Me: Nurshipping (MaixSerenity) is Compy's sixth (? Er – I think) round so… yeah. Major props to Kelpy for telling me to go with this more crack-ish idea then my original serious one. And for posting this on her site because I was on the laptop when I wrote it. X3

Note: Slight crossover with Doctor Who, but you don't need to know that serious to understand this as it's… basic.

Disclaimer: Hikari Daeron does not own Yu-Gi-Oh! or, much to her intense sadness, Doctor Who. This work was written exclusively for the aforementioned contest.

#!#!#!#

Contradiction

"Who's he?"

"He's the Doctor."

"… Doctor who?"

#

Two days after his birthday – unlike another blonde, he was already past nineteen, as it was his twenty-first – Joey Wheeler, older brother to Serenity Wheeler, disappeared.

Just… gone. When said sister went over to his apartment to see just where her big brother had gone, she instead found… well, nothing. His dirty clothes were still scattered around the room, half-eaten pizza from the night before in his fridge, and, of course, there were cards scattered everywhere.

He was missing for exactly 3 days, 5 hours and 2 minutes. Why that particular time? He could never say.

#

Mai Valentine was furious. This apparently happened a lot – hot-tempered and approaching thirty meant that she was ticked off at the smallest things. Admittedly… this was no small thing.

"JOSEPH WHEELER, PICK UP YOUR GODDAMN PHONE! I'VE BEEN RINGING NONSTOP FOR THREE DAYS! PICK. UP. YOUR. PHONE!"

She slammed her phone into its receiver and turned, more than annoyed. Serenity, her hand still poised at the open door to knock, blinked at her. "Have I come at a bad – "

"No, no, not at all!" said Mai, slightly embarrassed as she ushered the other girl in, closing the door behind them. "Sorry you had to hear that…"

Serenity shrugged. "Don't worry about it Mai. I'm worried about him too. It's not like him to just… up and disappear like this."

"Yeah. Ass." The blonde stomped over to her cupboard to grab a bottle. "Want some?" The other shook her head and watched worriedly as Mai downed the scotch and started on another one. "Hey," Serenity said after the third, "Mai, slow down. Enough's enough."

Mai paused with the fourth one to her lips. Then sighed and put it down. "… Sorry. But that stupid brother of yours worries me. I hate to admit it…" She nibbled on her lip. "But, well. Joey's the best friend I got."

Serenity flapped a hand. "Duh, Mai. He loves you to death."

"Yes I know…" She twirled the glass idly. "I'd go out with your brother, you know that?"

"Yes, I know." The younger girl chuckled, tucking auburn hair behind her ear. "Came as a shock when you told him you were bi. But, well, that's Joey for you, oblivious as always."

That made her chuckle. "And you, little Serenity Wheeler?"

"Me…?" Serenity paused, idly twirling a strand of her hair. "I… I guess I'd be bi, if you had to put a label on it. I don't differentiate. Love is love, no matter whose doing or receiving it."

Mai nearly snorted. Oh, what a typical response from her… so naive. She came around the table separating them and placed two cool fingers under Serenity's chin, forcing her to look up. "And me?" she asked, smirking. "Do you trust me?"

"Of course I – "

"If I told you I wanted you right now, against this table, or in my bathroom or on the floor – would you trust me? If I told you it was out of love and I wanted to taste you – would you do it?"

Serenity paused, mouth slightly agape as she contemplated the older woman. Then: "If you said you loved me and you wanted sex… yes. I love you Mai, and I could learn to love you that way if that's what you wanted. And I trust you."

"Tch…" I swear, this girl's going to invite some sicko into her home and turn it from rape to consensual because he claimed he loved her… Out of a random sort of curiosity, Mai leaned forward and pressed her lips to the other's.

Serenity's reaction was almost violent – she pressed back and grasped at Mai in an almost needy fashion, completely contradicting not only her nature but also what she just said. And Mai was torn – take this extraordinary beauty for herself, or push away the girl who should be more like a sister…

Mai gently pushed her back. "Babydoll, if you're thirsty, I can call someone now," she said, amused.

Serenity flushed. "I-I'm sorry. I d-didn't mean – well I did mean, but I didn't – What I meant was – "

"Oh, be a good girl and shut up," said Mai, kissing her again, firmly but chastely. "Now. What's on your mind?"

Serenity paused and hesitated. "Well…"

And then the blue box flashed into Mai's living room.

Both women shrieked and jumped to their feet, running in. "What the – who the – the hell is this?!" snapped Mai, staring as the machine known as the TARDIS – although not yet to her – appeared.

Her complaints ceased when she saw an extremely good-looking man dash out towards her. He held up a funny-looking pen with a blue light before spinning around towards Serenity. "It's this one here!" he shouted to his blonde companion, who stumbled out.

"Joey?!"

"Not now!" he said, charging towards his sister as the other man beckoned. "What now Doctor?"

"This man's a doctor, Joey?" asked Serenity, eyeing the man who was scanning her with his little pen-light… thing.

"Of sorts," said Joey impatiently. "Well?"

"Where the hell have you been?!" snapped Mai angrily, but the Doctor cut her off.

"I think I've got it all… anyone got a cup?" The brunet ran off and grabbed Mai's abandoned drink. He dumped the contents to the ground – to which she protested – and then pointed the blue light inside of it.

At once, the glass filled with a smoky mixture. The holder raised the glass with a wink. "Cheers." He downed it.

Mai and Serenity watched with confused expressions as Joey looked on anxiously. "Well?"

And the Doctor burped.

"So sorry about that," he said, coming into the room casually. "I'm the Doctor."

"… Doctor who?" snapped Mai. She was in no mood to play games. "What the hell just happened? Joey, where have you been these past few days?"

The blonde male shrugged. "Traveling time and space with him," he said, jerking his thumb back, "in the TARDIS." Point to the blue box.

Which made both females stare at him. "Big brother," said Serenity slowly. "Are you… taking anything? Anything at all?"

"Actually," interrupted the Doctor. "You were, I'm afraid."

"What?"

"That ball of nasty sooty-stuff… its residue from a lapse in the fabric of…"

"This is where I start tuning it out," said Joey in a whisper to the others.

"But who is he?" said Mai, checking out the rambling Doctor.

Joey shrugged. "He's the Doctor. Last of an alien race."

"Alien?"

He gestured. "There are whole other worlds out there. Seriously, it's… amazing. I've never seen anything like it. I accidentally ran into him while I was out, and then he sort of… stuck. I can't help it – I need to see more."

"… which is why it needed the friction of your lips and another's to transport DNA molecules from…"

"Just because he's alien doesn't mean he can't do stuff, right?" asked Mai idly.

Joey snorted. "I doubt you'd be able to seduce him, even with all your tricks, Mai. That man's married to his loneliness. Reminds me of someone we used to know…"

The three of them turned to watch the rambling Time Lord. Finally, he paused. "… That's very unnerving. What is it?"

"Nothing," said Joey, shaking his head with a grin.

"… So anyway," concluded the Doctor. "That's how we came up here!"

Serenity paused and glanced at Mai. The blonde's lips twitched. "Hey, Doctor?"

"Yes?"

"… Wanna run that past us again?"

#

"What the hell is that?"

"This… is my timey-wimey detector. Goes ding when there's stuff. Also can boil an egg. I've learned to stay away from hens."

"… You've got to be joking me."

"'Fraid not."

"Damn."

"Yeah I know… I like eggs too."

#!#!#!#

Me: ……………………………… Don't ask, I have no idea. Sprung from a discussion of "what if Joey was the Doctor" which turned into this… crack. Also – the timey-wimey quote is taken as best as I can remember from the episode "Blink" (or rather, don't (shivers)).