It was late, night having already settled into the sky a long time ago. Yet he still lingered, sitting by himself on the bench overlooking the empty tennis courts. There really was nothing that he could do to change what he'd done. Nothing that he could say that would mend the wounds he'd caused. Nothing that they could say that would make him change his mind. He hadn't know about them, even though now that he thought about what transpired between them these past two days, he couldn't stop thinking about how he'd never noticed it before. Their long stares and unintentional touches, seemingly innocent, even the way they stood next to each other bespoke of what they felt for one another. Yet he hadn't noticed it, he'd been blinded by his own thoughts, by his own presumptions about both of them. And in the end, he'd caused nothing but pain and anger.
He'd broken it, hadn't he? The trust that they'd placed upon him, that unspoken vow to let nothing come between them, to always remain friends. But he couldn't help but feel that they'd broken it first, that they'd betrayed him first. Which was something stupid; they had no reason to confide in him with such personal matters, and he himself had no reason to jump to conclusions like he'd done. He'd caused them pain, and in the long run he'd done nothing but walk away without another word; as if he was the one who had been wronged, as if it was their fault that everything was slowly crumbling between them. He hadn't known, or maybe it wasn't that he hadn't know, but that he'd chosen to remain ignorant of what was happening right in front of him. He liked them both -- no like was too small a feeling for what he felt for them -- he loved them. But he was never an emotional person, never really knew how to properly convey his feelings to others. Some people said he was quite transparent though, but when it came to this matter, it seemed that none of them had looked deep enough to realize that what he felt for them was not just mere friendship, it was love; one that was now slowly killing him from the inside out. He thought he was doing the right thing, but apparently he was wrong. How could he have known? How could he have been so wrong in assuming that they reciprocated his feelings?
It was all probably a game gone wrong. It was quite absurd -- now that he thought about it -- he could not pin point what it was that had possessed him to go out and confess to them. And now here he was, alone with his own reprimanding thoughts; just like he'd been before. It seemed that he was simply destined to remain alone, he thought as he sighed and stood up, picking up his empty can of Ponta and throwing it into a trash bin before turning around and heading back home.
He might have been headed home, searching for maybe a small amount of tranquility, for something that would anchor him so that his mind wouldn't drift away into things he did not want to think about. But on the other side of town another boy lay in bed unable to sleep, deep sapphire eyes wide open, constantly troubled about the events that had taken place. He sighed as he rolled over, looking at a picture that was on his window sill. It was one he'd taken three years ago, when the whole team went on a hiking trip to watch the sunrise. Two boys stood out in his eyes, two faces that would forever remain engraved in his mind and heart. One was of a tall bespectacled, hazel eyed boy; that even though he did not sport a smile, one could still see he was happy by the unmistakable light in his eyes. The other one was of a small boy who was scowling at the antics of his senpai's, golden eyes filled with an intensity that could burn when they landed on you. He didn't know what happened; his mind was still having trouble trying to piece together the events of the last two days. Or maybe it was years and not days that had led to the situation they were now faced with. He was confused, yet at the same time it all made sense.
He fell in love with him first, from the moment he saw him he knew he'd always love him. They began slowly, becoming good friends and somewhere in between, life long rivals, before crossing the line between friendship and love. He remembered it like it was yesterday. They had a fight, like they were prone to do, about why he could never take anything seriously, about how he was wasting his talent. He'd reciprocated by telling him he really did not care about his talent, and that there were other things more important to him than playing tennis. He'd angered him, that much was obvious, but he didn't care. He didn't stop at that though, for some reason everything he'd tried to keep locked up inside of him suddenly came charging out, and he'd said things he thought he'd never have the courage to tell him. In the end he thought that he'd broken the one precious thing he held dear, he thought that he'd never again be allowed to go near the other, that he would look down on him with disgust in those hazel eyes. But he was wrong. Before the thought of running away, of getting as far
as he could before the other one could say something even came to his mind, he's suddenly found himself roughly shoved against the lockers.
The kiss was far from tender; it was rough and painful. Lips suddenly crushing against each other, giving him no time to react. He was completely dominated, unable to even muster a small sound of protest as new sensations shot out throughout his body. Slowly, tentatively, he reciprocated the kiss, opening his mouth slightly before gasping as the other one roughly pushed in. He accepted it though, gave himself wholly and without any regrets, wrapping his arms around his neck and holding on for what felt like a lifetime as his senses were completely ravished. From that day on, it was as if an unspoken promise was made between them. They were always together, yet never made it obvious enough for others to notice the subtle change in their relationship. He was happy, he treasured each and every second he spent with him, and their love grew as time slowly progressed. He thought nothing could possible come between them, but he was wrong. Like a storm that comes and goes in the blink of an eye, he suddenly appeared in their lives. He was a breath of fresh air that took them all by surprise, and for the first time in his life he felt jealous.
Their time suddenly became compromised for the other one; their chats that once made him smile and crave for more were suddenly filled by the boy's unmistakable influence on the one he loved. He sat there, his smile not once wavering, listening to him talk about how he'd mold the young boy to become the next pillar of support, asking him if he had any advice to give. He hated it; he hated the feelings that began to grow inside of him, the thoughts that he began entertaining about them. But just like the boy was prone to do, with nothing but a smirk and the hit of the tennis ball, he once more completely turned his world upside down on its axis. It only took one match and one look from those eyes that threatened to swallow him whole for him to realize that what he felt was not hate.
That was the day that their relationship changed. They became more than kohai and senpai, and they slowly progressed into the field of friendship. Even though he did not wish to acknowledge it, he knew that events were repeating themselves over again. If he let it happen he knew that their friendship would turn into love. But he already had a loved one, and contrary to what others might think, he was not about to turn his back on him. So he stopped it before it got any further, he placed a wall between them in hopes that nothing would happen. He thought he'd been successful, but the past two days proved that he'd obviously not done a good enough job. It was as if time was playing a sick joke on them, as if events were repeating themselves over again but in different order. As if the original players had been replaced by new ones and he was the only one who stood there, unsure of how to react. Golden eyes looked up at him with such intensity that sent shivers through this body. Emotions that he thought he'd never see reflected in them were now directed at him, making his resolve to remain loyal to only one crumble.
This time, he'd been the one to shove the other against the lockers, he'd been the one to start ravishing that sinful mouth, and he'd been the one who'd moaned when the other one willingly gave himself over to his rough advances. He'd taken him; he hadn't held back but plunged right into him without a moment's hesitation. His young body, pliant and willing underneath him, not once complaining or making a move to stop him. Once it was all over they lay sprawled out on the dirty floor of the locker room, holding each other close as if a mere inch of separation was too painful to bare. It was at that exact moment, when he'd held him in his arms in a tight embrace, that he knew he loved him, that he knew he could not bare to be separated from him, and it was at that moment that he realized that he'd broken his promise to remain loyal to only one love. Yet he could not bring himself to regret his actions, there were countless emotions running through him at that moment, but regret was not one of them. That afternoon they'd parted with a promise to see each other later that was sealed with a tender kiss. What happened afterwards, however, was something nothing could prepare him for.
And now here he was, all alone in his darkened room with nothing but his thoughts, that kept going around in pointless circles. The solution was there, but he could not reach it by himself, he needed them. He closed his eyes in hopes of catching at least a few whispers of sleep, but all he could see was the faces two boys that stood beside him and a wall that had suddenly sprung up between them, threatening to break them apart forever.
A complete and utter mess, brought about by carelessness and ignorance from his part. That's was it all boiled down to; at least that's what a hazel eyed boy thought as he sat outside in his garden, overlooking the small koi pond. The moon's light shimmered in the water, giving it an ethereal look which calmed him and kept his nerves from overtaking his mind. Thoughts of various things just kept coming and going, nothing lingering long enough for him to grasp a hold of, for him to analyze and come up with some conclusive solution that would bring an end to this mess. He could have prevented this, he knew that much. He'd seen the signs; he'd known about them from the moment it first started to its climax where it all just tumbled down upon all of them.
But he hadn't done anything to stop it; he'd simply chosen to ignore it, thinking that nothing would actually come to pass. He'd chosen to fool himself into thinking that they would not change, that nothing would actually come between their paper thin friendships. Yes, paper thing was a good description of what the bond that they shared had been reduced to. It didn't matter what everyone else thought, or what they liked to put up as a façade in front of others, the reality lay in the fact that their relationship had been slowly disintegrating as the years went by. They didn't want to accept that though, and that's when the mask had been created; a mask that none of them really knew when they each began to wear. He remembered how his life had changed completely from the moment he voiced his love for him. From the moment that they'd become one he vowed to never leave his side; his love, and their bond which grew stronger as the years went by. And then he'd come around, taking everything and everyone by surprise and throwing their lived into a rollercoaster of emotions. He didn't know when it was that it all started, maybe it began from the moment those golden eyes looked up at him with surprise and admiration edged all over them. Something inside of him tugged at his heart, and that was all it took; he was hooked; completely and utterly ensnared by him.
He didn't let those emotions grow though; he was determined to keep them at bay. He was his kohai, and he was his captain; and it went without saying that he had another one whom he already loved. Another one whom he could not bare the thought of hurting. So he drew a line between them, always maintaining his stoic persona in front of him; but he could not deny that there'd been times that his mask had fallen. He'd let his guard down and allowed the boy to have a glimpse into how he really felt, after which it all slowly began to change. He loved him; it had taken nothing else but a glance from those golden eyes, suddenly filled with uncertainty and worry, and a soft whisper of buchou from those heavenly lips for his resolve to break. He hadn't been able to hold himself back, and before he knew it he had his arms wrapped around his small body, pulling him close, lavishing kisses on that angelic face. His name falling from his lips over and over again, as if to reassure himself that it was actually him in his arms and not just another dream from which he'd wake up from. Alone and longing for his small presence that he thought he'd never be able to hold. He loved him, he couldn't deny it, he couldn't fight it any longer, and he could no longer fool himself.
But before any one of them could say anything to the other, the door opened, and he walked in. His usual smiling face, which always managed break his stoic demeanor and replace it with a sincere smile, suddenly fell. It was replaced by a look of hurt, betrayal, and maybe if he thought too much into it, he might have seen a look of regret that shimmered in those blue eyes when he closed the door on them. They stood there, none of them knowing what it was they wanted to say, yet none of them making a move to leave. You hurt him, and once the truth came to light you realized how much you hurt the other one as well. The line that he'd hoped to place between the two of them had obviously failed to keep his emotions at bay. He loved them both, but did they feel the same? Words were spoken that should have shed some light into the matter, but it wasn't to be, instead everything became a bigger mess. All of them realized at that moment how twisted the roads they were following had become, how they all crossed paths at several points and somehow managed to tangle themselves further into each other's feelings. But there was pain there, an ocean of pain and regret that suddenly swelled up and overtook them.
He could see it in their eyes; he could feel it in the air. There was shame reflected in those golden eyes, yet even though his mind screamed for him to tell him that there was nothing to be ashamed of, his moth refused to voice his words. He could tell that he thought he'd completely misunderstood the both of them, that he'd come between their relationship and that now he was responsible for the pain they all felt. But he couldn't blame him, and as he looked in front of him into entrancing blue eyes, he realized that even he did not blame the small boy for what was happening. And it was then that he
understood, it was as if a bucket of cold water was suddenly dumped on him, finally waking up his dazed mind; he also loved the boy.
Where he thought betrayal was mirrored, he saw nothing but longing and regret. He loved them both, and the realization that they both reciprocated his feelings left him in a state of shock. Could this work? Could the pain and confusion and longing that they had suffered for so many years be erased? Could they really work out the maze that their lives had become? A parody of an atypical, taboo filled, love triangle that none of them realized they'd been living in. But he hadn't understood like the both of them did. He was still young, and still coming to terms with his own feelings, he was still unsure of how to express himself. And now, all he was able to portray in those mere minutes before he'd walked out on them, was the shame and regret he felt at thinking that he'd been the reason for the pain they were all going through. They both were lost in the realization that the events brought about, none of them were quick enough in recovering to stop him from leaving. And before they both knew it, it was just the two of them; left alone in the dirty locker room where it seemed that everything had began. In the end, none said anything; there really was nothing left to say. Both knew what was happening, both knew what the other felt. And it would not be until later that night, when he lay in his room shrouded by darkness, that he would realize what he needed to do in order to not just cross paths with each of them, but to set out together in one road.
The solution took him by surprise, not once having thought that he'd ever entertain such an idea. But it was the only way, he loved them and he couldn't bear been parted from either of them. That much he cannot deny, not now after he'd held them both in his arms, not now after he'd felt the deep peace and content that takes over the moment he stands in their presence. They belong next to him; he should have known that, he should have realized what all those signs meant throughout the years. But was it too late now? It must have been three in the morning by the time he made the decision of calling him. It's not like it mattered, he knew that he was as much awake as he was; he knew that he'd most likely reached the same conclusion that he had. He picked up after the first ring, his usually melodic voice wide awake and tinged with a hint of urgency; he knew they were both running against time. Without much preamble, both settled on what was needed to be done to convince the young boy that there was nothing to be ashamed of. None needed to say much, the conversation taking its usual course. Words were stated with underlying meaning that they both picked up, old vows were forgotten and new ones were forged. The past could not be thrown aside, but it could still build up to the future on the knowledge that it had given them.
The next day, both found themselves back in the place where it had all started. The same dirty old locker room that seemed destined to be the sole guardian of all that took place within its walls. It was not long before he walked in, carrying that same tattered tennis bag that he'd owned all the way back from middle school. There was a distraught aura that surrounded him, that made him look younger and defenseless. He was surprised at seeing the both of them and they were both shocked once they realized that his intentions were to resign the club and leave for good. He meant to leave them both; he said that it would be for the best, that he'd come between the two of them and the only way to fix it was to remove himself from their lives. Before another word could be spoken he moved forward and grabbed him in his arms, intending to never let him go. How could he? He needed him as much as he needed air to breathe. He didn't move though, made no intention to return the embrace. His eyes filled with pain and worry as he looked at the one person that had yet to move. I'm so sorry he whispered as he looked into intense blue eyes, thinking that he was further hurting him. But his worry soon turned into confusion as the one he looked upon returned his pained stare with a sincere and loving smile that bespoke of all his feeling for the boy.
That afternoon was the first time that all three sat down as one and actually talked about all the events that led to this moment. It was the first time that all three of them looked upon each other, without any walls or façade's between that would keep each of their feeling from reaching each other. That afternoon was when all three roads, that had turned and twisted and crossed so many times, finally merged into a solid one. And the sole witness to said feat was none other than an old dirty locker room; that once the lights were turned off and the door locked, never again whispered a word of the secrets that lie within its walls.
A/N: I don't usually post my stories here on, I tend to stay within LJ, but for some reason I decided to share this one... It was written for a prompt in the cactuscontinum community in LiveJournal, I hope you like it!! A thousand times thank you to Squishy the Jellyfish for a wonderful beta job…. And for putting up with me and my horrible grammar ……