Of Cars and Flowers
The great wall of metal towered before her and she felt her heart skip a beat as she looked beyond it. There it stood, cold and harsh. The kaleidoscope of flowers and shrubs around it could not soften the harsh atmosphere, but instead provided a stark contrast to the looming, majestic house. She held on to the gate for dear life as she felt her senses go into an over-drive.
Every sidewalk and car around her screamed for her to leave, and the logical side of her brain furiously agreed. Her heart, however, listened to the soft beckoning of the flowers and shrubs that pushed for her to overcome the physical barrier of the gate. It told her to stay and meet her worst nightmare. Her conflicting emotions clashed against one another, but before she could decide whom to follow, the flowers and shrubs in her view were no longer decorated with harsh black lines. The gate had opened, providing her with the full view of the scenery before her, presenting the full beauty of the flowers and shrubs.
A small gust of wind licked at the hems of her cloak, but it adamantly refused to allow any admittance to the unfamiliar and uncomfortable stranger. She hugged the cloak closer to her small frame and continued to watch the house. The cloak struggled against the increasing wind.. She steeled herself and put one foot forward toward the house. It would be rude to not turn up when you have already accepted an invitation, right?
As she walked into the house's compounds, she clutched her cloak tighter around her as the wind picked up speed and screamed for entrance into its barrier. She adamantly refused its entry and continued to walk towards the house. Her heartbeat increased and she took bigger gulps of air. Only one word flashed in her mind: Run, run, run. She refused to listen and trudged on towards the house.
Just then, she stopped in her tracks, and her heart almost followed suit. When the front door to the house open and revealed the man that she wanted -but feared- to meet. His midnight black hair swept gently with the breeze, and she sucked in another breath when he disarmed her with a smile.
'You've finally decided to enter, Daidouji-san.'
She let go of her cloak in momentary shock.
The wind wrapped around her like a cold blanket.
I held my breath as I watched her from my living room window, and frowned when I saw that she hesitated in front of my front gate. My heart clenched in fear. Was she having second thoughts about coming in? Was she afraid that I did not welcome her? Did she feel that she did not belong? I uncharacteristically bit my lip in nervousness, betraying my usually calm image.
As she hesitated between running for her car and being attracted to the flowers that graced my frightening home (at least to her), I decided to help her in her decision by opening the gates for her. I continued to watch. What if she did not want to come in? What if-
'Eriol-kun,' taunted a voice behind me. I let out a soft cry and swerved around, staff ready in my hand. The long haired, genderless guardian of mine broke out into peals of laughter as I growled angrily and withdrew my staff.
'If you do that to me again, I will not guarantee your existence in this pathetic world that you love so much.' I spat angrily, as I hurriedly returned to watching Tomoyo. My anger disintegrated slightly as I watched my beautiful angel finally tread onto the grounds of my home. I let out a small sigh and stood up, ready to run to the front door to receive her. The red-haired being, who insisted on being a girl, stuck out her tongue at me as I hurriedly walked out of the room to welcome Tomoyo.
'You're not a girl and you're suffering from pre-menstrual syndrome. One second you're threatening to kill me, and the next, you are grinning over your angel. You're worse than a girl!'
I waved a hand in dismissal and she promptly walked into the closed door, letting out a sharp yell in pain.
I ignored her cry and ran down the stairs to the foyer as she walked down the path to the door. Separated only by a wall of wood, I finally stopped and took in a calming breath. I thought of my kind, sweet friend and smiled. I could do this. I have done it millions of times. As I stood behind the door, I crazily doubted my ability to open the door. My heart thumped uncomfortably in my chest, and I quickly twisted the doorknob open before I could convince myself otherwise.
I quickly calmed downed into the cool Hiiragizawa Eriol she knew when I faced her, letting out a small grin.
'You've finally decided to enter, Daidouji-san.' I teased. Shock registered in her face momentarily and she let go of the cloak she had been clutching close to her. The cold wind seemed to awake her senses as she blinked furiously and finally registered my presence. She smiled gently.
'You have been watching me, I presume?' she asked testily. I shrugged and brushed it off.
'Would you like to come in? It's warmer inside.'
When he turned away, I finally let myself narrow my eyes at him, trying to burn a hole at the back of his head. That idiot. My cheeks were tinged with a small patch of red as I pictured him watching me with an amused smile as I shivered in fear outside his gate. When he turned back to face me, I looked away.
'Would you like some tea?' he asked politely. I took a small, calming breath and turned to face him. I smiled gently.
'Yes, please,' I replied as I took a seat at the sofa. The flames licked greedily at the logs of dry timber and I watched it, trying to gather my scattered thoughts. I was slightly irritated. It was so hard to think when he was just next to me; pouring tea into the teacup like it was the most natural thing to do in the world. The soft tones of the wood decorated around the house did not help to untangle my nerves as I watched him. For some reason, I was feeling nervous and self-conscious, definitely not my style. For some reason, his presence affected me. For some reasons, I yearned to be in another place another than here.
'So...what is it that you want to see me about?' I questioned after finding no other conservation starters besides the weather and his new house.
He handed me my cup and looked away into the flames of his fireplace.
'I'm not sure if I want to tell you yet. I'll tell you later. How are things at home?'
I stared at the man that sat beside me, sipping his tea quietly as he watched the flames. Questions sprung to my lips, but as I observed his guarded expression, I forced the questions down, turning to watch the fire with him.
'It's the same as ever and my mom is alright alright, how about yours?' I returned the question out of habitual politeness, looking around the darken living room curiously. A moment of silence came over us. I lifted an eyebrow and sipped my tea, throwing a sidelong glance at him. He was facing me with a bemused expression and I turned my head to face him with a slight frown.
'What?' I questioned defensively. He shook his head and let out a soft laugh.
'Nakuru and Spinel Sun are just fine.' He replied with a smile. I frowned again, sensing something amiss. My senses tingled again, this time for a different reason.
"Your...parents?'
He just shrugged and took another sip of his tea, providing no more information. My cheeks flushed with embarrassment and I looked down at the tea swirling in my cup.
'I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-"
'I've never seen my parents since I was five.' He murmured pensively as he watched the fire dance around the logs. 'I never knew what happened to them only that they've died. I don't even have a picture of them. It seemed as if they just... vanished.'
I kept silent, letting him speak at his own pace.
'An orphanage took me in, raised me and when I was eight, I started to have these...flashbacks. I would be eating or just reading a book, when this image would just form in my mind. It was not until when I was nine when a Magician noticed my aurora and helped me to develop my magic. Throughout that year, I finally unlocked my powers and gained full control of it. Then I found out that I was a reincarnation of Clow Reed, the greatest magician of all time.'
He paused again and I tried to absorb as much information as possible. I felt my heart reach out to the poor boy that was so lost and alone in this cold world. I decided to change the topic.
'When did you create Ruby Moon and Supinel Sun?'
He broke out into a grin at the memory and glanced at me. My breath caught in my throat suddenly but he looked back at the fire again. I let out a quiet sigh of relief.
'It was actually an accident, something done out of impulse. I remembered that Clow Reed had two guardians, and just out of boyish glee of my own powers, I created those two creatures. I never regretted that decision though, come to think of it. I would miss them dearly if they were not around.'
I smiled in amusement. 'Nakuru would have loved to hear that.' He laughed and leaned back against the sofa. My gaze followed him in curiosity. I have never seen him so relaxed and so...carefree before. He was always so controlled and defined that even I was tricked into thinking that he was perfect. He stared at the ceiling, as if collecting his thoughts.
'The only thing I remember of my parents is of their warmth and love for me, and I think that is enough. I do miss them sometimes, yearning to just see their faces one more time...' He sighed. 'But I know that it's impossible, even with my level of magic. The dead can never be revived. They don't like to come back to the cruelty of this world after they have experienced a place of peace and happiness.'
I marveled at his wise thoughts for a man of his age, and it was when I remembered that he was Clow Reed's incarnation, so he had two lifetime's worth of knowledge. I still smiled at the man. Clow Reed was Clow Reed, Hiiragizawa Eriol was Hiiragizawa Eriol. They were each more brilliant than the other.
'It's wonderful that you think that way. It's no use being sad over what has happened a long, long time ago. It's just a waste of time.' I declared. I sensed his gaze on me and I lifted an eyebrow at him.
He suddenly burst into laughter and I flushed, wondering what I had said wrong. He waved a hand at me, still laughing.
'It's nothing; it's just that you sounded so...sensible. I'm just not used to it after being around Nakuru for so long.' As he continued to laugh, I could not help but relax in his company. I smiled at him and leaned back at the sofa to join him. For the first time, it did not bother me to have his head just inches from mine. Instead, it felt a little comforting to have someone near me then.
'I've not seen my father for almost 10 years now. My parents divorced when I was young because my mom thought that the marriage was not working out. It was tough for them, since I was still so young, but what was the point of staying together if they could not even be comfortable with one another to stay in the same room? My mom took me away to Tomoeda and I've been there ever since.' I fell silent, trying to collect my thoughts. I stared at the ceiling, attempting to remember what had happened and piece them together.
I jumped slightly when I felt a warm hand on mine, and turned my head towards him. He did not turn to face me but squeezed my hand comfortingly.
'You don't have to tell me this, you know?' he told me in a hoarse voice. My heart swelled at his consideration and I turned my palm to link my fingers with him.
'I want to.' I returned my gaze to the ceiling, hand linked in his.
'I just wished that my mom would let me see my father just once. I tried over the years to call back his face from my memories, but I just couldn't. He never called me once.' I murmured softly. We were both silent as we just stared at the ceiling side by side, lying in the comfort of the silence between us.
I had no idea why I bothered to share my life story with this woman, but I did anyway, and was enjoying her company-and her hand in mine. As I relaxed on the sofa beside her, I threw a side glance at the angel beside me. I noticed her beautiful hair cascading over my humble sofa, and I noticed her eyes closed with the heavy lids of hers. Her breathing soften to a slow rhythm and soon, she was asleep. I smiled but did not dare to move, lest I awaken the lovely angel from her peaceful slumber.
Just then, a soft rumble flowed through the house, and my attention was drawn to the window. Clouds of grey had gathered in the skies and have finally released their load over us, presenting the trees and flowers their showers of blessings. I marveled at then beauty as the water formed a thin film on my window and dispersed the colors of the flowers and trees. I nudged the sleeping beauty awake and leaned over to whisper in her ear.
'Wake up and look outside.' I murmured. Her eyelids fluttered open and she focused onto my face.
'Outside?' she murmured. I nodded gently and she turned her head a fraction to look outside. Slowly, she straightened up and continued to stare.
'It's...beautiful,' she breathed. She stood up and pulled me along with her, unwilling to let go of my hand. My heart warmed at that thought and I followed her to the window where she watched the rippled view of the colors that graced the outskirts of my house. She finally let go of my hand to put both palms on the window panes as she marveled at the beauty, like a child marveling over a box of sweets.
I carefully circled my arms around her waist lightly and concentrated on the view over her shoulder. She visibly stiffened but I stood still, giving her the chance to push me away and give me a tight slap on my face for being the biggest pervert on Earth.
My heart pounded in my ears in anticipation, and when she relaxed in my embrace, I let out a shaky sigh of relief and buried my face into the side of her neck. She sighed and rested a hand on my arm, while the other caressed my hair gently.
'Hiiragizawa-kun...'
I looked up at her face that was turned to me and smiled softly.
'I think we are way past being courteous to each other, aren't we?' Realization dawned upon her face as she figured out what I was implying.
'May I call you 'Tomoyo-chan' from now on?' I asked. Hesitation crept into her eyes and I inwardly begged her to accept my request.
'Then you must allow me to call you 'Eriol-kun' from now on,' she replied hoarsely. My face broke into a grin and I nodded, in awe at how my name rolled off her tongue to make it sound so musical and just purely wonderful.
'Hai, Tomoyo-chan.'
Her face lit up with pleasure as I said her name and she turned her attention back to the window's view. We stood with each other, just watching the whirl of colors change its shape as each raindrop fell, enjoying each other's company, reveling in each other's company.
'I still don't understand why you asked me here.' Tomoyo murmured drowsily. My half-lidded eyes snapped open and my heart kicked-started into full speed. I had totally forgotten about that! I did not answer but tried to calm my nerves as I watched the view outside. The rain continued to fall.
Getting no response from me, Tomoyo turned in my arms and cradled my face between her palms.
'Eriol-kun?' she questioned. My heart broke as I watched her brows crease in confusion. I did not know what I was afraid of. Maybe rejection, maybe I was just not ready. I absently smoothed out the crease in her brows and smoothed down her hair. Did I want to risk hurting this fragile creature? Would I break her with my overwhelming feelings for her? Did she feel the way I felt? Would she laugh or scorn at my childish feelings? I did not know, and I wanted to know. But...
'I think it's about time you went home.' I replied gently. I looked away from her, unwilling to face the hurt that clouded her eyes.
'Eriol...?' I tore myself away from her warm embrace and immediately regretted it as the cold harshness of the rain froze me to my bones. I sought shelter at the front of the fireplace...but it did nothing to sooth the cold that shrouded my heart. I sat down on the sofa and buried my face in my hands. I could feel her confusion and hurt vibrating around the room by my sudden coldness, and I ignored it adamantly. When she moved to kneel down in front of me, I instinctively froze up.
I was so confused. One minute, he was loving and kind and understanding, the next, he was giving me the cold shoulder and asking me to leave. I was unaware of what I wanted from him, but I knew that I wanted what I sought for. I did not understand the feeling I felt about him. It was...warming, wonderful, and feeling it from him somehow made everything feel just right. When he held me, my world felt whole. When he let go of me, however, my world tilted on its axis, threatening to fall. I just did not understand, and I believed somehow, that this man named Eriol held the answer to my question .I approached him wearily and knelt in front of him.
'Tell me, Eriol Hiiragizawa, Why did you ask me to come?' He did not answer, but continued to hide in the darkness of his hands. I pried his hands away form his face to be met with a despairing expression.
'What's wrong?' I asked in concern. Was he hurting? Was he angry? Did he not want my presence? I received no reply.
'Go, leave me for now. I need to be alone.' I stayed at my position, silent. My heart felt...painful. Each throb it made, it hurt while driving me on to live. Every throb it made, the pain increased. I stared at his face that was turned away, pain coursing through my veins. The wooden walls stifled my breathing somehow, and it hitched slightly. I quickly stood up, a desperate need to leave overwhelming me.
'I- I should be going now. Thank you for your...hospitality. See you soon...Hiiragizawa-kun' I quickly ran out of the house, unable to say his name anymore. The rain quickly soaked me to the skin, but I welcomed its refreshing liquid. Its quick descent from the heavens could blur out my image, and my tears.
I walked down the path, but I could not tell if it was either tears or raindrops trickling down my face. The flowers and trees that once welcomed me had disappeared beneath the veils of the rain, but only the car remained, its big frame standing a few steps in front of me. This time, I headed for the shelter of the car, not the beauty of the flowers.
'Coward,' spat a voice angrily from behind me. I squeezed my eyes shut, as if it could block out the feelings coursing through my heart.
'Shut up. What do you know about love anyway,' I snapped back.
'Is this what you humans call love?' asked another voice, gentler than the first. 'Do you humans, even know what it takes to love someone?'
'Loving someone is about letting go...it's about making the one you love happy, to protect them from any harm.' I whispered harshly.
'You Block head,' insulted Nakuru as she sat down beside me. 'You idiot of a nutcase, bespectacled. Four-eyed freak.'
'For once, I agree with ruby moon, Master Eriol.' Said Spinel Sun as it hovered in front of my face. The other guardian of the reincarnation of Clow Reed placed an apologetic paw on my lowered head. 'You were being a jerk today.'
I growled in anger and looked angrily at both of them, ready to bring them back to where they were born from.
'Love is not only that. Love is a feeling, a decision. If you love someone, you would want him or her to be happy, right?' Spinel Sun reasoned. 'Do you think Daidouji-san was overjoyed when you brushed her off like that? All because of what, master? Your fears.'
'How on earth do you know that she does not love you, if you don't even bother to ask her?! You insensitive, arrogant brat!' rambled on Nakuru.
I did not speak for a moment, and then suddenly, I was driven by a will that I did not know I possessed. I glanced at my guardians.
'Remind me to bake a whole jar of cookies for you, Nakuru, and remind me to get more books for you, Spinel Sun.' I ran to the window, leaving my overjoyed guardians behind. I searched through the film of rain on my window and spied the woman that I loved, damm it I LOVE her, walking towards her car that might just destroy my chances of telling her. I ignored the rain, yanked open the door, and ran after her.
I ran down the pathway, the rain beating over my face. I reached out with my hands and grabbed her arm, pulling her around to face me. Shock registered in her face when she saw me and she made to speak. I shook my head furiously, suddenly anxious to tell her what I wanted to say.
'THE REASON I WANTED YOU TO COME IS TO TELL YOU THAT-'
My screams were drowned by the roaring thunder and she frowned in confusion. She shook her head to tell me that she did not hear me. I let out an unheard yell of frustration over the racket the thunder was making. Of all times, when I was about to make the greatest confession of my lifetimes.
'I-'
The thunder drowned my words again, and I cursed the gods that were playing me as a fool. I groaned in misery and decided to change my tactics.
I pulled her to me and slammed my lips against hers, pouring all my love, want and needs into the kiss. As she grabbed my sleeve for support, I felt my own knees weaken. I deepen the kiss, ravaging her lips – oh her wonderful lips – with my own and running my hands through her thick, wet clump of hair. She clung on to me, weakened but desperate for my kiss.
'Now can you hear me?' I asked breathlessly as I rested my head against hers. Her vice-like grip around me tightened as she nodded and reached up for another kiss.
'Very clearly. I think love you too.'
I groaned in triumph and lowered my lips to hers again.
A/N: Well, it seems that this first attempt of a Eriol and Tomoyo one shot worked out quite nicely, though it largely depends on all you reader's out there. Please review, and even if you don't I hope that you have enjoyed my story!
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18 October 2004
Monday