A/N: won't lie. Despite how old this fic is, I'm somewhat proud of it. I know it's OOC here and there, but I had a few people request this type of fic a few years ago on LJ. So I went ahead and wrote it, and completely forgot to post it here. So here you go!

Self-Control

One-Shot

It was a simple mission in Finland. Well, it was supposed to be, anyway.

Kanda ground his hips against Allen's, pressing him against the stone cold wall. The younger exorcist threw his head back, moaning at the contact, hands fisting Kanda's tattered cloak. The older exorcist dipped his head to nip down Allen's neck.

Just a simple retrieval mission; gather the Innocence, return to headquarters. Nothing big; they did it practically everyday now.

"K-Kanda!" The Japanese male grunted and bit Allen's neck to silence him, hands deftly undoing the rest of the younger exorcist's cloak, throwing it off the thin shoulders onto the floor.

But the stupid fucking beansprout had jacked it all up. So worked up about the Akuma's soul that another Akuma got away with the Innocence. Kanda had eventually chased it down and stolen it back, slicing through the demon's body and destroying it. But he was pissed now because it was a lot of wasted effort and he wanted to make sure the stupid beansprout knew it. He wanted to be worked up? Kanda would make him scream if he had to.

"K… Kan-Kanda…!" The beansprout was shivering against him, his knuckles white against the remains of Kanda's black cloak.

"Shut. Up." The tone was annoyed, laced with anger.

Kanda yanked the ribbon off Allen's neck with one smooth movement and pulled at the other's shirt underneath. Two buttons snapped off and Kanda attacked the exposed collar, leaving angry teeth marks in his wake, but he knew the stupid bean loved it deep down, so he continued doing it. Contrary to the popular belief, Kanda wasn't stupid when it came to observing things in society and he saw the signs. The bean was a fucking masochist and Kanda knew it. He didn't go looking for pain, and there were things that Allen didn't like (pain in certain places, for example), but at the moment, he was probably craving it, the stupid retarded sprout. So Kanda was going to give it to him. And make him suffer for it.

"S-stop…!"

"No," Kanda grunted back. "You like this kind of fucking treatment."

Allen's eyes snapped open wide. "Y-you're wrong!"

"Don't fucking lie to me."

Allen shut his mouth, arching against Kanda as teeth found a single nipple, toying with it, and then dragging down. Hands undid the last of Allen's buttons with impatience, yanking the article of clothing off the sprout's shoulders. Since the cuffs of the sleeves were buttoned, the shirt remained hanging on Allen's wrists, but Kanda could hardly give a shit. Allen's wrists were pinned to either side of him, his shirt dangling behind him, and Kanda leaned back down, nipping and biting at Allen's skin, both scarred and smooth.

Allen shuddered, head tilting back against the wall, eyes shut tightly. He knew Kanda was angry with him, which was probably why the bites hurt more than usual, but Allen knew the other exorcist was right. He did like pain. This kind of pain, anyway, because Allen didn't walk out and ask everyone to beat on him, oh no. Only Kanda could do this to him, give him pain and pleasure at the same time.

Allen wasn't sure when Kanda had unbuttoned his trousers, but he felt a large hand on his half-hard erection and he jerked into it, trying to get more contact. Through Kanda's harsh, rough treatment so far, this part was surprisingly light, too light. He needed more contact. But Kanda wasn't giving it to him. After all that, why wasn't he—?

Oh, hell.

"Quit squirming," Kanda growled into his ear.

His hand left Allen's arousal and the boy couldn't help but squirm then, trying to move his hands to get Kanda back to that aching need, but the older exorcist wouldn't have it. Instead, in one swift move, Kanda has used Allen's hanging shirt to his advantage and had tied Allen's wrists together tightly, almost tight enough to cut off circulation to his hands. Allen jerked, trying to get out of it, but Kanda turned him around, pushing him down to the floor and pinning him there, arms behind his back, tied and useless, pressed between his body and the hardwood floor.

"Quit fucking moving so much, baka moyashi!" Maybe it was the growl in Kanda's voice or the angry tone, but something made Allen stop struggling, if only for a moment, and look up at the other male.

"I already said I was sorry, Kanda!" Chrome eyes looked up at Kanda, needy, but defiant and angry. Stupid bean. "I get it! I won't let an Akuma get the chance to take the Innocence again!"

"You're an idiot." Kanda repositioned himself above Allen, one leg in-between the other's thighs. Allen looked confused now, and a little… frightened? Possibly. "That's not what this is about."

"Then wha—Ah!" Allen was cut off when Kanda went back to the neglected desire, giving it a firm, long stroke.

While Allen shuddered beneath him, Kanda's dark eyes fixed a glare on the other's face, watching as it screwed up in pleasure, raw pleasure that only he could give.

"This is about how you have no self-control what-so-fucking-ever."

Silver-blue eyes looked up at Kanda's dark navy. That was this was about? It was to teach him a lesson? Seeing Allen's shocked look, Kanda smirked, a glint in his eyes. "Idiot finally gets it. About time."

Before Allen could protest, Kanda shut him up with a rough, messy kiss, tongue thrust into the other's mouth. Kanda worked on sliding Allen's pants down past his hips, pooling at his ankles before the Japanese male yanked them off. Kanda's hands went to Allen's legs, nails dragging lines against the milky skin, pointedly avoiding his arousal and roughly stroking the boy's sides, hips, and thighs. Allen knew what this was about now and he tried to not arch into Kanda's touches, but it was hard. How could Kanda expect him to control himself when he was being touched like this?

He thought he was doing relatively well; he forced his hips to remain down while Kanda's touches became lighter and lighter. The lighter they got, the harder it was to not arch, begging for more. Soon they became so light, it was hard to tell whether Kanda was touching him or not. In any case, these touches didn't help his neglected erection one bit. It came to the point where Kanda wasn't even touching him, but Allen thought he could feel the other's hands on him, just feather-light, teasing, when they weren't. Allen squirmed, shifting, hands curling and uncurling uselessly beneath him. He could invoke his Innocence, but he was already too far-gone in the haze, bare with need and his body wanting more.

So when Kanda touched his arousal again, Allen let out a loud gasp, followed quickly by a small cry, arching right up into it, body shaking with the sudden sensations. His body was sensitive thanks to Kanda's light touches and now he just needed contact, friction, something.

"No God damn restraint… idiot…"

The hand left and Allen let out a small noise sounding suspiciously like a whine. This was torture. One touch, then it was left alone. A tease. It suddenly dawned on Allen that he was at Kanda's mercy, since he could hardly move, save for his occasional shifting around to get more friction. Since he was at Kanda's mercy, that meant whatever the older exorcist did, he would have to deal with, good or bad.

The sound of rustling clothing met Allen's ears and he turned his head, trying to see what Kanda was doing, as he had gone out of Allen's line of sight. He blushed as he saw Kanda remove his tattered cloak and his shirt. Kanda was well built, muscled and toned, and the only thing abnormal was the Aumkar tattoo he had over his left breast that seemed to stretch its tendrils each time Allen saw it. He longed to ask, but Kanda always avoided the question.

"Get up," Kanda ordered.

Allen stared at him. He was joking, right? Allen shifted, lifting his hips up and pushing himself up without the aid of his hands. He moved his legs around and rose to a kneeling position, looking confused. "Why do you—?"

"Come here."

Clearly, Kanda wasn't leaving room for questions. Allen weighed his options quickly, trying to think. Kanda was eventually going to give it to him; he knew that, because despite how angry the man would get with him sometimes, he would give in at the end somehow or make it up to him. So maybe going along with it wasn't so bad. But if he didn't, Kanda might torture him a little while and even though they'd done it somewhat like this before, just knowing Kanda had control gave Allen shivers and he really didn't want Kanda to keep teasing him like this…

He chose the former.

He rose to his feet, walking the few feet over to Kanda, who had retrieved something from the bedside table. Why weren't they doing this on the bed?

"Because I said we're not going to, idiot. We don't need a God damn bed every time we fuck."

Had he voiced that out loud? Allen shut his trap. Not a good idea to speak his thoughts. Kanda wasn't cruel intentionally, but there were occasions that his bouts of anger got the better of him and Allen could be left hanging. Before Allen could stutter out an apology, Kanda twirled his hand, cutting him off with another command. "Turn around."

Face red up to high heaven, Allen complied, his bound hands twitching. Was Kanda going to untie his hands? That would be a relie—Allen jumped when a hand went down his back, touching lightly, tracing his hips and the curve of his arse. Allen's legs grew weak, but he had to remain standing, he guessed. If he buckled now, then Kanda was right. Allen knew his restraint was pretty bad, but he didn't think Kanda would get so angry about it anymore. Then again, Kanda hated doing anything extra on a mission. And since Allen's restraint had gone AWOL a few hours earlier, causing Kanda to exert himself more just to make sure it ended out smoothly, it was still Allen's fault.

Allen felt something cold and slippery being applied to his hands. He flinched in surprise at the sudden change and he felt Kanda spreading whatever it was over his fingers. Gears turned in Allen's mind and with his ace flaming, he snapped his head back. "What are you doing?"

"For once, helping you and your ass out, so stop whining."

Allen gave Kanda an incredulous look before he felt Kanda's hands leave his. The substance on his fingers was slowly warming with his heat. Kanda forced Allen down to his knees and sat back just behind him. "Now fuck yourself."

Allen's eyes grew wide and he looked back at Kanda, face contorted in shock. "Wh-what!"

"You heard me. Fuck yourself."

Allen took back what he thought of earlier. This wasn't worth it. The humiliation, the lack of restraint he had, and Kanda just watching him there with deep, dark eyes, expectant and waiting. "Y-you're kidding, right?"

"No." It was deadpanned and it echoed in Allen's ears. "And if you don't hurry the hell up, the lotion will sink into your skin and then I'll be taking you dry."

Kanda did have a point, but… Allen turned away his face in shame. Gritting his teeth and sucking in a sharp breath, he bent over, reached back a little farther, and found his own entrance. His index finger, heavily coated in the lotion, was the first he slid inside. He hissed as the discomfort doubled. It was better when Kanda did it, because he knew exactly how to get his fingers inside with minimal pain. As Allen did it to himself, it was difficult. It really didn't help this was his first time preparing himself.

He slid his first finger in and out slowly, forcing his muscles to relax. Kanda really was cruel. Hanging his head, Allen let out a breath before sucking in another quickly as he added a second finger. This was where it got more difficult. He winced and shut his eyes tightly as he began the familiar scissoring motion, trying not to cry out in pain. Using his own hand was difficult and to make matters worse, Allen realized Kanda had coated his left hand, not his right. His left was more defined, rigid. Kanda had probably done that to make sure Allen didn't get out of this. His body shook as he tried to get deeper, open himself while searching for that bundle of nerves that Kanda could always find.

While Allen did this, Kanda merely watched, dark eyes seeing the boy's body shake. Stupid sprout. Stupid fucking sprout. Kanda wouldn't have had to do this if the boy could just take a fucking hint, but words weren't effective on the idiot, and subtleties were always ignored. So what was left? Kanda decided this course of action, though knowing that despite how Allen liked Kanda biting him, dragging his nails across his skin, tying him up, the one thing Allen was weak to was pain in his rear. Kanda had noticed that when he had taken the boy dry once – it hadn't been completely dry, though Kanda realized saliva isn't as effective as he first thought it would be – and how Allen hadn't let him touch him for almost a week afterward. A childish notion, he figured, but it got the point across to Kanda.

Now, as Kanda watched Allen finger-fuck himself, he noticed something else. The boy had no idea how to find his prostate. And he was already adding a third finger. A small distressed noise found Kanda's ears and he finally released an inaudible sigh. Maybe this was enough.

He leaned over, stilling Allen's hand with a touch to his bound wrists. "Stop."

The Brit froze, body still shaking and carefully, Kanda removed Allen's fingers. He re-coated them with the lotion and led them back to his entrance. "Do it again, idiot, but slower. You're rushing."

His voice was rough around the edges, but underneath the harsh-sounding words, there was a tone of gentleness. The anger Kanda had experienced was slowly dying down and he noted with a light bitterness that it was Allen's fault, him and his attitude. Just somehow, it was the sprout's fault. He was still going to teach the bean a lesson, definitely, but he wasn't going to be so rough with it. The boy seemed to get the point.

Allen looked back at Kanda at the command, eyes desperate and somewhat lost, before they turned away. It truly was torture for Allen and he hesitated again, body trembling. He couldn't do this. No amount of pleasure was worth this.

He felt a hand pushing his index finger back inside him and he bit his lip, head hung, eyes shut. At the same time, another hand was stroking his sides, trying to relax him, drifting up the lower half of his spine. A curtain of black hair fell around him as lips and teeth descended on his shoulder. Bites were nonexistent and nips were harsh, but gentler than Allen remembered. He took in another shaky breath and began sliding his finger in and out smoothly.

"Breathe normally or you'll hyperventilate, moyashi."

Allen nodded absently, not bothering to correct the nickname, and paused for a moment, making sure he got his breathing under control, before he continued.

"Now add the second one." Kanda's commands were harsh-sounding, but he was helping Allen (he wouldn't admit it, though), so the young exorcist didn't mind. Slowly, he added his second finger. It still hurt, but Kanda kept his hand still as soon as his finger was all the way in. "Get used to it first, then start moving it. With how many times I've fucked you, I can't believe you don't know that."

Allen didn't say anything to protest like he normally would, which made Kanda let out a noise of frustration. Kanda then pulled at Allen's hand, making the boy bring his fingers out, then back in. "Scissor," Kanda commanded, and Allen did. He realized Kanda had been right about it. It didn't hurt as much, but there was major discomfort when Kanda pushed his fingers deeper, not thinking they were in enough. In in seriousness, Allen's hand was threatening to cramp on him because of the angle.

Allen suddenly jerked and let out a small cry, feeling his fingers brush the sensitive bundle of nerves inside him. He ceased motion, panting, feeling the aftereffects washing over his body and sliding down his spine. His body visibly relaxed, which was a significant change. When he moved his fingers again, the same thing happened; the same pleasure shot up his spine and he arched back, letting out another cry, eyes shut tight with glistening drops at the edges. One slid down his cheek. He did it again and he nearly collapsed under his own weight, but Kanda kept him up. He added a third finger and winced. It hurt, yes, but the occasional brushing against his own prostate helped him.

"Enough."

Kanda's edgy voice cut through to Allen's thoughts and he ceased motion. Kanda took Allen's hand, carefully but quickly sliding each finger out, one at a time. The sound of a zipper being pulled down was the loudest thing in the room besides Allen's pants, but the silver-haired youth paid it no mind. Allen felt his hands being untied from his shirt and he looked back at Kanda in surprise and confusion. Had he done something wrong? Why was he being released so quickly?

Kanda brought Allen in an upright position before helping him turn around, hands going down his legs, as if to check their strength. Kanda then brought Allen back down into a kneeling position. Did he want Allen to…? No, he didn't, because Kanda was moving Allen into his lap, facing him. Concentrated navy looked up into hazy, desperate chrome and something passed between them, an understanding of some sort. The navy flicked away and hands lifted Allen to sit more comfortably in Kanda's lap. Kanda grunted as his tip met Allen's entrance. The young boy shivered and wrapped his now freed arms around Kanda's neck, burying his face in Kanda's collar. He wasn't protesting, but the way he was trembling with need was almost… sad.

"Relax," Kanda said into his ear; his voice had lost most of the gruffness and now it was just low and deep, and rather calming. "You know what will happen if you don't."

Allen nodded and winced when Kanda began pushing up into him. His fingers curled into fists against Kanda's shoulders, unable to grip at anything. He felt more than humiliated. Kanda had been right. He had no self-control whatsoever. That humiliating display Kanda had ordered him to do made him feel... pathetic. The few tears that Allen had held back earlier now silently went down his cheeks. Kanda felt water hitting his collar and looked down just slightly. Was the moyashi crying? Kanda buried himself completely inside Allen, pausing to get used to his tightness and so Allen could get used to him

Kanda's hands left Allen's hips and went instead to Allen's cheeks, pushing the head back. Chrome refused to meet cobalt and Kanda tilted his head wordlessly. Allen refused to meet his gaze. He cried, so he was weak. That was that. Kanda sighed, knowing that was what the stupid sprout was thinking. "Idiot…"

He leaned over and began licking the salty tears away, as Allen closed his eyes. His hands drifted back down, caressing Allen's sides and massaging his lower back, making sure he relaxed around him. Then Kanda's hand went to the erection he had forced Allen to ignore this entire time, giving it a long, slow stroke. Allen moaned quietly now, tilting his head when Kanda went to lick the tears on his face again.

Now Kanda may have been cruel throughout this entire thing, but he really hadn't meant for Allen to break like that. He had expected the idiot would bounce back with insults, anger, defiance. Not this. Sure, Kanda could be cruel and call him a weakling, but in this state, Allen wouldn't start that familiar bickering they always did. He'd only look away in shame and Kanda knew that. Allen had many weak moments, but that was due to his lack of control. He seemed to realize that now and Kanda leaned back up to the boy's ear, blowing warm breath over it.

"Relax," Kanda repeated, feeling Allen's muscles slowly begin to loosen around him. He fixed his hands at Allen's hips, lifting him up slowly before bringing him back down. Kanda grunted, feeling the muscles tightening back around him as Allen came back down.

He worked Allen at a slow pace, getting him used to the sensations before picking up the pace. Kanda kissed down Allen's chest and the boy threw back his head, moaning each time Kanda hit his prostate. The young boy's hands went to Kanda's hair, fingers working against Kanda's scalp and tugging at the strands of hair. Kanda normally hated his hair being tugged, but Allen always made sure to do so gently.

"K-Kanda…"

The only response to Allen's was a grunt before Kanda began meeting Allen's pace. It was safe to take away one of his hands, since Allen seemed to get the hang of it rather quickly, and his free hand went down to Allen's forgotten arousal. He began stroking it in time with his thrusts and was satisfied as Allen met his thrusts.

Kanda came first, deep inside the boy, and bit his shoulder, muffling his more-than-satisfied moan. Allen came after with a small cry, releasing over Kanda's stomach, dropping his head to other's shoulder. The small hands slipped out of Kanda's hair and instead, Allen wrapped his arms around Kanda's shoulders, clinging to him. Kanda slowly lifted the boy's lower body up, getting himself out of the boy, before re-seating the sprout on his hips. Kanda licked at the bite he'd left, which had begun to bleed a little before he went up and nipped at Allen's ear.

"Do you understand now?" he asked; the rough edge was back, but Kanda didn't sound angry anymore. "You need to learn self-control."

Allen nodded mutely, not trusting himself to look at Kanda now. The samurai let out another sigh, this one quieter and he brought up Allen's tear-stained face, thumbs wiping away the trails and he fixed him with an intense stare. It wasn't a glare, so he was being much gentler with Allen. "Starting now. You're all worked up now, so stop crying."

Allen did, and in return was given a hand gently stroking his hair and a pair of lips caressing his temple.