A/N: How original is this?
I was BORED. To the extreme. & I had writers block for 1SB. & no sleep. ...This SHOULD get better as I go on... X.x
Disclaimer: I OWN DEATH NOTE! :DDDDDD *swarmed by lawyers* x_x fine. I don't own Death Note. But I own... ALL WMG COPYRIGHTS! =:D *swarmed again*
***EDIT: I'm editing all the chapters ._.
& thanks to Tawny~ For helping meh~ ...Just a little. Not that much. XD***
How to Annoy- Light Yagami
[1. (The obvious) Call him Lightbulb ImAGay.]
"Hey~ Hey Lightbulb ImAGay~" Falcon grinned, doing her very best to have the most annoying voice ever. More annoying than Misa's.
"What the? That's not my name..."
"Yes it is~"
"No..."
"LIIIIIGHTBULB~ IIIIIIMAGAYYYYY~"
"..."
[2. Repeat in front of his family, especually Sayu.]
"Hey Lightbulb I'mAGay~"
"Why are you having dinner with us."
"Liiiiiiiiiiiiiiightbulb~" this time it was Sayu that sang the awful nickname.
"IiiiiiiiiiimAGayyyyyyyyyy~" Falcon sang with her.
Whyyyyyyyyyyy? Light groaned inwardly. "How do you know who I am, anyways?"
"YOU KILLED L YOU BASTARD D:=" Falcon accused.
"You did what?" Soichiro asked, glaring down at Light in a 'You are so grounded' kinda way.
"Lightbulb~ :3"
[3. Continuously remind Misa that L and Light were handcuffed together for an extended period of time.]
"Hey Misa..." Falcon began, careful not to let the urge to punch the idol in the face take over, because no one was in the mood for another 'Falcon PAUNCH!' joke. "Did you ever notice... That L and Light were handcuffed... For a LONG, LONG TIME?"
"Yeah! MisaMisa thinks that L is gay!"
Ahhhhhh annoying voiceeeeee... "And... During that time... it is assumed that they had to sleep together... in the same bed... TOGETHER..."
Misa froze. "They... Slept... Together..." the blonde's face contorted with anger. "LIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!"
[4. Then show her LxLight fanfictions. Sit back and watch.]
"Wait! I need to show you something first!" Falcon ran to a computer, dragging Misa along with her. Must... Wash... Hand... Infected... "Here. Read this."
Misa scanned the webpage. FanFiction?
Being too stupid to check the title, Misa began reading. Her face became red and she started crying. "UWAHHHHH? NO! LIGHT WOULD NEV- THIS ISN'T- ...ew... BUT THERE'S NO WAY LIGHT- AND L- LIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT-KUNNNNNNNNNNN!"
[5. Introduce Light to said fanfictions. Videotape his reaction.]
Falcon had to bit her lip to keep from making a trollface. Sooo muchhh funnn...
"Misa, what are you-" his eyes had already drifted to the monitor.
'The little god captured the detective's mouth with his own, their tongues doing fierce battle. Their hatred for each other showing in each ones fight to dominate the other. Hands found their way under his shirt, while his own were occupied with the older man's belt. Their disdain had twisted into an angry lust. Lips bruised and swollen, Light moved down the detective's body...'
"WHAT THE-" the prodigy's face became red, and he screamed in terror.
Falcon smirked. Victory... AND TIME TO WASH THE TOXIN OFF MY HAND!
[6. Ask him how long it takes him to do his hair.]
"Hey~ Hey Light~"
"Yes?" Light asked, managing to play polite.
"How long does it take you to do your hair~?"
"...That's none of your business."
[7. Ask what shampoo and/or conditioner he uses. Repeatedly.]
"Then what shampoo do you use? Conditioner?"
"Why do you care?"
[8. Ask him if he realizes he's adopted.]
"You do realize that you're adopted, right?"
"What? Where'd you get that idea? It's preposterous."
[9. When he informs you that that's 'preposterous', provide him with the following proof-
a. He looks nothing like his family.
b. He lives in Japan, he speaks in English, he write in Japanese, the death note is in English, and... Oh yeah, Ryuk is fuckin' ugly. (lol, random abridged series reference.)
c. He's 50x as smart as everyone else in the family, COMBINED.
d. Ask him whether he'd rather be adopted or ImAGay.
Let him think about it.]
"Welllllllll~ Have you ever noticed that you look NOTHING like the rest of your family?"
"So? Lots of people don't resemble their parents. For all you know I'm a spitting image of my grandfather."
"If your grandparents never appear in the series, they're probably dead."
"...GRANDPA?"
"PLUSSSSSSS You live in Japan, you speak English, you write in Japanese, the death note is in English, aaaaaaaand Ryuk is fucking ugly."
"What does that have to do with me being adopted? ...And how do you know what Ryuk looks like? ...AND HOW DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH THE REST OF IT?"
"AAAAAAAAAAND YOUR 50 TIMES AS SMART AS YOUR PARENTS AND SISTER, COMBINED~"
"Is that a compliment?"
"WOULD YOU RATHER BE ADOPTED OR IMAGAY?"
"... ... ...
Screw you, 'Dad'."
[10. Also inform him that he's Canadian.]
"Oh, and BTW, you're Canadian."
"...Is it too late to go back?"
"No."
"So I can change it?"
"Meaning, no, you're still Canadian."
Light hung his head sorrowfully in sorrowed sorrowy shame and sorrow.
[11. Give Misa caffiene. Sit back & LOL.]
"Hey Misa~ Want some coffee?"
"MisaMisa's never had that before..."
Falcon's eyes sparkled with an idea. "Really? Wanna try some?"
"Sure! MisaMisa loves trying new things!"
Falcon grinned demonically as she offered the mug to Misa.
"Ew... This is nast-" the idol was interrupted as she took another sip, as if automatically. "This is... What the..." the girl began jittering, and her voice became more and more annoying and sing-song-y.
Suddenly she started running around in circles. "WHOOOOO LIIIIIIIGHT~ LIIIIIIIGHT-KUNNNNNN I WANNNAAAAAAA TALKKKKKK TO YOUUUUU~~~"
[12. Introduce both Light and Misa to deviantART.
Anime/Manga category.
You know what to put in the search box.]
Falcon grinned. "Hey! Light! Misa! I need you to see something!" She stepped away from the computer as Light glanced over and Misa came running from the couch.
"Oh my..."
"UWAHHHHH!"
[13. Ask him how long it took him to memorize the lyrics of "Sexyback". It's obvious he sings it to himself in the shower.]
"Hey Liiiiiightbulbbbbb~"
"What."
"How long did it take you to memories 'Sexyback'?"
"What?"
"You sing it. In the shower. I know you do."
"...I've never even heard the so-"
"YOU DO!"
"..."
[14. Tell him you know he's Kira. When he yet again informs you that that is 'preposterous', steal the notebook & show it to him. You could also just use a cosplay notebook.]
"Hey Lightbulb~"
"What now."
"Hey ImAGay~"
"..."
"Hey Kira~"
"WHAT?"
Falcon made an epic troll face.
"Shit..."
"It's okay, I knew anyways."
"...How?"
"Because you are."
"But I'm not."
"Then why did you answer?"
"I answered in caps. It meant that I was shocked at you saying such a thing."
"Then why did you say 'shit' afterwards?"
"Go to Hell."
"Kira~"
"Please."
"Kiiiiiraaaaa~"
"Seriously."
"You're Kiiiiiiiiiiraaaaaaaaaa~"
"That's preposterous."
"I have proof."
"Oh really?"
Falcon casually held up the cosplay notebook she had stolen from her friend who had gotten it off E-bay.
Immediately Light's eyes widened, then narrowed again.
"That's not a real death note."
"Confession~"
"No. L and I know of their existence. So does the rest of the investigation team."
"Whatever. I still have proof."
"Oh really."
This time Falcon held up Light's death note.
"WHAT THE-"
[15. Tell Misa Light wants to see her... in the bedroom... immediately.]
"Hey Misa~"
"What?"
"Light told me to tell you that he wants to see you... IN THE BEDROOM~ Like, RIGHT NOW!"
The blonde gasped. "Liiiiiiiiiiight-kunnnnnnnnnnn~ I knew this day would come~!"
[16. Tell Takada and Mikami the same.
Set up cameras!]
Thinking fast, Falcon dialed her phone. "Hello Takada."
"Who is this? Why do you have my number and how were you able to get through the filters?"
Falcon ignored her questions. The lady was a whore, she didn't deserve to know of her awesomeness.
Wait.
Yes she did.
"With mah awesomenessssssss~"
". . ."
"Anyway Light wants to see you in his bedroom ASAP."
Too blinded by the Light (I'm so punny) to even notice how ridiculously obvious it was that it was a trap, Takada set her eyes to glitter mode. "I'll be sure to be there."
Falcon hung up at the exact second that Takada did and began dialing a new number. "Herro? :3"
"This is Teru Mikami, may I ask who is speaking?"
"I know who you are."
"...May I ask who is speaking?"
"No."
"..."
"Light Yagami Kira-kun wants to see you in his bedroom, right now. I trust that you can locate him yourself."
"G-God?"
"Yes, Light, Kira, God, DirtyAssBastard, whatever." Falcon answered with a sarcastic ring to her voice though Mikami had already hung up. Time for the final stage of the plan...
Hurriedly the young girl set up a camera in the corner so she could see most anything that happened, then ran out of the room, taking her position by the computer monitor the next room over.
Misa got there first, which made sense, and then Mikami arrived, and after him was Takada.
"What the..." Mikami began, but he was cut off when Misa and Takada began to bitchfight.
Mikami turned to leave when he realized the door had an automatic lock on it, and that he had no key. "Help... Me..."
[17. Repeat the "I'll take a potato chip... AND EAT IT!" line... repeatedly. Every day. ...Unless he pulls out the death note... then you should stop.]
"I'll take a potato chip... AND EAT IT!"
"I'll take this chip... AND EAT IT!"
"I'll take this potato chip... AND OMNOMNOMNOM!"
"Watashi wa potetochippu o toru yo... SORE O TABERU!"
"YA vozʹmukartofelʹnyh chipsov... I sʺestʹ yego!"
"Ich nehme einen Kartoffelchip... Und essen!"
"Esto no tiene nada que ver con... las papas fritas!"
"Vezmu si po-"
Light growled. This girl was SERIOUSLY getting on his nerves.
Glancing at his watch, he pulled the reset button three times and-
"NO! Wait! I'll stop!"
Light smirked. This time he had won.
[18. Make fun of him for wearing that one pink shirt he wore in that one episode.]
"Hey~ Hey Lightbulb~"
"What NOW?"
"You know that one baby pink shirt you wore in that one episode looked really GAY, right?"
"I don't know what you're talking about."
[19. When he denies it's existence, search his closet until you find it.]
Falcon sighed. Into the closet...
"Here!" she announced, proudly holding up the pink shirt of gayness.
"...YOU SEARCHED MY CLOSET?"
[20. Give Misa and L heroin/crack/weed/alcohol. 'Nuff said.]
"WHOOOOOOOO~"
"LIGHT-KUNNNNN~ MISAMISA LOVES YO-PIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE OMK PIEEEEEE~"
"PIEEEEEEE? YAYYYYYY PIEEEEEEEEE~"
"OMFK LOOOOOOOOK LIGHT THERE'S A MONKEYYYYYYY~"
"PIEEEEEEEE~"
"PIEEEEEEEE~"
"PIEEEEEEEE~"
For the love of me...
Next up is... L!