Another piece inspired by Born Again Identity. I think this is the last one for now, but don't hold me to that. Title comes from the song by the New Pornographers.
Adventures in Solitude
Dean visits Cas sometimes. Not often, because they're hardly ever near enough. But when they're an hour or two away, Dean leaves when Sammy's asleep. He doesn't tell Sam where he's going, and if he asks, the answer is always "bar". But it doesn't take Sam long to figure out. The mileage on the car is too far off for a quick drive to the nearest bar and back. He quickly puts two and two together. Cas' hospital isn't too far. Close enough to get there and back inside a few hours.
Sam doesn't call him out on it, because he knows Dean will deny it and get all pissy about it. Instead, he stops asking where he's going. He suggests they stay another night after finishing a case, gives Dean time to visit his Angel.
The first time Dean goes, he feels like an idiot. He drives almost an hour to the hospital, just to sit outside, staring at the building. Why did he come here? He does it again, a few nights later, and this time he makes it into the building, to Cas' door. He watches Cas sit there in his bed, like an empty vessel. Mostly that's what he does. Watches. Makes sure he's okay, that the doctors are treating him good.
Eventually, he finds himself sitting in a chair next to Cas. Talking to him, sometimes, but mostly not. He takes his hands and just holds them. Begs him to give him some sign that he's okay, to give him a way to find help.
Cas never responds, but Dean isn't surprised. Based on what Sam has said about the last few weeks of Lucifer having the hunter's brain as his own personal playground, Cas' ability to judge what's real and what's not will have been completely shot. Dean wonders if Cas even knows he's there, or if Lucifer is blocking him out completely.
"I'm here, Cas," he says quietly, hoping he's in there somewhere, listening. "I'm real." But Cas doesn't respond, doesn't move, doesn't even acknowledge that Dean is there.