A/N: Hey everyone, I have gotten quite a few requests to write an Okamiden parody, so here's my shot at it! If you haven't read it already, I strongly suggest at minimum skimming through the prequel, Yet Another Okami Parody, because if not, a lot of things probably won't make sense. Like why Link from Windwaker is in here, for one. Also be warned: HEAVY SPOILERS. If you have not played the game, PLAY IT. Or just don't get mad for being spoilered. XD
Without further ado, I hereby present Yet Another Okami...SEQUEL!
Chapter 1: Which Will Bother Tense and Uptight Busybodies
"Now listen closely, my son," said a voice we recognized as Susano. "Once upon a time, there was a white wolf…"
"Come on, Pops, I know this already!" cried a young voice impatiently. Susano scowled. He wanted to finish his story, dammit. The owner of the young voice, who we haven't been formally introduced to yet but could be recognized from Okamiden teasers as Kuni, jumped up and down with excitement. An adventure was coming for him, he just knew it. "I don't care about all that stuff with Orochi and whatnot, I just wanna know, will there be Oinas in this game? Are there cool new places to explore? What's changed about the old places? Why doesn't Amaterasu come back down to save Nippon? Will Chibi's father be revealed? Is Chibi Waka and Ammy's son? IS THE BLONDE KID WAKA AND AMMY'S SON?"
Suddenly, there was a loud crack from behind them, like the sound of a tense and uptight person finally losing it after all the spoilers involved in that outburst. Susano and Kuni glanced nervously at the Guardian Sapling, which they swore had moved.
"Huh!" huffed Sakuya, sparkling into appearance. She scowled as father and son rushed off to do some more training. "That boy! Speaking about things he barely even knows! I swear, ever since the great Amaterasu left for the Celestial Plains, humans have become less and less spiritually proper!"
"That's because he's possessed by Akuro," pointed out the esteemed author of this story and its prequel, chewing noisily on some of Yumigami's last mochi. Supposedly Tsuki and Ammy had taken the rest, but being an author had its perks, one of which included knowing where the stash of hidden mochi was located. "He showed Kuni those Okamiden trailers, which is probably why he knows those things."
Saukya whipped around and glared at the author of this story, who merely shrugged, said, "Hey, I just tell it like it is," and promptly disappeared to hang out in Sei-An, because that's where all the cool people are. Although mostly because that's where Sakuya wasn't.
Somewhere far away, another entity—who was noticeably more malevolent and powerful than the tree sprite Sakuya—lost patience with the author and cracked a strange shrine, which caused Sei-An (and the rest of Nippon) to be shrouded in an ugly darkness.
"Damn," the author sighed, and then, taking the hint, disappeared from the story for the time being.
[xx]
Link, Celestial Envoy, Hero of Time, champion of Himiko, partner of the great goddess Amaterasu, wandering minstrel, and hot young adventurer extraordinaire, was bored. Ammy hadn't been on Skype in forever, although not that it mattered, since his laptop had been confiscated and crashed into oblivion by good ol' Sakuya as soon as she found out he had one. Which was rather soon, considering he used it to try and take a picture of Sakuya's peaches. Moreover, people's faith in the gods seemed to have dwindled, so there wasn't much for him to do as a Celestial Envoy. He sighed.
"Don't look so sad, little elf!" said a young girl with a gourd around her neck.
"I'm not an elf, I'm a PREFECTLY NORMAL-SIZED HOT YOUNG MAN!" said Link, striking a pose with his wand. "Hey, did you wanna see me dance? It'll inspire your faith in the gods! I'm a Celestial Envoy, you know."
"Sure!" the naïve little girl said. She sat down and Link did his windwaker dance, which she actually seemed to genuinely enjoy. After he finished, she clapped.
"Thank you Mr. Elf!" she said.
"Do you feel…inspired, little girl?" asked Link, leaning forward and in general sounding like a total creeper.
"Oh yes," said the little girl. "You cheer up too, Mr. Elf!"
Link watched the little girl go, then sighed and flopped on his back. "I miss you, Ammy," he said. "When are you gonna come visit so we can party it up?"
"Party?" echoed an imp.
"Someone'd say party?"
Two green imps danced over Link's head, chanting, "Party party party," and looking very threatening indeed.
"Hey!" cried Link. "You challenging me?" And a dancing contest commenced.
Suddenly, the two imps shrieked in terror and burst into light and flowers. The most adorable little puppy was watching him, wagging its tail and barking cutely.
Link almost died. In fact, everyone within a ten meter radius almost died.
"You…" He gaped at stared at the little puppy, who looked like an exact replica of Ammy. "Who…what…?"
"Oh right, you're kind of slow, aren't you?" the puppy said, cocking its head. "Mom told me her friend was an—well, I can't say it, but she says her friend in Japan is an idiot."
"Hey hey hey, what the hell, brat," Link pouted. "I'm obviously an intelligent and hot young—wait, you said mom? Who's your mom, then?"
The puppy snickered. He was about to make some kind of remark when the sky rudely decided to turn purple, of all colors. The puppy had inherited his mother's dislike of improper time calculation based on the amount of light available, and hurriedly whisked the sun back out again.
"HOLY SHITZ!" Link exclaimed. "IS AMMY YOUR MOM? THE HELL, KID, THAT'S THE SORT OF THING YOU TELL ME FIRST!"
"I thought it was obvious," shrugged the puppy.
"Hey, since you look exactly like a baby Ammy, how bout I call you Chibi, eh?" said Link, adding "Best Nicknamer" to his list of titles and achievements. Chibi wagged his tail, having not been previously trained on Link's horrendous nicknaming abilities. Besides, he always wanted a friend to give him an affectionate nickname. His mom had a bunch.
"Hold up," Link said, holding up his hand. He had gotten a very disturbing thought. "If Ammy's your mom, then who did she…" His eyes went wide. "OH GOD, PLEASE DON'T TELL ME IT'S THE PROPHET."
Chibi stared at him and cocked his head.
"Oh nevermind. Hey kid, you wanna do something fun?" He grinned and whipped out his wand. Now the wand, he had been warned of. He considered backing away slowly. "It's a game your mom and I loved to play…C'mon, kid, let's head over to Kamiki!"
"I thought we were in Kamiki."
Link tried to jump on Chibi's back, but ended up squishing him. "Nah, this is some village they carved out of the side of Shinshu Field in nine months to…uh…I'm not sure what it was built for," Link said. No one really knew why, either.
"Oh okay," said Chibi, accepting that as a proper explanation. He made Link walk when they made for Kamiki. Sakuya appeared to be waiting for them, looking hassled.
"Hey Sakuya, guess what—" Link called, but suddenly stopped short. "Damn, Chibi! We don't have any spoilers for this game yet!"
Sakuya sniffed triumphantly. "That's right. Besides, I have heard enough spoilers for the day."
"What?" cried Link. "From who? Hook me up with them! We can play let's annoy Sakuya together!"
"Why would I tell you now, bug?"
Link fumed and whined, "Then at least give me back my computer!"
"No."
"I'll dance until you give it back!"
Horrified by the prospect, the sky darkened and attempted to strike Link down before he could make a move. Fortunately for Link and unfortunately for the rest of the world, the lightning missed and struck the Guardian Sapling instead, creating a giant crack down the middle.
"Heh, I win!" cheered Link, doing his victory dance. "Chibi, just leave her like that…hey, what the hell are you—NO, STOP, DON'T DO IT, CHIBI!"
"Do what?" Chibi asked innocently, having already restored the Guardian Sapling using his newfound Restoration technique.
"Dammit, that's like the only time it's useful, too," Link muttered.
Sakuya reappeared in a swirl of sparkles. "Ahhh…I thank you, Chibiterasu," she said, shooting a glare at Link. "You are as kindhearted and great as your mother. But I'm afraid I won't be of much use as I am—"
"You'renouseatall," Link coughed. Sakuya snapped her fingers and a thin switch appeared out of thin air to whack him on the head.
"In any case, Nippon is in grave danger, Chibiterasu," Sakuya continued, as Link scowled and rubbed his head. "I can sense you are not as powerful as Amaterasu was, so you will need to find a human partner to aid you on your quest."
Uh-oh, Chibi thought. His mom warned him the tree sprite would try to rope him into some quest to save the world. He was beginning to think that restoring Sakuya had been a bad idea after all, even if it meant annoying Link.
"What?" Link cried. "Why does he need a human partner! I'm a freakin' Celestial Envoy, for cryin' out loud! I can go with him!"
"No. He's too impressionable. You'll rub off on him."
"I don't see what's wrong with that," Link muttered.
"You still have your duties over in Yakushi, Esteemed Celestial Envoy," Sakuya retorted, in a voice that suggested the decision was final and there would be no arguing. "Good luck, Chibiterasu!" She showered sparkles over him, pointedly leaving Link out.
"Well fine, it's not like I wanted to be covered in sparkles anyway!" Link shouted at the tree. He glowered and muttered curses under his breath, turning to Chibi. "Godammit, Chibi, why'd ya have to go ahead and revive her, anyway?"
Chibi shrugged. "She was pretty."
Link grinned and patted him on the back. "Well, Chibi, looks like the two of us will get along just fine. But let me tell you, there are better babes in this world than Sakuya. She's too uptight to be any fun. C'mon, let's head down to the village and I'll show you what I mean..."
"Okay," Chibi said. He hoped there were turnips, too.
A/N: Let me know how I'm doing so far! Review please, and have a nice day! :D