Author's Note:
OKAY! Hello all, this is Raven T. speaking! I hope you enjoy this little one-shot I've created! This is for a contest that BitterSweetCrimson is hosting, for her Naruto story called Scrumdidileeumptious! Well, no matter if I win or not, I hope this made you all smile, smirk, laugh, and/or crack-up! BitterSweetCrimson, once you read this, I hope you enjoy it too! All right, let's get this show on the road! Whoo!
Disclaimer:
Man, I've got a lot of things to say I don't own now… well, here we go!
1. I don't own Naruto.
2. I don't own Scrumdidileeumptious or any ideas associated with it.
3. I don't own Soul Eater.
4. I don't own any kind of convention, anime or not.
5. I don't own Vic Mignogna or Chuck Huber.
6. I don't own any quotes that I may put in here from any Abridged shows.
7. I don't own Sharpie
8. I DON'T OWN ANYTHING EXCEPT MY IDEAS AND OC'S, OKAY?
Okay, now I'm done, and you crummy lawyers have all succeeded in making me feel miserable. Thanks… Also, all of you who are reading this are now extremely interested in what the heck I'm doing with this story, because of this disclaimer, aren't ya? Then keep readin'!
Scrumdidileeumptious Contest One-Shot:
Dopplegangers, Paradoxes, and A Whole Bunch of Other Random Crap
(Friday the 13th, 3:46 a.m.)
"Itachi! Itachi!" Sakura stage-whispered, so as to not wake the nine other males in the room, who were currently conked out, tired from the days events. Itachi, being the light sleeper he was, woke up immediately, only to glare at the pink-haired teen who stood hovering above him, though the effect of the glare was marred by the sleep clouding his eyes.
"What is it?" Itachi stage-whispered back, deciding to just get whatever it was she was bothering him for -(IN THREE FREAKING FORTY-SIX IN THE MORNING!)- over with, so he could go back to blissful oblivion.
"I was watching Soul Eater on your laptop -(which has another virus, by the way)- and this ad popped up on the screen about an anime convention this weekend! There's going to be a Soul Eater panel there with Vic Mignogna and Chuck Huber!" Sakura whispered excitedly, (purposefully mumbling the thing about the virus under hear breath so as not to anger the Uchiha, which would cause her mental and/or physical harm), and her breath washed over the drowsy Uchiha. He was momentarily lost in her sent, cherry blossoms in the spring, before registering what Sakura had said. Due to his drowsy state, he still hadn't took notice of what she had said about the virus.
"…you woke me up at three-fifty a.m. to tell me that an ad interrupted your episode?" he asked, disbelief and sleep evident in his voice, with a heavy dose of irritation and frustration to boot.
"No! I woke you up at three-fifty a.m. because Chuck Huber, the voice of Stein, is coming here and I'll be able to get an AUTOGRAPH! And if you're the wonderful and smexy Itachi Uchiha that I know you are, you'll let me dress you up in Soul Eater cosplay and take you to the convention, along with everyone else too!" Sakura batted her eyelashes and gave her best puppy dog eyes to the drowsy Uchiha.
Now, normally, that probably wouldn't have worked, but considering the fact that Itachi was half-asleep, it was now four o'clock in the morning, and Sakura was looking quite tempting right then, Itachi mumbled his agreement.
Ecstatic, Sakura leant down and gave the raven a quick peck on the lips, before rushing back over to the laptop, leaving a disappointed Uchiha to his grumbling.
Right before sleep overtook him, Itachi had one coherent though flitter through his jumbled mind.
'Wait…did she say something about ANOTHER virus…?'
(Saturday the 14th, 1:04 p.m.)
"Sakura…! Remind me again why I'm dressed like this?" shouted an angry Sasori.
"Hehehehehehe~ W-well, this is an anime convention, so you're supposed to wear cosplay, right?" replied Sakura timidly from her place behind Kisame.
Um…quick recap anybody?
Okay, so, after the little episode at 3 a.m. on Friday, Sakura had all the guys go shopping with her to pick out their cosplay outfits. How, nobody knows, but Sakura managed to get everyone to try on clothes without them even knowing what they were wearing.
Once they were done, they got set up in a hotel close to the convention site, and bought their passes.
After a little goofing off and some poolside fun -in a pool that they were actually allowed in-, they went back to their room for some shut-eye.
Nobody really knew how she'd gotten them to actually agree to go, but at the promise of Sakura wearing something "special", they followed blindly with hearts in their eyes and drool dripping from their chins.
Maybe they did know how she got them there…
Saturday morning, Sakura woke up bright and early, got dressed in her "outfit" and somehow, again, got everyone dressed, out the door, and into the convention without anyone seeing their own clothes.
Well, that is, until now.
"That's not what I meant! I meant, why am I dressed as that WOMANIZER from that crummy anime you watch? "Soul Sucker" or something?" cried the agitated red-head. He was currently dressed up as Spirit, Maka Albarn's father who was, as the teen had just stated, a womanizer.
"No, what you should be answering, is why I am dressed as that flower girl who's partnered with that arrogant blue-haired kid, un!" howled the blue-eyed pyromaniac (1). Except, now, his usually blonde hair was dyed black, to mimic that of Tsubaki's, the female weapon to Black Star.
The other members of the group were silent as they watched the two rage over their current attire, completely at ease with their own clothes.
Itachi was wearing a floor length black cloak, bulky white gloves that were cubic and oddly proportioned to the rest of his body, and a big, white skull mask to hide his face, thereby representing Lord Death. He was fine with his outfit because it covered his entire body, therefore, no one would be able to tell it was him behind the mask.
Hidan was dressed with a headband, jacket, and a baggy pair of pants, so as to signify Soul "Eater" Evans. He liked his cosplay just fine because it wasn't really weird or outstandingly flashy, plus his mobility wasn't impaired and it was rather comfortable to wear. He didn't even need red contacts or white hair dye/a wig!
Zetsu was dressed as Death the Kid, sporting a Kid's famous suit and tie, along with the three traditional white stripes on the left side of his hair. This was Sakura's little inside joke, seeing as Zetsu was half tan and half pale, which would make the real Death the Kid pass out.
Tobi, much to Sakura's enjoyment, was dressed as Marie, the blonde, eye-patch wearing Death Scythe for Lord Death. The reason he was dressed as the female weapon? Because he's Mr. Pirate, of course!
Kisame was dressed as Stein. Sakura was both ecstatic and depressed at this development when she chose the costumes. She had tried getting Pein, Konan, and Kakuzu to come with them, but all three had something going on, so she had been left without anyone to be the perfect Stein for her. Kakuzu was her main choice, seeing as he had stitch tattoos all over his body, but to no avail. Sakura was forced to get the wash-off, fake tattoos and put them on Kisame, then paint his natural blue skin to a more grayish color, to mimic Stein's.
Kisame was given Stein-like glasses, stitched up clothes, a white lab coat, and a hair band that had a giant screw attached to it, so when put on his head, made it look like the screw was stuck through his head. Kisame didn't seem to mind his outfit. Actually, he seemed to really like and enjoy it, seeing as he got to dress up and "become someone different."
Sakura was just glad she had a Stein that looked good.
Sasori and Deidara continued to rant about their cosplay -Deidara in particular, seeing as he was the one dressed as a girl…and a buxom one at that-, but Sakura was no longer listening, as she was slowly drifting toward the doors which were about to house the Soul Eater panel with Chuck and Vic.
Before she could reach the door, however, the power went out, and when it flickered back on, she was grabbed from behind and swiftly turned around, bringing her face to face with none other than…
…Naruto?
'Wait, what?'
'What the heck is Naruto doing here? And why's he dressed like that?'
While Inner Sakura mused in her head about how unusually dressed Naruto was, Sakura stood stock-still, eyes wide in surprise at her hyperactive friend.
"N-Naruto? What are you doing here?" she stuttered, still in slight shock at his sudden and confusing appearance.
"Sakura-chan! Why are you over here? And why aren't you dressed like normal?" exclaimed the blonde-haired knucklehead, tilting his head to the side in confusion, making him look adorably innocent at the moment. Endearing even.
But that's beside the point.
Sakura, stared back up at him with equal confusion. "Why am I dressed weird? I'm dressed like normal, I didn't even cosplay!" she said, gesturing to her casual wear of jeans and a t-shirt. Sure, it wasn't cosplay, or even something cute, but she was here to enjoy herself, not to get all dressed up in something odd and uncomfortable!
'You know, that might be one of the reasons Deidara and Sasori are so mad…'
'Shush, I'm busy being confused right now.'
"And besides, you're wearing something really weird yourself. Are you cosplaying as some…weird, Halloween ninja thing?" asked the confused pinkette as she looked incredulously at the orange and black jumpsuit Naruto was currently wearing.
He grinned that big, eye-closing grin of his, before laughing at her question.
"Haha, ah, Sakura-chan, you're too funny! You know this is the outfit Jiraiya gave to me on my three year travels! Anyway, let's get going! Everybody's waiting!" cried the hyperactive blonde as he grabbed Sakura's hand and pulled her along with him towards Kami-sama knows where.
"W-wait! Naruto! Where are we g- AAAAH!" screamed the sea foam green-eyed teen as she was suddenly being carried bridal-style in Naruto's arms. But that wasn't what made her scream.
No, she screamed when he suddenly launched into the air and started jumping from the beams hanging from the ceiling!
And she continued to scream, more shrill and high-pitched with each jump they did.
Finally, much to Naruto's relief, she went silent as they landed, and she was placed lightly on her feet.
Naruto wasn't even prepared for the fist that connected with his face but a moment later.
'Man, what a whimp! Down with one punch? Che…loser'
Satisfied, Sakura walked off with her head held high, away from the unconscious teen crumpled on the floor.
'Now where are the guys…? Ah, forget them! I've gotta get to the panel! I'm coming Stein~!'
'Uh…you're not even going to wonder how Naruto was able to jump to the ceiling and practically fly through the air with you in his arms, not to mention that GHASTLY jumpsuit he had on? And what's that about it being a gift from Jiraiya? Jiraiya the janitor? And by who was he referring to as "everybody" when he said we'd better get going cause they were waiting? And why in the world is he adding suffixes to the end of your name? What in the world's going o-'
'~!'
Inner Sakura gave up trying to reason with the Stein obsessed girl, mumbling something about crazed fangirls and ignorant pinkettes.
Sakura dashed through the throngs of people bustling from kiosk to kiosk to buy their anime goods and memorabilia. She pushed, shoved, and elbowed her way through the crowds, desperately trying to find the way back to her friends, to the PANEL!
And just as she was about to lose hope her last shred of hope, she spotted them.
The double doors with a plain, white sign taped onto it with the words "Panel in Progress" written with black Sharpie marker in big, blocky letters.
'I MADE IT!'
With renewed vigor, the fiesty blossom swiftly weaved her way towards the doors, a fire in her eyes and a spring in her step. Well, actually, it was more like a lunge considering she was barreling through people -and running some over in the process, not that she cared right now, since she was in rabid fangirl mode- trying desperately to get to those double doors, as if they held the answer to the world, the universe, and everything (2)!
Soon enough, Sakura burst from the crowd, and made a mad dash for the double doors. They were just in sight, her fingers millimeters from the handle, when suddenly…
"Hey! Who are you? And why do you look just like me? Are you a spy? A shadow clone? I don't remember making any clones yet…"
…and once again, Sakura was grabbed by the shoulders and swiftly turned around to face…
…Sakura?
'Hey! She looks just like you! …do you have a twin that you've never told me about? You meanie! I'm not talking to you anymore!'
'One- I don't have a twin. Two- you're me, wouldn't you know if I had a twin? And three-…WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON HERE?'
"…um…why do you have my face?" asked Sakura…er, number one.
"What do you mean? This is my face! Why do you have mine?" cried Sakura number two in a high-pitched screech.
'Do I sound like that when I scream?'
'Honey, when you scream, you yell with dignity and respect. That right there that she just pulled off? That's called screeching, only done by really annoying and killable characters in anime…trust me, you wouldn't EVER do that.'
"Okay, listen here. First, get your hands off me before I break them off and beat you with them. Two, who the heck do you think you are? I've just met you, and I already wish I hadn't. The only way you could make me dislike you anymore, is if you liked Sasuke, of all people-"
"Sasuke? Ohmygosh, where? Have you seen him? Oh, I haven't seen him for a couple hours, oh, I miss him so much~!" cried Sakura number two, effectively cutting Sakura number one off, thereby, effectively ticking Sakura number one the heck off.
'Oh, that's it.'
Smack!
And that's all it took for fake(3)Sakura to fall, flat on her face and crumpled on the ground, unconscious, just like Naruto.
"I don't know what's going on, but there's no way that was me. Not even a semblance of her was at ALL like me, in ANY way, got me?" screamed Sakura, forgetting she said this out loud instead of inside her head, at Inner Sakura, like she had planned.
Before Sakura could notice all the strange stares directed at her from the surrounding cosplayers, the lights went out again, before flickering back on once more.
"Dang, what's wrong with these lights? They've blacked out once before, right? Right before Naruto grabbed me-WHERE THE HECK DID SHE GO?" cried Sakura, shocked at what she saw. Ah, well, more like, the lack of what she saw.
Fake Sakura's body was gone. Vanished, like she'd never even been there to begin with.
Sakura, confused, decided to search for her look-alike. She didn't want something that looked like her to go around. She didn't want people to think that was her going around acting all weird.
She was about to walk down one of the aisles, when something caught her attention from her peripheral vision. Shrugging, she decided to follow the little blur, thinking nothing could go wrong.
After following the blur for about ten minutes, Sakura started to hear some familiar voices….
"There, there, Deidara-san! Y-you don't look any less manly dressed like that!" came a familiar, yet still unfamiliar voice to her left.
'Where have I heard that voice before…'
"So, what you're saying is, I was girly even before I was forced into this female drag, un?" cried Deidara's easily identifiable voice, from the same direction as the first. "You're so cruel, Tsubaki-chan, un!"
'Whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait a second! Did he just say "Tsubaki"?'
'No, I believe he said "Tsubaki-chaaa~aan"…'
'Not what I meant…though now that you mention it, that does irk me….'
Turning the corner and finally looking to her left, Sakura saw a sight she thought would never, could never happen.
There on the ground, crouched in the fetal position, was Deidara, who was crying over his unmanly appearance. Standing above him, was Tsubaki…from Soul Eater!
A little farther to her right, she could see Sasori and…Spirit…hitting on every girl that walked past them, the both of them grinning lecherously.
To her far left was Itachi, Lord Death, Tobi, Marie, Hidan, and Soul, all having a conversation.
'Odd…why are Itachi, Tobi, and Hidan having a "conversation"? That's way too weird…'
'Really? That's what you find odd in this situation?'
To he far right, she saw the unconscious form of Death the Kid, laying in a crumpled heap at the feet of Zetsu, who was arguing with himself over what to do with him, all the while, a fountain of blood gushed out of Kid's nose.
'D-did Zetsu say something about eating him?'
'Girl, forget that! Look over there! Look who Kisame's talking to!'
Sakura turned in slow-motion, flipping around instantly to see…
…Stein…talking with Kisame…
"I'd love to dissect you and figure out why your skin has a blue pigment, and why your hair is naturally blue…ehehehehehe…" asked Stein, who was looking rather manic.
'It's the lighting.'
'Yeah, I'm sure that's what it is…'
"STEEEEEEEEEEEE~IIIINNNNNN~!" cried Sakura, as she ran for the mad scientist.
Right when she got near him, ready to pounce, the lights went out.
"Sakura….Sakura…wake up…let go…y-you're scaring me, un!…" came a voice, fading in and out, like a radio on the wrong frequency.
And suddenly, Sakura woke up.
Looking around, she could see the laptop's light glow emanating from the screen, shining brightly in the darkness of the room. On the table, by the laptop, were five empty cans of Monster, and a small puddle of drool by the computer, indicating she had fallen asleep there…and drooled.
Slowly, she let her eyes wander the room. From what she could see, everyone was still asleep, except Deidara, who she was currently latched onto, like a koala to a tree.
"Mmm~…no more Monster before bed…" she mumbled sleepily, already dozing off.
She watched as the screen of the computer displayed the website she always went on to watch Soul Eater, on Itachi's laptop.
Suddenly, a laughing bald man popped up on the screen with the message "you've just been pwnd…AGAIN!"
Author's Note:
Okay, so I hope you all enjoyed that! Was it funny? Did ya get it? Hope ya did! Please leave a review! If you have any questions, or thought I didn't explain anything well (which I probably did…), please either tell me in a review or PM me, kay? Thanky!
(1)- If ya don't know, Tsubaki's name means some type of flower, so Deidara calls her flower girl, since he doesn't know her name.
(2)- The answer to the world, universe, and everything? It's "42". Really. I Googled it, so it must be true!
(3)- Those parts where the text got bolded and slanted? That's when Inner Sakura incerts her own thoughts into the story, even though the third person omnipotent point of view is talking.
Well, that's it! BitterSweetCrimson, I hope you enjoyed this story, and I hope I win! Haha, but of course I do, though I probably won't…oh well, all that matters is…I ACTUALLY COMPLETED THIS ONE-SHOT WITHOUT STOPPING AND NOT FINISHING IT! WHOO-HOO! Whew, I earned my Klondike bar…WHICH I DO NOT OWN! ^_^
Sincerely, Raven T. ^_^