these silly little wounds will never mend.
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I remember the way you made me so mad.
The way I could never get anywhere with you because you were always EVERYWHERE, taunting me with your eyes. Your beautiful blue eyes.
You drove me out of my mind.
And I was straight up crazy for you.
I was head over fucking heels.
And I loved it.
And you loved the power it gave you.
You had so much power over me and you didn't even know it.
I was so naive.
I must have been the most naïve girl you ever played with.
I must have had the weakest heart you ever played with.
That day, in the Great Hall.. Lunch seemed to drag on. So I got up, and I made my way to a lavatory, the closest one.
I was sure enough to walk slowly.
This was going to take longer than I thought it would.
It was going to hurt so much worse than I thought it would.
I reached the lavatory door; I was slow to pull it open.
I was quick to pick my stall.
Third from the right.
It seemed trustworthy.
The only thing that ever would.
I hesitated at first.
Deep breath.
Exhale.
Deep breath.
Exhale.
I needed a relief.
I pulled a razorblade from my bag.
It was tucked away, safe from the world. I wanted to feel that way.
Safe from the world. Safe from you.
Another deep breath.
Another exhale.
I laugh to myself. But nothing is funny. Not even my naivete.
I take it. I look, it gleams.
I can't even find myself.
I lost myself somewhere on the walk to the lavatory.
I push the razorblade to my arm.
Not too hard.
Not hard enough.
It bleeds.
Another time.
I push so hard.
So hard.
So hard.
My heart is beating so hard.
So fast.
So hard.
So fast.
Everything goes red.
Everything is a blur.
I can't even move. I look down. I can't even see. I pull my sleeve down.
Unlock.
Sink.
Water.
I look down, my vision finally coming back into focus. My sleeve. Drenched. My only clean white shirt, not anymore…
My arm.
Oh my god.
Oh my god.
Oh my god.
I need to stop. I need to stop. I need. To stop.
I clean. But I'm not clean.
I feel so empty.
I feel so far gone.
I walk.
I walk.
I walk.
Forever it seems like. And finally I'm back where I need to be.
Safe from that place. But never safe from you.
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A/N: Mkay, so this type of writing might me a little different for you guys. I wrote this a long time ago about someone else, but now I've turned it into a fanfic. I hope you enjoy.