I don't own Brokeback Mountain and the lyrics are from Rob Thomas's song "Ever the Same"
It's a companion piece to the other one shot I did "I'm on Fire". You don't necessarily have to read that one first, but it might help... who knows.
Ennis was sitting in the bed of his truck in front of his trailer. He was smoking a cigarette and staring up at the dark starry night. Like many nights like this he was thinking of the days on Brokeback that he had with Jack.
We were drawn from the weeds
We were brave like soldiers
Falling down under the pale moonlight
He remembered that second night with Jack. He remembered how Jack held him. He was shaking so badly he thought that he would shake apart. The only thing that had kept him together was Jack's arms around him. He often thought that if Jack had not accepted him and held him, he would have shattered into a million pieces that night and there would just be a shell of him walking around.
You were holding me
Like someone broken
And I couldn't tell you but I'm telling you now
So many times he wished he could have returned the favor. He saw the sadness he caused Jack when he denied him every time. He wished that he could have reached across the space between them and held Jack while Jack was about to shatter.
Just let me hold you while you're falling apart
Just let me hold you and we'll both fall down
He wished that he had taken Jack up on his offer. Now that he had divorced Alma, he realized just how lonely his life could get. He wished for Jack to be with him now. He wanted to take care of Jack and let them be together.
Fall on me
Tell me everything you want me to be
Forever with you
Forever in me
Ever the same
He wished so many times that they had just stayed on Brokeback somehow. They were free up there it seemed. No one knew, no one saw, they could what they wanted. They could find places to fuck in the broad light of day without anyone seeing them.
We would stand in the wind
We were free like water
Flowing down under the warmth of the sun
It was when they came down from the mountain that everything got messed up. They got married. They pretended for a while that what happened up there never happened. But they both knew better. What they did came to them in their dreams and their thoughts would often stray to that one summer. Even though Ennis was scared and to some degree so was Jack, they felt the crave to be together so strongly. That was why they snuck off on so many fishing trips to different places. Every time Ennis thought it would be the last time. But he knew that it could never end by just walking away from each other.
Now we're cold and we're scared
And we've both been shaken
Hey look at us man, this doesn't need to be the end
He went to the post office the next morning and there was a postcard amongst all the bills and other things. It had the picture of a quiet field on the front. He turned it over and barely recognized Jack's handwriting from the shakiness of it. It simply said,
'I need you'
Just let me hold you while you're falling apart
Just let me hold you and we'll both fall down
He looked over his shoulder and shoved the postcard amongst his bills so that no one could see what it said.
"God damn Jack," he whispered as he got into his truck. He wondered how many people saw. How many people now wondered who this was writing to Ennis. How many ways their cover had just been blown. He wondered why he was smiling as he drove away.
Fall on me
Tell me everything you want me to be
Forever with you
Forever in me
Ever the same
He had hoped Jack would know that if he ever needed him he could call. Now it seemed that Jack did need him. He got home and fished the postcard out from all the bills and put it in the center of the table with the words that Jack had written facing up.
Call on me
I'll be there for you and you'll be there for me
Forever it's you
Forever in me
Ever the same
All night he sat at the table, drinking beers, smoking cigarettes, and staring at the words Jack had written. A small part of him was still angry. How could he say this outloud? How could he endanger himself like that? That was when it shifted. Ennis didn't fear getting hurt, he feared Jack getting hurt. He feared what would happen to his lover. He feared only that. He didn't fear what was going to happen to him. He only feared what was going to happen to Jack if anyone ever got a hold of him. Now more than ever, Ennis wanted to protect Jack.
You might need me there
To carry all your weight
But you're not burden I assure
He fished out a postcard that he had lying around the house. He had to figure out what to say. He tapped his pen on his knee for a long time and tried to think of the right words to say. He finally set his pen to the postcard and wrote out the words,
'I'm here'
He sent out the postcard the next morning. He figured it would take a few days to get there. Enough time for him to ask off work and get a train to Jack's town. He smiled to himself. He was going to be there. He was going to be with the person he loved.
You tide me over
With a warmth I'll not forget
But I can only give you love
He took the train and walked to Jack's house from there. It was a bit of a walk, but he was used to walking to so many place it didn't really matter to him. He saw the house where Jack lived with his wife and son. He was starting to think that maybe this wasn't the best idea. But he knew he couldn't back out now. Jack needed him. That one thought made him sit down on the front steps and wait for Jack to return.
It was mid afternoon when he heard a familiar truck engine coming down the road. He knew it was Jack. He didn't know why Jack was back so early, but he didn't care. He kept his head down for a moment while he heard the truck turn off. He looked up when he heard the door open and Jack stepping out. Jack looked pale. He was shaking visibly and Ennis felt pained just looking at him, but he smiled. He slowly stood from his seat on the steps. Jack shut the door to his truck, tried to take a step forward but then fell to his knees. Ennis nearly ran to Jack and fell to his knees in front of him and put his arms tightly around the man he loved. He could feel Jack shaking now and he could feel the tears flowing down the man's cheeks.
"What's wrong little darlin'?" he whispered in Jack's ear. "What's wrong? What do I need to do?"
"Just hold me... please..." he heard Jack whisper back. He squeezed Jack tighter hoping that he could show how much he loved and wanted to take care of the man he loved by just doing this. He knew he would have to use words soon.
"It's all right little darlin'. It's all right. I'm here." He knew this was where he wanted to be always. Ennis glanced around before raising Jack's head up and kissing him. The moan he felt come from Jack was so familiar. He wanted to live in that one sound.
Fall on me
Tell me everything you want me to be
Forever with you
Forever in me
Ever the same
"Ennis... I... I didn't mean for you to come all the way out here... not that I'm not happy you're here... you have no idea how happy I am that you're here... but you didn't have to..." Ennis wanted to silence Jack's doubts quickly.
"I wanted to. I missed you." He bit his lip and tried to think of the words to say even though he had been rehearsing this moment since he got on the train. "I want to go away with you Jack. Today." Jack looked shocked. But somewhere in Jack's eyes he also saw relief. "I miss you Jack. And once I got your postcard, I knew that you need me as much as I need you." Ennis felt himself getting braver as the happiness started to come back to Jack's eyes and his words were coming easier. "Come away with me Jack. Please, let's just get away from all of this and find a falling down ranch in the middle of nowhere. We could raise horses or sheep or anything you want. Anything at all. I just want to be with you." Ennis felt all his words gone and now he was waiting breathlessly for Jack's reply. He prayed silently to any god who was listening that this would work.
Call on me
I'll be there for you and you'll be there for me
Forever it's you
Forever in me
Ever the same
"Yes, yes Ennis, yes I'll go away with you today. We'll find somewhere to be. And I'll be with you. That's all I need." Ennis felt a wash of relief come over him as Jack kissed him again. Jack launched from the spot and he heard Jack quickly running around the house packing everything. He heard Jack laughing too. It made Ennis smile to hear that laugh again. When he came back out, Jack threw his bag into the bed of the truck and both of them climbed in. They stared at each other for a second and Ennis could swear that his heart had stopped beating.
"I love you, cowboy," said Jack. Ennis took in a deep breath and called up the courage he needed.
"I love you, rodeo." They leaned across the space and kissed each other. Jack put the truck in gear and they sped away into a future that both of them had dreamed of.