My brother Mario and I have lived in the Mushroom Kingdom for several years now. He and I showed up just in time to stop a vicious monster called Bowser from kidnapping the kingdom's princess. While Mario did most of the work, the two of us became world-wide heroes overnight. Fittingly, Mario was the more popular between the two of us, but it was fine. He loved the attention I never cared for.
The Koopa King never got the hint that Mario and I would always be there to stop him. He came back time and time again, and every time, Mario would save his princess. I'd come along on occasion, if Mario felt like I could help. People always thought it was cruel of him, leaving me behind while he went on grand adventures, but he always told me that he didn't want me hurt. No matter what I did, though, it never stopped the cycle: Princess Peach gets kidnapped, we'd go through a few worlds to get her back, Bowser ends up in a pool of lava, he mails us a letter saying he'll be back, day is saved. Some might call it boring, but Mario always made the monotonous treks feel like an adventure.
We had our troubles, dealing with the Koopa King. He'd send waves of minions to do us in, sometimes when we weren't "on the job," as Mario put it. The king especially loved exploiting my fear of the undead by sending Boos and Dry Bones to get some petty scares. My bro, being the kind soul that he was, always let the goons go free, knowing that they would never learn their lesson. In hindsight, I wish I had voiced my displeasure with this method, though he would never agree to rough them up. Oh, how foolish I was…
My current…'predicament' began on one fateful day. Once again, Princess Peach was taken from her castle by the vile king. He'd left a letter for us, saying something along the lines of having made "the biggest and baddest weapon ever" that was guaranteed to "put us down for the count for good." Pretty standard fare for him. Nevertheless, Mario and I set off to save the day once more. Mario was his usual self, running ahead, throwing fireballs, and cracking the occasional joke. We even decided to find a few warp zones to see if we could break our record for fastest rescue.
Bowser's castle was much emptier than usual. Most of the common enemies were gone, and the ones we did see were running away from where we determined the king's chamber to be, screaming in their odd dialects about "the weapon." I'll admit it, I was scared (well, more scared than usual.) After some tricky jumping and a few ghost-filled rooms, we made our way to the central chamber. It was the same room we'd seen a million times before; a suspension bridge rigged with explosives with an axe on the other side. What wasn't the same was the massive turret-like device that was aimed at the door as we walked in.
It was a massive pillar of bright lights and dark colors that sat in the middle of the bridge. In the cockpit that sat atop it was the beastly king himself. He guffawed loudly and said we'd soon be meeting our maker at the hands of the Anti-Plumber…whatever it was called. The cannon near the top glowed as power visibly flowed to it. It let loose a shining beam of energy…which moved slowly, and was easily sidestepped. The king blubbered in protest as we sidled our way around the ineffective weapon and triumphantly dropped the axe on the bridge, laughing all the while. The princess was saved.
Bowser's letter came a week later than it should have. It was humorously childish, whining about how there was no way we could have or should have combatted his super-weapon. The important thing that my brother and I missed, however, was an added threat near the bottom. In red ink were the words, "YOU WILL PAY." It was a standard line from the King, though he never put it in his correspondence. It didn't matter to either of us, though. Mario and I were too busy enjoying the extended period of peace. We could've done anything, but instead we milled about the kingdom. Trying to enjoy peace.
Another week of rare leisure time passed before the cycle began anew. Princess Peach had, yet again, been kidnapped. I was upset, of course, but somewhat glad. Mario had been somewhat restless, trying to anticipate Bowser's next move. I tend to think that the cycle being thrown off had put him in a funk. What better way to snap out of it than with a good old-fashioned trek through eight worlds?
Nothing about the eight worlds were good or old-fashioned. They were all filled with an awful, permeating silence. No minions trying to stop us. No flags emblazoned with Bowser's silhouetted grin. No new blocks, coins, or threats. The elite Koopalings acted as if their presence was a courtesy. But that didn't matter; Mario was too happy being on an adventure to notice anything amiss in the eight empty worlds. In his eyes, the king was making our jobs easier, and at the time, I mindlessly agreed as we ran through those eight worlds, each one so…very…quiet.
We reached the castle in record time. This was where I began to grasp what was really happening, but it was already too late. The castle was dark. The lava, usually the only reliable source of lighting in the glorified jungle gyms the king called home, had mysteriously disappeared. Mario and I made our way through using the light from thrown fireballs to navigate. From the glimpses of the castle I saw, I realized something: nothing was different. The worlds, their layouts, this very castle; all the same. I tried to get Mario to notice, but he'd already found the central chamber of the castle.
The room, once containing a large pit, had been filled with lava. The suspension bridge looked hastily rebuilt, and the axe was completely absent. Peach was where the axe would have stood, weeping and calling out for us from within her cage, and there, standing in the middle of the bridge, was the Koopa King. His stare was full of evil and cunning, and he silently grinned at us, showing off his maw full of teeth. He was absolutely still, save for his eyes which followed me and my brother. It was clear that something was horribly wrong here, but neither one of us stopped to question it. It was how the cycle always went: we confront Bowser, we throw him in lava. What was there to be afraid of?
The very first thing the monstrous creature did was begin to mock and belittle us. Saying how we were failures, and that nothing could stop him now. My brother and I weren't sure how to respond. Not a single fireball had been shot between the three of us, and even the princess had gone silent as the odd showdown continued. The childish insults grew darker. The playground insults were replaced with death threats, promises to harm our friends and family, and the king's fingers began to twitch. Mario, the hothead that he could be, began to shoot insults back at the hulking lizard. Then he called Bowser an utter failure, and swore that he would always be there to stop him. The king began to twitch after hearing the heroic declaration. He whispered something I couldn't hear. Mario took a step back, but I stepped in front of him, asking him to repeat himself. The king's grin grew wider, and he roared that, if he was going to be a failure, then my brother would fail to save…me. With unreal speed, the Koopa King lunged at me.
I couldn't stop it…it was too fast.
I froze as the vile creature's claws approached me…and I screamed as Mario threw himself in front of me. Even the Koopa King himself looked mildly surprised as Mario's blood-soaked body slumped to the floor in front of us. The princess wailed as I dropped to my knees in cold terror. As the light visibly left his eyes, Mario looked up at me. I think he tried to say something, but all he did…was smile.
I couldn't hear. I couldn't speak. I couldn't breathe. I think the monster before me laughed and said something, but it didn't matter. Even as it stomped off, summoned its cruiser to take the princess and itself away, and got away with Peach, I did nothing. I could do nothing. How long did I stay there? Minutes? Hours? Days? It didn't matter. All I knew was that Mario, my hero, my best friend, my brother…was dead. At some point, a group of exceptionally brave Toads from the kingdom's guard came looking for us. They brought us home.
Nothing was the same after that. The entire kingdom was grief-stricken at both Mario's demise and Princess Peach's extended capture. Toadsworth was appointed to temporarily take the throne, and did everything possible to expedite Peach's return. I, however, didn't partake in the search. I wasn't fit to leave the house Mario and I once shared. No matter what I did, everything reminded me of my brother, and I became extremely depressed. It was months before I began going outside again. I hadn't spoken for the entire duration, and I was surprised by my new, raspy voice. My old, optimistic attitude had been replaced with heavily jaded nihilism. As time passed, my deep sadness was replaced with much more potent emotions: hate and fury being the most prominent. With the king in hiding, though, I had no outlet for my rage, and it began to bleed out and affect innocent townsfolk of the Mushroom Kingdom. Kind folks who simply asked if I was okay were met with screams of rudeness, I let things like muggings and robberies happen because I simply didn't feel like helping.
My behavior became dangerous. I would stand on the edge of the kingdom's so-called bottomless pits and stare down, wondering if there were some way to see if there really was a bottom. I got in fights with whatever rogue, skulking agent of the king's that I could find, usually getting injured in the process. I would roam graveyards at night and walk among the ghosts. Boos couldn't scare me anymore. In fact, I feel a strange kinship with them now; they know firsthand what losing something important is like. Most importantly, though, was that I came to admire Mario's hammer. Perhaps admire is too light a word…obsess might be more accurate. What a beautiful tool it was, albeit no different than my own. The fact that it was Mario's made it special. I still wonder how that day would have went if it had been there. I started carrying the mallet around at all times, as a sort of tribute to my late brother.
What I will never understand is what was going through the lizard tyrant's mind as it sent me its last letter. It was a very formally worded apology, giving condolences for my loss. Giving half-hearted excuses for what it did. Giving me the last push I needed to finally take action. For the first time in months, I smiled…I laughed…I kept laughing. I couldn't stop the poisonous cackling that forced itself out of my throat. For the first time in months, I wore the bright green and blue colors that once complemented my brother's red. I went to the doddering old Toadsworth and informed him of the letter's existence. I lied about its contents, however. I said it was a declaration of a personal vendetta that would be pursued by full-scale military combat. It was nonsense, but it sounded good enough to send the worrisome old fungus into a frenzy. He asked if I would like to lead the first military offensive, and I accepted with an insidious smile on my face.
I was given a map, a communicator, and a wish of good luck before I set off toward the Koopa King's stronghold. At my own behest, I also brought Mario's hammer. It was sickly humorous how the run-of-the-mill Goombas and Koopas reacted to being hit with it. Instead of a simple poof or a Koopa retreating into its shell, they were mashed up into bloody paste and the occasional shard of red and green shell. Everything, even the most simple-minded Goombas, quickly caught onto the nature of my approach and tried to run from the very sight of me, but I would not allow any witnesses to alert their leader. Not until it was too late…just like how it was too late for Mario. The irony kept me smiling all the way to the keep.
The evil king's taste in land hadn't changed; it still took residence in some Hell-kissed wasteland filled with magma and various toxins. That didn't matter though. What mattered was infiltrating the larger-than-average castle surrounded by yet more magma. It was underwhelmingly easy; one of the interior patrol guards made the brilliant choice to open a window. A hop and a skip across some rocks that protruded from the molten moat got me to the castle, and from there, all it took was smashing the patrolling Dry Bones to dust to keep my entrance a secret. I tried being discreet (I didn't want the king to suspect my presence, after all), but the anticipation of being so close to completing my mission made me sloppy. Several guards either caught glimpses of me or outright saw me, but I made sure none of them lived to notify the king of my presence. It was a very messy slog to the inner sanctum of the keep.
I had to suppress a laugh as I saw the interior of the hall. It was quite literally nothing but a hub for the most elite troops to mingle in before either heading out or retiring to their quarters. I began smiling once more as I inspected each room. The Koopalings, the king's lone son, Kamek the necromancer, who could undo everything I had accomplished…. I tightened my grip on the hammer and began slowly and steadily neutralizing each threat. If getting to the inner sanctum was messy, then killing each of the elite troops was an outright filthy task. My overalls and sleeves became soaked in dark red. Before I entered what appeared to be the king's chambers, I looked into a mirror. I wasn't aware of it until that moment, but I was grinning wildly with a hollow look in my eyes…or was it one of the wizard's final illusions? It didn't matter. I kicked the doors apart.
To my satisfaction, the king had its chambers modeled after the room I'd seen so many times before; complete with suspension bridge, lava, and an axe. The Koopa King lackadaisically rose from its throne, beady eyes trained on a large piece of paper. It muttered and hissed some things about policy before the vile king realized who stood before him. It tilted his head quizzically and asked who I was…who I was? WHO. I. WAS? My subconscious smile became an evil snarl, and I rushed the king. Using all my strength, I swung my brother's hammer into its knee. I reveled in its screams of pain as the bone broke and the murderous tyrant fell onto the bridge. My snarl reverted into the maniacal grin I wore all the way here as I walked past the collapsed king and prepared to drop the axe into the bridge. With the necromancer dead, this would be its end. The Mushroom Kingdom would be free from the Koopa King once and for all.
And still, I faltered. The groveling figure that lay on the bridge wasn't aware that it was about to die. It wouldn't realize that there was no coming back. It wouldn't experience those painful last seconds Mario did as he bled out in front of me. I stared at the axe, debating with myself. Until that moment, I had never taken the time to inspect the mechanisms of the axe. While it had the appearance of being bolted to the floor, it was really just for show. There was just a small holder in place to keep it from slipping out into the magma. When it's upright, you could…just…pick it up. I gently laid Mario's hammer down, and picked up the axe. The evil cackling began again as I walked toward the immobilized king. It pled for mercy as I slowly approached. It pled for mercy that died with Mario.
I raised the axe, ignoring the mutant reptile's cries for me to relent, and swiftly brought it down into the king. It made a resounding THWACK as Bowser the Koopa King was struck down. I shook and stared into the body's lifeless eyes. I tried letting go of the axe…but I couldn't let it go. I couldn't let the axe go, I couldn't let Mario go, and I could not let this pathetic waste of flesh in front of me get off lightly. Without realizing what I was doing, I raised the axe again. I became a horrible machine, and I could do nothing to stop myself from cutting the dead king to pieces.
THWACK!
THWACK!
THWACK!
THWACK!
THWACK!
THWACK…
…By the time I regained my composure, there wasn't much left to use the axe on. But that wasn't important anymore. I still had to do what I'd been sent here to do.
Princess Peach's room was lightly decorated with pink details. The princess herself looked a bit peaked, but was nonetheless her old self. She perked up as I called her, turned with her glowing smile to greet me…and stared in horror as she realized what she was looking at. She outright refused to believe that I, an axe-wielding, blood-soaked figure looming eerily in the doorway, was the goofy green plumber she'd known all those months before. All it took was a simple order to follow to begin our trek out of the dead king's lands. She looked on, horrified as she saw every mangled, crushed body that was left in my vengeful wake. The necromancer, with a piece of his wand still jutting out of his face. The heir, quite literally splattered against the wall, the remaining pieces of his face frozen in a scream for his father. The elite Koopalings, all crushed into lifeless red puddles. The princess couldn't stomach the sight of my extensive handiwork, but I had no time to stop for nausea. The last part of my plan was about to go into effect.
As the two of us made for the stronghold's exit, slowly due to the princess being overwhelmed by the gratuitous amounts of gore littering the castle's interior, I pulled out my communicator. Toadsworth sounded glad to hear from me, but I decided to forego 'giving him my status' and get to the point: I demanded that a Superbobomb be dropped on the king's stronghold, quickly lying and saying something awful had escaped into the keep and that it couldn't be allowed to leave. As I put away the small device, Peach screamed at me, saying I had to call off the attack and that I'd gone insane. A glare and a somewhat threatening motion with my axe was enough to silence her for the rest of the trip back to the Mushroom Kingdom.
The princess doesn't speak to me anymore. While the Superbobomb was detonated without a hitch, wiping every trace of the cursed hierarchy out of existence, the princess was very…unhappy with my methods. She informed the entire kingdom of my actions, and since then, I've been a pariah. Every day, I'm given strange, judgmental looks from the town's populace. They all whisper horribly true things behind my back, just loud enough for me to hear. Ever since the princess made an official declaration that my help is to be an absolute last resort in case of another abduction, I've resigned myself to not going on adventures anymore. But to completely honest, I don't care about any of that. The one thing I regret is losing Mario. He was the one genuine sunbeam in this world of fake happiness.
Sometimes I look at one of the few pictures I have of my brother and me. I can hardly recognize the strange, innocent-looking fellow standing next to him. I often ask myself if becoming a monster was worth it all. And whenever I ask that question, my gaze always returns to the blood-stained hammer and grimy axe I keep on the wall.
Yes. It was worth it. And I would do it again if I had to.