WUFIE THE MOUNTAIN GOAT

AC: Okay, I've picked on Quatre and Trowa. I've made Heero and Duo's lives miserable. Now it's Wu Fei's turn. This time, however, I'm going to be indirect. Instead of mocking him outright, let me tell you a little fable....

quick disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing; Bandai and Sunrise do. I own Wufie.

Oh, and I still have muses, but, since I had to give you the origins of Wufie the Mountain Goat, I didn't let them comment so you could get to the story faster. Nice of me, ya?

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THE ORIGINS OF WUFIE:

Wufie (woo-FEE) is a mispronunciation (and misspelling) of Wu Fei (WOO-fay), a character on Mobile Suit Gundam Wing. My friend N.P. saw the name in writing and made the error… Wufie's been an inside joke between us ever since, although he's never seen an episode of the show.

(yes, I realize that Wufie is also a common "Duoism" to get on Wu Fei's nerves, but that is not the origin of MY Wufie)

Wufie became a mountain goat only recently, when two other friends, Z.P. and N.E., and I were goofing around playing MASH—you remember the game, how you predicted the future when you were in fifth grade. Come on, you played it. So sue us, we were THAT bored.

Anyway, back to Wufie. We were strapped for possible pets, so I got the sudden inspiration to write down "Wufie the mountain goat." N.E., an avid Gundam Wing fan, got the joke, and it stuck.

So, here he is, Wufie the Mountain Goat in his first story ever…

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Wufie stood in the middle of his field eating grass. He always stood alone because, quite frankly, no other goats wanted to be near him. Wufie had a tendency to be mean and act violently, and it gave him a rather antisocial status among his peers.

Bored and disgusted with all the weak goats who wouldn't fight him, Wufie went to go find something to do that would make him and his beloved Nataku (otherwise known as his saddle) stronger. Eventually, he came to a bridge. Unbeknownst to Wufie, a troll sat beneath it, waiting for a meal.

*click clop click clop* went Wufie's hooves against the wooden bridge. The troll heard his dinner approach and leapt in Wufie's way. "Haha! Little goat, you're mine! Yum, yum, I haven't a good meal in ages!"

Wufie said… nothing, because goats can't talk. He did, however, draw his sword and make a horrible screaming noise as he chopped the troll up. Examining the remains, Wufie decided that it was yet another pathetic fight against a weak enemy, and moved on.

Soon, Wufie crossed the path of a hungry wolf. Now, mind you, wolves can talk no more that goats can, but if he could, he would have said, "Now there's a meal worth killing for!" as he admired the would-be meal. He stalked behind Wufie for awhile, waiting for his chance to attack.

At which point Wufie kicked the wolf in the head and chopped him up with his sword.

Wufie, finding the wolf no more challenging than the weak troll, decided to take the opportunity to wash off in a nearby pond, mostly because the wolf's blood had gotten on his precious Nataku. While bobbing around in the water, he got the attention of a shark, which was drawn to Wufie by the blood floating around him.

The shark came closer…

and closer…

and closer…

until…

*CHOMP!* The shark bit off Wufie's right hind leg!

Wufie managed to beat the shark back with a few well-placed kicks, and the shark didn't mind too much because Wufie was tough and stringy. The crippled goat managed to flounder to shore, where he limped onto a cliff and sulked with Nataku. The strong enemy had beaten him!

After a few days, Wufie returned to the field that he had left in search of adventure. Weak goats suited him just fine.

He was one, after all.

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THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS:

Duo blew up. The end.

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Duo: WHAT KIND OF A MORAL IS THAT?!?!?!

Anastasia: A very good one. ^_^

Duo: I wasn't even in the story!

Anastasia: So? It's not an AC humor fic if something bad doesn't happen to Duo.

Q-chan: One that Duo would enjoy...

Anastasia: Don't you DARE take his side!

Wu Fei: *sulking* Even as a goat, I'm weak...

Duo: YOU didn't blow up randomly, so shut your mouth.

Quatre Kitty: Meow! *starts playing with Duo's braid*

Duo: OW!! Get off, stupid cat! *shakes his head, to no avail*

Quatre Kitty: Weeeeee! *clamps his mouth down on Duo's braid and swings*

Duo: *sigh* I give up.

Wu Fei: I'm undeserving of being in this fanfiction...

Anastasia: Would you just shove it already? The only thing I hate worse than your chauvinist attitude is your sulky 'I'm the biggest loser on the planet' one. Why don't you put yourself out of your misery?

Wu Fei: I don't deserve to die...

AC: *sigh* Why do I set these kinds of situations up? Anyway, thank you for reading this madness... please review! Everything but flames appreciated. ^_^