Selfish
Synopsis: And she hates every girl who curls up against you, cause that's MY spot, not THEIRS. And yes it's irrational,
And yes that's selfish.
This is a short ficlet of sorts. Nothing major, minute detailing and not my best of works. Some late-night venting about my feelings put vicariuosly through this character.
-:-
She never says whats really wrong. She's not the type.
Her burdens, troubles, concerns..are hers and only hers.
What right does she hold unloading those onto someone else?
Obviously that person has their own issues and situations
they need to resolve. They don't need anothers to the heavy pile.
But everyone needs someone to lean on. Even me.
It'd be nice, ya know, to have one of those relationships
where I can just...I can just spill out everything that bothers me.
Or at least have the boyfriend who'd realize, she's ANGRY and she doesn't LIKE
feeling alone. Or that maybe, maybe, she is the jealous type.
and she hates every girl who curls up against you, cause thats MY spot
not theirs. And yes, it's irrational. And yes, it's selfish.
But maybe, maybe, I want to be SELFISH and say it's MINE and I don't Want to share.
Of course, I can't say that because that's selfish. And I can't BE selfish cause damn me for
wanting something for ME.
I have to share. I have to sit home alone and you can tell me of glorious escapades fufilled
in the hours of my doldrums, of waiting for you. You don't know how much I cry.
Or how much it's all really your fault every time I say it isn't you and how you ARE hurting me
and how much you make me hate myself. Or that the pounding of this keyboard
echoes to silence of my room. My eyes are swelling then drying then swelling. Cry again? Perhaps.
You don't know, though. Your too sleepy, too busy, too moody...too anything to notice.
I want -- no, I'll SHOW you then. What it's like, not having someone there, having to be so far.
You have your friends anyway and they're obviously more interesting then me, little ole, your damn
girlfriend, me.
What makes ME SO BAD?! I WANT TO KNOW. GOD DAMMIT
HOW COME YOU CANT NOTICE
WHY CAN YOU JUST SEE
IM LIKE EVERY OTHER GIRL IN THIS SENSE
I CRY
I HATE IT WHEN YOU DON'T CALL
I HATE HEARING ABOUT YOUR NEW GAL PAL
I HATE STAYING UP WAITING BY THE PHONE FOR YOU.
YOU ARE KILING ME.
KILLING ME.
KILLING ME.
-:-
Ah, as I said, not the BEST work of mine. But it's mroe of a free verse rant, as I stated previously. Review, perhaps?