. Do not take pictures or video of anyone who is asleep or unconscious.

3. Do not take pictures or video of anyone in a public or private restroom, locker room, bathtub or shower.

4. Do not take pictures or video where prohibited by signage or authority figures, regardless of whether said authority figures are humans, robots, or a combination thereof.

H. When listening to music on the radio, do not play said music at a volume level that causes structural vibration. This rule applies to all other electronic devices.

Section 5: Practical Jokes

1. Don't pull them on anyone, anywhere, at any time, for any reason.

Section 6: Cigarettes and Drugs

1. Avoid situations and people where they may be offered by any and all means necessary.

2. If offered cigarettes or drugs, Just Say No and leave the area in an extraordinary fashion.

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