Harry Potter Goes to America
Harry Potter sat up. He looked stupidly around to take in his surroundings, in which he cleverly deduced that it wasn't London anymore. He wished Toto was with him. Though he wasn't quite sure who Toto was. As he looked around he saw that he appeared to be in a giant store, with lots of random looking people in it, and many odd objects to go with them. He looked behind him and saw a creepy sign with a giant smiley face which promised that 20 off will be given to those who purchase two tubes of toothpaste. Harry concluded that this could only be one store: Wal-Mart. MEGA Wal-Mart. He blinked stupidly (he does that a lot) and screamed. AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
The people surrounding him gave him odd looks, and one particularly fat lady told him to "Shuddup! And get off the floor!!" She pointed to the creepy sign. "You better get out of the way…the hungry shoppers are coming to claim their toothpaste." Harry obeyed and got off the floor. "Phantom…San… Sirius? Where are you guys??!! HELP!!" He backed up into a display of My Little Ponies and cowered. The creepy pink one started to sing. "I love you!! I love you!!" Harry immediately thought that the pony was possessed by Voldemort. Flipping around, he pointed his wand at it and shouted "Crucio!" The Pony burst into flames, resulting in cries of fear from more than one innocent child. "MOMMY! HE KILLED THE PONIES!!! THE MEAN BOY KILLED THE PONIES!!" Harry took a bow. "No need to thank me, good people. I know, I know…" The Moms muttered something about lawyers, and Harry decided there was no danger here. At least not yet.
Harry took a left down one aisle, and found himself surrounded by pictures of a pirate. Actually, a pirate was standing looking at a picture of a pirate that had the same hat as himself. How vain.
"I look hot and sexy, don't I," he whispered to a Pony Mom walking by. The mom immediately covered her child's ears. "Watch your language." And stalked off to find the Pony Killer. The pirate huffed, and continued flipping through the posters. Of himself. And Hannah Montana. Harry walked up to him and stared at Hannah.
"She's perdy!" Harry sighed. The pirate gave him an odd look, and looked him over.
"Aye, boy, what's with the stick?" "It's my wand!" Harry stupidly replied. The pirate nodded. "Huh. Ya don't say…" The pirate whipped out his cutlass and pointed it at Harry. "Aye, you're too ugly for human eyes. Also, I will get a reward for killing the Pony Slayer."
"EEEEKKK!! What? No!!! The Ponies were possessed by Voldemort!! They were trying to fool me into hugging them and then they would spray me with poison gas!!!" Harry covered his face and began to cry. "What in the name of Davy Jones are you talking about, fool?" The pirate looked confused and angry, and then his face softened as he thought of something. "Aye, don't cry boy…" He patted Harry on the back. He thought that if he followed Harry around, he would be able to obtain the Stick of Wonders.
"Really? Thank you sir… I'm Harry Potter."
"I'm Captain Jack Sparrow and I will follow you around like a stalker to get that stick…I mean…er…" Captain Sparrow looked down at Harry, who blabbering something about the Phantom. Captain Sparrow then burst out… "The Phantom, you say? I know of a Phantom who resides here at this very Wal-Mart. Shall I take you there?"
Harry gave Sparrow a giant hug, which made Sparrow flinch in horror. "Argh! Pirates-don't-HUG!" "Sorry," Harry whined. Sparrow nodded cautiously, in case Harry decided to attack him again. "Before we go, I must take you to the section in this store that issues restraining orders."
Harry, however, had already taken off down the wrong aisle singing loudly.
Ch2. The Phantom Returns! (Very Angry)
"Take that!" A masked man in the toy aisle was currently interrogating a Barbie. "Now, for the last time, tell me where Raoul is, or I will kill Ken!"
"Didn't you hear? Barbie and Ken broke up months ago…" Said a rough voice. The Phantom turned, but then all sight was lost due to a little boy smashing a giant hug onto him. "OH! PHANTOM!!" "We meet again," the Phantom stiffly replied. Sparrow peeled Harry off Phantom, and gave him a Ken doll to play with.
"'Ello, mate! 'M names Captain Jack Sparrow, and this belongs to you, no?" Referencing Harry. "Well," the Phantom looked uneasy. "I wouldn't say that it belongs to me…" Both talking about Harry as if he was an object. "Hm…" Jack said.
The Phantom looked at Harry. "Where did you poof to? I needed you right when Raoul brought out the combs!"
Harry gave Phantom baby eyes. "I couldn't help it Phantom! You knocked me out!"
"Oh yeah…"
The Captain was looking curiously at the other two, but was quickly distracted by a sale for Barbie clothing.
Harry jumped up. "So? Did you defeat Raoul? And rescue Christine? Where are the others?"
"If I knew that," the Phantom's face was turning red, "THEN WHY WOULD I BE HERE INTERROGATING THIS BARBIE?!?!?"
"Yeah…" Muttered Sparrow, "Why are you interrogating Barbie's?"
"BECAUSE RAOUL HAS CLONEEEEESSSSS!!!"
"What?"
"CLONES!"
Harry screamed and fainted. As usual.
Chapter 3. The Attack of the Clones
Harry finally came to after his little 'episode'. By then, the two men had already come up with a vague idea. Jack had offered to gather whatever recruits he could find. And the Phantom was going to tap into the security system to see whether he could get a GPS on Raoul's current location, including that of his Clones and Christine, Simba, "Sirius" and San. "What can I do to help?" Asked Harry. Both men looked at each other uneasily. "You could come with me…" The Captain said slowly, in case Harry decided to attack him. Actually, in aisle 3, he found a box of sedatives to use for later. You can get anything at Wal-mart…always low prices. Always.
"Yippee!"
"Do you mean "Yatta?" asked a sad voice. The three turned around to see, standing at the face of the aisle, a sad and emo-looking man, with black hair falling into his hazel eyes. His hands were in his pockets, making him seem shorter than he was. The Phantom in a flash began to run up to him, and the Captain screamed "CHARGE!" and threw out his cutlass. But then, before they were even ten feet from the man, both were thrown back as if they had run into an invisible force field.
The Phantom landed onto his belly with a sound like metal hitting metal because of his large six-pack, and Sparrow knocked into Harry who screamed "CRUCIO!"
The spell narrowly missed Sparrow's hat, and was about to hit the man when that spell flew back like the Phantom and Captain had.
"Eek!" And Harry ducked as the spell hit the Barbie's… in front of a Pony Mom…
Through the flames, the Pony Mom yelled "It's the Pony Killer! Get him! He's got the Barbie's!"
"C'mon! This way!" The Phantom scooped up Harry, following Jack, who was following the emo-boy. The emo-boy weaved in and out of aisles, the Pony-Mom screams echoing, but becoming fainter.
As they turned into the comic-book aisle, the Pony-Mom shouts stopped. All three who had been running stooped over to catch their breath, Phantom dumping Harry into a stack of Spider-Man's.
"Oh! I remember Spider-Man! Do you think Raoul's still has him as his slave?"
"I-don't-know-shut-up," Phantom moaned, leaning against a pillar.
Jack, used to this chase more than the others, turned to the emo-looking-man.
"Thanks for that mate, how'd you know the Pony-Moms wouldn't come here?"
The man shrugged. "Most Moms wouldn't want their little girls exposed to this kind of violence…"
Even now, Harry was reading how Spider-Man punched the Green Goblin into infinity.
"True, true…"
Jack stood up tall. "Aye, m' names Captain Jack Sparrow, an' this is my friend Phantom, an' that little idiots Harry Potter, the wanted Pony-Barbie-Killer."
Harry smiled and waved innocently. The man smirked. "Nice to meet you…I'm Peter Petrelli."
Harry perked up. "Oh! Your names like a superhero! Are you a superhero?"
Peter shrugged again. "Kinda, I have abilities if that's what your asking."
The Phantom gave him a cold look through the mask. "Is that how you managed to stop us killing you?"
"Yeah. I can do telekinesis, can't get hurt, turn invisible, read minds, fly, explode…"
His face collapsed into that sad look again. He looked up to see everyone staring at him.
"What?"
"Aye, your almost as good as the boy…actually better, since he doesn't seem to have a clue what he's doing…" Harry was busy singing the Spider-Man theme.
"Great," the Phantom said, "You can help us rescue Christine and kill Raoul's clones!"
Peter perked up. "Hey! That reminds me! I've been seeing these suspicious-looking people all day, and they all look alike!"
The Phantom's eyes widened. "WHERE? TELL ME!!!!!" Peter took a step back.
"Okay, okay! They're near the CDs, listening to some band…"
But then, before Peter had then chance to continue, three people stood at the aisle, all three with gorgeous, volumized hair.
"Yeah, they looked like that!"
"WehavecometodestroythePhantomandHarryPotterfearusnow." The clones said in a monotone.
Harry jumped up and fished out his wand. "NOT SO FAST, CLONES! I AM SUPER-HARRY!"
Harry, without a second thought, threw himself into the air, made the rocker symbol with his hand, and waited for the web to come. He fell to the floor with a plop.
Sparrow muttered to himself, and took out his cutlass.
The motley crew ran towards the CD section, which was currently blasting a very annoying song by Hilary Duff. "WHAT is the unseemly noise that is entering my ears!?!" roared the Phantom.
"Aye," Sparrow nodded. "Hey, boy," he nudged Harry. "Lend me that stick of yours and I'll blast it!" Harry quivered with fear, but then suddenly remembered his identity. "I HARRY POTTER WILL NEVER SURRENDER MY WAND!" With that, he ran blindly away from The Captain straight into a medium height boy in a bright orange jumpsuit. "Where the heck do you think you're doing, dattebayo?" Harry looked up to face an angry blonde boy. "Sorry," Harry stammered, remembering whatever manners he had left. "I didn't mean to."
The blonde boy looked sadly at the CDs. "It's OK, it's just that..." "What is it, we don't got all day." Sparrow pointed his cutlass at the boy's throat.
"Hey! Watch where you're pointing that strangely shaped kunai! If I had my chakra and jutsu powers, I'd blow you further than the outskirts of Konoha!"
"Konoha?"
"My hometown...I AM NARUTO UZUMAKI AND I WILL BE HOKAGE SOME DAY!!!" There was a brief silence. "I think he's even louder than Harry." Whispered the Phantom to Sparrow and Peter. Naruto grinned a huge, fox-like grin. "Have you guys seen a man with amazingly volumized hair around here? You see he took something of mine."
"Well, what is it?" Asked the Phantom.
"My Kage Bunshin no Jutsu... meaning, my shadow clone powers."
The Phantom leaned in closer. "How would you like to join us on a mission to find...HIM?" Naruto grinned. "Will you help me find Sasuke too?" The Phantom paused briefly. "Yeah, sure, whatever."
"IT'S A DEAL!"
They shook hands. The little motley group turned around. Some other music had stopped the hideous Hilary from singing. Standing there were two people, a man and woman, both dressed in three single colors; red, black, and white. They both had black hair (the man's being longish). The girl was drumming a primitive beat, matching the shrieking strings of the guitar the man was playing while he sang;
"Yahheee!!!
Icky Thump!!!
Who'da Thunk?
Sittin' drunk on a wagon to Mexico?"
Peter stood on tiptoe to look over the heads of the people. "Hey, I know this band! They're the Black Stripes or something…" Naruto rolled his eyes, "They're the RED Stripes, you idiot!" Peter stared at him. "They're the Black Stripes. For sure."
"Red Stripes!"
"Black Stripes!"
"RED!"
"BLACK!"
"YELLOW!" shrieked Harry. The Phantom growled. "DO YOU SEE ANY YELLOW ON THEM?"
Harry giggled. "Nooo!" "Why don't we go ask them ourselves if you three are going to argue about it!" spat Captain Sparrow. Peter, Naruto, and Harry sped off to where they were performing. "Ohh, I hate my life…" muttered Phantom.
Peter, Naruto, and Harry were shoving each other, hands raised, vying for the band's attention. "Excuse us!" The Phantom said politely. The band members peered down at the odd group. Just their luck, there was no band name on the drum, only a giant peppermint. "Could you please tell us your band name?"
Peter roared above the others, "IT'S THE BLACK" "-RED!" "-YELLOW!"
The man laughed, the girl smiled. "Um, hey," he said, "I'm Jack White, this is my sis Meg White, and you all have it wrong! We're the White Stripes."
The three stopped arguing. "Whoops." "Yeah, whoops!" The Phantom growled sarcastically. Harry began to cry. He had lost his glasses in the struggle, and now everything looked like the Burger King Mascot. Jack looked appalled, but Meg stood, picked up Harry's glasses, and put them on for him. Harry smiled beneath the tears, while Captain Sparrow looked shocked. "Hey, Phantom," he whispered, "Ask them to come along. The girl seems to actually tolerate Harry." The Phantom nodded in agreement. The only one on the last trip that tolerated Harry was San, but obviously she was captured.
"Excuse me, Mr. White?" "Call me Jack." The Phantom explained in a minute flat their situation. Jack pondered this while plucking a few strings of the guitar.
"So this Raoul guy's got your girl, friends, and self-cloning powers?" The group nodded. "And is planning to rule the world with his clones?" Nod. "And launch a fast-food chain with a mascot scarier than Burger Kings?" Double nod. Jack looked at Meg, who shrugged and smiled.
"What does that mean?" Harry asked.
"Means yep, we'll come along." "YATTA!" Harry ran up and hugged them both, Jack with his traumatized expression and Meg patting his head in attempt to get him off.