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Author's Note: Mentions of abuse and manipulation.
Grant Ward has been manipulated and abused by those closest to him his entire life. He's aware of it, but doesn't want to acknowledge the truth. How is that going to help him now? Garrett swooped in and helped Grant when he needed him the most. He molded him into the man Grant is now. Their training sessions were painful but necessary, and it was nothing new anyway. Whatever, it's fine. He's accepted that part of his life.
He joined HYDRA because he believed in them – in Garrett. He was usually always right and SHIELD was wrong. That was that. But when Grant went undercover on Coulson's team to find out how the older man was alive again, he was surprised by how quickly he fit in. How quickly they all became a family. And he wishes he could be the person he was pretending to be to fit in. That Grant Ward isn't a massive fuck-up who deserves to die. He's a better man who doesn't deserve all the shit that's raining down on him now. And sometimes Grant wonders why Garrett even saved him – what the fuck was the point in that? He's still living in a hell and it's one of his own creation.
And fuck, then there's Skye. She was never supposed to be part of the equation and like an idiot, Grant fell in love with her. Garrett clearly enjoys throwing it in his face, and he's never felt like punching him more. But he won't because he can't. He's never been in love before and it scares the fuck out of him. He needs to keep Skye safe – he can't lose her. Grant knows he will once she discovers the truth, but he's still going to try his best to protect her. She can hate him all she wants – it'd be nothing new anyway. And seeing Ian Quinn again? Makes his blood boil. Grant is going to kill that bastard the first chance he gets for what he did to Skye.
Grant doesn't want to seduce her to get the information or kill the team. But what Garrett says goes. It's always been that way. Saying no isn't an option in his presence. If there is resistance, there are consequences, and Grant doesn't want to go through that again. He can't. It hurts too much, even though he's numb to mostly everything at this point.
He's at the end of the rope and is ready to give up – Grant fully expects to die soon and he's okay with that. It's what he deserves, after all. He needs to escape from this life because there is no chance of getting out now. It's too late for him.
Grant Ward is a tool and it's as simple as that. To Garrett, he's expendable. He's always known that but it's becoming more and more obvious. And Grant's going to go down fighting. He'll no longer have to worry about loyalty to John Garrett. He won't have to wonder about what hell he's going to have to endure next. His misery is spreading so much that everyone around sees it, but they don't give a shit. It's not surprising when Garrett tells him to man up and do what needs to be done. Grant can't "let a naïve little girl take him down".
Grant can't wait until everything is over and done with. He's fucking exhausted. Nothing and nobody – not even Skye – can save him. It's far too late for that. He's a lost cause. Always has been, always will be.
He's a monster and he'll pay for his actions sooner or later. The consequences are coming and Grant's ready and waiting.