A/N: Okay, before I start, I'd like to say a couple of things.

1: This came out of a discussion in Gareth David-Lloyd's fangirl thread on Gateworld. It actually wrote out the first chapter, pretty much.

2: I would like to thank Allestian for being an awesome go-to girl for everything British. I'm an American, so I have absolutely no idea how the British school system works. And also for letting me borrow her character, Edele James. I love Edele and thought she'd make an excellent addition to TWHS.

3: I'd also like to thank Russell T Davies for being an absolute genius and coming up with Torchwood. I also own nothing. NOTHING! Also, this is pre-Owen's death. Have fun!

On with the show…

Torchwood High

Jack looked at the paper, slightly dumbfounded. Were they insane? Torchwood Three, one of the best teams out there, and they had to teach a high school? Jack groaned before walking out and calling his team into the conference room.

"Guys, I have some… news."

"News? What news?" was the general response from his team.

Jack sighed and continued. "We've got orders to run a high school." This elicited a number of shocked looks and angry outbursts, the loudest of which came from Owen. "They feel we should do it because we have the best experience with mischievous teenagers." He looked at Edele who put on her most innocent face.

"What did I do, Jack? I'm as innocent as a butterfly." Edele smiled innocently.

"If you're innocent, Owen wants to marry you." Jack grinned because he knew it wasn't true. But to Jack's surprise, Owen and Edele turned red and looked at their feet. "Oh, no. No. You're kidding me. Owen?"

"Uh… It's true, Jack." Owen lifted Edele's left hand and showed Jack the ring.

"Great. Congratulations, guys." Jack smiled at them before turning serious again. "Back on topic, we'll be running a small high school and we need to figure out who's teaching what classes. Ideas?"

"I'll teach health since I'm a doctor." Owen volunteered. Jack nodded and looked at Ianto.

"I'll teach cooking and I'll be the lunch lady." Ianto suggested. Everyone started laughing at the mental image of Ianto in a lunch lady outfit. "What? Is it my cooking? Because I'll have you know that I am a fantastic cook and-"

"No, Ianto." Jack interrupted. "You in a lunch lady outfit is the funniest mental image ever." At that, everyone started laughing again.

"Hey, Ianto, since we're all giggling now… Can I-" Edele began but was interrupted by Jack.

"No. Ianto's suffered enough at your hands." Jack told Edele sternly. "No more pranks." Edele sighed and nodded. "Now… Gwen? Tosh?" he looked between the two of them until Gwen spoke up.

"I'll teach physical education." Gwen suggested. "I think teenagers aren't getting enough exercise anymore. They're always sitting inside, watching TV or playing video games." Yet again, Jack nodded. He looked at Tosh again.

"I'll teach computer since that's what I'm good at. I'll also handle any paperwork we have to deal with." Tosh smiled. "I know how much you hate paperwork." Everyone laughed at that one. Jack turned to Edele who got a nervous look on her face.

"Edele, do you want to teach a class?" Jack asked with a grin. Edele got one on her face to match his.

"Sure. 'Madness, Mayhem, and Math on occasion'." She joked. Jack chuckled.

"I suppose that works. Just no testing out your mayhem on your fellow team members." Jack gave her a warning look to match his tone. "Otherwise, you'll have the same treatment, only worse." He grinned and held up a furry glove. Edele glared at him.

"It's your fault that I did that! If you hadn't pranked me in the first place, it never would have happened!" Edele defended herself. Jack stuck his tongue out at her and laughed.

"Anyway… Tomorrow, we start getting things together and enrolling students. What should we call it?" Jack asked. They all looked at each other and grinned. "Let me guess, Torchwood high?" Everyone nodded simultaneously. "Okay then. Torchwood High it is. Get some sleep. We have a big day ahead."