Disclaimer – I don't own them.
Author's Notes – Right so this is in memory of a reader of mine, apparently she loved my Jason/Tommy stuff and drove her significant other up the wall with constant talk of it or so they said, so I felt I should do something 'for her' since she just passed.
Now that in mind I'm going to say very clearly that if I hear one person bitch about character death I will disembowel you, it's fitting given the circumstances of which this was thought up and written so I do not wanna hear ANYONE moan or complain about it. Got it. Good.
Summary – Jason grieves over a great loss.
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What Hurts the Most
Jason
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I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then
Just let them out
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"You need to eat something."
Looking away from the rain currently cascading down the living room window I feel my stomach turn at the plate of ham and crackers which is held towards me. "Not hungry."
Bending down to be more on level with me Kimberly's eyes shine with unshed tears, food still held out as a peace offering of sorts. "Please Jason, I know we had our differences over him, but please can't we move on. I've already lost one friend today, one who will never know how much I cared. Please, I can't bear to see another go without them knowing."
"This isn't about that, about our personal fight. It's about who is now lying in the ground. Who we just watched being…" Swallowing a sob I turn back towards the window not wanting to breakdown on her now. She's hurting just as badly as I am and she's right we should put our past differences aside, it's what he would have wanted.
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I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok
But that's not what gets me
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"You need some fresh air."
Still on the black leather couch I look back to see Kimberly has been replaced by Zack. Brown suit still on minus the tie he'd worn to the service, he moves slowly to sit beside me. "It's raining."
"It's dry on the porch. Come outside for a bit, you look like you could use some air." Hand moving to rest on my own he gives a comforting squeeze. "Please Jason, I've already lost one brother today, don't make yourself sick like this. I couldn't bear to lose another."
"He was my brother too. I loved him. I should have protected him." Why couldn't I protect him?
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What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin' to do
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"You need to have this."
Looking at the coin in surprise I turn back to the girl who had pressed it into my hand. "Why?"
A small smile gracing her face for the fewest of seconds she closes my hands around the powerless, but no less meaningful coin. "I don't know. I just remember him telling me once that he wanted to give it to you. I think maybe he believed it'd help you remember him. I think he always knew he'd die young." Tears streaking down her face she shakes her head. "Please Jason, take care of yourself. I've lost one who held a place in my heart, I don't wish to lose another."
"I know." Hugging her to me I tighten my grip on the coin I haven't seen in years.
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It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I'm doin' It
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken
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"I love you."
Smiling for the first time since the day began I gratefully allow him to take me into his arms as I'd done with Trini only moments ago. "Thank you."
"Just looked like you needed to hear it." I did. Pulling back just enough to look at me he brushes the tears from my face sighing softly. "He shouldn't have gone like that, he was too young. I'm so sorry."
"He was my brother. I loved him so much."
Smiling sadly and giving a nod, the strong arms pull me in again, allowing me to cry mournfully on his shoulder. "I know. We all loved him Jason. He was an amazing person who gave so much to each of us. Hell we wouldn't even be together if it hadn't been for him." That's true he'd been the one to finally tell us we were being idiotic not following our hearts. He'd been the one to cool Kimberly's temper when she found out her white knight had fallen for me. He'd been the one to defend us, praise us, and when we'd married stand beside me as we recited our vows.
Fingers moving from my back to my hair, he soothes me softly less then concerned as I continue to grieve soaking his shirt collar with my tears. "Billy was a good man. He knew how much you cared for him Jason."
"You think so?"
Nodding and pressing his lips to my cheek as he can't reach my mouth with it buried against his collar, his voice goes on in a sure manner. "I know so."
"I love you. Don't ever die okay?"
Lacking any trace of humor, his grip on me tightens just enough to allow me to feel the weight behind his words as his metal bracelet peeks out from under his shirt sleeve. "I'll try my best."
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What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin' to do
The End