Hey there everybody, I'm so happy to finally write something. :D
Well anyway, you guys know Mario Kart 7 for the Nintendo 3DS right? I will be telling you what it's REALLY like in the races. There are 32 chapters of 150cc (one chapter for each race), excluding this chapter plus a bonus chapter. This is the introduction chapter where we meet the racers and stuffz, BUT what I will be changing is the number of players per race, (8 to 16 players). Hooray for planning that has been planned.
-: Character switch.
-: Author will say a few words.
Anyway, LET'S GET DIS SHOW ON DA ROAD! LOL get it?
What it's Really Like In Mario Kart 7
Chapter 1: The Awesome Introduction
It's just a fine day in the Mushroom Kingdom where practically all the racers are from.
Mario, the fat Italian plumber and his psychotic brother Luigi are preparing their karts for the new Mario Kart Races.
"Luuweegee, can you pass the-"Mario stares in disbelief, "W…What did you do to your kart?"
"Oh, now you notice," his brother answered.
"Notice what?"
"Notice what I have done to my kart for the past 3 months."
"….so… you're a scientific guy aren't you?"
"Well… I wouldn't say that…" he answers in a weird voice.
"Then what would you say?"
"PSYCHOTIC!" he says in a very horrifying way as he goes nuts destroying everything in his way.
"Okay…..I'll see you later then…" Mario stared with a major WTF face.
"Peach, hurry up we're going to be late" Daisy yelled out loud.
"Alright, you B!%ch, just let me pick an outfit," Peach yelled out back.
"Well aren't you a bit touchy?"
"I AM NOT TOUCHY! IM GANGSTA B!%CH!" She yelled as she raged her way to her kart in a biker's suit. (O-o)
"….yup, she's touchy alright…." Daisy thought to herself.
"BWAHAHA…" laughed the Koopa King, "New Mario Kart Grand Prix, eh?"
"TROOPS REPORT!" he yelled instantly
Panting down the hallway comes the well-known Koopa Troopa and a Red Shy Guy, "What do you *pant* want your rottenness?" Asked the exhausted, Shy Guy.
"I want you two to join me in a new Mario Kart Grand Prix," Bowser mumbled to them.
"What's in it for us?" Asked to Koopa, who finally caught his breath.
"….Ummmm….." Bowser thought carefully, "free lunches at the cafeteria."
"THANK YOU KING BOWSER, WE ARE SOOOOOOOOOOOOO IN!" they shouted together and skipped off happily.
"…. I gotta get me some troops who won't ask for ANYTHING in return…." Bowser said greedily.
"Princess Peach? Princess? PRINCESS PEACH?" yelled a familiar looking lad, "I can't believe she left me here…." He sobbed.
He suddenly heard a rumbling noise coming from all directions. "Bloody Hell?" he said shocked by the quakes.
"I-I-I-I C-C-C-C-A-A-A-A-N-N-N-N-T-T-T-T S-S-S-S-T-T-T-T-O-O-O-O-P-P-P-P!" yelled Luigi as came around bouncing on his head like a jack-hammer.
"Gack!" yelled Toad as he was flung backwards.
"S-S-S-S-O-O-O-O-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-Y-Y-Y-Y" Luigi managed to yell at him, "I-I-I-I S-S-S-S-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-M-M-M-M T-T-T-T-O-O-O-O B-B-B-B-E-E-E-E UNABLE TO STOP!"
As Luigi bounced off, Toad was laying on the ground in a stunned heap of shrooms, "What….the…..Hell…..was….that?" he managed to say before falling unconscious.
"I still can't believe you forgot Toad…." Daisy said to Peach seriously.
"I still can't believe that you won't SHUT THE #!%& UP!" Peach yelled at her, taking her hands off the wheel, "I swear, I'm going to strangle you until your face is blue!"
"Steering *cough* would be *wheeze* nice…" Daisy managed to say.
Peach looked up and saw that they were heading directly for a cliff.
"Mother F-" is all what Peach got to say before they plunged toward a small lake.
"Ohhh Bees? Where are you guys?" yelled a sweet voice.
"*Buzz* *Buzz* you called your highness?" answered the Chief Bee.
"Yes, as a matter of fact I did" answered the Queen.
"Well, what is it that you want?"
"I would like you to tell all the bees that I have been invited to a Mario Kart Grand Prix, where I can finally show the whole Mushroom Kingdom my awesome driving skittles. I mean skills."
"By awesome driving skills, you mean terrible driving skills?" the Chief asked.
"…Yes, yes I do," The Queen answered.
"Ok, I'll go tell the bees exactly what you said," the chief said awkwardly.
"I wonder where Luuweegee got off to," said the Italian plumber. "Oh well, I guess I'll have to leave without-" he was caught off when he heard a jack-hammering noise getting louder "What is that sound?"
He then saw Luigi going nuts on his head, going in circles.
"M-M-M-M-A-A-A-A-R-R-R-R-I-I-I-I-O-O-O-O H-H-H-H-E-E-E-E-L-L-L-L-P-P-P-P!" Luigi yelled.
Mario grabs his hammer and jumps to his bro's rescue. An epic slow-motion event happened when Mario was about to slam his hammer on Luigi.
"STOP! Hammer Time!" Mario said when he slammed the hammer right between Luigi's legs.
"Mama Mia…." Luigi moaned in a twitching state.
"Your welcome" Mario said afterward.
"Listen Mario, Why did you have to hit me in the nuts?" Luigi asked in pain.
"I hit you there because it's your off switch."
"Oh yeah, right…" Luigi agreed not remembering his nuts as an off switch, "But…NOW I CAN'T HAVE BABIES!"
Luigi got a hammer in the face, "Shut up. You'll be fine." Mario said.
Ok, I honestly think that Luigi is so gullible and stupid that it's funny. Mario is abusive.
"Ler-Hay!" boomed a familiar voice.
"What is it Dunky?" asked Diddy Kong
"Oooh-Hah-Hah-Ler-Oooh! (I've been invited to a new Mario Kart Grand Prix)" Donkey Kong said excitedly.
"Is it surprizing that I can talk and he can't?" Diddy said awkwardly.
"…What does you mean?" Donkey Kong said surprizingly.
"What the Fiddlesticks?" Diddy yelled surprized.
"Yeah… me can talk all da time" Donkey Kong said, "Me only kept it secret… until now."
"Well…this is awkward, talking with Dunky; I'm used to being a translator to other people…" Diddy mumbled to himself. "Well, I wish you good luck in the Mario Kart Grand Prix."
"Yup, good luck to me" DK said as he waved bye to Diddy.
"Hmmmm… knowing that Mario, he will most likely win again…" Bowser mumbled.
"I GOT IT!" Bowser burst out loud, snapping his fingers, "KAMEK get yo lazy ass up here!"
"For the thousandth time I'll tell you, DON'T WAKE ME UP WHEN I'M TAKING MY BEAUTY SLEEP!" Kamek roared at him.
"Ok…." Bowser said disturbed, "Anyway, I need you to take this strand of Mario's hair, and make a clone of him and then make him eat a Metal Mushroom to make him have a permanent metal body."
"Why do I have to do the magic stuff?" Kamek complained.
"That is because I don't show any talents of magic along with all my other troops, you happen to be the only one who can perform magic." Bowser said in a mouthful.
"Ugh, fine" Kamek sighed, "Give me the hair."
As he walked out, Bowser looked out his window, "Soon, the Mushroom Kingdom will be mine…"
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY out in space there laid a space ship sort of thing, where Lumas flew everywhere.
"Is everybody ready?" asked a very sweet voice, "Now say cheeeeeeeeeeese!"
"CHEEEEEEEESE!" everybody yelled.
As the picture was taken for their 69th anniversary of the endless space cruise, Rosalina went over the see the picture where she noticed a note.
"What is this?" she asked when she picked up the checkered coloured note.
"It came in the mail not too long ago," answered the delivery Luma.
"Oh, well that's most fortunate," Rosalina said, "Well, let's see what this note says."
"What does it say?" one of the Lumas asked.
"YIPPEE!" Rosalina said with too much excitement. During this time her dress got ripped off and she never noticed. Every Luma stared with straight faces, trying not to laugh at her. One who conveniently had a camera took a picture of this moment.
When Rosalina calmed down she noticed everyone staring at her, "What are you guys looking at?" Every Luma, with their stubby arms, pointed at the floor where her dress laid, while staring at her.
She looked over to where they were pointing and her face turn red, "Well… who wants to do it with me?" she asked, "I still got the time."
Everyone yelled, "HELL YEAH!," and raced over to her.
If you think Rosalina is #!%&ing 69 then you're #!%&ing wrong! Details will be told later.
In a grassy field there was Yoshi and a very pissed off Wiggler.
"C'mon, settle this like a man!" Yoshi said when he got in a battle pose.
"YOU! WON'T! LIVE! TO! SEE! TOMORROW!" Wiggler said, raging his ass off.
"Come at me, Bro!" Yoshi said getting pumped.
After Yoshi said that, Wiggler threw himself at him, trying to tackle him with mighty force but ended up being eaten. "Hey that's no fair!" Wiggler complained from within a stomach.
"You snooze, you lose."
"Shut the hell up! That's an old one."
"Go #!%& yourself."
"I would, but you're already doing it for me."
Yoshi instantly spat him out, "At least I don't rage from someone just poking me on the side."
"Hey back off, I thought you were an evil villainy guy."
"Well, I'm not an evil guy; I'm the nicest and most skilled dinosaur on Yoshi's Island."
"What ARE your skills?"
"Driving, eating a sh!tload of food, playing all kinds of sports, getting betrayed by Mario in some of his games, and I have a great sense of smell."
"Wait wuh, you can drive?"
"Yeah…I've been participating in all of the Mario Kart Grand Prixs."
"All I've done all my life was, being an obstacle in Maple Treeway in Mario Kart Wii, getting stuck in a tree (Mario Kart), getting pwned by Mario, and other stuff."
"No kidding."
"Yeah… it gets very anno-" he was caught off when a checkered note flew into his face.
"… You got something on your face," Yoshi said.
"NO SH!T, DUMBASS!"
"Well? What does it say?" Yoshi asked impatiently.
"OH MAH GAWD!" Wiggler yelled shocked, "We've been invited to a new Mario Kart Grand Prix!"
"Well, it makes sense for me, but why were YOU invited?"
"I dunno, but I think they finally recognized my awesomeness!"
"Do you even know how to drive?"
"Apparently not."
"Well, allow me to teach yo ass some driving skills."
"Hey Pablo!"
"WHAT?" Pablo replied somehow.
"This nice green dinosaur, named Yoshi, is going to teach you how to drive."
"Apparently you forgot that I have no hands!" Pablo said (again somehow).
"By, "yo ass", I didn't really mean your actual ass," Yoshi piped up.
"Ohhh… I don't get it," Wiggler said confused.
"Ugh, I'm gonna teach YOU some driving techniques!" Yoshi said enraged.
"Oh, now I get it."
"Can we please get started?" Yoshi asked.
"Yes, yes we shall," Wiggler said as he followed Yoshi.
"BA-HA-HA-HA," laughed a maniac "I'm getting there first!" He looked over at the clock, it read '2:30pm.' "I might aswell just leave for the races now, I've got nothing else to do."
As he prepared his purple vehicle to leave, Waluigi came through the door, literally.
"Wario! Get yo fat ass here now! This is an emergency!" Waluigi started shaking him, "Don't let them get me!"
"What did you do now?" Wario asked, rolling his eyes.
"I robbed a bank! Again!"
"Where's the money then?"
"I gave it to some loser that I owe money to."
"Then… get your fake moustache."
"Genius."
"Man, I dunno how he's gonna survive the next few months or days without my awesome advice…" Wario thought to himself.
"I'm glad that's done and over with…" Rosalina thought to herself, "Now let's see when the races start."
She reached for the note and read it. "HOLY SH!T!" she yelled, "I'M GOING TO BE LATE!"
She nearly had a major panic attack, almost causing a heart attack. "I SWEAR I'LL NEVER BE SUCH A SLOWPOKE EVER AGAIN!" she yelled as she ran for the teleports, half naked.
And she beamed away, out of sight.
"Oh C'mon, bro!" came a complaint, in a red shell, "I MUST RACE IN THESE STINKEN RACES!"
"Alright fine!" replied the guy in a green shell, "You may flippin' race!"
"Yay!" the red Lakitu squealed, " I don't know how to thank you, bro."
"Share the winnings with me, when you win, even if you don't win you owe me 3,000 coins, meaning the prize money is 6,000 coins in all, will be good enough" the green Lakitu, and the starting guy, replied.
"…Alright, fine" the red Lakitu replied, sighing.
"I must work on this fast…" Kamek said tiredly, "I have already missed half of my beauty sleep."
As he put the strand of hair into the cloning device, he began to make the permanent Metal Mushroom. He placed a bunch of fire-proof metal into the mix, along with some magic potions.
When he finished making the shroom, the cloning device has completed cloning a Mario.
The doors opened dramatically, and he walked out of the chamber, "I am ready…" he said dramatically, "to… kick that Koopa's ass!" the clone said.
Kamek had to forcefully strap the clone to a chair to brainwash him for Bowser's evil doings. He went to grab a hypnoses device out of a cupboard and swung it back and forth in front of the clone.
"You are getting very sleepy…" Kamek said dementedly, "You will do anything that Bowser and I say…" and anything else hypnotic.
"Yes… I will do what you guys say…" the Mario replied.
"Eat this stinken shroom for awesome effects" Kamek ordered after he snapped his fingers.
The clone ate the shroom whole, and started to glow. When the glowing faded, his body has completely changed, thus the beginning of Metal Mario.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH…!" yelled Peach and Daisy, at the top of their lungs, "WHY MUST WE BE FALLING DOWN A CLIFF RIGHT NOW WHEN WE COULD BE RACING DAMMIT?"
"Well, you did strangle me, causing you to lose focus on driving and the road, and thus we are falling down a cliff" Daisy said logically.
"WOULD YOU STOP BEING SO GOD DMN LOGICAL?" Peach enraged, strangling her yet again.
Then comes an earthquake-like rumble.
"What the !#%& was that?" Peach asked shocked by the rumble.
"We… hit the bottom?" Daisy suggested.
"Hey, look! We landed on something!" Peach cheered.
"Or, someone! Quick get out of the vehicle and lift it up!"
They lifted the vehicle up, and found they landed on the unconscious Toad.
"OH MAH GAWD! TOAD!" Daisy yelled, Peach didn't give a sh!t.
She lifted the poor shroom up and placed him in the back of the vehicle, when she turned to face Peach, she was looking in the opposite direction.
"Uh, Peach? Shouldn't we be heading to the races now?"
"If you say another word, I'll dump you off another cliff," Peach said as she got in the somehow undamaged car.
Daisy got in without saying a word and they drove off.
I honestly think that Peach is just one mean b!%ch.
Wario was first to arrive at the races, as usual.
"Welcome Wario, do you have the invitation note that we sent you so that you may enter?" The green Lakitu asked.
"Yes I do!" Wario said as he took it out of his mouth. "I didn't eat it like last time."
The Lakitu put on a glove and took it from his hand, "Thank you, you may now enter and must wait for the others."
Wario drove by giving the Lakitu the middle finger.
Donkey Kong was the second to arrive in his banana-mobile.
"Um, this is new, right?" Lakitu said, staring.
"Ya bet mofo!" Donkey Kong said.
"What the !#%&?" Lakitu said, "You can talk?"
"Uh-huh, Diddy was also shocked."
"Ah, well anyway hand me your invitation."
Donkey Kong handed it to him and entered.
Rosalina, third to show, came running down the road doing up her dress.
Lakitu didn't notice the security cameras recorded this because she wasn't in a vehicle that and the fact he was reading the newspaper.
"Hey Laki- DID YOU EVEN NOTICE I WAS COMING? Rosalina roared at him.
Lakitu jumped up, spiting his coffee out to because he was shocked, "Uh… yes?"
"Okay good, well anyway here's my invitation."
Lakitu took it and crossed out Rosalina's name on the participants list.
Crossed out means that they showed up, not crossed out means that they have not shown up yet.
Mario and Luigi have just left their house due to Luigi having difficulties recovering from his injuries.
"You could have just sucked it up, like a man y'know," Mario said.
"Are you saying I'm not a man?" Luigi asked enraged.
"Yes, I am saying that."
"Sadly it's true."
"I know, I know but now's not the time to talk about how much of a wimp you are, we gotta get to the races and fast."
"Can we stop for snacks?" Luigi asked randomly.
"NO!"
"Awww…"
"C'mon troops! We're almost there!" Bowser yelled at Koopa Troopa, Shy Guy and Metal Mario.
"We're going the fastest our karts can take us!" Shy Guy and Koopa Troopa replied, Metal Mario didn't say anything.
Bowser arrived there first and put his invitation on the booth counter and entered.
Koopa Troopa, Shy Guy and Metal Mario who all somehow hand invitations placed theirs on the counter aswell.
Lakitu had fallen asleep or else he would have welcomed them all. He was startled when he heard the sounds of engines roaring off. "Okay, that's now Bowser, Koopa Troopa, Shy Guy, Metal Mario, Rosalina, Donkey Kong, Wario, and my annoying brother, who have shown up," he said as he read the invitations, "Good thing I did install those observing cameras where they all live, or else I never would've sent invitations to Koopa Troopa, Shy Guy and Metal Mario."
Yoshi and Wiggler were the next two to arrive at the races. Which Wiggler is having car trouble because he just built his standard kart.
"Good thing we had time to build you a kart." Yoshi said when they arrived.
"Yep, it is and I'm pretty sure I can handle the horsepower of this vehicle," Wiggler said, agreeing with the dino.
"Welcome Yoshi and… caterpillar thing, please hand me your invitations so that-" Lakitu was cut off.
"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME? Wiggler asked.
"Take it easy buddy, he doesn't know your name but according to that board thing, back there he does" Yoshi said timidly.
"Well, as long as he knows my name, I'm okay."
"Of course I know your name, it's… Wigg…err… Miggler? Or rhymes with it?" Lakitu said confused."
"Well, I guess its murder time." Wiggler said as his entire body turned red.
"Just gimme your invitation and I will know your dmn name!" Lakitu yelled.
"Fine, here ya go." Wiggler said, Yoshi feeling very disturbed and weird.
"Okay, Wiggler you may enter and you to, Yoshi."
"YOU FINALLY GOT MY NAME! CONGRATULATIONS!" Wiggler said as he drove through.
"Just ignore him, he's in a bad mood today" Yoshi whispered to the Lakitu and drove off aswell.
The Honey Queen just flew by the booth at top speed and crashed into a wall. There was a massive explosion afterward and she somehow managed to be unharmed.
"Whew, that was close …" the Queen said as she emerged from the blackness, "Sorry for the wall…" she said the Lakitu who was using his 'death' stare on her.
"Just give me your invitation, and you'll be fine…" Lakitu managed to say.
She handed her invitation to him and went to where the other racers were.
Mario & Luigi have just arrived and they were almost late.
"I TOLD YOU NOT OVERDUE IT WITH THE MUSHROOMS!" Mario yelled at Luigi.
"Wuh…*hiccup* I dun get it…" Luigi moaned.
"YOU ATE TOO MANY SHROOMS!"
"Ohhh…"
"It's about time you guys got here, what took ya so long?" Lakitu asked Mario.
"He over done it; he ate too many shrooms" Mario replied, handing over two invitations.
"Well that figures, he craves shrooms."
"Yup, I know." Mario said as he drove off, along with the unconscious Luigi.
"We are so late!" Peach said as they arrived.
"No kidding!" Daisy said as she gave Lakitu the three invitations.
"Now we are all here, I will tell you all the rules as soon as I can" Lakitu said.
Peach, Daisy and Toad, who is currently unconscious, drove off to meet the other participants.
"So when will the races start?" Wario asked Yoshi.
"I dunno, when Peach and the others get here, I guess."
Peach and the others came through the gates and Toad finally woke up.
"WHERE THE HELL AM I?" He immediately asked.
"You're at the Mario Kart Grand Prix place" said a familiar voice on a huge big screen television.
"NO SH!T SHERLOCK!" yelled Bowser.
"I can hear you, ya know."
"No kidding, and we can hear you to" Mario said, giving Bowser an unexpected hammer to the face.
"Yes, very good, anyways." Lakitu paused, "Welcome to The New Mario Kart Grand Prix, I'm yo host, Lakitu and we are going to have a-"
"What are you teaching? Kindergarteners?" Rosalina asked.
"LET ME FINISH!" Lakitu yelled. "As I was saying, we are going to have a lot of 'fun' in these races. There will be new upgrades to every vehicle, including air tanks and gliders. You will be able to customize your vehicles to your wanting, and beware of the new items, they are overpowered, plus you can use them multiple times. ARE YOU READY TO RACE?
"Yeah!" everybody, except Metal Mario, cheered.
"I CAN'T HEAR YOU!" Lakitu yelled.
YEAH!" Everyone cheered.
"Okay, you have 20 minutes to customize your vehicles, starting… NOW!"
Everybody raced off to prepare their vehicles. There were fights, and even entertaining fights. Twenty minutes later they all approached the teleporter to the first race.
And soon the madness begins…
OH MAH GAWD I HAVE FINALLY COMPLETED THIS CHAPTER!
Ok, So Rosalina Isn't 69, she's around 21, her parents, who haven't been motioned ever died when she was only 5 and the Lumas raised her. So, now you know my theory, time to find out other peoples theory. Bonus chapter will remain secret until the end of the grand prix.