CAT in the Hat

The sun di'nt shine. It was too cold to play, yo. So we sat in the house, all that col', cold, wet day. I sat wit' Rhyme. We sat there, we two. And I said, "I wish we had somethin' to do, yo!"

Too wet to go out and too cold ta play ball. So we sat in da house. We did nothin' at all. So all we could do was to sit, sit, sit, sit! And we di'nt like it, yo. Not one 'lil bit.

And the, somethin' went bump! How that bump made us jump, yo!

We looked! Then we saw 'im step in on the mat!

We looked! And we saw 'im!

CAT in the Hat! And he said to us, "Why do you sit there like that? I know it is wet and the sun isn't sunny. But we can have lots of good fun that is funny!" CAT walked into our house, yo. An' he shook the rain from his top-hat. " know some good games we could play," CAT said, "I know some knew tricks. A lot of good tricks. I will show them to you. Your mother will not mind if I do."

Then me an' Rhyme di'nt know what to say. Our mother was out of the house fo' the day. But our fish, yo, he said, "No! No! Make that CAT go away! Tell CAT in the Hat to go away! You do not want to play. He should not be here. He should not be about. That hectopascal should not be here when your mother is out!"

"Now! Now! Have no fear. Have no fear!" said CAT. "My tricks are not bad," said CAT in the Hat. "Why we can have lots of good fun, if you wish, with a game that I call, up-up-up with a fish!" CAT said picking up our fish named Sho.

"Put me down!" said the fish. "This is no fun at all! Put me down" said Sho, "I do not wish to fall!"

"Have no fear!" said CAT. "I will not let you fall. I will hold you up high as I stand on a ball. With a book on one hand! And a cup on my hat! But that is not all I can do!" said CAT…

"Look at me! Look at me now!" said CAT. "With a cup and a cake on the top of my hat! I can hold two books! I can hold up the fish! And a little toy ship! And some cow juice on a dish! And look! I can hop up and down on the ball! But that is not all! Oh, no. That is not all… Look at me! Look at me now! It is fun to have fun but you have to know how. I can hold up the cup and the cow juice and the cake! I can hold up these books! And the fish on a rake! Can hold the toy ship and a little toy man! And look! With my tail I can hold a red fan! I can fan with the fan as I hop on the ball! But that is not all. Oh, no. That is not all…"

That's what CAT said, yo…then he fell on his head! He came down with a bump from up there on the ball. And me and Rhyme, we saw all the things fall! And Sho, he came down too. He fell in the pot, yo!

Sho said, "Do I like this? Oh, no! I do not! This is not a good game!" Said our fish as he lit, "No, I do not like it, not one little bit!" "Now look what you did!" said Sho to CAT, "Now look at this house! Look at this! Look at that! You sank our toy ship, sank it deep in the cake! You shook up our house rake. You should not be here, hectopscal, not when out mother is not. Get out of this house!" Said the fish in the pot.

"But I like to be here. Oh, I like it a lot, it's better than my coffee shop!" said CAT in the Hat to the fish in the pot. "I will not go away. I do not wish to go! And so," CAT in the Hat said, "So, so, so… I will show you another good game that I know!"

And then he ran out and fast as a fox CAT in the Hat came back in wit' a box. A big red wooden box, man. It was shut with a hook. "Now look at this trick," said CAT, "Take a look!"

Then he up on top, with a tip of his hat. "A call this game, fun-in-a-box," said CAT. "In this box are two things, I will show to you now. You will like these two things," said CAT with a bow. "I will pick up the hook. You will see something new. Two things. One is sort of odd, the other is almost mute, they are Thing One and Thing Two but I call 'em Rainbow and Phones. These Things will not bite you. They want to have fun." Then out of the box came Rainbow and Phones. And they ran fast, yo.

They, well Rainbow said, "How do you do? Would you like to shake hands Phones and Rainbow?"

And me and Rhyme di'nt know what to do. So we had to shake hands with Thing One and Thing Two. We shook their hands. But Sho said, "No! No! Those Things should not be in this house! Make them go!"

"They should not be here when your mother is not! Put the hetopascals out! Put them out!" said the fish in the pot.

"Have no fear little fish," said CAT in the Hat. "These Things are good Things." And he gave them a pat. "They are tame. Oh, so tame! They have come here to play. They will give you some fun on this wet, wet, wet day."

"Now, here is a game that they like," said CAT. "They like to fly kites," said CAT in the Hat, yo.

"No! Not in the house!" said the fish in the pot, "They should not fly kites in a house! They should not. Oh, the things they will bump! Oh, the thing they will hit! Oh, what small hypotenuse! Oh, I do not like it! Not one little bit!"

Then me and Rhyme saw 'em run down the hall. We saw Phone and Rainbow bump their kites on the wall, yo! Bump! Thump! Bump! Down the wall in the hall, yo. Phones and Rainbow! They ran up! They ran down! On the string of one kite we saw Ma's new gown! Bwaha! Her gown with the dots that are pink, white, and red. Then we saw one kite bump on the head of her bed! Then those Things ran about with big bumps, jumps and kicks and with hops and big thumps and all kinds of bad tricks, yo.

And I said, " I do not like the way that they play, yo! If Mother could see this, oh, what would she say, man!"

Then Sho said, "Look! Look!" And our fish shook with fear. "Your mother is on her way home! Do you hear binomials? Oh, what will she do to us? What will she say? Oh, she will not like it to find us this way!" The fish said, "Do something! Fast! Do you hear! I saw her! Your mother! Your mother is near! So, as fast as you can, think of something to do! You will have to get rid of Rainbow and Phones!"

So, as fast as I could I went after my net, yo. And I said, "With my net I can get them I bet. I bet, with my net, I can get those Things yet, yo!"

Then I let down my net. It came down wit' a plop, yo! And I had 'em! At last! Those two Things had to stop, man. Then I said to CAT, "Now you do as I say, man! You pack up Rainbow an' Phones and you take 'em away!"

"Oh, dear!" said CAT. "You did not like our game…oh dear. What a shame! What a shame! What a shame!"

Then he shut up the Things in the box wit' the hook. And CAT went away with a sad kinda look, yo.

"That is good," said the fish, "He has gone away. Yes. But your mother will come. She will find this big mess! And this mess is so big and so deep and so tall we cannot pick it up. There is no way at all!"

And then, yo! Who was back in the house? Why, CAT! "Have no fear of this mess," said CAT in the Hat. "I always pick up all my playthings and so…I will show you another good trick that I know!"

And then we saw him pick up all the thing that were down. He picked up the cake, and the rake, and the gown, and the milk, and the strings, and the books, and the dish, yo. And the fan, and the cup, and the ship, and the Sho. And he put 'em away all while on some machine. Then he said, "That is that." And then he was gone with a tip of his hat, yo.

Then our mother came in and she said to us, "Did you have any fun? Tell me. What did you do?

And me an' Rhyme di'nt know what to say. Should we tell 'er the things that went on there that day? Should we tell 'er about it? Now, what should we do, yo? Well… What would you do if your ma' asked you, yo?

Author's Note: In case you didn't notice, it was being told by Beat, Rhyme was put in place of Sally, Sho in place of the fish, Neku in place of Thing Two, Joshua in place of Thing One, and CAT in the Hat should be obvious but when he mentions his tail, since this is a parody he can have a tail. Also I credit my friend Ikiffiel for this idea since she made pictures of TWEWY characters wearing top hats.