The Waluigi Story

Waluigi had a rough childhood, he was a special child where his mother never met his needs. He only says "Wah!" to represent how much his mother emotionally abused him, and also says "Everybody cheated but Waluigi!" to represent how his mother cheated on his father by being a prostitute, leading to his fathers suicide. Waluigi soon moved in with his Aunt and Uncle when his Mother was arrested for prostitution. His Aunt and Uncle soon committed a joint suicide because they couldn't handle how retarded Waluigi was. This was his childhood.

Waluigi didn't have a good time in High School, he got along with nobody, not even Tingle, and Tingle was the school weirdo. Waluigi dropped out of High School and joined the military instead, where they immediately got him in, because retards with no families are the people they look for the most in the military. He was soon sent overseas to help the fight. Shortly after, Waluigi threw a hand grenade where all of his troop was, and killed them all except one. Waluigi got so depressed over this, and was so retarded he thought terrorists did it, he cried for days, and his eyes got so swollen and they also became the color of tears, causing it to look like eyeliner underneath. The one man left that Waluigi didn't murder became good friends with him due to the fact he didn't want Waluigi get angry and killing him. One day while they were scouting the woods for help Waluigi shouted "Wah!" too loudly and was heard by an terrorist organization, causing them to be kidnapped by them. They took his army friend and told Waluigi if he didn't kill him they'd nuke the U.S. and Waluigi didn't know better because he's a retard and he beat his friend to death. The nights in Iraq were cold and the only way Waluigi got warm was to cuddle with his army friend, but since he was dead, waluigi laid by his corpse and sobbed. Then the next day he was saved but that memory never left his dreams. This was his teenage years/young adult life.

Wario was the first person that Waluigi encountered when when he got back from being saved from the terrorists. Waluigi vowed to never return to battle again, yet focus on his new friendship with this random guy he met at this bar. He noticed his clothing style, and really wanted to fit in with his. Wario told the man about his cousins, and how lonely Wario was without a brother and was jealous of his cousins brotherly love. Waluigi wanted to help him fill that void by dressing like him and being the Luigi to his Mario. Wario soon after put on eye liner to fit in with Waluigi's looks as well. Waluigi decided from this point on he would always be with this random stranger he met at the bar. One night Waluigi and Wario were celebrating their new found friendship and bought some alcohol to celebrate. They ended up in a hotel room kissing and crying and sharing the memories that had haunted their minds. Then Wario pushed Waluigi down on the bed but stopped and looked worried. Waluigi asked what was wrong except like "wa?" and Wario asked him if he'd still be with him knowing Wario had herpes. Waluigi cried and said yes but deep down he didn't know what herpes meant because he's a retard and then they had a night full of passion. Then when Waluigi woke up the next morning Wario was sobbing and so Waluigi put a hand on his shoulder and asked what was wrong but not really just "Wah" and Wario said, "I don't have herpes, I just needed to know if you would stay." Ever since then they have been inseparable. Soon after, Wario and Waluigi were introduced to Bowser. They were put into his mafia and were put ahead of the rest. Bowser didn't accept gay retards in the army, so Wario had to do all the talking. It was all Wario and Waluigi could do to make money, as every body else didn't like them because they either heard about them raping women or stealing candy from children. Wario and Waluigi were soon after confronted by Wario's cousins Mario and Luigi, who didn't approve of this behavior. Waluigi shouted "Wah!" to Mario, and Mario took it offensively, starting an all-out battle that soon became known as the hit game Super Smash Bros. Brawl, which didn't feature Waluigi due to the fact the creator of Super Smash Bros. hates him because he's a retard. This was his adulthood.

So then begins the story of Wario's death and Waluigi's decline to becoming an alcoholic. When Wario was in one of the brawls, Mario came to him and told him to leave the gay retard and to not be gay but to be straight and marry Rosalina, and Wario punched Mario and told him Rosalina was the Paula Deen of Nintendo and would never leave his love Waluigi. So Mario told Wario he was going to regret that and hurriedly left. Wario didn't tell Waluigi about the fight but was happy to come home to a cooked meal that was slightly burnt. He kissed Waluigi and looked around the room, they lived in a beat up trailer. He knew Waluigi deserved so much more. Waluigi kissed his head and left back to the kitchen as Wario looked at the newspaper. There was a 1 million prize money for a Smash tournament. Wario had to do this for Waluigi, he deserved that much. So the next day Wario showed up and signed up for the competition and he saw Mario and Luigi staring angrily at him. He ignored it and waited for the brawl to start. It was him vs. Mario, Luigi and Dedede, except Dedede got really high and had to be ambulanced away. Wario put Luigi in a headlock and knew he was going to win that day, and fulfill his dream house for his beloved. Then he felt a sharp pain in his stomach as he saw that Mario had stabbed him. He closed his eyes and imagined the sweet Wa's of Waluigi. Waluigi heard knocking on the door and went to go check but instead saw a policemen who told him Wario died. Waluigi collapsed in misery and let out a loud "WAAAAAAA". This was his late adulthood.

Shortly after Wario's death, Waluigi wanted revenge. He knew who had killed his lover, it was his cousins Mario and Luigi. He snuck into their house at night with a pistol and a pillow. Waluigi snuck into Mario's bedroom and due to the fact he was a retard started beating him with a pillow instead of shooting him with the gun and silencing it with the pillow. Mario quickly sprung up and started beating the shit out of Waluigi. Waluigi dropped the pistol and it went near Mario's feet. Mario picked up the pistol and looked at Waluigi. "Looks like-a you couldn't have just him-a go, eh?" Mario says, smiling and looking at Waluigi. Waluigi starts tearing up, and he feels the pain come back to him of the war and losing Wario. Waluigi starts foaming at the mouth and lets his full retard take over. He jumps up and starts biting Mario's neck and blood flies everywhere. Mario starts screaming and Luigi runs in, and he sees Mario with blood all over him. "What the Hell is-a going on?!" Luigi screams at Waluigi, Waluigi has his back-turned from Luigi, and slowly turns around with half of Mario's neck in his mouth and then he swallows it with blood on his face. "Wah..." Waluigi says as he springs towards Luigi and starts eating his face. Luigi screams bloody murder but nobody comes in enough time to save his life. Waluigi screamed "Wah!" as he started pounding on his chest, knowing that he had finally avenged his lover Wario. He sat at Mario and Luigi's house for the rest of the night and let his cannibalism continue, he started eating more and more of Mario and Luigi. Early that morning, a SWAT team walked into the house, Waluigi turned around as a team came into the room with their guns pointed at Waluigi. Waluigi had blood all over his entire outfit and had Mario and Luigi's remains behind him, you could see their guts sticking out from how much Waluigi had eaten of them. "Wah..." he said, as Waluigi finally couldn't control himself anymore. The tard has taken over him. He springed towards the SWAT team. He tried to attack them the same way he attacked Mario and Luigi, but it didn't work. Waluigi was shot and killed at sight after being fired at by several different members of the SWAT team at once. Waluigi laid their, quietly, dying. His last words were "Every body cheated...but Waluigi." He shut his eyes and died, going into the afterlife to finally meet up his buddy Wario once again. Waluigi was buried next to Wario, in the landfill behind Bowser's Castle. Some say you can still hear their "Wah's" to this very day. All Waluigi wanted was peace and love with his gay partner Wario, but he never got it. Now his story is finally known. This was the death of Waluigi.