Disclaimer: Do not own RD or any other people in this fic.

Just a spur of the moment thing I've written for Alex - Happy 15th birthday to you!

The Birthday Party

Lister munched his popcorn and stared at the vid screen in his quarters as the cheap grade B horror movie "Jansi's Demise" reached its bloody climax as the queen of the zombies ate from the heart of the one who spurned the beauty of the zombie queen's king – the feline emperor.

"I don't know HOW you watch that… Rubbish." Rimmer scoffed as he watched from the door for a moment before walking into the room.

Lister sighed and turned round. "It's not rubbish, it's… Rimmer what ARE you wearing?" Lister giggled as he raised his eyebrow at the confused Rimmer.

"What the hell are you talking….HOLLY!" Rimmer screamed as he stared at his reflection in the mirror.

Instead of his neat uniform he was wearing a paper party hat, a spangly jacket so sparkly that even Cat would be dazzled by, a pair of black flares and platform shoes.

"What's up?" Holly asked monotonously as he appeared on the vid screen – Also wearing a paper party hat.

"What's up? WHAT'S UP? – I'M UP! THAT'S WHAT!" Rimmer bellowed as he pointed at his hologramatic platforms, his face turning a deeper shade of crimson with every breath.

"Looking sharp bud – But loose the hat." Cat advised as he came gliding in on his snazzy roller skates.

"Shut up you flea bitten mongrel!" Rimmer snapped grumpily.

"Hey – I ain't no way flea bitten! But if you keep up with that attitude you'll soon be cat bitten!" Cat warned as he did a 360 turn and stopped his roller skates dead.

"Will you two be quiet?" Lister sighed dramatically before turning to face Holly's bald head. "What's going on Hol?"

"Well Dave, it could be a number of things that resulted in this… odd outcome, and if we just explore each variable we should be able come up with the correct one…"

"…You don't know do you?" Lister replied as he rolled his eyes.

"MARVELLOUS!" Rimmer squeaked crossly as he looked down at his platforms again.

Suddenly there were two simultaneous bolts of lightening that appeared out of nowhere which stuck Lister and Cat – Simultaneously of course. When the smoke cleared, they were absolutely fine but Lister was also wearing disco gear, and a paper hat and Cat was wearing a paper hat along with exactly what he was wearing before.

"Hey – How come I didn't change?" Cat asked in a confused manner.

"Simple – You already look like a reject from 'Come Jiving'!" Rimmer scoffed as he folded his arms and scowled at the tassels on his jacket.

Suddenly there was a poof of smoke and a simily dressed man appeared next to them.

"Who the SMEG are you?"

"Alan Davies." The man replied as he looked around his new surroundings. "What the hell is going on?"

"We were gonna ask you that!"

Presently there was another cloud of smoke and a young girl who looked about 13 (but is really 16) appeared next to them holding a black and white cat with a snivvely nose.

"Oh NO!" Rimmer, Lister, Cat and Holly exclaimed together as they recognised ZK – a person who had annoyed them on many an occasion – especially the time she unleashed a lot of comedy characters from various different shows aboard Red Dwarf.

"Oh YES!" ZK replied with a grin on her face. "Don't worry – This will be fun!"

"I find this hard to believe." Rimmer replied sullenly.

"You should – its Alex's – 15th birthday today, so guess what – This is her party!" ZK grinned and clicked her fingers, causing everyone to appear in the officer's mess hall where music was blaring and there was a giant cake in the middle of the room.

Dotted around were Sian, Rob, Bex, Lar, Ozzy-Steph, and various other Red Dwarf fan fiction writers, all surrounded by their own creations/Baybays from other shows.

"Have fun mingling – and watch out for those three over there – they WILL fight over you, and I gave you a hard light body!" ZK said to Rimmer cheerily as she took Cat by the arm and wheeled him over to her table to meet Michael J Fox, Sayid, David Spade and various others.

"RIMMER!" Sian, Lar and Rob shouted as they abandoned their tables and dashed over to him.
"Bye!" Rimmer squeaked to Lister as he dashed off through the crowd.

Lister laughed and turned round, only to be faced by a red head girl with a boyish hair cut and a stupid grin on her face. "Hi – I'm Bex."

Lister glanced at the bemused Alan and began running too.

ZK giggled as she saw the fleeing Dwarf members – confident in the knowledge that Cat was now handcuffed to the table for security purposes.

ZK finished her can of orangeade and stood up. "Attention everyone! – The birthday girl!" She clicked her fingers and Alex appeared in the centre of the room.

"What the - Oooooooh – CAKE! – OOOOOOOOOOOOH! LISTER!" Alex squeaked excitedly.

"Now – You know the drill!" ZK reminded as Alex jumped up and down, then blew out the candles on her cake grabbed Alan and joined Bex in the 'Catch The Lister' competition.

Everyone else took a deep breath:

"Happy birthday to you!

Happy birthday to you!

Happy birthday dear Alex!

Happy birthday to you!