Drool languidly pooled on his desk. He was in that vague state of mind between consciousness and sleep where you know you're awake but you're much too tired to give a damn.
Professor Whembly began to make his way around the balcony where the sixth years were supposed to be creating star maps. James pried an eye open to look at what he had completed so far. Judging by the lazy scribbles he hadn't gotten much further than the Aurora Borealis. There was no doubt that James couldn't fail another assignment if he ever wanted to continue with astrology - not that he really fancied the subject much but he knew Sirius liked learning about the constellations and that was enough for him.
Normally James would've just copied off of Remus, but he was in the hospital wing due to last night being a full moon.
Desperately James looked around for a miracle. He would've even copied off Peter or Sirius had they been awake.
Just as he was really beginning to panic a paper slid towards him with a perfect representation of the international cardinals. Lily had passed her paper over the blank space that would've been occupied by Remus. He looked at her in confusion but she simply mouthed "hurry," and nodded anxiously in the direction of Whembly. He needed no further telling and sloppily reiterated what Lily had so meticulously drawn.
In the last moments when the professor's back was turned, James slid the paper back to Lily with eyes full of gratitude. Whembly collected their maps without so much as a second glance as to what was on it. James could have drawn a crude rendering of a garden gnome pissing on Severus Snape's head and Whembly wouldn't have known the difference.
The class was packing their things and sluggishly moving their way to their dorms when James prodded Sirius and Peter awake.
"Mmm what time is it?" grumbled Peter, still not out of his daze.
"I'll meet you back at the common room, okay?" James said to Sirius, meeting his eyes to indicate that he needed to be alone.
"C'mon, Pete." groaned Sirius as he put Peter's arm around his shoulders and dragged him into the castle.
James took advantage of the nearly empty balcony and approached Lily, who was packing up her things.
He unconsciously scratched the back of his head and ruffled his hair before remembering that Lily thought he did this on purpose to arouse girls. He let his hand drop awkwardly to his side while his other absentmindedly drummed on her desk.
"Yes?" she asked without turning towards him.
"Thank you," he spoke earnestly.
Her eyes moved to meet his. The vivid emerald pierced through his calm hazel, making his breath hitch ever-so-slightly in his throat.
"You're welcome," she replied and began to make for the door.
Of course that's the standard response when someone says 'thank you' but he knew she meant it. And it killed him not to know why she had helped him, especially when it was of no benefit to her.
James jogged to meet her pace and they began walking together towards their common room.
"So, why did you do it? Help me, I mean."
Lily stopped in her tracks and turned her head upward to look him in the eyes again. Despite being about a head taller than her, James was the one who felt intimidated. Lily was searching his face for her next words with the same look she had when she didn't understand something to the point where it bothered her.
"I don't know what it is that you do for Remus and I don't know what's wrong with him. I know you can't tell me and that's fine but I also know you can't tell any teachers which means whatever you do for him goes unnoticed. It obviously takes its toll on you all and I think it's really unfair that you should have to keep up with your school work, and quidditch, and sleep, and Remus all at once."
The words tumbled out of her mouth like they'd been prepared, like she'd been thinking about this a lot. Lily's face changed from inquisitive to anxious as she awaited his reply.
James stared at her in disbelief. Was she this observant with everyone? What else had she noticed? A million questions swam through his mind so fast he couldn't piece together a suitable response. Lily gave him a few more seconds before continuing.
"Look, I'm not the best at astrology but I understand the concepts pretty well. I could get you caught up so you wouldn't be behind anymore."
"So you want to tutor me?"
"If it'll help. And let me be very clear, Potter, that these are educational tutoring sessions only. No funny business, alright?" She cocked an eyebrow at him in a challenging manner.
Her playful jest snapped him right back into his usual mindset and he carried on with their banter.
"Alright, Evans, calm down. What else would there be to do besides astrology?" James cocked a smirk that made Lily reluctantly drop her facade and grin.
"Friday night then. Unless you're busy?"
"There's no other way I'd rather spend a Friday night."
"Bullshit!" enunciated Sirius. A cigarette hung loosely on his lips daring to fall only to be drawn back in for another drag. He blew the smoke out their dorm's window.
Despite the chilliness of the weather outside, James was positively sweating. After parting from Lily he tore up the stairs to meet his mates and tell them word for word everything that was said between Lily and him.
"Yeah, James, are you sure you didn't just doze off and dream all this?"
James stared at them imploringly. Finally, something had happened between him and Lily and they didn't even believe him. Remus would believe him; he knew Lily better than any other marauder and he would see that James wasn't lying. If only he could hurry up from the infirmary, he should be back by now…
Just as James was starting to inquire after Remus's whereabouts, none other than Remus himself walked through the door.
"Moony, listen to this: James says he's got a date with Evans."
"Does he now?" Remus said with a sigh as he set his things on his bed and plopped wearily down.
"It's not a date. She offered to help tutor me in astrology."
"Friday night…" Peter added in a singsong voice.
"We're studying astrology, you git. We can exactly look at the stars in broad daylight."
"Merlin's shitty briefs," Sirius cursed as he rose from his bed to approach James. Sirius lifted James's chin and looked him in the eyes like a doctor would at a checkup. The smoke from the cigarette stung James's eyes as Sirius exhaled. "You're serious."
James would've seized the opportunity to make a pun but he was too relieved that Sirius finally believed him.
"Now that you understand, you have to help me. Friday's only two days away and I'm pissing myself with nerves."
"What's there to be nervous about? You'll just be studying." voiced Remus as he took the cigarette from Sirius's proffered hand.
"This is the first time Lily and I will be hanging out one-on-one voluntarily." The cigarette passed on and James took a long drag before continuing. "I know we're just studying but I gave up all hope last year of her ever liking me. I stopped asking her out and left her alone because it was a lost cause." He shook his head and inhaled deeply. "I think she's giving me a second chance and I don't wanna fuck it up."
The boys saw how important this was to their friend, their brother, and chose not to rag on him.
"Of course we'll help you."
"What do you need us to do?"
Lily took a different approach to telling her friends. She recounted their meeting cautiously as if every word she said would be the next to detonate a bomb. Lily had carefully left out the part where she had confessed her observations of James and his friends. She had the suspicion that not everyone was as observant as her and she didn't want to bring attention to his secret.
She waited for Marlene or Mary to reply.
"Why'd you offer?" questioned Mary.
"I think it's my duty as a prefect to ensure that everyone gets the help-"
"Bullshit. Potter's struggled with subjects before and you haven't offered to help then. Why now?" Marlene either knew her too well or Lily was as readable as the sunday paper.
"He...I…I don't know…" Lily laid her head in her hands and massaged her temples. "He's not like he was last year, or any year for that matter. I don't know what happened over holiday but every since the start of this year he's treated me nicely. Did you know he hasn't asked me out once this year? He hasn't asked me…" She exhaled heavily and he voice became softer. "He hasn't asked me since the incident with Severus."
She looked at her friends and the skeptical looks on their faces. "He's matured. And he needs help and I don't see any reason why we can't be civil and have platonic tutoring sessions."
"This wouldn't have anything to do with what happened after last week's game, would it?"
At the mention of Gryffindor's last Quidditch game Lily's cheeks flushed to match her hair.
"What? Why no! Of course not!"
"Wait what happened at the match?" inquired Mary, who had been spared the embarrassing details of the event.
"Oh nothing. Lily came looking for me after the win in the changing tent and instead walked in on James." Marlene paused and made eye contact with Mary. "Shirtless."
Lily glared but that didn't stop her mind from wandering back to how James had pulled his robes over his head to reveal his toned and tan upper body. Evidently she'd been staring much too long because Marlene had walked out from the loo and cleared her throat while grinning madly. At the sound, James turned towards the entrance to the tent and gave Lily a soft smile which made her think he hadn't noticed her staring.
As Marlene threw her gear in her bag, Lily scrambled to find words to fill the silence. "Uh, good game, Potter."
"Thanks, Evans." He grinned at her compliment and carried on dressing back into casual clothes.
Lily exited the tent and waited outside for Marlene, who promptly squealed the whole way back to the common room about how Lily was practically drooling over James's abs.
"Why didn't I hear about this?" pouted Mary.
"Because it wasn't a big deal and it meant nothing." So what if he has a good body? Thought Lily. It changes nothing. She offered to tutor him because he needed the help, not because his biceps would look fabulous pinning her up against a wall.
Marlene and Mary's knowing smirks earned them a few choice words from Lily as she marched into their bathroom to shower.
Painfully slowly, Friday arrived.
Lily spent the afternoon avoiding James at all costs. She was convinced that if she even saw him that her nerves would betray her and she'd ralph. Lily tried to assure herself that it was the roast beef sandwich she'd had at lunch and not the idea of being alone with James Potter that was making her stomach turn in knots.
James wasn't fairing much better. But while Lily avoided him to calm her nerves, James felt that even just seeing her from afar would ease his churning stomach. His afternoon was spent in a balance between snitch catching and smoke breaks. James wasn't even the smoker; he only ever smoked when Sirius already had one lit. Yet at the point his nerves were at, he'd do anything to calm them.
At dinner he had hardly touched his shepherd's pie and was picking at the crust when a dainty hand laid itself on his shoulder.
"We still on for tonight?" she asked him, as if James would ever cancel on plans with her.
"Yeah if you're still willing."
"Great. 10 o'clock then? That should be late enough so that everything is visible."
After agreeing on 10, Lily left the Great Hall and headed straight to her dorm. There was still two hours until she had to leave but if she didn't busy herself with something she'd go mad. Lily carefully shaved her legs despite it being -6 degrees outside. She knew that smooth legs wouldn't matter and she shouldn't even bother because James Potter will most certainly not be touching her legs tonight. Still, it made her feel sexy and confident and she surely needed that tonight.
When she left the bathroom Marlene, Mary, and Dorcas were surrounding her bed, rifling through her clothes. It seemed as if Marlene had filled Dorcas in, which is to say that Dorcas most likely thought Lily was going on a date with James and not just tutoring him.
"Oh good, you're out." noted Marlene. "What do you think of this?" She held up a low-cut sweater with an open back that would certainly give Lily frostbite if she actually tried to use it for warmth.
"I can pick out my own clothes, thank you very much."
"So you don't want our help?"
"Well what did you have in mind?"
The girls grinned as she succumbed and promptly tossed Lily around like she was a fashion model in need of a new display.
After about 25 minutes of changing shirts and trying scarves they group agreed on a suitable outfit. It was simple enough: jeans and a navy blue henley with a forest green sweater over it. It wasn't the most flattering look to her body, but the green complimented her hair and she needn't impress Potter in the first place.
It was a quarter to 10 so Lily swiped some mascara on and grabbed her bag to head to the astronomy tower. Technically she was supposed to be in bed but if anyone stopped her she could just lie about prefect duties. She only hoped that James would be smart enough to make it there without getting caught.
James hadn't even spent much time getting ready. After dinner he dashed upstairs to grab warmer clothes and a blanket to sit on.
He paced around the astronomy tower while half-heartedly reviewing his notes for the better part of an hour. Only after coughing into his sweater did he realize he hadn't shaved. His stubble was threatening on the verge of a beard and made him seem careless and not put together. James considered running back for a quick shave when he heard the ornate door of the balcony creek open.
Neither one knew what to say but they both grinned like mad idiots.
"I- uh, I brought this blanket," James gestured to the flannel cover that lay sprawled on the ground. "That was stupid," he said shaking his head. "I really didn't mean to suggest anything by it but chairs are really hard to drag up here and it was all I could find-"
"James, it's fine." Lily assured him. She went to sit on the blanket and patted the spot next to her. "Plus it's easier to stargaze if you lay down. Wouldn't want our star Quidditch player to hurt his neck."
"Oh, right…" spoke up James, who sat down next to her like he was in a daze.
Her presence next to him paradoxically made him both comfortable and anxious. She tested him on material and he tried the hardest he'd ever had to impress her. He was striving to prove to Lily that he's not just an ass of a jock but someone with smarts as well, capable of having an intellectual conversation.
"Not bad, Potter," praised Lily. They'd just finished reviewing for the third time and James had gotten all her questions right. "If I didn't know any better I'd say you might be able to pass your N.E.W.T."
"All because of you, Miss Evans."
"No, James, it's not. You're smart, you just don't apply yourself enough. You could easily get a job in the ministry as an auror or-"
"I don't want to have a job. I don't want to get by and pay the bills. There's something much bigger going on here and I'm not going to sit idly by and pretend the ministry's doing the right thing. Getting an "O" in astrology isn't going to stop a dark wizard from killing me."
"Those are just rumors-"
"That's bullshit and you know it, Lily. You're much too smart to believe the Prophet. A war is starting and we're all going to have to fight sooner or later. I just- I want to be prepared."
Lily nodded solemnly and stared at her hands in her lap. James looked over at her pale face, kissed with freckles. Her cheeks were bright pink fro the bite of the night and hot tears
were brewing in her eyes.
"Lily, I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to come out so harsh."
"No, you're right. You're right and I knew you were but I just didn't want it to be true. I tried to ignore the papers but I won't anymore. You're right about everything and I want to be ready too."
In her eyes he saw the fierce determination that only a woman who believes in a cause could have.
James nodded and their attention turned back to the stars. Neither were looking to study them but they turned to the sky for answers to their impending future.
Lily continued gazing at the stars and smiled despite saying, "I'm scared." Her voice was hoarse and cracked. If it hadn't been so silent that night it could've been mistaken for the wind.
He looked at her and studied everything that he could about her. The determination hadn't left her face, but fear had joined it. A hot tear rolled down her cheek and dropped off her chin. She was swallowing back tears with her smile but her methods were starting to fail her.
Tentatively, James lifted his arm and pulled her into an embrace. Lily didn't protest and even nuzzled into his chest.
"I'm scared too," he spoke into her hair.
In silence they stayed like that until the wee hours of the morning.
As dawn broke they walked back to their tower hand-in-hand. Their hands had unconsciously found each other and soothed the other with their warm presence on the cold morning.
When they reached the split in their dorms James broke the silence.
"Lily, you don't have to go through it alone."
She smiled at him and squeezed his hand before letting go and crawling into bed.