Title: Lonely Valentine
Rating: T... just to be on the safe side...
Pairing: Nellie/Toby
Disclaimer: The Office does not belong to me. If it did, there'd be far more of these two.
Summary: Nellie and Toby share a moment in the kitchen on Valentine's Day.
Other: 1. I'd like to thank the lovely people who reviewed my last fic. Stupid me forgot to thank you then. So I do it now. Thank you. :)
2. This fic is dedicated to two lovely people over at tumblr. The first is Meg, for patiently waiting and encouraging me to write, letting me abuse her askbox, not minding the nutjob that I am and for generally being awesome. The second one is Wil, for being just the beautiful person she is. =)
3. This was originally supposed to be a 200 word fic... only missed it by 3.500... oh well.
Have fun. There are cookies waiting for you at the end.
~~o~~
It was Valentine's Day in the office and someone, either Angela or Pam had taken to decorate everything. Heart garlands hung along the walls, red flowers stood in the corners and chocolates had found their way on the desks. Phyllis was surprised by her husband bringing in her favourite cake during the break, Angela received a large bouquet of red roses from her husband. Oscar received some expensive chocolates from an anonymous suitor which strangely set Angela on edge.
Jim surprised Pam with not being in Philadelphia but Scranton, holding also a pretty boquet of red roses. And her favourite dress for their dinner reservation at their favourite restaurant in the evening.
Everybody seemed to have someone who thought about them. Kevin received some sweets from Oscar, who got a big piece of pie from the taller man. Creed got a package but showed no one what was inside. Even Meredith got a card.
Nellie sat at her desk and stared at the red roses on top of Pam's. Everybody seemed to have someone but her. She was alone.
Henry had used to bring her the most beautiful dark red roses he could find, had taken her to their favourite restaurant and opened a bottle of exquisite red wine when they came back home again. For nine years this day had been the most romantic day of the year for them. The memory of the tenth time Valentine's Day celebration at the restaurant was somewhat tinted by how Henry had vanished that very day with the waitress.
And had left her alone with a dinner reservation for two.
Sitting at her desk, surounded by happy couples, red roses and so much love, she just couldn't take it anymore. Mumbling that she was going to get herself some coffee she fleed into the kitchen, where to her dismay, the Valentine Theme in form of garlands and chocolates was continued. Gripping a clean mug she reached for the coffee, only to discover that someone had not cooked new one after drinking the rest.
Sighing she rubbed her forehead and her temples. Closing her eyes as she leaned against the counter, she coursed herself for not staying at home as she had planed originally. It would have been easier.
Suddenly angry with herself she slammed her hand down as she bumped the front of her hip against the counter and send the mug tumbling to the side. Blasted Day! Blasted Valentine where everyone was behaving like lovesick teenagers. Where everyone was happy.
Her fingers clenched around the mug and she threw her head back, feeling her hair tumbling over her shoulders and back.
It was no use. Behaving like a lunatic wouldn't get her through this day any less than pretending as if she was happy with her life right now. She was alone. She felt lonely. She was over forty years old, in debt and halfway around the globe from the rest of her family. And she hadn't been laid in a long time.
Her shoulders sank and a deep brath escaped her. For a moment she stood stockstill before she shook her head. She snorted at the pathetic life she was leading as she rightened her mug and gripped the coffee pot rather forcefully to fill it with water to make new one. Fiddling for a moment until she could step back to wait for it to finish she ignored the feeling as if someone had been watching her.
Great. She was apparently getting paranoid also. Lonely and paranoid. Not long and she would run after kids yelling at them to get off her property, to then turn back and walk into her empty house again. She'd probably then get herself a lot of cats to try and drone out the feeling of being unloved, becoming the crazy cat lady at whose house the children would throw eggs at Halloween. And one day the neighbours would notice that she hasn't been out for a few days and call the police. Who'd find her then dead in her bedroom, dressed in a pink bathrobe and fluffy slippers. Glorious future right ahead of her.
Or maybe she would spend her life having affairs with married men, who'd promise her to leave their wife for her and just forget her in the end because they have found a younger and prettier mistress. And she'd then spend her days and nights dressing up into her most expensive dresses, seducing old rich grandpas hoping they might love her or becoming her own personal version of Mrs. Robinson and seducing far too young students in the night. While buying pianos during the day. Another wonderful future right there.
Angrily Nellie wiped the tears from her suddenly wet cheeks. Great. No man. No future. No coffee. But tears and lonelyness. That's exactly what she needed.
She wiped with the back of her hand beneath her eyes to save her mascara. But knowing herself it was already too late. The counter of the kitchen was cold beneath her fingers as she steadied herself while she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Pressing the knuckles of her tear stained hand against her lips she tried to get back into control. But no matter how much she tried her breaths were still shaky as she tried to keep herself from sobbing.
She was a though business woman. She didn't cry. She wasn't weak.
She was just lonely.
Very much so.
More tears ran down her cheeks, against her fingers and down her throat. Her shoulders shook, as she tried to muffle the sound of her sobs with her fingers. Forcing herself to take deep breaths she wiped furiously at the wetness beneath her eyes and then griped the counter with both hands. If she could hold on to that, she could also take a hold of her emotions. She was British, for goddness' sake!
She fought with her breathing, the sobs that still wanted to rake through her body, when suddenly a hand touched her shoulder. Violently she winced away from the warm fingers. Backing hard into the counter, she felt it painfully slam against her hip. Her coffee mug got hit by her own hand and was send flying onto the carpet. With one hand she gripped the counter behind her, while her other arm snaked around her stomach and her fingers gripped the soft material of her shirt rather tightly.
The ground had not the courtesy to open up when she realised who was standing before her.
Standing before her, his hand halfway between them and a completely shocked expression on his face, was no one else but Toby.
Why did her day just go from bad to worse?
Toby let his hand fall when he noticed how she braced herself against his presence. He was sorry for having alarmed her so much. It had not be his intention to startle her into hurting herself when he had entered the kitchen. But he hadn't been able to watch her any longer from his part of the office.
The sight of her tears and her shaking shoulders had forced him from his immobility and right into the kitchen. He couldn't simply stand there and watch her cry. Not when he at least may be able to stop her tears.
He knew that the kiss at Christmas had meant nothing to her. Her behaviour around him, the way she had tensed whenever he had touched and hugged her on the day when the whole office had discussed the relationship between Erin and Pete, had shown him that. And he minded that it did not matter to her. Because it mattered to him. Still, he could not watch her cry. This strong woman shouldn't suffer. He wanted to see her happy, wished to see her laugh out loud, with a twinkle in her eyes and a a soft smile on her lips.
Not to back away from him as if he was about to take her money.
Nellie let her breath escape when Toby clenched his hand at his side. In this light, alone in the kitchen, he looked like a kicked puppy. And she felt bad for it, because if she wanted or not, she had been the one doing the kicking. Sighing she loosened the death like grip on her shirt. Unconciously she stroked her flat hand over her side and her stomach while looking at the knot in his tie.
Even if she wanted to, she did not find the courage within herself to look him in the eye.
Awkward. This whole situation was awkward. With him standing more than a foot away from her and with her pressing herself against the counter, trying to hide the last remnants of her tears and avoiding his eyes. And it shouldn't be. Toby took his courage together and reached out for her again.
Feeling his fingers stroke over her wrist and then on to her lower arm wrapped around her stomach she just felt the tension inside her snapping. Gradeful for the counter which pressed against her back and her hips, therefore keeping her from falling, she stroked her hair nervously over her shoulder.
What were they doing? What was he doing? She should be running for the hills. Or at least leave the kitchen, but she couldn't. She had to look like hell, with her running mascara and her red rimmed eyes. Why did she never think about buying water resistend make up? What was she doing here? Why did she let him touch her, when several days ago she had flinched at every innocent contact between them. Although hugging and whispering in her ear weren't that innocent on second thought.
Her skin felt so soft beneath his fingertips. Warm and smooth, like silk in a summer breeze. Just like it had felt at the Christmas party. Slowly Toby let his fingers slide up her arm, carefully avoiding to touch her stomach, no matter how much he wished to though. His hand came to rest on her elbow, circling it and stroking his thumb over the inside of it with the barest of touches.
Nellie let him touch her, let him circle her elbow and stroke the inside of it. She let him step closer to her, neither flinching nor turning away from him. Still she did not look him in the eye, though she did not know anymore if she did it because she refused to do so, or because she could not do so. Instead she closed her eyes against his gaze and tilted her head down to the side.
She did not feel like running anymore. She was tired of pretending she did not care about being alone. She was lonely. Gravely so. But still she could not let him in.
When she did neither flinch nor turn away he stepped closer to her. His foot made contact with the fallen mug and a quiet noise broke the silence between them but he ignored it. Mindful of the way she averted her eyes and closed them altogether as he came to stand directly before her. Letting her have enough space to breath, to escape if she needed to, he only let his hand touch her elbow.
For a moment he studied her features, her thin but shapely eyebrows over her closed eyes. Eyes which had the most beautiful colour he had ever seen; which were deep and soulful, bright and intelligent, and in which he could lose himself. Her fine cheekbones and her pretty nose. And most of all her lips. Her beautiful mouth and those red lips, the little pout which was natural for her.
She was beautiful.
And sadly not his.
The silence between them grew as Nellie felt him move closer. A little moan escaped here as she waited for him to press against her, like he had at Christmas. But he never did.
The only sounds in the kitchen were Nellie's hard breathing and Toby's heart hammering against his ribs. He carefully pressed her elbow to reassure her that he would not hurt her and slowly lifted his other hand, fearful that she'd reject him or he'd send her running after all. His fingers were shaking slightly as he touched her wonderful red hair on the averted side of her head. It felt so soft and silky when he let his fingers slide down the side of her head to cup her cheek.
She felt his fingers slowly combing through her hair before touching her face. In her chest her heart started to race. She would have asked herself what he was about to do, but the answers to this were always the same. So instead she waited for him to grab her behind the neck and push himself on to her.
But no push came. No grabbing, no pressing to her, no kiss. Just a tender caress of her hair and skin with strong but shaky fingers.
With a sudden clarity she realised that he was just as nervous as her. Maybe even afraid that she'd run, because he was allowing himself too much, that he was asking for too much. And maybe he was taking too much liberties but she did not mind anymore. She forgot to mind when his thumb hesitantly stroked the creamy skin of her cheek. With the lightest of touches, as if she was made of glass, he softly stroked over the last tear stains.
Something in Nellie melted. The tension that had flown through her body left her suddenly. Her whole body seemed to deflate and to fall back from him, so Toby instinctively tightened his hold on her elbow to keep her upright. Worried that she was feeling unwell he leaned down to look into her eyes, but found that she hadn't opened them once since he'd touched her. Now he was sure that she did not want him so close.
And then he felt her cheek turn into his palm.
Time seemed to stand still as through her movement his thumb no longer brushed over her smooth skin but over her soft beautiful lips.
For a moment Nellie's breathing and heart stopped. His touch on her lips was so light, so caring. The hand on her elbow strong yet careful. She tried to remind herself that the man before her had pressed her against the refrigerator at Christmas and had creeped her out just a few weeks ago. But here he stood. Mindful, caring, tender. A deep shaky breath escaped her lips while her heart started to race.
Warm breath grazed the top of his thumb when he felt her breathing set in again. It was warm against his skin. With a smile he carefully turned her head to face him.
And found himself looking into her beautiful eyes.
For a moment they just looked at each other. Two lonely souls on a day that should not be spend alone. Who both craved somebody to be with. To come home to, to argue with, to laugh with. Who just wanted to not be so alone anymore.
Toby felt Nellie's lips open beneath his thumb. Felt her breathing coming in short gasps. For a moment he worried that she was about to take flight but then her hand that formely had held onto the counter for dear life slipped beneath his jacket. Slowly it slid over the material of his shirt and brushed against his stomach before it came to rest on his side.
Heat seeped through his shirt where her hand lingered on him. For a short moment Nellie couldn't help herself but wondered if he was always this warm. And if his skin would be even warmer if he weren't wearing a jacket or indeed a shirt. She wondered if his skin would still feel as warm against hers, and if he'd touch her as gentle as he was doing now when they were alone where no one could walk in any minute.
Nellie looked up into Toby's blue eyes. The expression in them caused a shiver to run down her back. They seemed to be darker than normal, hiding a passion that no one ever got to see, yet he looked at her with patience, with gentleness.
She felt overwhelmed from his gaze but could not look away.
Feeling as if he could see every single one of her thoughts reflected in her eyes, especially those about his body heat, she bit her lower lip.
The expression in her eyes changed from worried to warily, as if something was going through her head she did not want to think. For a moment Toby wondered what it might be but then he felt his heart miss a beat when the tough business woman that Nellie was looked almost coyly at him.
And then the gentle brush of her lips against his thumb made him realise that he was still looking at her. He could have lost himself in her eyes, drowned in their depth and be happy with it. But his gaze wandered down to her lips, which were slightly open against his thumb.
For a moment he hesitated, not sure why he did so, then he moved his thumb back from her lips and stroked his fingers back through her hair.
The glorious feeling of having someone playing with her hair did not stop Nellie from wondering if the moment had broken and he was about to leave her in the kitchen alone. The thought that she somehow had messed up again threatened to settle heavily as disappointment on her mind.
Her fingers on her stomach clenched and she made ready to pull away from him.
And then Toby kissed her.
Nellie's eyes closed as every thought just left her mind and left her to feeling. It was not a kiss like he had given her at the Christmas party. Aggressive, full of passion and unresolved tension. No. Maybe it wasn't the most passionate kiss that would have made every woman weak in the knees, but then it did not need to. Her knees getting weak were the only ones that needed to.
And getting weak they did.
His hand wandered to the back of her neck as his lips grazed her lower lip, while his other hand left her elbow and slid around her back to keep her from falling. For a moment her arm was trapped but then somehow it found its way beneath his jacket just like her other arm had before. She held on to his sides as his lips caressed hers. Gently he kissed her. Slow and tenderly. There was no need behind it, no longing for more. Just a simple but tender kiss.
And for her, it made it just so much more sensual.
He felt her fingers grip into his shirt as he pulled her against him. Wanting to be as close to her as he could, as there was the chance that this kiss may be his last. And if it was, then he did not want to regret any second of it.
The warmth of Toby's body clouded Nellie's mind. Whatever else she was supposed to be doing was forgotten, there was nothing in her mind. Only him, his warmth and his mouth hot against hers.
He was teasing her lips with his, taking as much as he wanted, demanding but never taking what she wasn't willing to give. He gave her everything he could, more even. He was hers and found her surrendering to him.
Toby worshipped every little slide of her hands against his sides, every gentle, every tender touch of her beautiful enticing lips agaist his own. His heart was about to burst when he felt her mouth open beneath his, when her hands slid down his sides to where his shirt was tucked into his trousers.
Nellie moaned against his lips.
With the hand on her back Toby pressed Nellie against him. Her body flush against his, every line, every glorious curve of her.
Nellie felt his teeth graze her bottom lip, felt him pulling it between his own and before she could help herself she gasped. She allowed him to deepen the kiss, she wanted him to deepen the kiss. He could take from her whatever he wanted as long as he was willing to give her everything she needed. She would come undone in his arms if he continued to hold her like he did.
She was unwilling to let him go.
He was all she needed right now.
Her hands tucked his shirt from his trousers.
And Toby broke the kiss.
Stepping slightly away from her his fingers slid from her neck and his other hand around her back, down her arms and to her wrists. Gently he pulled her hands away from his shirt, took hers into his and held them between them. They both were out of breath, panting slightly, though wether it was from the emotion or the kiss itself they both were not sure.
For a moment they both looked at their clasped hands before she looked up and into his face. His eyes concentrated a bit longer on their hands, then he lifted them up and caressed his lips over her fingers.
Then he met her gaze.
Nellie felt her heart beating painfully in her chest. She had overstepped some unspoken bounds. Took a liberty he wasn't willing to give. Had demanded more from him than he had at the Christmas party. Her cheeks were burning with deep embarrassment at her own stupidness.
And then Toby nudged her chin with one pair of their clasped hands and smiled a soft and adoring smile at her. They just looked at each other for a moment and the heat in her cheeks faded away.
They just stared at each other, saying nothing. Not moving, just their hands touching and their hearts beating. He smiled at her and she understood. She did not need him to say it, one look of his blue eyes was enough. He would give her everything if she wanted it. But not here. Not in the kitchen, not in a rush, not with their co-workers right in the next room.
Toby saw her nod, saw how she understood what he couldn't say. Leaning forward slightly he breathed a kiss on her lips, then on her cheek. Letting go of her hands, he whispered against her ear.
"Happy Valentine's day."
Then he was gone.
~~o~~
I hope you liked it. If you did, please leave a review and have some cookies. *holds out cookie-tin* If not, either leave one anyway or throw my cookie-tin against my head. ;)