A/N – How fantastic was the Funeral episode? Some of my favourite performances of the entire season, including Amber/Mercedes absolutely KILLING one of my all time favourite songs Try a Little Tenderness.
So I have a major exam in 8 days and should absolutely NOT be writing this. But the idea came to me as soon as I watched the funeral scene and I just had to get it written down.
Mercedes consulted the mirror yet again. She'd been swapping outfits for over an hour. She had finally settled on a white-flowered church dress with a deep pink cardigan. Kurt had told her the idea behind the funeral – a celebration of the joy and imagination of Jean Sylvester's life – but she didn't know if Coach Sylvester would expect her to wear black.
She had worn yellow to her grandfather's funeral when she was a little girl. He used to call her sunshine. But the last thing she wanted to do today was offend anyone.
This would have to do though because she had to leave. She had spent so long fretting that she was already too late to help set up.
She left the house, climbed into her car and decided to spend a quiet moment in the driveway trying to find a peace that would get her through the day. The strength to support Sue and to keep an eye on her boy Kurt. Today was probably going to be tough for him too.
She was still sat quietly with her head bowed when her phone sounded a message. Shoot, she would have to remember to turn it off before getting to the service.
Wheezy. U left yet? Need a ride. S
It was from Santana. Mercedes didn't want the Latina diva disturbing her newly acquired peace and she briefly considered ignoring the message or replying that she had already left. But she knew that she lived closest to Santana and was most likely her last option if Santana had resorted to texting Mercedes. So she pulled out of the driveway and drove the 4 blocks to the Lopez house.
When she reached the house Santana was already stood by the kerb. She had obviously chosen the black option and Mercedes was a little surprised that Santana hadn't picked anything a little bit tighter, a bit shorter. Instead, she stood soberly in a modest dress, low heels.
As soon as the car came to a stop Santana climbed in, buckled up and sat straight, looking ahead. Nothing like a 'hello', 'thank you', not even a catty insult. Was this still about the solo performance competition? They both knew Jesse was pushing for Rachel to win anyway. Mercedes didn't see why Santana would have a problem with her.
"Isn't that your car?" Mercedes motioned to the red Mustang sat in the Lopez drive. Santana looked at it blankly for a few seconds.
"It's broken." She stared back out in front.
Mercedes opened her mouth to say something else, maybe get some kind of explanation but she changed her mind. She was supposed to be being calm.
They drove to the funeral in total silence. It felt wrong to have the radio on and Mercedes could tell Santana didn't want to chat. She had given up trying to understand Santana's mood swings a long time ago.
They arrived five minutes before it was due to start and they could see people making their way into the building. Mercedes took her keys and was about to get out of the car when she felt Santana's hand violently grab her right hand and squeeze it tight.
Mercedes turned to look at her, completely surprised. She saw Santana still sat with a straight back, knees together, one hand still in her lap. She was still looking straight ahead but now Mercedes could see her eyes were glassy with unshed tears. She didn't know what to do – what to say. So she closed her mouth and continued to look at the side of Santana's head.
The air and the tension in the car had just settled when Santana suddenly wrenched her hand away and practically threw herself from the car, marching off towards the entrance at speed. Mercedes carefully got out and followed Santana's receding from. Her pace must have slowed though because they reached the front door at roughly the same time. Santana was staring at the door like she didn't know how to operate it. Mercedes leaned across her and pulled the door open, briefly finding Santana's hand and risking a quick squeeze as she stood back and let her walk in.
The room was full but the two girls found space on the second row near the rest of glee club. Mercedes had hoped she might be able to sit with Sam but now she realised that whatever was going on with Santana, Mercedes should probably sit with her.
Kurt and Finn had done a great job organising the funeral and the front area looked lovely. Colourful, just like in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, it didn't take away from the solemn occasion and instead added bittersweetness. It was hard to imagine that this happy woman had been Coach Sylvester's sister but the way Sue had been acting since Jean's death made it obvious how close they had been.
Mercedes looked out the corner of her eye trying to see how Santana was doing sat next to her. Instead, she noticed Brittany sat on the end of the row in front, turned around, trying to get Santana's attention. She was smiling and pointing to the toadstools at the front. For anyone else it might seem inappropriate to be grinning so much at a funeral but Brittany was exactly the right person to appreciate the joy of Jean's life. Santana remained like a statue, facing forward - just like in the car - ignoring Brittany. Mercedes gave a quick smile at Britt and this seemed to satisfy her.
As Brittany turned back around, Mercedes felt both of Santana's hands scramble for her wrist. She gave her hand willingly this time and looked down at how white Santana's knuckles had turned at the strength of her grip. Her nails were digging into Mercedes palm. She simply squeezed back.
There was a gentle murmur of people talking, waiting for the service to start, so Mercedes took the opportunity to bow her head and speak in a low voice.
"God, help all of us grieving here today find peace. Amen."
"Amen."
Mercedes was heartbroken to hear Santana's voice. It was quiet and scared and so very very small.
Kurt and Finn both stood as Mr Shue escorted Sue into the service. Mercedes shuffled a little and moved so the pair's joined hands were on the seat between them, guessing that even in her current state Santana didn't want to be seen holding her hand.
The vice like grip continued until they got up to sing. It had been hard listening to Coach Sylvester get so choked up and it made Mercedes extra nervous when she came to sing. She got through it well enough though and was glad to see Santana join in.
'There is no life I know, to compare with pure imagination.
Living there you'll be free, if you truly wish to be.'
They were stood side by side.
The look on Sue's face as she said thank you to the glee club made Mercedes so grateful that Finn had insisted they do this. He had been right. This was what their glee club was about. Jesse would never understand that.
When the service was finished they filed past Sue murmuring their respects, just nodding in Santana's case. Mercedes knew there was some kind of plan to all go and get ice cream together. She loved the idea of sitting close to Sam, pressed together in a booth, privately grabbing a few moments together on this difficult day, even when surrounded by their unsuspecting friends. One look at Santana, stood back from the group, still emotionlessly staring ahead, was all she needed to change her mind. She hugged Kurt, making sure he was all right, before saying she had to get home and that she was Santana's ride. The group shared some sad smiles and then the two girls made their way back to the car.
As the car doors closed, they were once again in silence. This time though Mercedes was comfortable with staying quiet. She started the drive back home, leaving her hand in between the two seats in case it was needed again. Santana kept her hands folded in her lap, looking out of the window this time. Mercedes left her hand where it was.
She drove a long route home. Taking the quiet roads and driving to the edge of town where the roads were surrounded by tall pine trees, then wide-open spaces, before travelling up to the crest of a hill where you could see all of Lima stretched out in front.
The car eventually wound its way back to Lima Heights Adjacent and Mercedes once again stopped outside the Lopez house. She put the car in park and sat in the quiet waiting for a sign of what to do next. Her hand was still between the seats.
After a few minutes Santana moved her head. They still hadn't directly looked at each other in the almost 3 hours since Mercedes had picked her up. She still wasn't looking at Mercedes but she could see her eyes were slightly more focused than before.
"My cousin. Diego."
Mercedes eyes fluttered closed and she threw a prayer up for Santana and her family.
Upon realising there was nothing further coming from Santana, Mercedes decided to say something.
"My pastor is always asking to meet more people from glee club, so you're always welcome to come to my church if you ever want to pray on something. Or, you know, I can always give you a ride any time your car is playing up."
Santana blinked a few times and Mercedes thought she saw the smallest nod of her head. She smiled, hoping Santana would see it out of the corner of her eye.
With that Santana slipped from the car and made her way back to the house. Mercedes waited for her to reach the door. She saw Santana turn before she went inside and it looked like those tears had finally started falling.
Diego. It was a nice name. Mercedes couldn't help but be curious as to what had happened. She didn't know anything about Santana's family. In fact, for all Santana's talk, she rarely actually revealed anything about herself.
They weren't close but they had been in Cheerios together and had been in glee together for almost two years. When they had done a duet earlier in the year, plus singing together at prom, they had actually had fun working on the song together. They shared classes, a school bus route and with something happening between Mercedes and Sam; it seemed they soon would have shared a boyfriend too. But Santana remained a closed book.
She tried to picture Santana the little girl, playing with her cousin. Was she tough back then? Getting into scraps with the boys? Or had she been softer once? Did her family get to see a side of herself she kept so well hidden from everyone at school?
Constantly on the defensive. Sniping at everyone before they could say something to her first. Only using rude nicknames instead of people's names, in case she was called out of her own. Claiming to dislike everyone around her, yet so often seemingly without close friends of her own to turn to.
Mercedes was quiet at her family's evening meal. Her parents were happily chatting away, eagerly anticipating her brother's return home for summer. The funeral had left her drained. How did Santana manage it? Always staying so closed off. Keeping a tight lid on every emotion, any pain pushed away.
It must be so hard.
Message from Santana, received 1:03am
Thank you Mercedes. Sx