Le notes: written for the klayley baby shower event happening on tumblr. I suppose this is more about Klaus and his relationship with himself, than with his child. But hey, I tried my best. My stories just have a habit of running away from me. Oh well. Hope you still enjoy!
Summary: In the end, all he is searching for is a semblance of acceptance. —-Klaus-centric, au future fic
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moonlit dreams and stardust in her eyes
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[because finally, you realize what
you were searching for
was never a what at all,
but a who]
— makethecouldsdisapear (via tumblr)
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/ / /
The shades of the wind flash white and black in Elijah's mind's eye, like a mad cyclone rippling at his atoms.
Wolves run with the shadows, treading through darkness like it's water. They're dependent on survival and instinct, with frightening strength, hunger, and a thirst for adventure. That is what Klaus Mikaelson believes at the young age of ten. The wolves are his constant, his inspiration, and his truth.
Elijah likes to believe that it's all a phase his little brother is going through. Yet, Niklaus is insistent as he pulls Elijah by the sleeve and eagerly runs towards the forest.
"C'mon 'Lijah!" He whines. "We're going to be late!" He races his brother as the wind fights against his sweaty and matted skin.
"Late for what Niklaus?" Elijah asks, chasing after the blond haired sunchild.
"There's a full moon out tonight. Finn said so!" Klaus announces, turning on his heel and walking backwards.
Elijah only smiles, a bit confused and lost. Finn had a lot of knowledge about the world around him. He loved astrology, and nature, adored the animals, especially the wolves. Elijah had to admit, all he ever knew about wolves stemmed from things he'd read in picture books. Klaus, however, seemed to inherent Finn's various interests.
"And what does a full moon signify?" Elijah questions.
His little brother grins, eyes shining like stars scattered in the night's sky. "Wolves," Klaus says. "The wolves will be out tonight, and they'll be howling 'Lijah!"
The elder brother trails after Niklaus, laughing at his excitement. They had been lulled to sleep by lycanthropic lullabies almost every other month or so. And despite the dangers acquitted with these creatures, their lunar songs ring loudly in Klaus's ears.
When Elijah's attention drifts elsewhere, his brother's happy expression shifts in to one of disappointment.
"They're not here." Klaus points out, with his head down. "Did we miss them already?"
The dark haired, older boy is about to offer his condolences. He hated seeing the sadness in those bright blue irises. And he would do almost anything to make his family happy.
But then, just then, nature just so happens to be on Elijah's side tonight.
He raises his head. "They're up on the mountains." Elijah tells Klaus. "Do you see their shadows Niklaus?"
He's starstruck.
"I see them brother." Klaus breathes, lips parting slowly.
Elijah leans down to be at eye level with him. "Aren't they magnificent?"
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/ / /
(The first time his trust is betrayed, Klaus knows that it's hunting season. These animals. These beasts. These monsters. They become his undoing. Henrik's soul is innocent and full of light. But this darkness that touches this angel boy is Niklaus's curse. Like his father had told him, one too many years ago, Klaus is an abomination. He will taint everything he touches, everything he dares to love, and everything he dares to call his own. There is no redemption for a man like him.
There is no salvation
In the end, all he is searching for is a semblance of acceptance. And if his own family could not offer him this much, then what is there left to hope for? The way he sees it, there were two paths. Either he'd choose abnormality and embrace it like a lover, or he would spiral in to a tunnel of obscurity.
It's safe to say that the latter seems more appealing to outcasts like him. After all, losing was so much easier than fighting.
Consequently, his father is right.
Niklaus is nothing but a coward).
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/ / /
Rosemarie runs with the same wildness and bewilderment Niklaus once had. Like father like daughter, Elijah thinks, as he chases her in to the meadows. Rosemarie Mikaelson is six when she follows in Finn's footsteps and becomes completely infatuated with the stars in the sky. Elijah is out of breath by the time his blonde haired niece turns on her heel and questions her uncle's slow pace.
"You such a slowpoke Uncle Elijah!" She whines. "The moon will rise soon, you're going to miss the meteor shower!"
For the fifth time this month, he notices all the ways in which she reminds him of Niklaus. There are endless questions circling her mind, like a silver thimble spinning a thread through her brain. She looks up at the sky. The stars look scattered tonight. They're far apart, spaced out, and a couple miles away from one another, like they're running away from each other. It paints a comedic picture in her mind. As if she is part of a dream. Although, from the looks of it, the sky seems empty too. There are gaps of dark blue and black, they stand out to her.
Back in the woods, the constellations sparkle like morning dew.
They shimmer like a jewel in Rosemarie's mind's eye. Mother always told her to follow the stars whenever she got lost in the woods.
"Uncle Elijah, can I ask you something?"
"Of course you can my dear."
Her eyes search the sky for the image of a wolf. A creature like her, dancing with the lights and howling at the moon. Sadly, Rosemarie only manages to make out senseless shapes. "Is there a wolf in the sky?"
Again, her uncle is caught off guard by her words. "You mean like a constellation?" He guesses. She agrees. Elijah shrugs, truth be told, the story of the wolf was quite cruel. And he wasn't certain that a young girl of only six years of age is fit to hear such atrocious tales. "There's Lupus." He softly admits, thinking of the tales Finn used to spin for him when they were just kids.
"He was the bad guy, wasn't he?" Rosemarie's voice pulls Elijah away from his too-sad memories. "The wolf is always the bad guy." She rephrases, looking guilty and crushed. "Like in the stories Auntie Bekah read to me when she was visiting. The Big Bad Wolf in Little Red Riding Hood, and in The Boy Who Cried Wolf."
"Rosemarie," Elijah calls her, taking a seat next to her as she pouts. "Not all wolves are bad. Look at your mother. She's a wolf, isn't she?" She nods her head. "And is she bad?"
Rosemarie shakes her head. "Momma's the nicest person in the whole wide world."
"And your papa?" Elijah reminds her. "He's a nice wolf too, isn't he?"
She agrees again. "Yah," and finally, a smile reaches her lips. "Papa's nice too."
Then, her uncle softly drapes his arms around her. His embrace, she realizes, is warm and firm. And it's as if he is holding her because he needs the hug more than she does.
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/ / /
(Elijah understands how much he doesn't belong the moment where Hayley steps in to the picture).
"Momma!" Klaus hears her high-pitched voice from a distance. Rosemarie runs passed him in order to get to Hayley. She's sitting by the fire, eyes dark and wandering.
"Momma, are you going in to the forest tonight?" Rosemarie says, crashing in to her mother's lap. And before Hayley can utter a single word, her daughter is squealing in to her ear. "Are you going to go with the wolves again? Will you take me with you this time too? Please!"
Klaus watches them interact with a little too much focus. He knows that Hayley is more in touch with her wolf side than he is. Also, she had mentioned that she had an interest in teaching Rosemarie about the hunt, and nature. Klaus doesn't know much about these things, no matter how old he is. He's been afraid of that part of him ever since—
"You know in four years, I'll be an adult wolf." Rosemarie tells her mother.
Hayley nods her head. "That's right Rosemarie," she mentions, as she softly pats her daughter's head. "An adult wolf is ten years old."
The thing about Rosemarie is that Hayley doesn't know whether to raise her as a vampire, a witch, or a wolf. She talked to Davina about teaching magic to her, and Rosemarie's vampire side had yet to awaken, for some odd reason. She guesses that it made sense, since Klaus was also a wolf first.
"Klaus," Hayley breaks him from his train of thought. Rosemarie is waiting by the door, dressed in cargo pants and a black tee-shirt. Klaus looks to his daughter, and then towards Hayley. Rosemarie's got Klaus's blond hair and blue eyes, but she's also got Hayley's nose, and her smile, and her hands.
"You're welcome to join us, you know?" The wolf girl reminds him.
He only offers her a faint smile. "S'all right." He nervously releases as he shakes his head, repeatedly.
"You sure?" She asks. He nods. "Okay then, we'll be back in a couple of hours." She never tells him exactly where they go. However, he's seen them by the river, a couple of times before. Hayley's hand is always clasped firmly around Rosemarie's tiny wrist. She's a good mother, he thinks, certainly caring and unafraid to love.
It makes him wonder if he's a good father.
"Bye-bye Papa!" Rosemarie waves to him from a distance.
Klaus slowly brings his hand up, he waves back to her as his pressing question remains unanswered.
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/ / /
A man can befriend a wolf, even break a wolf, but no man could truly tame wolf, Elijah once read to him, when they had battled through more than enough transformations together. Though Klaus is weak and broken. His brother lacks in confidence, he could never be what Klaus truly needs him to be.
"If I could find someone," Elijah says, "to teach you about this hidden part of yourself. If I could do more for you Niklaus, believe me I would."
Klaus laughs, without an ounce of sympathy directed towards his noble brother. "You're far too concerned with my well-being." He declares. "That will forever be your burden and your downfall, dear brother."
At the time, Elijah hadn't believed the truth behind Klaus's harsh words.
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/ / /
Last night, he dreamt he was chasing a pack of wolves, in an attempt to belong somewhere. Anywhere. The worst thing is that he's built empires, castles, and allegiances in order to prove to the world that he is more than beast, more than just wolf. Yet the tales spoke differently. They doomed the wolf not for what it is, but for what they deliberately and mistakenly perceived it to be — the mythologized epitome of a savage ruthless killer — which is, in reality, no more than a reflected image of man itself.
"Nik," he hears throughout the nights as Henrik's ghost endlessly haunts him. It isn't enough that Niklaus had to be the cause of his brother's death; he had also become one of the beasts who mercilessly slaughtered him. "Nik, are you there?"
The nightmares only cease when the howling begins.
His slumber is interrupted by the howling. There's a full moon out, he remembers this much because the wolves were out tonight. Rosemarie was sleeping in her room, and Hayley had gone to be with the other wolves. Though the howling was getting louder and louder.
Klaus realized that the wolf was sitting right beside him. She's lithe, gray, yellow-eyed and silent and cautious as she watches him. He doesn't know where to begin to look.
He'd be a fool if he didn't recognize his little wolf. Hayley merely smiled at him with teeth tainted ivory white, making him question if wolves were really beasts. Or perhaps, were they just lonely and lost souls?
Klaus has so many questions and endless confusion brought upon by the wolf who falls asleep right next to him. Hayley's fur looks soft and comforting though, and Klaus hesitates to reach his hand out and pet her behind the ear. Suddenly, the wolf nuzzles his hand.
(The next morning, he wakes up startled because when his eyes open, the wolf is there, eyes wide and yellow and only inches away from his own).
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/ / /
Much like the Ouroboros, Niklaus is destined to cyclically repeat the same mistakes, over and over again. "It's okay to care," Rebekah whispers to him, long long ago, "it's okay to want something." He knows that though, he can love and trust, but it doesn't guarantee him eternal companionship. His experiences have taught him that people come and go, as they please. And he can't do anything to stop them from running.
He looks over his castle; a kingdom of people who would kneel before him. And yet, his eyes are set on the girl in the woods, blonde haired and blue eyed, sitting in the dirt and collecting marigolds in her hands. Her mother looks over her shoulder and her uncle is not too far behind.
Secretly, Klaus wonders if he could ever belong to someone. To anyone.
"Papa," he thinks he hears, as the trees rustle behind him, and he swears he hears her voice again, "papa," and then—
Silence.
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/ / /
End
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Le more notes: I don't know how to write happy endings, or endings in general. I just wanted to write something relating to wolves because who doesn't love wolves? I think all I managed to do was capture Klaus's solitude, truth be told. Oh darn. Well, leave me a review telling me what you think! I look forward to reading your opinions!