~Hellsing: Reflection~
~Yumie x Anderson~
Yumie ran as fast as she could down the hallways of the orphanage she grew up in, ignoring the small voice of her 'sister' in her head as she headed towards her private prayer room.
It had been 6 years since she'd come here and upon arriving on her tenth birthday, she found an abandoned closet which wasn't in use for anything and created her own small sanctuary.
As she fell into the room and shut the door behind her, she steadied her breathing and gazed around her, trying to distract and calm herself.
It had been hard for her to make friends and everyone of the kids, even after being told to behave, were not that nice. Although altogether good children, they still found it hard to except someone like her. She was too different. She'd just overheard yet another conversation about her, behind her back, only this time, something she could never forget.
'What a freak. She's not even that pretty. I'm sure Father Anderson only stays with her because he knows it's Godswill to take in the outcasts. She's only a nuisance to him.'
That was what she had heard.
That was what had sent her running from the school playground and straight into her prayer room.
Her prayer room was small, with a tiny little wooden table, set up with beautifully crafted statues and crucifixes. There was a statue of the virgin mary stood on it, with both hands chipped off and the paint running, but she didn't care. She still found it her treasure.
Then there was a mirror she had found.
With painted roses along the edges and a beautiful poem, it had been thrown out because there was a long crack running down the middle.
Yumie always gazed at herself in it though, with candlelight surrounding her, and she found herself slightly pleasant to look out.
But not now.
She stepped forward and looked at herself in the mirror.
Yumiko's voice couldn't be heard over her own malicious thoughts.
'He's right. You're not pretty. How could anyone like you make him happy? You really are just a nuisance. An abomination.'
"I hate you." She whispered into the mirror at her own reflection.
'Yumie no!' Yumiko called from within, but it was too late. Yumie had already hurled her fist straight into the mirror, letting her knuckles grind in harder as the glass exploded and the shards flew out everywhere.
Silence filled the room as the small tinkling of the shards of mirror settled on the floor and Yumie just looked down at them, still seeing her face all around her, distorted in the glass.
As Yumie gazed into the shattered mirror on the floor around her, her knees finally gave out. Collapsing on them and falling onto the palms of her hands, she didn't care if she cut herself.
The tears came pouring out of her eyes and she sobbed uncontrollably.
"Why?" A faint whisper came from a sob as she stared at her own self in a shard of glass.
"Why?" Slightly louder came the plea as she raised her head towards the altar before her, gazing at the relics that sat there.
"WHY?! WHY ME?! WHY CAN'T I BE NORMAL?!" She stumbled up on her feet and threw herself forward, hellbent on destroying what she had spent so many years creating.
She felt herself abruptly stopped halfway, her body no longer descending downwards and forwards as intended, instead hanging between. Firm arms had clasped around her waist and it took her a full three seconds before she began thrashing about the place, old memories of her past resurfacing.
"NO, NO, NO! LET ME GO! I DON'T WANT TO! NEVER AGAIN! NOT AGAIN!" She cried, using all the strength she could in her 16 year old body to try to get this rather large assailant off her.
"Shhh, calm yourself." A firm, familiar voice called to her and it was only Yumiko that managed to recognise it.
'Yumie! It's Father! Calm yourself, he's here with us!' Yumiko mentally grabbed Yumie out of the terrible, suffocating memories of the past which haunted their joint nightmares.
Yumie stilled her body and breathed mentally, realising she her eyes were over-flowing with tears and her nose was running.
Moreso, she noticed how Anderson held her body aloft, so her feet weren't touching the ground, but he was gentle as he rocked her back and forth.
"Yumie?" Anderson asked as he felt her go still. It wasn't until he felt her body slightly tremor did he stop rocking and lowered her body gently so she was standing on her own.
Almost reluctantly, he took his arms away and allowed her to stand on her own, her back to him and her head and shoulders slumped forward.
"I'm sorry."
He barely heard it. It was so tiny and hoarse and sad, but he just managed to hear Yumie's voice around the room.
"Sorry? For wha'? Yumie," he placed a hand on her shoulder and carefully guided her body around to face him, "what's wrong."
She was fully facing him now, but wasn't looking up at him. He smiled at her shyness and very carefully, used his gloved hands to part her hair out of her face and then cupped her cheeks and lifted them up to face him. He frowned at her sullen expression, tear tracks down her eyes and all life and happiness gone from them.
"Yumie? What's wrong?" He asked her and tenderly stroked her face with the pad of his thumb.
"I....I'm a nuisance. I'm nothing but trouble." She sobbed and sucked in a steady breath to stop herself from crying anew.
"Wha'? Nooooo, don't be silly girl. Wha' made ye' believe that?" Alex smiled at her and for some reason, didn't question why his hands still held her face, the feeling so right.
"I...I heard the boys outside. They were saying I'm a nuisance and-" Anderson touched her lips with his finger and shushed her.
"Now, you know not to listen to those boys. Boys...we don't know how to talk to girls and the way they express themselves well...it just means they like ye'." He squinted a little at her, trying to recall from his previous experiences at a certain young age.
"No! Father I know they mean it. I'm a nuisance!" She pushed her arms up and out, pulling out of his comforting embrace, "I'm trouble! I'm useless and I'm ugly! I'm...I'm...I can't...uh huh!" She began sobbing again, hiding her face in her hands, too ashamed to face him.
She choked on sobs and heard him take in a deep breath, breath she felt his hands on hers. She gasped as he prised her hands apart and clearly felt his hands now gloveless.
His hands moved to her cheeks again and he pulled her closed as he stepped closer.
"Yumie...never, ever, be ashamed of your appearance," Anderson tilted her face up towards him and looked her dead in the eye, "you're so beautiful."
Yumie felt more hot tears well up in her eyes and spill out, but she didn't care. She smiled so brightly up at Father Anderson, feeling as though he had just given her something precious.
Slowly, achingly slowly, he leant forward and pressed a soft kiss between her nose and eye.
She closed her eyes and clung onto his upper arms, just enjoying the feeling.
He pulled back slightly, planting another quick kiss to her cheek and then at the corner of her lips.
"Yumie." He whispered, pulling back again, this time, his lips hovering dangerously close to hers.
She opened her eyes slightly, another tear rolling down her cheek and finally stopping as it hit his thumb.
He lowered his lips to hers, being ever so cautious as his mouth and hers finally connected.
Yumie felt his lips pulse with heat as she finally embraced him.
Her arms worked there way from holding his arms, to wrapping around the back of his neck. He wasn't fierce or passionate as she had expected. She'd always dreamed him taking her with some raw and undeniable urge and passion. But this was different. He was being so gentle with her. She felt like a precious treasure in his arms.
As they pulled back slightly, Yumie let out a small, calm sigh, suddenly feeling exhausted from all that crying.
Anderson carefully turned her around and made her look towards the mirror frame, were a small amount still clung onto the wood, a painted rose still seen.
"Look at yourself," he whispered over her shoulder, moving her hair out of her face, "you're beautiful face. You. Yumie and Yumiko share a beautiful body. And I've always loved it. I've always loved the person within such a shell. Never listen to what others tell you. Only me. I say, you are beautiful. My little nun. My sweet girls."
Yumie had never seen herself before.
Not this way.
She saw a face, which although not extravagant or normal, was beautiful. With her hair slightly tangled, her cheeks red and her eyes puffy from crying, she saw the girl Anderson was talking about.
She turned back to face him, throwing her arms around his neck and lifting herself up to meet his oncoming lips with her own.
"So beautiful." He whispered just as he captured her lips yet again, holding her close to him.
Look at me,
You may think you see
Who I really am,
But you'll never know me.
Everyday,
it's as if I play
A part.
Now I see,
If I wear a mask,
I can fool the world,
but I cannot fool my heart.
Who is that girl I see?
Staring straight,
Back at me.
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
I am now,
In a world
Where I have to hide in my heart,
and what I believe in.
But somehow,
I will show the world what's inside my heart,
And be loved for who I am.
Who is that girl I see,
staring straight
back at me?
Why is my reflection someone I don't know?
Must I pretend that I'm
someone else
for all time.
When will my reflection show,
who I am inside?
There's a heart that must be free
to fly
That burns with a need to know
the reason why
Why must we all conceal
What we think
How we feel?
Must there be
a secret me
I'm forced to hide
I won't pretend that I'm
someone else
for all time.
When will my reflection show
who I am inside?
When will my reflection show
who I am inside?