There will be angst.
OK, so I was outside looking at three-leaf clovers (looking for a four-leaf one when I actually ended up finding a five leaf one!) and I accidentally ripped off one of the pieces. When I held it up, it looked exactly like a heart. That's where I got the idea for this. Enjoy!
And again, there will be angst.
It never seemed definite until Kurt heard the words come from the doctor's mouth.
You have cancer, Mr. Hummel, and we've discovered it too late. You…don't have much time left.
Surprisingly, hearing the confirmation that he was going to die wasn't the hardest part. It was telling his family, telling his loved ones.
Telling Blaine.
Kurt remembered Blaine's eyes widening to the size of saucers, immediately filling with tears.
"No," he had muttered under his breath. "No, this isn't happening."
But Kurt had to assure Blaine that it was happening, that he didn't have much time left with him. He was going to die. Seeing Blaine so upset, so heart-broken, and so devastated brought him tears. In a way, it showed Kurt how much Blaine loved him-no one got so upset over a person's death unless they're important to them.
After that day, Blaine spent every second he could with Kurt, feeling him, kissing him, loving him. He couldn't help but wonder how it would feel to wake up in the morning when Kurt was gone, forgetting he was dead, and reaching out to pull him closer only to realize that he wasn't there.
He didn't want to know.
Kurt, on the other hand, wondered what dying would be like. Would it be slow and gradual, peaceful even? Or would it be sorrowful, painful, and slow in a torturous way? He tried not to think about it, but…it was hard not to.
Weeks had passed as Kurt seemed to slowly deteriorate. His skin went from beautifully porcelain to sickly pale, tightening around his bones as he lost more and more weight. Blaine continuously found himself wiping a cool washcloth over the skin on Kurt's forehead, cleaning the sweat from his hairline. His grip on Blaine's hand had been gradually getting weaker, his fingers bony and frail. It killed Blaine to see Kurt like that; his confident, brave mask he put on to hide the cute, slightly-insecure boy Blaine fell in love with had completely fallen away, revealing a boy who just looked tired.
And now, here they were; Kurt's final days.
The nurses, feeling sympathetic for the young couple, allowed Blaine to take Kurt outside to the hospital garden. They lay in the sun together, Blaine holding his frail, sickly boyfriend in his arms.
"Are you alright, baby?" Kurt asked weakly, running his fingers down Blaine's arm.
"Shouldn't I be asking you that question?" Blaine replied, pulling Kurt closer to press a kiss to his chestnut locks.
"Touché," Kurt said with a fragile smile. "I…I don't want to say this, but I know I don't have much time left, Blaine."
"No," Blaine said sharply, almost sounding angry. "Don't say that, Kurt."
"Why not? I'm only telling the truth, Blaine," Kurt retorted before coughing slightly. "I'm dying. We both know it, and there's nothing we can do it about it…say it, Blaine."
"No," Blaine choked out, his eyes welling up with tears that slowly slipped down his tanned cheek.
"Say it."
"I can't," Blaine asserted through clenched teeth.
"Say it."
Kurt's voice was strong for the first time, demanding and harsh. Blaine breathed in shakily, bracing himself for his next words.
"You're dying."
And then he broke down, sobbing like the world was ending. Which, of course, it was, because Kurt was his world. Kurt sighed tearfully, pulling Blaine close to him and holding him instead. Blaine buried his face in Kurt's chest, breathing in his scent of vanilla and…raspberries? His tears soaked Kurt's hospital gown, making the heart underneath it break into a million pieces.
"It's OK, Blaine, shh. Sweetheart, it's alright," Kurt cooed, rocking back and forth slightly as to soothe the sobbing boy.
"No, it isn't," Blaine said, his voice thick and shaky. "You're dying, Kurt, and I can't save you. I don't want you to die! I may sound selfish right now but I just can't lose you."
"But you won't, Blaine," Kurt said. "You'll never lose me."
"What?" Blaine asked confusedly, looking up at Kurt. Kurt smiled sadly, stroking Blaine's cheek.
"You'll never lose me. Losing someone isn't not being able to see, hear, or touch them…as long as I'm here-" Kurt paused, pressing his palm over Blaine's heart. "Then I'll never be gone."
Blaine sighed at Kurt's touch, pressing his own hand over Kurt's.
"I'll never fall in love again," Blaine said. Kurt looked up at him, surprised.
"No, Blaine," Kurt said. "I don't want you to stay hung up on me for the rest of your life. You have to move on after I die."
"NO," Blaine said sharply, obviously having made up his mind. "Even if I wanted to, which I don't, I could never move on, Kurt. You're the love of my life, and even if your life ends, you'll always live on in my heart, like you said, right? I love you, and I always will."
Kurt smiled, leaning in to press a light kiss to Blaine's lips, tasting his tears.
"I'll always love you, too," he said. "Wherever I go after I leave this world, I'll wait for you forever. But…don't be in too much of a hurry to join me." Blaine chuckled bitterly.
"OK, I promise not to purposely catch some contagious, fatal disease just so I can be with you again. Just promise me that when I really do die, I won't catch you fooling around with some angel," Blaine said coyly.
Kurt giggled, kissing Blaine passionately.
"I promise…here."
Kurt held up a small shamrock, each leaf shaped like a heart.
"Keep this," Kurt said. "To remember me by."
Blaine smiled sadly, stroking the soft skin of Kurt's cheek.
"I don't need a plant to be able to always remember you," Blaine said warmly. "But I'll take it because you're giving it to me."
And then they kissed again, this one slow and soft…and one of their last.
A Week Later…
Kurt was gone.
Well, not really gone. Like he said, Kurt would always live on in Blaine's heart, but…that didn't help the pain Blaine had endured watching the life fade from Kurt's eyes.
He'd stayed in his room a lot after Kurt's death, sitting at his desk. In front of him was a picture of a healthy, smiling Kurt. One of the boy's scarves lay there too, and Blaine sometimes brought it to his nose and breathed in deeply, letting the scent of vanilla and raspberries overtake him.
The last item on his desk, having been previously pressed in a notebook and now next to Kurt's picture, was that clover with the heart-shaped leaves. Even as it shriveled and turned brown, Blaine would touch his fingertips to it gently and remember that Kurt had once touched it too. He would cry and sob until his mom called him for dinner, tears in her own eyes because she had absolutely adored Kurt. Blaine would decline though, saying he wasn't hungry. On days like that, where the wound Kurt's death had left him with was fresh and agonizing, Blaine would hold the silky scarf in his hands and let the scent of Kurt send him into a dreamland where Kurt's last words repeated in his mind.
"I love you, Blaine."
AHH. MY CREYS.
WHY DID I JUST WRITE THAT?
Oh yeah, because Tumblr made me!
Heh heh, that's actually a really good excuse. When in doubt, blame Tumblr.
Review?