A/N: Hey guys, unfortunately I can't take credit for this story – I'm merely translating it to English. The author has kindly given me her permission and some artistic license to go ahead with the translation of this fic, so I hope you guys enjoy it! :)
Original fic: What if? by Dodge1989.
Link to original story: /s/8922516/1/
Author's note: This ficlet was written in a rushed minute on a piece of napkin at a table in my favorite coffee shop.
Have you ever wondered if it would be easier to write all of your "what ifs" on an ordinary piece of paper, and suddenly there's a person who is able to answer them for you? If so, I present to you my new fic, "What if?"
OST: Safetysuit - What If
"What if?"
What if I was beautiful?
What if I was more feminine?
What if I did not feel fear?
What if I had not been so stubborn?
What if I stopped taking cover behind things at least once?
What if I could be more like Gina?
What if I was like everyone else?
What if I had listened to Espo earlier?
What if…
"Why so many ifs, Beckett?"
Jumping with surprise in her chair, Kate turned around and came face to face with the Cheshire cat-like grin of Richard Castle. Only then did she realize that he had read her note. Feeling her cheeks begin to burn from the surge of anger and embarrassment, Kate jumped up from her workplace and quickly walked away, heading straight for the break room – leaving Castle and the note behind her.
Blinking, Castle tracked the course of her retreating back with his eyes before sitting down by her busy table. He looked back to the piece of paper, perusing the note from a distance before leaning forward to allow his eyes to run over the note once more. Then, he reached for a pen from the inside pocket of his jacket.
Sitting against the edge of the countertops, Kate looked at the cup of cold coffee cradled loosely in her hands. She had never felt so embarrassed and confused as she did in that moment. Had she been caught by Esposito or Ryan, it would of course be all too awkward, but to be caught indulging in such frivolous pastime by a novelist who was known throughout New York – at the time, she had thought that it was almost insulting! Kate was just lucky she had not written his name on that piece of paper.
"Here."
Having been coaxed out of her reverie by the deep timbre of his voice, Kate raised her head and looked at Richard Castle who was standing in front of her. She really needed to stop being so stubborn. Whatever was unfolding was above Kate's level of comprehension – for the longest moment she just stared blankly at a point in front of her, until he followed suit and sat beside her on the edge of the countertop, handing her a piece of paper folded in half. She looked at the proffered sheet and, without any hesitation, took it. Unfolding it, she sighed loudly before noticing that alongside her flowery and slightly illegible handwriting, were lines written in a larger and more graphic style.
Rick noticed her confusion and winked at her before prompting her to read it by nudging her gently with his arm. Kate appeared puzzled, and when she raised her eyes towards him once more, he just smiled reassuringly at her and placed his hand on her knee, giving it a small squeeze and comforting her by merely giving her the knowledge that he was there for her.
What if I was beautiful?
It just so happens that I think you're as beautiful as a rose bud.
What if I was more feminine?
If it is so important to you, I want you to know that you're very feminine.
What if I did not feel fear?
Then you would not be the strongest woman that I happen to know, because fear gives you strength.
What if I had not been so stubborn?
Then I wouldn't be so interested in persuading you.
What if I stopped taking cover behind things at least once?
Then justice would not triumph, and you would be miserable because of it.
What if I could be more like Gina?
I'm glad that you're completely different.
What if I was like everyone else?
Then you would have lost that special charm that has me forever captivated.
What if I had listened to Espo earlier?
I don't know what the two of you were talking about, but I do know that everything has its place and time.
What if…
Only when I know what it is, then can I give you my answer.
Rick watched on as Kate stared at the piece of paper covered in their combined writing for a moment, content with reading her reactions and picking up on the subtle body language Kate was unconsciously giving off. He smiled softly, watching as she began to frown over the thoughts that must be emerging in her head. He had been honest while answering her "what ifs" and, if he was still being completely honest here, he was slightly embarrassed when she finally looked back at him. Before she could help it, Kate let slip a tear. It seemed as though the tears had appeared without her permission – whether from joy or from embarrassment he knew not, but Rick wiped them from her eyes with the back of his index finger. He felt the embarrassed smile on his face become more vivid and deepened when a faint blush appeared on her face.
Pulling away from his touch, Kate smiled back at him. "Thank you."
"Don't mention it."
The room fell silent. They stood there, satiated with looking into each other's eyes until Rick broke the silence. "So what was the last question?"
Kate dropped her eyes, looking away. "I can't say it."
"Why?"
"Because you'd laugh at me."
"It can't be that bad. Come on, I promise that I won't laugh. I swear it on my excellent relationship with Alexis."
"Whatifididn'ttellyouaboutmyfeelingsuntilyourlastcase?" Kate murmured faintly.
It took Rick a while to understand what she had just said, and when managed to make it out, he smiled and took her hand in his.
"In that case, I'll tell you first."
*Author's note: The last question was: "What if I didn't tell you about my feelings until your last case with us?"
A/N: Thoughts? The beautiful simplicity of the note was what captured me and it was enough to prompt me to spontaneously send a request to translate this fic for the English audience. Please don't hesitate to leave a review to let me know what you think of the translation, and of course, please head over to the original story as well to let the author know what you thought of her story!