Peeta was climbing, he had been trying to find Katniss all day, Prim and her mother had not seen her and neither had Gale. It was a wonder that nobody had seen her. He should have known, since coming back from the games she had hated to be boxed in, it reminded her of the tube. There had been many times that Prim had told Peeta in a hushed voice that Katniss had woken the whole house again screaming his own name. The fact she was shouting for him, but refused to speak to him scared him. She had retracted from everyone, not speaking unless it was needed but Peeta liked to keep an eye on her, so when he had not seen her for a number of hours he started to get panicked. He had asked frantically not finding the answer he wanted, every person telling him that she had not been seen since the day before. It was as he was wandering between the town and the victor village where he currently lived when it dawned on him which led to his current position, scaling the side of Katniss's house. She had told him once before that when she wanted to think and hide from the world she would climb onto the roof of the house, and look down and the world below her.
He pulled himself onto the roof; he had kept training after the games and now was quite skilled in things of the like. The idea of being defenceless terrifying him. The mentality he adapted in the games never leaving him. As soon as he reached the top of the building her saw her. Her back facing him with her braids hanging down it.
"I wonder how long it would take you to figure it out." She said, not turning to face him but it was obvious to Peeta that she knew exactly who was on the roof with her.
"You seem to have been following me I noticed, you worried about me Peeta?" He inched closer towards her, the roof was flat so it was not due to the terrain under foot, and he was however just afraid of how she would react she was not the most stable person lately. In fact the only person she seemed not to have swung for was Peeta himself.
"Yes Katniss, I am worried about you."
"Why?" She asks him.
"I don't understand you." He said, he was stood stock still now, confusion covering his face.
"Why are you worried about me?" She asks, she turns to face him now. Her eyes are red rimmed showing she has been crying but the sight is not a shock to him anymore, this state of her eyes is more than often seen on her face now. He comes closer to her and sinks down, sitting next to her, their shoulders touching, their legs swinging off the edge of the building.
"Why shouldn't I be?" He asked, he was worried about her. Her mentality hadn't been the best lately, in fact many a time he had heard her shouting in her sleep and Haymitch running to help her. Haymitch would never tell him exactly what had happened however.
"That's between me and Katniss, if she doesn't tell you, then it's not my place." And then he would walk off leave Peeta, none the wiser.
"Because I don't deserve your worry." She says, so quiet that for a moment Peeta thinks that he heard wrong. "I don't deserve anyone's." She says turning away from him.
"You deserve more worry than anyone; you have gone through so much Katniss. If anyone deserves help it is you." He was silent before turning his body to face hers.
She jumped up then as if an electric shock had gone through her body. She span to face him,
"I have gone through so much! Really is that what you think?" She shouted.
"Yes I do." He says quite calmly.
"And why do I deserve more than you?" He was just about to answer her when she cut across him.
"Why do I deserve help when there are people in this village who are dying because no one will help them? Children who have no parents? Old people who need medicine but they can't afford it?"
"Why have you suddenly started to feel this way? You have never had this view before." Said Peeta, his voice slightly louder, not as loud as Katniss's however.
"Because I killed people Peeta!" She all but screamed at him. "I killed innocent people, children, I left districts without a way to follow out things that are so very much needed. I left parents without kids. Why do I deserve help when all I have done is destroy lives? I feel so guilty all the time Peeta, all I can see is their faces, even the tributes that I didn't know the names of. Every person that died so the two of us could live seems to be stalking my thoughts. I look at a mockingbird and I see Rue, I see an animal and I think of Cato, I see a tracker Jacker and I think of Glimmer. Everywhere I go... all I see is them." She said, her voice got weaker and weaker, the tears that started to stream down her face taking over. By the end she was sobbing.
Peeta rushed forward pulling her to him. Her face resting against his chest as his hands were around her waist holding her there. He stroked her back soothingly, letting her cry, knowing that she had not been this open before now. That this was her coping.
It was nearly an hour later when her tears slowed. He put his hind under her chin and lifted it slightly, making her look at him. He brought his fingers under her eyes, catching the tears under them.
"You did kill people Katniss, there is no escaping it. But you killed them because you had to, you did not kill them because you hated them or on an impulse, you did it because it was the only way for us to survive. It was kill or be killed. I killed too, I either killed them myself or I stood by and watched them die. But you know why I did it?" He said in a soft voice, she shook her head.
"I did it because I knew everyone I did, was someone you didn't have to. Every life I ended was one you did have to end, one you didn't have to feel guilt over. I knew you would win, because you are the most loving person I know. I also know that you are afraid to show weakness because for so long you have had to be strong for so many others. I also am guessing that you are afraid to show that you love people because you saw how it affected your mother. You see feelings as a burden. It is not Katniss, and you don't have to be strong for me. I want you to tell me how you feel. I want to help you. That's all I have ever wanted to do." He brushed more tears away but leaves his hand on her cheek this time. His thumb moving slightly over it, she leaned into his touch, missing it so much after being so close to him in the Games.
"What did I do to deserve you? Haymitch was right, I could never deserve you." She said sadness tinting her voice.
"You sang in a room of children. You kept your family alive. You lost your father, and stayed strong. You offered to die to save your sister from the horror of the Games." He took a deep breath.
"You are you, and I would not have it any other way. I love you Katniss, and nothing can ever stop me." He leaned forward and her lips met his.
It took weeks for Katniss to pick back up a bow, the tool only reminding her of death. But she got there, only because of Peeta. She got back to a similar girl to her old self. Peeta knew it would be impossible to be the old Katniss Everdeen. SO much had changed them both that both were completely different people than the ones that left for the Capitol. But Peeta did not mind the changes. He knew nothing he did could stop his love for Katniss. He just hoped that she felt the same way.
Unknown to him she had finally figured out her feelings and was planning to tell him later on that day. Whilst teaching him how to shoot an arrow.