Emily smiled as she entered the dining room, scanning to see whether or not Paige was there. Although she hadn't known Paige for very long, she definitely felt a connection with her. She looked forward mealtime and the opportunity for them to spend some time together.
Out of the corner of her eye, she caught sight of Paige, waving to her from a table for two near the back of the room. It wasn't just her imagination: Paige was smiling, too. Could it be that she looked forward to their time together as much as Emily did?
Emily headed over to the table and Paige stood up, walking over to give her a hand with her tray and pull out her chair for her. Paige didn't need to do it, but Emily appreciated the gesture. Before Emily sat down, Paige extended her arms and welcomed Emily in a friendly hug.
"And how are you feeling today, Emily?" Paige said with a wide smile.
"Good, I feel good, thank you."
"Well, you're looking good."
"Thanks, Paige," Emily said, landing a hand on Paige's shoulder. "You do, too."
"I see that you went with the French toast this morning."
"It looked like a safe choice," Emily said as she took her seat. "Oh, Paige, you shouldn't have waited! Your food must be cold!"
"I don't mind waiting," Paige shrugged. "I knew that you'd be here, soon."
Emily looked down at her plate as she toyed with her toast. She couldn't help the smile that was on her face, and she didn't want to sit there smiling at Paige like a crazy woman.
She knew what it was, this feeling that she got when she was with Paige, although a woman had ever caused those feelings in her before. It had never entered her mind that she could feel so strongly for a woman, and, yet, there was no denying the way that Paige made her feel. Paige was so kind and thoughtful. But, more than that, she was always so excited to see Emily; always so interested in whatever was happening in Emily's life; always so engaged in their conversations. Of course, Emily had seen her around other people – male and female – and Paige was always an enthusiastic listener. But, somehow, Emily dared to believe that Paige felt it, too; felt at least a little for Emily the way that Emily felt for her.
"So, it's the first Saturday of the month. I guess that means that the grandkids are coming?"
Emily reached over and grabbed Paige's wrist. Paige always remembered things like that. "Actually, no," Emily told her. "They're with their other grandparents in Arizona for the summer."
"Oh, I'm so sorry." Paige squeezed Emily's hand.
"But my son and his wife are still coming. He wants to take me out to lunch and then to the park." Paige nodded her head, still smiling. "Oh, Paige, you should come with us!"
Paige laughed. "I wouldn't want to intrude on your family time!" Emily looked down, the smile vanishing from her face. "Maybe next time," Paige offered.
Emily sighed. "You always say that."
In all honesty, Paige would have loved to go. It was just hard for her. She and her wife had been together for almost thirty years, although they were only able to marry legally a little over five years before Shana died. They never had children. Shana was adamant. The world was too cruel and too uncertain, and she didn't want to bring children into that. They had a great life together, but Paige never fully got over her regret at not having children of her own. So, in her mind, Emily's time with her children was almost sacred. She would never want to take away from their time together.
Paige shrugged off Emily's comment. Emily set down her fork and tried again. "Please, Paige? I'd really like for them to meet you."
"Sure," Paige said without hesitation. "I'd like to meet them, too."
Paige could never refuse when Emily said "please."
There was no denying that Paige cared about Emily as more than a friend, even though she knew that her feelings were one-sided. And she was okay with that. Emily was a great friend, and that was enough for Paige.
Emily had moved into the retirement community shortly after Ben passed away, over her children's objections. Their house was just too big, now that all of the children had moved out, and it was full of too many memories. Besides, she liked living around people her own age, in a place with activities; a place where she wouldn't have to eat all her meals by herself.
Paige had been the first of her neighbors whom she met. On the day that she moved in, Paige stopped by with a pie that she, at first tried to pass off as homemade, only later to admit that she got it at the bake shop. She showed Emily the ropes and helped her adjust to community living. She was always there to talk when something stirred up Emily's memory of Ben, and Emily needed a shoulder to cry on. When Emily, worried that she was taking advantage of her new friend, hesitated to call Paige, Paige called her. "I'm here for you," she remembered Paige saying, "whatever you need."
Paige never talked much about Shana. Emily wasn't sure whether Paige didn't want to burden her while she mourned for Ben, or whether she was worried about how Emily felt about the fact that Paige was gay. But Emily made sure that she was at Paige's door the first thing on Shana's birthday and Paige's, and on the anniversary of Shana's death. She wanted Paige to know that she wouldn't have to face those days alone.
Paige was beyond apprehensive as she waited on Emily's couch for Emily's family to arrive. She couldn't help feeling like an intruder. She didn't know what Emily had told them about her – if Emily had even mentioned her at all.
Emily noticed Paige's nervousness. She had never seen Paige on edge like that before. She moved from her chair over to the couch and took Paige's hand, sandwiching it between hers on her lap. "Thank you, Paige. This really means a lot to me."
Paige dipped her head. The feel of her hand in Emily's hands was initially calming, but as Emily continued to hold on, Paige started to feel nervous again, afraid that she would say or do something stupid or inappropriate. I'm not a kid anymore, for goodness sake, she reminded herself in an attempt to calm herself down.
Ben Jr. rang the doorbell and greeted his mother with a hug and a kiss. "And you must be Paige," he said, giving Paige a hug. "I'm so glad that my Mother was able to convince you to join us." Paige smiled at this comment, starting to relax.
When they got to the car, Ben's wife, Joan, got out to open the door for her mother-in-law. Ordinarily, she would have let Emily ride up front with Ben, but they thought it wise to let the two friends sit together for this trip.
As the car pulled away, Emily reached for Paige's hand again, looking into her eyes to ask whether or not she was okay. Paige responded with a genuine smile. Reassured that Paige was over her anxiety, Emily gave her hand a squeeze, but she didn't let go.
The restaurant was crowded, and Ben kept apologizing for the wait, even though Emily kept telling them that they were fine. As they sat waiting for Ben's name to be called, Emily kept a firm grip on Paige's hand. Paige occasionally shot questioning looks over to Emily, trying to figure out what this new hand-holding was about – not that she minded. Not in the least. Whenever Paige looked over, Emily just smiled, leaving Paige to wonder and dream about what it meant.
If Ben and Joan noticed the contact, they didn't seem to think anything of it.
"So, Paige. First of all, I want to thank you," Ben said, after they were seated and were waiting for their food. "You've been such a great friend to my Mother when she really needed one. We were worried about Mom moving into the community. We thought that she would be all alone, but she told us that you never let that happen."
Paige smiled shyly, looking over at Emily. Emily was smiling, too, with a look of pride on her face, as though she were looking on as someone complimented her daughter. Or her wife, Paige almost thought..
"Well, I'm glad that I got the chance to know your mother. She's been a great friend to me, too." Emily rubbed Paige's shoulder. If I were thirty years younger, Paige thought, I would kiss you right now. She sighed to herself. She didn't want to feel that way. Emily and her family saw her as a good friend. She really wished that her motives were as pure as they all thought.
After lunch, they drove to the park. It was a beautiful day out, not too hot, and they found a table where they could all see one another as they chatted.
After a few minutes of comfortable small talk, Emily slapped her hands on her lap and stood up with a stretch. "Well, I'm in the mood for some ice cream," she said. She extended her hands to Paige, to help her up. "Come on, McCullers! Buy your best friend a cone!" Paige laughed, mouthing the name, "McCullers," her face a giant question mark. Emily linked their arms, and they took their time strolling the long way around to the ice cream stand.
When they got up to the counter, Emily placed her order, and Paige reached for her wallet. "You're not getting anything?" Emily asked.
"You know," Paige shrugged. "The lactose."
"Oh, Paige!" Emily said, with a light stroke of Paige's cheek. "I'm sorry – I forgot. Well, don't pay for mine, then," she added, going to reach for her wallet.
"It's fine," Paige said. "It's the least I can do. I've had a great time today."
Emily smiled warmly and patted Paige's cheek. "Thank you so much for coming out with me."
"Should we get some for the kids?" Paige asked.
"No," Emily said definitively. "It'll melt by the time we get back there. Here." Emily reached for Paige's hand again. "Come sit with me." They found a bench, and Emily's face lit up like a child's as she indulged in her ice cream. "Oh, I wish you could try some. It's so good!"
Paige smiled. "I'm just enjoying watch you enjoy it."
"You can't just take one bite? It's so good, Paige!"
"I guess I can risk a little upset stomach for one bite," Paige said. She wasn't interested in the ice cream. But she had a hard time saying no to Emily.
"Was I right?" Emily asked, the excitement evident in her eyes.
"You were right!" Paige replied, letting her heart answer instead of her taste buds.
"It's such a lovely day," Emily remarked. "I'm so glad that you came out with me."
Paige laughed. "You keep saying that."
"I'm sorry," Emily said, looking away shyly.
"It's okay." This time, it was Paige reassuringly grabbing Emily's hand. Emily smiled at the gesture. "I'm glad that I came."
After Emily finished her cone, she turned sadly to Paige. "Well, I guess we'd better get back. Ben and Joan have better things to do than to babysit the two of us."
Paige nodded. Before she stood up, she said, "Hey, maybe we should do this again? Maybe on one of our shopping days, we could spend the afternoon at the park?"
Emily loved that idea. "We could pack a picnic!"
It's a date, Paige stopped herself from saying. She knew that it wasn't.
"Can I drop you off at your house?" Ben asked.
"That would be nice, Ben," Paige responded with a smile. When they got to the address, Emily got out, too, and walked Paige to her door. After they exchanged a couple of words on Paige's doorstep, Emily waved to Ben, and he and Joan drove off.
Paige unlocked her front door and held it open as Emily stepped inside.
Emily put her hands on Paige's shoulders. "Thank you," she said. Paige had lost count of the number of times that she had heard those words over the course of the day. "And not just for today, but for everything. You've been the best friend that I've ever had in the short time that we've known each other. I could have gotten through those early days without Ben, but it would have been a great deal harder if you hadn't been there with me."
Paige lowered her head. "It was my pleasure," she said sincerely.
"Paige, I want to ask you one more favor," Emily said, dipping her head so that she could see Paige's eyes.
Paige lifted her head. "Name it," she replied, with a smile.
"May I kiss you?"
Paige nodded and leaned in, giving Emily a kiss on the cheek. As she backed away, Emily put her hands on Paige's cheeks and placed a kiss on her lips. The kiss was tender and full of love, and it seemed that it would last forever. Tears started to slip down Paige's cheeks. It had been years since she had been kissed like that, by someone who meant so much to her. The feeling overwhelmed her.
When Paige's warm tears reached Emily's hands, Emily drew back. "Are you okay?" she whispered. Paige just nodded, unable to speak. Emily wiped at Paige's tears before she reconnected their lips, holding the kiss until she felt Paige start to relax. Emily moved her hands from Paige's cheeks down to her shoulders, sliding them down her arms and taking Paige's hands in hers.
"Emily," Paige asked weakly, unable to lift her head and look at Emily, "what are you doing?"
"I don't know, Paige," Emily replied, intertwining their fingers. "I don't know."