I'm holdin' on your rope
Got me ten feet off the ground
And I'm hearin' what you say
But I just can't make a sound
You tell me that you need me
Then you go and cut me down...
But wait...
You tell me that you're sorry
Didn't think I'd turn around...
And say...
That it's too late to apologize
It's too late...
I said it's too late to apologize
It's too late
Too Late to Apologize – OneRepublic
BellaPOV
"No dad! I refuse to go live with Renee! I don't want to go back! Dad, please don't make me go back. Please?" I was crying at this point. He couldn't make me go. He just couldn't.
"Aww-Bells, don't cry." Charlie never was good with tears. Or emotions at all for that matter. He came up to me, where I was sitting in the kitchen with my head buried in my hands, and put an awkward arm around me.
"Look, if you promise to pick yourself up within the next month, I won't make you go live with Renee. But you have got to get better, and maybe she can help with that. But you know I would never do anything to hurt you. I'd be doing this to help you."
"Yeah, I've heard that one before." I grumbled.
"What was that?"
"Nothing, dad."
"You know he's not coming back Bells." I shuddered, even hearing the word 'he'. Jeez, I'm pathetic. I had to wrap my hands around my torso to keep from collapsing. I honestly didn't think I was all that bad. I thought I was cordial and better than I was 6 months ago, when I was in my actual depression. But apparently I still have a long way to go from being better.
"Yes dad, I know. So . . . one month?" I wiped the tears from my face and tried to give my dad a reassuring smile. It came out more like a grimace.
"Yes, and if you think it'll help, in 2 weeks Dr. McKenzie and his wife and kids are moving from Juno, Alaska, and Dr. McKenzie is a therapist. He's one of the best in the world, and I really think it could help."
No! No! No! No! NO!
"No," I said calmly and fiercely.
"Why won't you give it a chance?"
"Because I'm perfectly fine." Even as I said it, I knew it was a lie. I got out of bed, did my homework, ate my food, but it was like I wasn't even alive. Even I realized that.
"Bella, do you honestly think you are okay?" Ouch. That one stung.
"I told you, I'm perfectly fine! Just leave me alone, please." I stood up from the table and ran to my room, slamming the door behind me. I hope that broke something.
An hour later Charlie was knocking on my door.
"Go away."
Ignoring my request, he opened my door and walked in anyway.
"I said go away."
"I'm a cop, I can do whatever I want," Charlie joked. I rolled my eyes.
"Yeah well, contrary to popular belief, you have to follow the rules like everybody else."
"Look, I know you think you're fine, but you don't see what I see. Everyday you come down and you put on this facade like everything is all right, and we both know that's not the case. I hear you screaming at night, Bells, and it breaks my heart. It makes me want to search every inch of the world and rip that kid limb from freaking limb, because I'd do that for you. But I can't do that. What I can do is go to this doctor, and ask him to help you. Because you need help. Do this for me, Bells. Do this for Renee. No, scratch that. Do this for yourself. Please?"
I nodded my head and wiped the tears that had started to accumulate in my eyes. "Okay."
"Great, well I'll set up the appointment now. Do you want to eat takeout or do you want to cook? I'm perfectly fine with either one."
"Well, I have to go . . . get some groceries. I'm making chicken Alfredo tonight." I needed any excuse to escape Charlie's scrutinizing gaze.
"You do that Bells. And do me a favor and pick me up some cookies and cream ice cream, please."
"Got it, dad."
***2 weeks later***
I was sitting in my bed on a Sunday, just staring at the ceiling, thinking about nothing in particular.
I hated moments like these. Normally, I was always busying myself with little tasks so I wouldn't have to deal with these little thought-filled silences. It was times like these that I wondered what I could've done wrong, what could've made him stay. I never outright thought his name though, it just made things worse, because I always knew I was never good enough for him.
And I never go out anymore. Not that I barely went out with anyone before, I just can't have a good time or have any fun at all, knowing that I was unwanted and unloved.
Knock! Knock! Knock!
"Come in Ch-dad!" Damn, I almost slipped up again.
"Bella, Dr. McKenzie and his family just moved in yesterday." He said, leaning on my door frame.
"That's nice, dad."
"Well, I was wondering, if you know, you would want to meet him and his wife today?"
"Sure, dad."
"Great, well, his name is Steven, and his wife's name is Benita."
"Okay, dad."
"And we're going to meet him and his wife at their house. And it'll be good for you because their kids are out shopping."
"Great, dad."
"We're leaving in 20, get dressed and come down stairs."
"Fine, dad."
Charlie looked at me with a look between pity and annoyance, and walked down the hall, muttering something about having conversations with the wall.
I put on my blue cargo jacket, my black That's What She Said t-shirt, some jeans, my converse, and went down stairs.
Charlie was on the phone finishing up a conversation when I walked into the kitchen.
"Yeah-Okay- Well, I'm about to leave the house now. - I know exactly where that is. – okay I'll see you then." He hung up the phone, and looked surprise to see me staring at him.
"I'm ready, dad."
"Okay Bells. Come on lets go."
We walked out the house to Charlie's cruiser and set off for the Florence's house. I put my iPod headphones in my ears, blasted Paramore's Ignorance and fell asleep before we were even at the traffic light.
"Bella, Bella, wake up."
I woke to the feeling of Charlie shaking my arm and the first thing I saw made my breath hitch in the back of my throat.
I gasped, and started to hyperventilate as my eyes raked over the huge manor with the glass walls and the tiny creek flowing to the right. I wrapped my arms tightly around my torso and brought my head to my knees so that my heart wouldn't explode inside my body. I squeezed my eyes shut, willing the tears to hold back, but the salt water flowed out of my eyes like a river. I rocked back and forth and spit words so filthy that they felt foreign coming from lips.
"Dad, wh-why are w-we here? HOW COULD YOU?" We were here, at the place with the roof and the garage, and the door. We were at his house.
I caught another glimpse of the house and let out another wail of agony. I felt so betrayed. The gaping wholes and tears around the edges of my heart just got that much bigger as I realized I was set up.
"Why? Why would you do this? To me? ME! I fucking hate you!"
I tore through the car door and sent a silent thought to Charlie before I sped through the forest, tripping over air along the whole way.
I ran until I couldn't run anymore. My legs felt like gelatin, and my lungs felt like they were about implode on themselves, my stomach wanted to up lurch every bit of egg and toast I had this morning, and my brain felt like it wanted to ooze out of my ears. I leaned on a nearby tree and heaved my breakfast onto the grass. My eyes watered and I gagged a bit more before I sat back on the wet dirt and wiped my mouth with my hand. My head fell back on the tree trump and all I could do was breathe.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Breathe.
In.
Out.
Breathe.
I can't do it. I can never go in there. Ever. It's painful enough just sitting in the damn forest next to it. I can't do it. I don't even want to meet this damn psychiatrist. There's nothing wrong with me. I mean I know I'm not the sanest person in the bunch, but psychology? I'm not that sick. And plus, psychology implies some form of truth and honesty. What can I say? Oh my ex-boyfriend is a blood-sucking monster who is a vegetarian and last spring he saved me from a sadistic vampire who wanted to kill me for no reason at all. I don't think that would turn out to well.
I'll just tell Charlie that I've changed my mind about the therapy. He'll understand. Besides, I refuse to do it anyway. Add in the fact that these people have taken the only thing that hasn't changed from me, and I wouldn't be able to even look them in the eye.
I bet they've butchered Esme's home. Her name was the only one that I could have brought myself to say. I've avoided all routes to this place for a reason. It just hurts too much.
My arms around my torso were already tight to the point where my muscles clenched and burned. I can't take this anymore, this is just too much.
I'm sorry.
I knew there were bears and mountain lions out here due to my past conversations with him, but I couldn't find it in myself to get up and go back to Charlie. I got up and decided to wander a little bit to ease the pain, when I heard it.
Stop, Bella. Stop, and turn around.
I stopped dead in my tracks. It was his voice. Perfect and smooth, just like the first time I heard him speak. I've heard him in my dreams, plenty times before. But they were never as detailed as that. That was unspoiled perfection.
I'm going crazy. I thought as I put my hands to my head
Bella, listen to me. You have to turn around now. Get as far away from this forest as physically possible. He was still talking, and I couldn't deny my angel anything, so I walked backward a few steps. I learned that the farther I went back, the less I heard his voice. It was fading. No . . . NO! I walked a couple more steps forward and his voice got louder.
BELLA! You promised me. You promised me you would stay safe. Please, just turn around.
That was it. I couldn't take it anymore. I had to leave this place. This - whatever this was – this was just too much. Now, I know I'm going insane. No, not going insane, I am insane, falling off the deep end into a dark abyss of madness.
I need to go back to Charlie. I need to go back and apologize for my behavior, be nice to the McKenzie's and live a good life. Well as good as it can possibly get. I turned around to leave and was met with a pair of piercing golden eyes.
(A/N We are the TwilightTwinz! {cue theme music} De de deedle leedle le de dee dee! lol. There are indeed two of us. We have made a joint account on FF, so we can try our hand at writing together. What happens is that each of us takes turns writing chapters. So for instance, TheSheWolf is writes the 1st chapter, and EdwardCullen'sGirlfriend000 writes the second and so forth. This chapter is TheSheWolf's. Also, if you wish to know what our characters (The McKenzies's) look like, then all you have to do is PM us and we'll send you the link. Also, if you had an idea of what you think the characters look like, then you're more than welcome to PM us your ideas, and pictures. We'd love to see what goes on in your heads.
You may know me as TheSheWolf, and I wanted to let you know that I live for reviews. Every time I get one, i do a little happy dance. So please, just review. It doesn't even have to be long. It can be one word for all i care. Just do it. We started this story months ago and now it is available for your enjoyment. Review please? It means the world to us, and either we'll reply seperately or together, but we read every review so just please give us some love. If you do, you get cookies, unless you dont like cookies in which case you have issues. All flames will be ignored. Also, the outfit Bella is wearing, is on our profile!
Yours Truly -TheSheWolf
Okay, so this is different then any other story I've written (on here and FP) so please give it a chance. Oh, and by the way, our twinlyness doesnt stop at the review thing. I live for them too. I even played the review game. They truly make my day. We've both worked very very hard on this chapter, so reviews would be appreciated. Did I happen to mention to review? I think I did. But incase, I didnt... please review! I'd also love to take anyones advice (please be nice! :D) so that would also be aprecciated. Thanks so much! And I would like some professional critique as well, because I realize that improvents can be made. But please, be nice about it! (And don't be fooled. My twin will most certainly not give you cookies, (I will too!) but reviews will get you a personal thanks and pm.=])
Love- EdwardCullen'sGirlfriend000
-TwilightTwinz)