50 Ways To Annoy Commodore Norrington
1. Call him Norry.
2. Call him Scruffington.
3. Proceed to rhyme these two names in any way possible - for most effective use, throw insults about the size of his sword in.
4. Ask him why he wears an ice cream scoop for a wig.
5. Tell him Cap'n Jack's got better hair.
6. Ask him why Will has a bigger hat than he does.
7. Pet his wig when he takes it off.
8. Kidnap his bride-to-be/freakish-cannon-Mary Sue.
9. Make her do a strip tease in front of a bunch of pirates.
10. Tell him she ran off to be with a eunuch anyway, so that's really got to say something about him.
11. Ask him why he has two close Lieutenants with names starting with G's.
12. Tell him he's prejudice to the letters F and H.
13. Proceed to stick posters around town with this information - for more effective use, add a poorly drawn picture of him beating said letters.
14. Bring him to court for Letter Abuse.
15. Act as his defense attorney.
16. Invite Fish-face and Hector Barbossa to be prime witnesses.
17. Tell him he was a mere side shot to Elizabeth's fanning at his own ceremony.
18. Tell him he messed up on the forward swing anyway and that he should have practiced more often.
19. Inform him that Snobbery is actually a vicious disease and that he should have that checked out immediately.
20. The first sign is a wig fetish.
21. Especially if shaped like ice cream.
22. It's in it's advanced stage when the wig is the exact shade of French Vanilla Briers.
23. Point and laugh whenever he walks into a room/onto deck/into street.
24. Proceed to do any of the following: clutch sides, cover face, hitch breathing, shake head, fall to knees, and splutter.
25. For more effective use do all of them consecutively.
26. Form a peaceful protest outside of his home.
27. Tell him it's because he didn't say his lines right.
28. Run in circles screaming when he looks at you.
29. When questioned, say that he was trying to steal your soul.
30. Stalk him.
31. Leave trinkets behind with notes saying things like: "I know what you did last summer," and "Your uniform needs washing." Anything strange that leaves an unyielding desire to throw away his possessions.
32. Steal the things he throws away.
33. Wear it around town and pretend you are him.
34. Act snobby and throw him in prison when he confronts you.
35. Use the words "Short drop and a sudden stop."
36. Hold his wig ransom until he caves into your demands.
37. Tell him you want a Governor's daughter to threaten, a link of chains, and a pulley to fly off on.
38. When he asks why you're trying to be like Jack Sparrow, correct him with "CAPTAIN!" and kick him in the shins.
39. Then say you have no clue what he's talking about.
40. Proceed to dye his wig green, send it back, and say it fell in your pool.
41. Tell him you'll marry him then run off with a blacksmith's apprentice.
42. Then leave the blacksmith for a pirate.
43. Then kiss him as your escaping Davey Jones' ship and leave him to be killed.
44. Tell him your sorry in the afterlife, then proceed to slap him and say things like "'Oo was she?!"
45. Cry if he has no clue what you're talking about.
46. Cackle evilly if he does.
47. Buy him a new wig.
48. Give him his "Commodore Norry" sword back.
49. Smile when he looks confused.
50. Proceed to tell him Will actually made it all those years ago and laugh gleefully as he looks at it disgustedly and rips his new wig in frustration.
-V-
A/N: Just a little thing I came up with after reading similiar lists (see my faves in my profile for reference).