Things That Go Bump in Arcadia

Here is a Joan of Arcadia/Buffy: the Vampire Slayer crossover.

When a Hellmouth begins to operate in Arcadia, the Almighty has Joan Girardi stand against demonic forces; but He warns Joan not to work with Buffy and her Gang, unless they agree to abandon any and all reliance upon the occult.

I do not own any of these characters. They belong to the Producers of the Series "Buffy: the Vampire Slayer", and "Joan of Arcadia". God is in Public Domain.

Things That Go Bump in Arcadia

By MrBillyD

1

Dinner was done at the Girardi house. Joan sat in the living room, with her parents Will and Helen. Both of her brothers were also seated with them.

The TV was on, tuned to the Network Evening News.

The first report concerned a massive earthquake that had totally obliterated the town of Sunnydale California, that morning. Where an entire community had stood, 24 hours ago, there was now an unbelievably immense crater, more than ten miles across, and a half-mile deep.

Her oldest brother Kevin said, "It looks like it belongs on the moon!"

Joan's other brother Luke, who was a year ahead of her at Arcadia High, had sat up straight.

He said, "Grace is in Sunnydale!"

His girlfriend Grace Polk had just disappeared from Arcadia a few months before. One day she hadn't shown up at Arcadia High. She hadn't been seen again after that. Everyone was very concerned.

Grace's father, the Rabbi of the Temple Beth El told everyone not to worry, but he refused to say anything further.

Two weeks later, Luke had received an e-mail from Grace saying,

"Don't worry about me. I'm in Sunnydale, California. I'm being trained to fight evil. I'll be defeating vampires, werewolves, zombies, and all kinds of things that go bump in the night. Everything is five by five."

Luke had said, "What the hell does that mean? 'Five by five'? Everything's twenty-five square something?"

Joan had told them, "We've all heard things about Sunnydale California. It's supposed to be full of vampires, and 'The Vampire Slayer'?"

Kevin had laughed, "Don't tell me Grace Polk is training to be a 'vampire slayer'? I know she's a tough girl, who could make Luke and all the other computer geeks yell 'uncle', but come on."

Then their father Will Girardi, Police Chief of Arcadia had told them, "I know it all sounds like a lot of nonsense, but it might be some kind of code. I'll contact the Sunnydale Police, and ask them to look into things."

The next day Chief Girardi had sent the inquiry. He had not received any answer, and Luke had received no more e-mails from Grace. No one else had heard anything either. Her father the Rabbi had nothing to say.

This evening, the TV News Report said that the last few people in town had been able to escape on a school bus, before the collapse. They showed the videotape of a bus standing on a roadway, just beyond the edge of the crater, facing away from where the town had stood. Some of the injured were being loaded into ambulances. Others, who were more critically injured, were put onto helicopters, and flown away.

Some of the uninjured were standing around looking bewildered. Most of them were girls in their teens or early twenties. A few young guys were with them.

Luke said, "I don't see Grace."

His mother said, "That means nothing."

The oldest person among the uninjured was interviewed. He was in his mid-forties, wore glasses and spoke with an upper class English accent.

He said, "Sunnydale was located over a Hellmouth, and the Hellmouth swallowed the town whole."

Joan said, "It doesn't look like he's got a head injury."

Her mother told her, "You never can tell."

Now the Reporter spoke. "Over the years, there have been many reports of strange, supernatural activities happening here in Sunnydale. The town has had a notorious reputation as the home of vampires, werewolves, zombies..."

Luke spoke uneasily. "'And things that go bump in the night.'"

The following morning, Joan took the bus to school. When she arrived, she went to her locker. A man in his forties, dressed in a custodian uniform, stood beside her.

He spoke with an Scottish burr. "From ghoulies, and ghosties and long legged beasties, and things that go bump in the night..."

Joan responded uneasily, "Preserve us oh Lord?"

"Oh I will," he told her, "but I'll need your help to do so Joan."

He's the Almighty, she thought, in one of the human forms that he sometimes takes, when He talks to me. He's talking to me about...What?

She said, "You're being serious? About Sunnydale? Vampires and things that go bump in the night? You mean they actually exist? Or is that just a figure of speech? I hope."

"What I mean Joan, is that I'll need your help, to prevent Arcadia from being swallowed by a Hellmouth, like Sunnydale California was; and that is no figure of speech."

She asked, "What's going on?"

"A Hellmouth is beginning to open, right here in Arcadia. It was in operation last night."

"You mean that story that was on the Morning News; about the vandalizing of that Catholic Church?"

He nodded. "Tonight, a fire bombing of a Synagogue is planned. It's the Temple Beth El."

"Grace's father's Synagogue?"

"It's my Synagogue too." He told her, "I want you to prevent the bombing."

"Me prevent it? Isn't that what the Police are for?"

"Exactly. All you have to do is inform the Police."

"You're kidding. My Dad's the Chief of Police. If I tell him that God told me this, he won't believe me, and he'll have me talking to a psychiatrist."

"All you have to do is call in an anonymous tip Joan."

"Right." She said feeling relieved. "No problem." Then she asked, "What should I tell them?"

"Tell them to have the Temple Beth El under surveillance at 11:48 PM tonight."

Joan reached into her locker, taking out the books she'd need, for that morning's classes.

She spoke nervously, "Tell me Lord. Was Grace swallowed by the Hellmouth? Is she dead?"

"She helped hold the line in Sunnydale Joan."

"Was she killed?"

"I promise you Joan, you will see her again, alive and in this world."

"Oh thank you Lord." She sighed with relief. "I'm so glad to hear that."

"You will see her again," He repeated, "but you may not like what you see."

"Why not? She hasn't been disfigured, has she?"

"Listen. There are many evil things that will have to be prevented Joan, but you won't be alone."

"I know. You'll always be there, to make sure things turn out right, as you always do."

"You won't only have me this time Joan." The Lord told her, "The people, who held the line in Sunnydale, will be coming to continue the fight here in Arcadia. Until they arrive, I'll need someone to stand in the gap for me, and you're the one who's available."

She sounded worried, "You just said that Grace was one of the people who held the line in Sunnydale; but they failed. The entire town collapsed into a crater. Is that the help you're sending me?"

"I'm not sending them. They'll be coming here on their own. They failed in Sunnydale, because they did not look to Me for help."