'dummies of vampires' a self-help guide to vampire wannabes

Introduction: A 10 step 'for dummies' self-help guide written by Alucard for Seras Victoria who is still fighting against her thirst for blood, and in limbo over choosing humanity or the dark side.

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Step one: No one is immune from crisis. When disaster strikes, your thinking gets fuzzy, your feelings get hurt, your studies and work will probably suffer, and you'll feel drained of all blood, energy and vitality. Its time, then to take a 'time-out'.

'Time-out' means spending as much time as it takes to just doing nothing or anything that separates from what is stressing you right now. (E.g. take a walk in the park, watch a movie, read a novel, kill some people, or simply do nothing and watch the sunset – opps! Vampires cannot watch sunset, except for me.)

Step two: "You are the product of what you choose for your life situation. You do have the capacity to make healthy choices for yourself by changing your attitude to one of creative aliveness."

We cannot control most of the things (like me making you into a vampire) that happen around us, but we can control how we deal with them. Live by your own standards, not by those imposed by others or society. Fear of something that might happen in the future is living in the future. Don't live in the future. Don't live in fear. You are a god damned vampire Seras! Live in the now! In our short lives (ok, technically we live forever) we have but fleeting moments which we live out happy moments, like the euphoria we get when we drink blood! And these powerful happy memories can stay with us for our lives, a never-ending resource that we call upon anytime to warm our hearts.

"expecto patronum!" (Potter, H., 2003). What? Can't a vampire read Harry potter?

Step three: Concept of "cocooning" is the impulse to go inside when things get too tough and scary outside. It is about insulation and avoidance, peace and protection, coziness and control – a sort of hypernesting. It is a good short term solution, but the problem with "cocooning" is that it never really solves the problem.

Solution? Accept yourself as a vampire, embrace your new role. Break free from your cocoon, and go KILL! Drink blood, be merry!!

Step four: It is a well-known fact that loneliness is bad for your health. One of the joys in being a vampire is that we can choose to not be alone. We just have to go bite someone. There will be people you meet who will truly inspire you, motivate you and change your life forever. There will be people who consciously, actively, form a support network for you. They believe in your dreams as much as you do.

These people are rare, but they do exist. I, alucard am one such example. So, what are you waiting for? Go bite some people, and make them your vampire slaves for eternity!

Step five: Life is not just coping or surviving, but achieving peace with yourself and with others. Feeling like a worthy vampire, and connected to the dark creatures around you. Death itself is a cooperative venture. You are given the opportunity to form relationships that help you to be emotionally unified, as well as help others to fulfill their potential.

Cultivating genuine relationships takes effort, pain and time. But these people/monsters are worth it as they are the ones who will continually renew our courage no matter how bad things become. Because we know we can count on these people/monsters who share our dreams and take them seriously as we do ourselves. Integra & I dream of ruling the world… what's yours?

Step six: To embrace change, you have to first accept it, anticipate it and manage it.

Accepting change requires that you let go of yesterday. That does not mean that you throw everything away, delete all your memories, or that the past is unimportant in the greater scheme of things. On the contrary, your past is the foundation on which you create and build your future. You were a cop, now you are a god damn vampire, accept it!

Step seven: Starting fresh!

Beginnings demand endings. You have to let go of the past, bring closure to loss and sometimes even dissolve relationships. Too often people try to make a fresh start without dealing first with their past, and they live to regret it. Bring a closure to our past, and start afresh. Help me help you, we are vampires, bound by blood forever…

Step eight: Fear holds us back from risking anything. Nothing that was ever worth achieving came without risks. Risk holds us back from personal, professional, and spiritual development. Nothing is ever 100 sure. Except for death. And that you already have experienced.

Take charge and be responsible for everything you do. If you fail to act, you will forever be stuck with unfulfilled dreams, goals, thoughts, and live life thinking, "If only I took actions instead of just talk & wait (we vampires can wait a long time) …" You may as well be ... 'human'. Pathetic.

Step nine: Vampires are different from humans because we don't have to make sense of everything around us. All we ask is two basic fundamental questions: Who is my master? And what for dinner?

Understand these two questions, and you will understand what are the things in life worth fighting for, and keep yourself from going hungry.

Step ten: vampires' love for violence is what connects our souls (even if we don't have one), mind, and heart. And when you have it, you know.

Humans are weak. They fear violence. They base their world on peace and love. What bullshit! Violence always prevails. Battling monsters is hard work, and sometimes extremely painful. But it can also be incredibly satisfying. That is what makes us vampires. Our capacity for violence knows no bounds.

No matter how much you may wish to, you can't change the past. What's done is done. You are now a vampire. You cannot go back to the light. But you can learn valuable lessons from the past. Human beings are weak. Nothing that weak was meant to survive. Turn your back on your past, embrace the future. Embrace the dark side Seras!

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