Author's Note: Please see previous notes. In my mind Enterprise has returned to Earth after Terra Prime. And the bond, I didn't address that here, so I'm thinking it's either non-existent or T'Pol is doing some major Vulcan blocking.
Let me know what you think!
XXX
He sat on a lawn chair plucking at a guitar he'd been spending the last year learning to play. He now had several songs he could easily play without thinking of every note. Right now, he was working on a more complicated song that was making him take it slow and learn it piece by piece.
It was quiet now, his family and friends had left, and the barbeque had been, overall, successful.
It was his housewarming party, he'd finally caved and bought something after a year of living in Starfleet housing. He heard the sliding door open and looked up to see T'Pol walking out into his yard.
"I thought you'd left," Trip called to her.
"I put away the cake you left on the counter," T'Pol said as she walked toward him.
"Thanks," Trip smirked at her, he had forgotten about the cake.
He watched her looking around the yard at the trees that were behind his property. It was in the city, but in a quiet corner of the verge of a suburb with a wooded area behind, an elderly neighbor on his right and a nice family on his left.
"You stayed," Trip said as he looked down at his guitar, he didn't like to make eye contact with her when he knew she, like a deer, could bolt at any moment.
"I did," T'Pol said as she took the last few steps and then turned and sat down deeply into the lawn chair next to him.
It had been like this for years, they were together, but not. Nothing formal, nothing they discussed. He knew she had difficulty with their relationship on many levels. She was betraying her heritage, her clan, her logic and her sensibilities by being with him. So, like the complicated song he was learning, he took it slow, piece by piece. He wanted more, hell, she knew that too. But he was okay with just seeing where it went for a little while longer.
The purchase of the house had been his boldest move yet. He had asked her to look at houses with him and offer her opinion. This was the one they had both liked for its layout, proximity to work, privacy, and sleepy neighborhood. It was never a question that it was his home, she still lived in the Vulcan compound and had yet to spend a night in the three weeks that he'd officially resided here. Besides a bed, a dresser, and a couple of stools his main source of furniture had been lawn chairs. He needed to see about some real furniture.
"I think it went well," Trip said as he strummed a chord and completed the complicated move to another chord again and again, trying to make it muscle memory.
"It did," T'Pol said.
Trip chanced a glance at her and noted the perplexed and far-off look on her face.
"Everything alright?" Trip asked her.
T'Pol turned and looked at him surprised, as if she hadn't expected the question.
"You okay?" Trip asked her, stopping his strumming.
"I…" T'Pol started and then stopped. "Your housewarming party just made your purchase of this house incredibly real."
"My deposit and mortgage payments sure as hell make it seem that way," Trip chuckled, trying to lighten the mood. She seemed very upset.
"I am sure, financially, this is challenging," T'Pol said, not meeting his eyes. "Perhaps you should consider renting an area of your home for extra income."
Trip knitted his eyebrows. Realization suddenly hit him that she may be trying to be the tenant.
"I couldn't live with a stranger," Trip said as he started strumming again, more to calm his nerves, if anything.
"What if it was someone you knew?" T'Pol asked, crossing one leg over the other.
"Malcolm likes his apartment, Travis lives with Megan, and Hosh…"
"Me," T'Pol said, interrupting.
"You?" Trip asked as he met her eyes.
"I am financially able to rent a space within your home and could ease your financial burden," T'Pol said as she controlled her breathing. Logically, this was a ridiculous proposal, as her name would be scandalized for living with a human, rental agreement or not.
Trip look a deep breath and allowed the disappointment to wash over him before he swallowed hard and spoke.
"Darlin, if you are moving in here," he said, knowing this was not waiting and taking this piece by piece. "You are moving in as my girlfriend or my wife, not my tenant."
The shock that registered on her face before she corrected herself was clear as day to him. She looked purposefully away at Ms. Rosenberg's house for a long time.
"Look," Trip said as he placed down the guitar and rubbed his hands together. It was the moment of truth. "For four years you and I have been…whatever. Together, but not a couple. I have taken whatever you wanted to give and not forced you to…make a commitment, a decision, a proclamation, a…anything. And, if you want to continue that way for a little while longer, I can probably do that. But I can't live in limbo doing this dance with you for the rest of my life, T'Pol. You must know that."
He watched her nod her head, but she didn't turn to face him.
"I love you darlin," Trip said with a sigh. "I don't care what people think about us. You do. And until you get over that…"
She still hadn't turned to look at him.
"You think it was an accident I asked you to go house shopping with me? That I have basically no furniture? I want this to be our house T'Pol, but not as a landlord and tenant. Let me be perfectly clear on that point," he was controlling his anger, but knew it still embraced his words as they left his mouth.
Trip rose from his lawn chair and picked up his guitar.
Without another word, he walked inside.
T'Pol turned and watched him step inside his house and shut the sliding door behind him.
She let out a sign and closed her eyes. She knew that he had been patient, by any standard, Vulcan or Human. She also knew that he was right; she needed to make a decision. It wasn't fair to him anymore, and it probably hadn't been fair for the last two years. Hoshi occasionally made a comment that indicated she was not pleased, as Trip's friend, in T'Pol's reticence. She also had noticed Jon looking at them together frequently and was sure he'd spoken with Trip about their relationship. Trip had never commented to her about any conversations or problems others may have shared with him.
To the Vulcans she was already an outsider. She chose to remain on a human vessel long after her duty to the High Command had ended. She chose to associate more with humans than Vulcans. She had a daughter, long deceased, with a human and, although it was clear Elizabeth had not been produced from a sexual relationship, she was still the mother of the first Vulcan-Human child. There had been an official inquiry; she and Trip would be forever joined personally and publicly by Elizabeth.
And, if she was to be honest with herself, she was joined to him forever, regardless of Elizabeth. He was the only man who had ever captured her heart, her mind, and her spirit. No Vulcan man would ever understand her as Trip did. That, she knew logically, to be true. And she knew he was being honest when he said he didn't care what people thought. Trip was a brave man who cared deeply for those in his life, and cared little about public scrutiny. But public scrutiny was going to occur. He would sacrifice career advancement, children, family and possibly friends if he stayed with her. Trip was a dreamer and she was a realist. To not recognize this, and the affect it would have on his future would be a disservice to him.
T'Pol rose from her lawn chair and walked toward the house, still not sure what she would say when she finally was before him. The sun was now in it's final moments of setting, probably fitting considering the conversation they needed to have. He would want to hear that she would stay, worlds and cultures be damned. He would want to hear her say that she loved him, which she did, and had told him only once before. He would want to have her move in today and never leave. She knew what he wanted as well as she knew his heart and his mind. But what did she want? Never in her life, had she been more unsure. She knew what she wanted, but was it the right decision? Was any decision going to be right? Either choice meant unhappiness in some capacity. But continuing as they are, still brought him unhappiness, it seemed.
She opened the sliding door and walked inside. He was standing in the empty living room leaning his forearm against the window and looking outside. The house was dark and quiet, the sun was almost completely set, with them as well. She took a few steps forward and stopped partway across the room, her feet squeaking against the old wood floorboards, and just watched him for several minutes, her mind racing with the right words.
"Trip," T'Pol said, her voice breaking the silence in the now-dark room. The only light illuminating the room was a far-off street light that lightly shone across the floor between them.
"I know you, Darlin," Trip said not turning to look at her. "And I know what you've come in here to say."
T'Pol swallowed hard. He did know her well.
"I shouldn't have pushed," Trip said as he shook his head in self-admonishment.
"No, I shouldn't have…I have been unfair to you for quite some time," T'Pol said as she crossed her arms protectively over her frame. Her heart was thumping madly in her chest.
She stepped toward him and wrapped her arms around his chest, leaning her left cheek against his back. She saw a small tear track on the side of his face but, because of the darkness, wasn't sure if it was there or she was imagining it.
He dropped his arm from the window and wrapped both of his arms around hers and dropped his head toward their joined arms in defeat. He could feel her body pressed up against his back and tried to memorize all the nuances of her softness.
"It is illogical to continue," T'Pol said softly into his back as she took in his masculine smell. It was a mixture of Trip, sunscreen, beer, sweat and charcoal.
She felt him nod and take a deep breath.
"I want to tell you that us separating is for the best, because it is," T'Pol said softly. "I came in to tell you that."
Trip swallowed hard and closed his eyes.
"But I can not," T'Pol said softly. "It is completely illogical to stay together, to be together publicly. But, my illogical decision to be with you four years ago, has been one of the best choices I have ever made in my life."
Trip turned around to face her and they dropped their arms to the side.
"What?" Trip asked, surprised.
"I'm saying I would like to move in under one of the two conditions you proposed," T'Pol said as she met his eyes. "If you are still agreeable to that."
"Agreeable?!" Trip laughed. "Of course, I'm agreeable, darlin! So, you just changed your mind? Turned your back on logic?"
"No, logically it was the correct decision to be with you originally, I am merely following that path more…fully," T'Pol said as she looked at him thoughtfully. "Maybe my heart operates better with less focus on logic."
Trip leaned down and kissed her passionately. When they parted, he started to laugh.
"You don't know how happy I am that you have taken this chance on us," Trip said with a smile. "Darlin, you have honestly surprised me."
"I do love you, Trip," T'Pol said as she met his eyes.
"I've always known that," Trip smiled back at her. "It's just nice to hear it."
He leaned down and slowly started to kiss her again.
XXXX