Hey again! First off, I'm dedicating this to Rasengan22. Secondly, haha I'm on fire this week, right? Well since the other SasuNaru one-shot I wrote was all about Sasuke not appreciating Naruto and breaking the blonde's heart (Like We Never Loved At All), I decided to hurry up and finish this one about Sasuke realizing how important Naruto is and being grateful for all the blonde did for him. So in a way, these two one-shots I've written are pretty much opposites. But I started this one first. Inspiration strikes in the oddest of places. I was writing a review for Before Hallow's Eve and it hit me: Naruto makes Sasuke feel.
I don't own Naruto... and get this... I actually listened to Like We Never Loved At All while I was writing this too. LOL so the story does have somewhat wistful undertones. I think lol. But overall, I promise, overall it's nostalgically reflective. Enjoy!!!!! Oh yes, and if you find any mistakes, don't hesitate to correct me!
Summary: Sasuke reflects on his life and how much of it has changed because of Naruto. All the people he's encountered and the experiences he shared with them… and all because of the blonde boy he met in homeroom on the first day of high school. AU, one-shot, SasuNaru and other, minor pairings.
Also, I must add, I was inspired to write this because of Rasengan22's story: Before Hallow's Eve. Chapter 6 to be exact. There was a certain line Sasuke said about being scared, or rather not being scared. (Don't wanna give too much away haha.) And it just struck me about how much those two impact each other. And here is the result.
Feel
Feel. Sasuke thought of a wide grin and sparkling blue eyes. It was only him that could make Sasuke feel. He rarely smiled; he hardly had anything to feel happy about. His brother was in a psych ward for committing parenticide and as a result, he lived with a lazy man whose only passion was reading porn novels. Not much to be happy about. That was until Sasuke met him.
Naruto was different. He was beautiful, he was loud, he was unpredictable, he was annoying, he was caring, he was paradoxically stupid but insightful at the same time and most importantly, he made Sasuke feel. He made Sasuke angry, he made Sasuke jealous, he made Sasuke confused, anxious, smug… and happy. Naruto had achieved what so many had tried to do and failed. Or maybe it was a job only meant for him. Maybe only Naruto could make him feel.
Before Sasuke met Naruto, he didn't feel. More accurately, he barely felt anything at all. He had trouble sleeping because he was usually plagued with nightmares of his parent's murder by the hands of his sociopathic brother. He no longer had his Mother's kisses or his Father's rare nods of approval. He had put his brother on a golden pedestal… and Itachi had leapt off it. That single night had eradicated his life, his sanity, and his ability to feel. His very identity, existence had been erupted. For three years, he had gone through each day without caring. He was passed along from family member to family member, until the social worker finally got it right.
At age ten, Sasuke met Kakashi for the first time. He was a rather distant family member; a former husband of a dead relative. But he was still family nonetheless and he made the next four years of Sasuke's life rather bearable. He wasn't happy; he hadn't been introduced to the sun yet. But before his adolescence, Sasuke could feel his black world turning gray… and fog was certainly better than darkness. Anything was better than darkness.
About four years later, Sasuke was thrown into the tumultuous world of high school and he finally saw the sun for the first time. He met Uzumaki Naruto inevitably because the boy sat right behind him. The boy had been wearing a bright orange shirt with a blue spiral on it and long, beige shorts. His unruly golden hair fell in graceful spikes, his blue eyes lit up his face (and half the room), and his symmetrical, whisker-like scars made him appear even more unattainable.
The sun, Sasuke knew, was beautiful and mesmerizing. But it was so far away. Everyone was captivated by it and the warmth it brought. But although the sun provided everyone with warmth, no one could provide the sun with anything. The sun just gave and gave and expected nothing in return; acted as if it didn't need anything in return. After all, what could mere organisms offer to a brilliant star such as the sun?
But Sasuke wanted to give. He wanted to give Naruto something in return. After all, it was because of the boy that he could feel. He knew that because of what Naruto did for him, that the blonde deserved something. And he was determined to break away, to transcend everyone else and be whatever Naruto needed him to be.
What did Naruto do for Sasuke? What didn't Naruto do for Sasuke? It took a week for Naruto to get Sasuke to respond to his cheerful: "Good morning!" That fatal day, Sasuke simply uttered: "Morning." Naruto had smiled so big his eyes had almost popped out of his head. It took seventeen days for Sasuke to start addressing him directly as idiot, moron, etc. After the seventeenth day, Naruto had started eating lunch with him. It took thirty-three days for Sasuke to actually use Naruto's name… and the blonde was so thrilled he had actually hugged the raven. It was if Naruto knew how hard it was for Sasuke to allow himself to build a relationship with someone. Naruto appreciated every step he took and understood that it wasn't going to be easy.
It took a total of four months for Naruto to blast through the wall Sasuke kept between him and the rest of the world. And all Naruto had to say was: "What's wrong, Sasuke?" "It's the anniversary of my parent's murder." "My parents died when I was a baby. Guess that makes us both orphans." "Yeah. I guess so." "Well at least we get to be alone… together." And just like that, their souls were connected. He had found his sun, his Guardian Angel. From that day on, Sasuke could feel his foggy world dissipating. His gray world was lightening and he could do nothing to stop it. He didn't want to stop it. He wanted to feel again. And Naruto let him feel.
It was because of Naruto that Sasuke actually managed to make friends in high school. Shikamaru, Neji, and Shino were rather good friends of his. It helped that all three were also highly intelligent and pensive individuals. The four of them had dominated their philosophy class during his junior year. They often played shogi or meditated together during lunch or study hall. Even after Neji graduated (he was a year above them), he still kept in touch will all of them throughout the year. They all had a deep, intellectual respect for each other, a bond of brains that could not be broken very easily.
Sakura, Hinata, and Ino were also his friends. Sakura was a good listener and very smart… but when it came to men she was a bit immoderate. She put Sasuke on a golden pedestal, just like he had put Itachi there. He couldn't live up to anyone's expectations, especially not hers. But oddly enough, she was just as insightful as Naruto and seemed to pick up on his emotions, despite him never saying anything to her. He knew she had finally taken him off the pedestal when the girl had smacked him in the back of the head after he had insulted Naruto. After she hit sixteen, she started dating an upperclassman, Sasori. He was bizarre and most people avoided him. But she loved his puppets… and he loved her. Sasuke didn't know how… but they fit.
Ino was blonde and loud, just like Naruto; but she was compassionate and a very loyal person. Plus, she always smelled like the flowers she worked with, being the child of florists. Hinata was rather shy, but her heart was as strong and as pure as Naruto's, perhaps even purer. She wasn't opinionated, but if she believed in something, she obstinately stuck by it. He wasn't as close with them as he was with Sakura, but he still appreciated them all the same. That was something else Naruto taught him: how to appreciate others and the friendship they provided. Before he met Naruto, he didn't care about making or keeping friends. But Naruto made him realize that some people were worth holding onto.
Then there were friends of Naruto's that Sasuke didn't exactly like: Kiba, Gaara, Lee, and Sai. Kiba had been Naruto's best friend since they were both toddlers… and they had way too much in common. Both loud, boisterous pranksters that rarely thought before they spoke; they were like impulsive, cackling tornadoes. They managed to orchestrate the flooding of the gym, the spray-painting of the creepy science teacher's lab, and about five food fights in the cafeteria. And that was only their freshman year.
Sasuke didn't even want to think about all the senior pranks they pulled… or admit that he actually helped with one of them; releasing all those garden snakes from the biology lab around the school. But hell, Kabuto (the creepy bio teacher) fucking deserved it for molesting Matsuri. It was a foolish prank with moral intentions. It was also the only thing they could do to keep Gaara from killing the older man. Sasuke had never seen the redhead act so angry. He would only act relatively civil towards Lee, Naruto, and especially to Matsuri.
Of course, they all got caught and if he wasn't an Uchiha and if he didn't know Naruto, he probably would have gotten suspended. Luckily, the principal, Tsunade, had a soft spot for Naruto and no tolerance for child molesters. After the incident, Kabuto was promptly dismissed. It turned out he had violated other students too, because after the school found out about what Kabuto did to Matsuri, other students came forward and admitted being mishandled by him. That year, the entire school raised fifteen thousand dollars and donated it all to a local charity that advocated victims of physical and sexual abuse.
So… Kiba and Naruto complemented each other, as best friends often did. But Gaara? Sasuke couldn't figure out what the homicidal redhead and Naruto had in common. But they seemed to understand each other on some humanistic or perhaps even existential level. That didn't mean that Sasuke liked Gaara. He barely spoke to the silent youth and if they did speak, it was often abrupt and concise. The only thing they usually talked about was Naruto. And while some part of him was jealous about the fact that Gaara seemed to understand Naruto on a level he could never reach, that the redhead just implicitly knew the depths of Naruto's soul without every trying, he knew it was because in some way, they identified with each other. And it wasn't like their souls were connected or anything… it was as if they were two sides of the same coin.
Sasuke was okay with not understanding Naruto easily. It meant he had to work to get closer to the blonde, to understand him better, by tearing down the layers and masks the boy put up. And Naruto appreciated his effort and rewarded him with authenticity. And as a result, Sasuke knew things about Naruto that no one else but Gaara knew. It meant that he was just as close, if not closer, to the blonde than Gaara was. Or maybe it was just a different sort of intimacy.
Gaara's boyfriend and Neji's best friend, Lee, was… wild. It was the perfect word for the martial artist, contest-winning saxophonist, record-breaking sprinter, four-year soccer MVP, executive board member of half the clubs in their high school and surprisingly enough, the salutatorian of his class. He was adopted by his elementary school gym teacher, Gai when he was nine years old and had blossomed ever since. He managed to accomplish so much in four years; it was no wonder colleges and universities offered him scholarships left and right.
It wasn't that Sasuke disliked Lee… it was that the youthful boy was simply too much for Sasuke. He was too energetic, too passionate, too extroverted, too emotional, etc. He shouted often and recited romantic poetry out of the blue. Sasuke often avoided the older boy. He just did too much and the only person that could keep him completely still was Gaara. Theirs was a relationship Sasuke didn't even want to comprehend. Until he saw them in the throes of passion.
From what Naruto had told him that day, Lee expressed his feelings too much and Gaara wasn't expressive enough, so they balanced each other out. Lee managed to get Gaara to release his inner anger through art. He got Gaara to slowly let go of the past, and begin to look to the future. Gaara, on the other hand, got Lee to realize that he didn't have to be doing a million things at once to live up to other people's standards of success. Of course, Sasuke just thought they liked having sex with each other at first after he caught them behind the bleachers in the gym between classes and consequently, had questioned Naruto about it. He certainly wasn't expecting the blonde's earlier answer.
Out of all the friends Sasuke didn't necessarily like… he definitely didn't like Sai the most. He was bizarre, reading those "How to" books all the time. He was a rather talented artist… but got detention for a week for depicting two teachers having sex and emailing it to the entire school body. He was blunt and rude, practically inconsiderate to other people's feelings. He had called Sasuke "emo duck butt boy" upon meeting him for the first time, even going as far as to ask: "Would you like me to get a paintbrush from the art room so you can stab yourself in the heart with it? That is, if you don't already believe that your heart is a black hole and thus, there would be no point in stabbing it."
In return, Sakura (who was still crushing after Sasuke at this time) had punching Sai in face, breaking his nose. Naruto was so upset that he hadn't talked to Sai for three whole days… but wouldn't STOP asking Sasuke this during those three days: "Are you okay? Do you want to talk about anything?" And if Sasuke tried to get away from his pestering questions, Naruto would flip out: "SASUKE!!!!!!! You're not going to the art room are you??? SASUKE!!!!!!" By the fourth day, Sasuke gave up and let Naruto follow him wherever the blonde wanted. It's not like he didn't enjoy Naruto's company. And seeing that the boy was so concerned about him made Sasuke feel special.
Feel. How was it that the blonde affected him so? How was it that lying on a couch, holding Naruto in his arms felt so right? How could he tolerate the blonde's bouts of randomness and seemingly endless ridiculousness? All Naruto had to do was say the raven's name and he would probably do anything for him. Anything. Sasuke didn't think it was possible to love someone that much. He didn't think it was possible for him to feel such a way.
Feel. Sasuke thought that after he saw Itachi standing over their parent's dead bodies that all his emotions had been sucked out of his body. But he was wrong… they had just been in hiding. And Naruto had found them. Naruto was his life now; the blonde had picked him up out of the abyss and kept him in the light. And they would continue to build their lives together. Even after old age robbed them of their physical existence, their souls would rejoice among the stars for all eternity. After all, what would the sun be without the moon?
And it's done!!! Let me know what you thought of it! :)