The Forest For The Trees
Brandon impatiently pushes the elevator button. "Come on," he watches numbers on the screen lower.
"That's not going to help," Jude observes. Feeling Brandon's glare, he shrugs. The elevator bell dings as doors open. "See, I told you."
Whipping around, Brandon grabbed Jude's shirt, "shut up," he growls pulling his younger brother into the elevator. He took a piece of Winterfresh gum from his pocket, "chew this."
Jude took the gum, "thanks," he said softly. Folding the gum into his mouth, Jude crumpled the paper into his hand. He'd ignored Lena's "COME TO THE CAR NOW" group text. The Justice for Jack tent was still up, he'd kept it in sight, so he knew the family hadn't rushed off somewhere. Jude had underestimated the difference between serious and emergent but quickly learned when Mat stumbled upon he and Noah. Something had happened to Jesus. Brandon had stayed to find him. The rest of the family had left. He had to come with Mat, now.
A sign pointing to PICU appeared as the doors opened. Brandon took Jude's shirt, "go to the bathroom. Wash your hands and take that shirt off. Two minutes" he instructed. Taking a deep breath, he leaned against the wall closing his eyes. People make bad decisions, he knew that, but damn.
"Brandon," Callie almost yelled. "How is he?" She asked breathlessly. Her eyes were wide and heart pounding. Sure, 3 flights of stairs in a sprint could do that, but it was far deeper than that for Callie.
"Callie," Brandon jerked his head up, "oh, I'm not sure yet. I had to wait for Jude," he answered vaguely.
"Didn't he come to the car like Mama texted?" Her face confused, Callie responded to the group text "I'll meet you at home. I'm with Aaron." The next text "CHILDRENS. JESUS HURT" sent chills straight to her feet. Despite likely being a murderer, Troy Johnson got off the exit and dropped her at the hospital. She didn't have time to think about that, though.
Brandon shook his head, "uh, no. He was-." Jude came out and gave Brandon a look, "taking too long. I told Mama I'd get Mat to bring him and me."
"You're here," Jude said a little too loud, grabbing Callie in a hug. He quickly released her, not wanting her to smell anything. "Let's go," he looked to Brandon.
Callie gave both Jude and Brandon a look. Something was off. It didn't matter, she decided following her brothers. Jesus was hurt. That is what mattered, right now.
Tossing aside an old Peoples Stef jumped up, "Brandon, Jude" she gave them a hug. "Thank God you're here," she stepped back. "Callie," she hugged her as well. "You ok?" She let go. Callie's back was wet.
"How is he? What the hell happened? He got into a fight? With who? I mean, he knew-" Callie looked around the room. "He knew he couldn't do anything," she finished.
"Hey-" Stef cut her off.
Marianna interrupted Stef, "don't blame him. Don't blame Jesus," she said bitterly, "this is my fault. Not his. Jesus didn't do anything-"
"Enough. Callie, we don't know how he is. He is unconscious. Sit down, please," Stef calmly led her to a chair beside Marianna. Crouching down, she put her hands on Marianna's knees, "this is not your fault, honey. It was an accident."
"She's not wrong you know," Lena spoke from her seat. She returned Stef's look with a half shrug, "she's not."
Stef gave Marianna's knee a final squeeze and turned to her wife, "Lena, let's not-"
"What hold our kids accountable? We're not going to talk about the fact Jude was off getting high when he was supposed to be grounded. Or that Brandon got caught taking another kids SATs and can't go to Juilliard? What, Stef?" She asked.
Stef took Lena's arm, "come with me." She shut the door to the small waiting room and walked down toward the elevator. "Lena, we can't do this now."
Laughing bitterly, Lena pulled away from Stef, "what? Tell me Stef. What is it we can't do?" She fixed her eyes on Stef who was leaning against the wall, hands on the rail. "Huh? Worry? Be afraid? Angry?" She paused as Stef sighed. "No, I get it. Acknowledge that we're angry and afraid. That's it, isn't it?"
"Honey," Stef answered, her voice shaky, "I just don't think now is the time to be bringing all this up." She nodded as a woman walked between them. Lowering her voice, Stef crossed the hall, "right now, we need to focus on Jesus."
Lena crossed her arms, "I'm tired of it, Stef."
"Unfortunately, that is not a luxury you can afford right now," Stef spoke deliberately, her voice halting. "If it were me and you, fine. But it's not. There are four scared kids in that room."
Nodding, Lena bit her lip, "yeah. I know. It's a pretty familiar scene, don't you think?" Running her hand through her hair, she continued, "I seem to recall four scared kids one night in a similar room. Except, you weren't there," she raised her eyebrows.
"Really?" Stef breathed, wrapping her arms around herself as if it would protect her from Lena's accusation. Met with silence and a shrug, Stef felt the tears fall. "This isn't like that, Love. We have to focus on Jesus being injured." She found Lena's eyes again, "I'm sorry you were scared that night, I am so sorry."
"I was scared. I was scared, angry, confused," Lena acknowledged. "I couldn't look at the twins until you were ok."
Stef put her hand on Lena's arm, "I'm ok now. We will be ok, all of us."
"What if we're not, Stef?" Lena's arms remained crossed. "What if Brandon can't get into music and stays with Courtney or Jude gets addicted to something?" She took in a deep breath, "or Jesus isn't ok? What then?"
"We can't do that. Catastrophic thinking gets us nowhere," Stef answered, rubbing Lena's arm.
Lena sighed, stepping back, "see, Stef. You always miss the forest for the trees. We need to talk about it. Feel it."
"The forest for the trees? Yeah, I don't always get to see the forest," she air quoted. "Did it ever occur to you, maybe, Lena I do feel it? That I feel it so deeply, so damn deeply I simply can't think of anything else or waste energy in shoulds, coulds, woulds, or ifs?" Stef covered her eyes with her hands, "I know my son is lying in a room back there. He can't talk, move, open his eyes, or even breathe. The sister he has been with and protected his entire life has made some very poor choices. And every single time, every single time, Lena, that boy has been there for her. Now, he isn't. So, I'm really sorry if I can't process much more than this right now. Or I'm not giving you what you need."
"Honey," Lena reached for Stef. Stef stiffened at the touch, "honey. Stef, I'm sorry. I'm not being all that fair. Please, come here," she pulled her wife towards her. "This is really hard. I know you know that. I'm sorry," she repeated.
Stef shook her head and wrapped her arms around Lena, "we aren't going to be ok, none of us, if you and I aren't ok."
Resting her forehead to Stef's, Lena cupped her face. They stayed there for a moment. Lena's thumbs wiped Stef's tears. "I'm glad I have you, Stefanie Adams-Foster. The first thing you asked after marrying me was about Marianna. You have a big heart, Babe," she reached her hand to cover Stef's heart. "You love so hard and fully we all feel it all the time. I feel it all the time. I really do. You can take a break once in awhile, we've got reserves."
"I could never take a break," Stef's hand covered Lena's. "Loving you simply produces more love," she gave Lena a small smile. "Loving the kids, watching you love the kids, I have reserves. So, I'm pretty sure it's going to be fine. We gon' be alright."
Lena laughed, capturing Stef's lips, "I love you. You're no Kendrick, Babe but I love you."
"Now, I'm really hurt," Stef mocked. She tilted her head, "I love you too, Mrs. Adams-Foster."
"Hey, Moms," Callie said quietly, "the Doctor is out here. She'd like to talk to you guys," she reported nervously.
Lena looked at Stef then back at Callie, "ok, Honey, thanks. Let's go," she reached for Stef's hand and took a quick step to catch up with her wife.