Talking Hearts
By fananicfan
This piece was inspired by a post on another board about changing lines that Harm said to what he should have said. I've posted it on another board, but this is the first piece I'm posting here.
I don't own and couldn't even afford to rent the characters in the story, so please don't sue me.
I thought hard about the timing of this piece. I'm going to give TPTB all of season 8. This means that the Paraguay arc started, but no 'never' talk and no Mattie, etc, but the Mac/Webb kiss, the faux marriage, them blowing up the stinger missiles, and the plane crash did all happen. This is how I would've started season 9...
After the plane crash...
Mac couldn't wake Harm after she came to, so she decided that his best chance was for her to leave him and go for help. She left her goggles, her pregnancy pad and a few other things as markers for Harm to follow to the road if he came to and attempted to find her. The markers would also serve as a way for her to find her way back to the plane by making the place where she'd come out of the woods easier to spot when she returned to the plane with help if he didn't come to.
By the time Mac and Harm had arrived at the hospital, Webb had made contact with someone within the Agency, and a plan was already in the works to pick them up.
Mac dreaded facing the admiral because he'd have questions that she'd been specifically told were classified and that no one except those who'd been there or those cleared to debrief her had a need to know, including her CO. By the time she reported to the admiral, he would've received a report sanitized of all sensitive material for his information and to place in her service record.
Mac walked into the admiral's office. The mission with Webb was over and she was returning to duty. She'd actually been back in Washington for three days, but her CIA debriefing and taken two of those. A CIA physician had made sure that she got the other day off to rest before returning to duty.
The admiral seemed to be agitated. He asked her if she felt ready to return to full duty and other questions that seemed to show true caring and understanding of the ordeal that she'd been through. He asked about Webb's condition, and Mac found it odd that, only after he exhausted all other topics did he asked about Harm.
"The doctors' haven't sent you a report, sir?" she asked.
Her question triggered the admiral's anger. "No, Colonel they haven't. I don't have a need to know since he's no longer in my command."
"Sir, I realize that I was gone for several weeks, but when was he transferred, sir?"
"He wasn't transferred. I wouldn't let him risk his neck even to go after you with no more information than he had, so he gave up his career and walked out of this office to go anyway."
"I'm sorry, sir. I didn't know."
The admiral was very angry. A "dismissed" was mumbled in her direction and she left his office for her own.
Her legs were shaky, but she made it to a chair in her office. She'd been fine until she'd learned what Harm had done. Even if Harm came out of this coma, he still will have given up his life to save hers. 'Why would he have done that?'
Eight Days Later
Mac had worked all day and then left the office to go to the hospital every evening since her return. Her routine had always been the same. She'd visit Webb first, since Clayton had tried to protect her and he hadn't let her go back for Gunny alone, but that's where her loyalty to him ended. She'd learned by the end of the third visit that, if she stayed any longer than ten minutes, Clay would start talking about how lucky he was to have a woman he could trust in his corner or where he wanted to take her on their first date.
Tonight, on her way up in the elevator to Harm's floor, she wondered why she hadn't shut Clay down cold on the notion that the two of them were ever going to be a couple. She arrived at two possible conclusions. One, she didn't have the energy to get into the seesaw confrontation of 'yes, it could work' verses the 'no, it wouldn't'. The second reason made her ashamed. If Harm didn't wake up, Clay would be the only one to whom she could talk about the things that had happened. Clay in no way understood her, not the way Harm did, and Clay wouldn't be her first choice, but if... She shook the thought from her head. Harm had to be okay. She needed answers. Why had he traveled to a place against the wishes of the admiral where he didn't know the language and with no other information than that they'd missed a check in? The corners of her mouth started to turn up - she hadn't been there to supply him with a dispassionate plan.
She reached the entrance to Harm's room, and saw that a woman was sitting in the chair by his bed, holding his hand. The profile of the woman looked familiar, but she was too young to be Harm's mother. Mac turned to leave, but she couldn't, not without knowing who the woman was who seemed to be so concerned about Harm. Mac was surprised when she got closer and saw that the woman was Catherine Gayle, an attorney with the CIA.
Catherine saw Mac and released Harm's hand. "The CIA sent me to see to legal matters on his behalf. We understand that he's stopped improving, and they aren't' sure why he's still in a coma. They think that his next of kin should be notified. I'll call his mother in the morning."
"No, I'll call her," Mac replied. This woman whom they hardly knew wasn't going to call Harm's mother with the news that her son might not win this fight.
"I was sitting with him because he's a good man. He did a very nice thing for me before he left. I didn't want him to be alone."
"What did he do?"
"He married me." The shock on Mac's face was more than Catherine could stand. She couldn't let Mac think that they were really married. "Let me buy you a cup of coffee or tea, and I'll explain."
They left Harm's room for the cafeteria and, over a cup of tea, Catherine explained the circumstances of their 'marriage.'
Mac returned to Harm's room after hearing Catherine's story and she sat in the chair, holding his hand. Usually that's all she did, sit at his side and hold his hand, but tonight, she was angry and she was going to say a few things whether he could hear them or not. "You're lying there like you have all the time in the world to recover. Well, let me tell you that you don't. If you don't wake up soon, they're going to call your mother and tell her that they aren't hopeful that you'll ever wake up and ask her what kind of long term arrangements that she'd like to make for you. You know you can't put her through that. You can't die either. You can't do that to her or me. You're my best friend, and I love you...you can't leave me with all these unanswered questions. Damn you! Do you know what I'd give to have you wake up and argue with me right now?" Her voice softened and she squeezed his hand. "I'd give everything I have." Her tears came down in streams, and she rested her head on the hand holding his and, for the first time in weeks, she slept until the night nurse woke her.
"I'm sorry, ma'am. I shouldn't have let you stay, but you visit him every day and I thought you just might need the sleep. The day nurse will be coming on in thirty minutes, so if you could go now so that I don't get in trouble for letting you stay, I'd really appreciate it."
"Of course, I'm sorry."
"Ma'am, if it makes you feel any better, during the night with you here, he started to show signs of improvement for the first time in days."
Two days later
Mac was walking down the corridor towards Harm's room when she noticed a flurry of activity going on, with nurses and doctors moving in and out of it. Mac's heart was in her throat as she neared his room. The nurse who'd been kind enough to let her stay the other night saw her and came over to her.
"Ma'am, you can't go in yet." Mac looked at her, horrified. "No, he's fine. He had some eye blinking and other muscle movement today. They're hoping to be able to determine if it's a sign of him waking up or just muscle spasms caused from lack of muscle activity."
Mac was getting her legs under her again. "So maybe he'll wake up soon?"
"They're trying to determine that, ma'am, but I'm hopeful."
Mac waited until the nurse came back to tell her that the doctors were finished and that she could go in to see Harm. The nurse probably didn't know, but the elapsed time had been thirty two minutes and seventeen seconds.
Mac sat in the chair and took his hand. Tonight, his hand felt warmer or something...something was different. She scooted closer to the bed. Not releasing his hand, she moved her other hand up to allow her fingertips to gently run over the lines on his forehead. Then she rested her palm on his forehead and rubbed it back over the top of his head, pushing his hair up off his face. When she removed her hand from his head, she felt him squeeze her hand. He knew that she was there. "Yes, Harm, I'm here."
A voice from behind her in the doorway caused a momentary jump in her heart rate. "The company heard that he might be coming around. I thought I'd come up and check on him myself, but I didn't expect to find you here, Sarah."
"Clay, I check on him everyday, the same way I check on you."
"No, Sarah, not the same way. I reach for your hand, and you never take mine. If he wanted you, don't think he'd have told you by now?"
Mac's internal voice was screaming inside her head. 'This conversation isn't going to happen in Harm's room, not when he's making progress.' She released her hold on Harm's hand and stood. She kept her voice low as she moved towards Webb. "Clay, we'll talk later, but right now I'm going to take you back to your room. You shouldn't be up here."
"I told you earlier when you came in to see me that they're releasing me tomorrow. You'll have to come to my apartment to see me."
She grabbed Webb's arm in a firm escorting-a-prisoner type grip. "Fine," she said, but then a voice caught her attention. "Mac, don't go." The voice was Harm's. She spun her head around, expecting him to be awake, but he wasn't. Mac knew that she'd heard him. Was she going crazy? Mac released Webb's arm and walked to the nurses' station.
Mac was gone only a couple of minutes. She returned to her place in the chair in Harm's room and took his hand once again. "I didn't go, Harm. I had a nurse escort Clay back to his room. I'm here with you."
She'd been hearing things. Harm wasn't awake. She sat there looking at him, thankful that the kind nurse who'd let her stay until the wee hours of the morning was on duty tonight. She needed to be here if he woke up. She reminded him that tomorrow was the day set by the doctors that, if he hadn't awakened, they'd call his mother. Mac sat until the wee hours of the morning, and nothing. Harm showed no signs of waking up. It was time for her to go in order to keep the night nurse out of trouble.
The next day
Mac arrived at Harm's room a few minutes earlier today because she didn't need to go by Clay's room first. Clay had called her at the office to give her his address because he'd been released. Clay was going to be fine, so she wouldn't be visiting him any more. Her focus could be on Harm and only Harm. Mac entered Harm's room, and the kind nurse was standing with her back to the door.
"Your vitals are good. I'm sure they'll be moving you to a nice room in the morning."
Mac thought, 'No wonder I like that nurse. She talks to comatose patients like they know what she's saying.'
"Is there anything I can do for you before your evening visitor arrives? She should be here soon."
Now Mac thought the woman was crazy. She was asking him questions that he couldn't possibly answer, but then she heard it. It was soft and just above a whisper, but she heard it. "Do you know who she is?" he asked.
The nurse leaned in and whispered, "I don't know her name, but from what I've seen, I'd say that she's someone who loves you very much."
Between the whispered level delivery and her joy of getting into the room to see him awake, Mac hadn't heard the nurse's comment, but the nurse heard the sound of someone entering the room behind her. "I think she's here." The nurse moved so that she was no longer blocking the patient's view of his visitor.
"Hey," was all Harm managed to get out.
"Hey, yourself," Mac responded. "You look tired."
"You'd think that, for the amount of time that they've told me I've been out, I wouldn't be, but I am."
"Then rest. We'll talk when you feel better."
Harm nodded and closed his eyes. Of course, Mac wanted her questions answered, but he was going to be okay and, for now, that was all she needed to know. Mac waited to hear the faint sound of snoring before she sat in the chair and took his hand.
One week later
After a week of being unable to figure out why he'd spent an extended amount of time in a coma, the doctors were letting Harm go home. The admiral had granted Mac the day off, but she was uncertain that he'd have granted her request if it hadn't been for the fact that she'd hedged on the real reason why she wanted it.
Harm was doing well, but the doctor said that it would be several more weeks before the shoulder that he'd dislocated would heal, and he needed to be patient and not overdo. Yeah, right, they didn't know Harm very well, did they? He was an overachiever, and pushing himself to be better in two weeks if the usual time was six weeks wouldn't be out of character for him.
Mac hadn't had enough courage to ask him any of her questions. He hadn't said a word about anything, not the mission, his resigning, nothing. The good news was that he hadn't told her to leave or that he hated her for ruining his life.
Mac had gotten him home and was trying to get him settled in, but he was irritable, and it was hard to get him to sit still. Mac was trying to get him to lie down and rest. On the couch or on the bed, it didn't matter, but he needed to rest so he wouldn't overdo.
Harm was interested in getting his life in order. He didn't have a job and he'd been in the hospital for almost three weeks, and when you added that time to the time that he'd been gone to find Mac, it was past time to pay the monthly bills. He had some savings, but he hadn't rebuilt the account from when he'd run it dry restoring his Corvette after it had been stolen. The CIA was picking up his hospital tab, so that wasn't a worry, but he still needed to get a job. He'd been a flyer, he'd been a JAG lawyer, but he'd been NAVY, and what was he now? He didn't regret going to get Mac. He'd found her strapped to a torture table. How could he regret getting her out of that? Of course, he'd have appreciated the kiss that she'd given Clayton Webb, or at least she could've given him one, too. He was at his desk, listening to his phone messages and fuming over the loss of his career, and still not getting the girl.
"Harm, you can listen to those phone messages after you get some rest. You have plenty of time to get all of those things caught up."
He snapped at her. "I don't have any place to get back to, so I guess I do have plenty of time."
"I've wanted to talk to you about that, but I didn't want to upset you."
"Talk about what...the fact that I'm an idiot?"
Mac knew that she should keep her cool, but she got angry. "You think saving my life makes you an idiot?"
"No, thinking that you'd give a damn that I saved your life makes me an idiot."
"I think you hit your head harder than anyone thought, because you're delusional. Where would you get the idea I don't care what you gave up or that I'm not grateful to you?"
"I don't know, maybe that kiss you gave Webb. He takes you on an assignment of his, nearly gets you tortured and could've gotten you killed, and you kiss him."
"That's what this is about? I thought he might die, and he'd said that he cared about me. And for what he'd gone through to protect me, I wanted to thank him, but that doesn't make me ungrateful for what you did. And don't make this all my fault. You could have kissed me or said that you were glad to see me, but you were in mission/hero mode and you didn't have time for me, or was it because you'd just gotten married and didn't want to upset your bride?"
When Harm spoke again, his voice was very low. "How do you know about that?"
"Catherine was there when I came to see you one night. She told me about your marriage. You might like to know that she also said that you're a great kisser."
"Did you come to see me at the hospital because you felt guilty?"
"Truthfully?" she asked. Harm nodded. "In part, probably, but it wasn't the only reason. I was also grateful that you came for me, and I wanted to be there for you. And, no, I didn't kiss you, but not because I wasn't grateful. It was because you and I are a team, and I'd be seeing you later. I know that it sounds cold, but whether Webb lived or died, I didn't plan on seeing him again. I did visit him in the hospital out of guilt for not caring more about him when he was telling me how much he cared for me."
"We aren't a team anymore."
"Yeah, something else that I should be angry at you about. Why did you do that?"
"For the same reason that I didn't have time to kiss you," Harm explained.
"What do you mean?" Mac's voice was soft now, too.
"I'm tired, Mac. Can we table this for right now? We'll talk again later."
"We're not getting any younger, you know?"
"I know."
"Couch or bed?" Mac asked, and Harm's eyes became wide at what her question might be asking him. "Where do you want to lie down to get some rest?"
"Oh, bed."
"What did you think I meant?"
"Never mind."
Harm was tired, and he just lay on the bed in his clothes on top of the covers. Mac waited for him to get settled in on the bed. "Do you need anything?"
Harm closed his eyes. "You."
"You need me to do what?"
"Stay with me."
His voice was low and sleepy sounding. She must have misunderstood. "Stay with you?" she questioned.
His hand patted the empty side of the bed. "Yes, stay."
Mac couldn't believe her ears. "Harm, I don't think that's such a good idea." She was standing next to his side of the bed.
He cracked open one eye. "Why? You love me so much that you don't think you can keep your hands to yourself?"
Mac was shocked at his words and sounded indigent at his assumption. "For one thing, I can control my urges and for another, where did you hear that I love you?"
"The nurse at the hospital and the fact that you aren't denying it, just asking how I know." He opened his eyes to see her face as she responded.
Mac was a little embarrassed and was putting on a tough front, though not successfully. "Okay, fine. I feel guilty because the man I love gave up everything he loves to come and rescue me from a mission that he asked me not to go on in the first place. Are you satisfied now?"
He was looking at her flustered face. "Not quite. You're not close enough."
"Close enough for what?"
"Close enough for me to tell you why I left the Navy and why the few minutes before the bad guys got away wasn't enough time for me to kiss you."
That answer intrigued Mac, and she moved to the other side of the bed and lay down beside him. "Is this close enough?"
"Yes." He rolled over and looked her in the eye. "Because I love you." His lips crashed onto hers. When their lips parted, he had to roll over on his back because his shoulder was hurting under the weight of being on his side.
He wasn't sure if Mac took the need for him to roll over as a sign that he'd said all he needed to say or not because, when he was on his back again, she said, "I should go and let you rest."
"Mac, don't go." Hearing those words again caused the hair on the back of her neck to stand up, but Harm had no way of knowing that as he spoke. "I don't think we've finished talking yet, but I need to get some rest, and we both need to look at this fresh, without all the hurt from the questions that we've answered in the last few minutes."
"I need to ask you one more question now."
Harm's eyelids were heavy and he let his eyes close. "Okay, one more and then a nap, maybe some dinner, and then another kiss or two."
He couldn't see the smile that she couldn't keep from spreading across her face when he said another kiss or two. "Why did you resign when you didn't have any information about where to find me?"
"Because, Mac, of that thing we have between us. That thing that Brumby didn't understand, that thing that we can't explain, that thing that helped you pick the spot were I was drowning in the Atlantic, that thing that told me you needed me or you were going to be killed...that's our hearts talking. I knew that, as long as you were alive and I was listening, your heart would lead me to you."
Mac stayed on the side of the bed next to him, knowing what he meant. His heart had been talking to her that night in the hospital when he'd been in a coma and she'd heard him speak.
They may have had a lot left to discuss, but they knew that they loved each other. She knew that, if they let their hearts do most of the talking, things would be fine.
The End